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Abuse Awareness Sunday...Really?

Bonnie Nicholas
September 12, 2011, 8:23 am | 4 comments

Photo courtesy Erich Ferdinand - http://www.flickr.com/photos/erix/4419497213/

“Abuse Awareness Sunday.” Really? Are you serious? With all the other important issues of our day -- war, poverty, jobs and the economy, is it wise for the CRC to have one Sunday each year designated “Abuse Awareness Sunday?”

Abuse is a hidden issue. Although we may never see it, it’s here. Since April, when I began work as the Interim Director of Safe Church Ministry, I’ve become even more aware of abuse in our CRC churches. In the first 3 months alone, requests for assistance from local churches and individuals totaled over 150.

People ask for assistance as they work to develop safe church policies. That’s encouraging. I’m so glad there are churches seeking to protect children, youth and others from the potential harm of abuse. Having a safe church policy also protects staff and volunteers who work in our church programs from possible false allegations of abuse.

Other requests for assistance have to do with difficult situations involving abuse, whether by a church leader or not. Women have shared with me many painful experiences of abuse. Pastors have called me wondering what to do in a particular situation. Even though each story is unique, there are common themes that I hear over and again:

“I can’t talk to anyone at church, no one will understand.”
“I tried to talk with my pastor, but he just didn’t get it.”
“No one believes me.”
“They think I’m a terrible person.”

The pain and damage of abuse goes deep. It affects an individual’s ability to trust and enter into relationships with others and with the Lord. The road toward healing and wholeness can be long and lonely.

I’ve also received several responses to the July Banner Article, “What if IT Happens in Your Church?” Women identified with the article because it had happened in their church, and it had happened to them. Some were surprised by the intensity of the feelings that the article triggered in them even many years after the abuse.

Stories such as the ones I hear every day can’t be shared since they were shared in confidence. That’s why it’s important to have Abuse Awareness Sunday. It gives us a time, once each year, when it’s OK to talk about abuse. There are many who desperately need to talk and have their voices heard. There are many others, too, who need to listen and break through the denial they hide behind which has been giving them a false sense of security in the church.

We’d rather not believe it, but abuse is here in CRC churches. The church holds tremendous power in responding to abuse. It’s my prayer that our churches will use the power and gifts we’ve been given to push back the darkness, to reveal what is true, and to respond to abuse with compassionate justice and dignity for all. I pray that you will join us in this battle. Choosing to participate in Abuse Awareness Sunday is a good place to start. Resources, including a bulletin insert, worship liturgies and prayers, discussion guides for small groups and more are available on the Safe Church website on the Abuse Awareness Sunday page.

What will your church do this year to observe Abuse Awareness Sunday on September 25? What suggestions do you have for other churches which are just getting started in raising abuse awareness?

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Comments

dutchie on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 6:20pm

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I do hope that ALL CRC Churchs will spend some time this month talking about "SAFE CHURCH" and abuse prevention in our churches. It has been too silent for far to long. Time for the churches to wake up and get the enemy out of the church and leave us alone. Let us not hide and pretend that abuse does not happen with in the church.

Blessings

Dutchie

George Vander Weit on Tue, 10/04/2011 - 4:27pm

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I was going to post this the day after Bonnie’s post but decided to post it after Abuse Awareness Sunday was actually held. Then I decided it was probably not worth posting this because the day was over. Now ten days later I'm finally posting this for whatever its worth and for whomever reads old posts!!:-)

If we need an Abuse Awareness Sunday to let us know that once a year it’s OK to talk about abuse, we shouldn’t have such a Sunday. Pastors should feel it’s okay to talk about abuse anytime during the year, and members shouldn’t be surprised if they hear references in sermons from time to time, not only on one Sunday during the year.

As Bonnie indicates, abuse, war, poverty, jobs and the economy are important issues. Do we best address these issues by having a denominationally "mandated" Abuse Awarenss Sunday, War Sunday, Poverty Sunday, Job Sunday, Economy Sunday? This seems to be the way the denomination is headed in recent years.

In the past synods resisted requests to give a particular Sunday a “label” that “obligated” all congregations to fit that Sunday/subject in their schedule. Already in 1981 synod observed, “in multiplying days of observance, there is a danger of decreasing effectiveness" (Acts of Synod 1981, p. 61). We ought to chew on that observation a bit.

Bonnie Nicholas on Tue, 10/04/2011 - 5:42pm

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Hi George,

I'm glad you posted; better late than never I always say.

While no one denies that we are at war, or that the economy is bad or that too many people live in poverty; there are many who deny that abuse exists, or who deny that it exists in the CRC, or in their own church. I often encounter people who don't believe the statistics and the information they hear about abuse.

I have heard a pastor tell me that he's never had a case of abuse in his church in years and years. I know a person from his church, I've heard her painful story of abuse, so I know it's not true. The question he needs to ask is why doesn't he know about it. What is it about the culture in his church, and in the vast majority of churches, that maintains the silence and the denial?

I pray for the day when abuse will be recognized, aknowledged and responded to effectively. Then we won't need Abuse Awareness Sunday. I pray for the day to come when we will trade the comfort of denial for the disturbing truth about abuse and in the process discover the Lord's transforming, healing power. Pray with me for that day to come soon.

John Zylstra on Tue, 10/04/2011 - 6:09pm

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I agree with George on this. And I would add that for synod or the denomination to sort of dictate or assume responsibility for allocating certain days for things, including offering schedules and the like, it will take away the thought process and responsibility of individual councils, deacons and churches to thoughtfully consider what God wants them individually to support or pay attention to in their particular ministry, in their particular situation and location. And that is not good.