Resource, Article

Find a variety of resources related to abuse awareness. 

February 23, 2015 0 0 comments
Resource, Image

The 'Power and Control Wheel' has been used for many years to describe the central power and control dynamic that operates in many kinds of abusive relationships. 

February 23, 2015 0 0 comments
Resource, Video

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Check out this video clip and share how effective YOU think it is in helping people spot the signs of teen dating violence.

February 23, 2015 1 2 comments
Blog

Which story would you rather read: A story about a woman alleging gang rape at a prestigious university? Or a story about how the reporter covering that story failed to maintain good journalistic standards?

February 16, 2015 3 6 comments
Blog

A report from the American Psychological Association states that childhood psychological abuse not only is just as harmful as sexual and/or physical abuse, but can have “long-lasting impact”.

February 7, 2015 3 9 comments
Resource

The CRC has encouraged each classis to have a Safe Church Team and each church to have a representative on that team. Here are some helpful resources for these teams and representatives! 

February 6, 2015 0 0 comments
Resource, Presentation

This helpful presentation on Bullying by Alicia Mannes (Licensed Professional Counselor) shares some key insights into the world of bullying. 

January 29, 2015 0 0 comments
Blog

One in four females and one in six males will be sexually abused by the time they reach 18. Are they missing from our congregations?

January 28, 2015 2 3 comments
Blog

In our very broken world, training up a child is not an easy task. How could our church communities be more helpful to parents?

January 25, 2015 1 2 comments
Resource

Check out these books, articles and other resources related to abuse by clergy or ministry leaders. 

January 23, 2015 0 0 comments
Blog

Restorative justice practices give concrete tools for entering into tough conversations and actually setting the stage for Christian reconciliation.

January 14, 2015 0 0 comments
Blog

You never know who is walking into the front door of your church. A safe church policy is the insurance policy that will protect you when you need it the most.

January 10, 2015 1 0 comments
Blog

What language and labels are we using in our churches? By our words, do we extend grace and mercy to all people? Or do we label them by what they have done?

January 3, 2015 1 5 comments
Blog

They wouldn’t want anyone treating one of their kids like a forgettable piece of furniture!

December 27, 2014 1 2 comments
Resource, Video

This video from Safe Church Ministry sheds light on issues of abuse. 

December 23, 2014 1 0 comments
Blog

Wherever we find ourselves right now, we must keep the long view in mind.

December 19, 2014 3 2 comments
Blog

The opposite of living out of a blessed consciousness is living out of a cursed consciousness.

December 9, 2014 1 0 comments
Resource, Article

Are we able to see the evidence of abuse? Are those who suffer abuse in a relationship able to share what is happening without being blamed or judged?

December 2, 2014 1 0 comments
Blog

Most people think only of physical abuse when they consider domestic violence, yet financial abuse happens in 98% of all cases of domestic violence.

November 24, 2014 2 9 comments
Resource

Bullying: A Fact Sheet for Teachers and Leaders of Children and Youth gives a brief overview of the problem’s prevalence, characteristics, and how leaders should respond.

November 23, 2014 0 0 comments
Blog

Our denomination and each of our congregations also have a culture. Is it a culture that promotes openness, or one that encourages hiding difficult struggles? What messages are implicit in our culture about disclosing experiences of abuse?

November 17, 2014 3 7 comments
Resource, Article

Find helpful resources related to domestic abuse. 

November 17, 2014 0 0 comments
Resource

Safe church policies help protect the most vulnerable among us, especially our children from the devastating effects of abuse.

November 6, 2014 0 0 comments
Blog

Is our church body doing enough to advocate for our elderly, when they no longer have their voice and have become the “least among us”?

November 3, 2014 3 2 comments
Blog

One Sunday each year (the fourth Sunday in September) has been designated Abuse Awareness Sunday. The annual email goes out, “Tell us what you did for Abuse Awareness Sunday”. Here are some responses from 2014.

October 27, 2014 0 3 comments

Pages

RSS

Thank you, for this thoughtful comment, MJill H!  Where you said, "When a person begins to believe in Jesus they are not usually all healed up and just lovely all at once." sums it up, perfectly.    

So true

I like this article because it brings hope.
Also it reminds me that everyone's walk with God is different.
When a person begins to believe in Jesus they are not usually all healed up and just lovely all at once.
We need to feed them and love on them and be patient and they will grow into who God sees them as.
 

 

Thank you for your comment. It begins with an openness and an ability to talk about a sensitive topic. We need to provide safe spaces where that can happen, whether it's a small group, or informally with friends. Unfortunately, abuse is not a rare event, space to talk about it can lead to healing as well as prevent future incidents.

Thank you for posting; it's not always easy when it comes from a place deep in your own heart. And thank you for your prayers, may God hear and answer them. God hears the cries of those who are hurting, may his church also hear and respond. 

I had a conversation with an elder about abuse awareness Sunday.
I am thankful that our council is talking about it and working to revamp our safe church committee and make sure we implement all of our abuse awareness policies.
I understand that it is difficult to talk about abuse issues.
Who wants to think about it?
There can be abusers in our church?
There are children being abused -sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically?
It makes my heart sick to acknowledge a yes answer to both these questions.
It grieves me to think of the children who should be receiving help now and who may not get help for many years.
I pray they have a shorter healing journey than the 50 years it has taken for me.
I pray they have the courage to ask for help.
I pray that they are believed and not re-victimised.
I pray that gentle, loving, healing, help is given
I pray for eyes to be opened in their parents and families and teachers and friends.
I pray that these will have the courage to face that hard thing and stand up for the victim. Not turn their head and say- this is not my problem or I don't want to embarrass my family or it can't be true -he/she is a great person!

I also pray for the abusers that they will be stopped. That people will not cover up for them anymore. That they will be called to account. That the abusers will turn from their ways and receive healing for their brokenness and forgiveness.

We have to do the hard thing.
We have to face this issue.
The cost of doing nothing is a sentence  of PAIN -SEVERE PAIN.

 

 

I had a conversation with an elder about abuse awareness Sunday.
I am thankful that our council is talking about it and working to revamp our safe church committee and make sure we implement all of our abuse awareness policies.
I understand that it is difficult to talk about abuse issues.
Who wants to think about it?
There can be abusers in our church?
There are children being abused -physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically?
It makes my heart sick to acknowledge a yes answer to both these questions.
It grieves me to think of the children who should be receiving help now and who may not get help for many years.
I pray they have a shorter healing journey than the 50 years it has taken for me.
I pray they have the courage to ask for help.
I pray that they are believed and not re-victimised.
I pray that gentle, loving, healing, help is given
I pray for eyes to be opened in their parents and families and teachers and friends.
I pray that these will have the courage to face that hard thing and stand up for the victim. Not turn their head and say- this is not my problem or I don't want to embarrass my family or it can't be true -he/she is a great person!

I also pray for the abusers that they will be stopped. That people will not cover up for them anymore. That they will be called to account. That the abusers will turn from their ways and receive healing for their brokenness and forgiveness.

We have to do the hard thing.
We have to face this issue.
The cost of doing nothing is a sentence  of PAIN -SEVERE PAIN.

 

 

I agree whole heartedly with this statement:
"There is a deep need for more open conversation creating an environment of trust and safety, policies that put children’s safety first, and worship services that lament abuse, pray for justice, and open the door for healing for its victims."
I am very concerned about the safety of children and fragile people and I long for our church to become a safe place where children know where to go for help.
It makes me sad that secrets cannot be told and survivors suffer silently for many years, if not their whole life, without help.

"When does protecting privacy outweigh protecting the flock?" That's a very good question. Such questions are common when people with a record of criminal sexual behavior join our congregations. They arise when a beloved church leader is found to have committed sexual sin. Who needs to know? When? How is it communicated? How do we avoid descending into malicious gossip? These decisions are not easy, there are often many, many variables that must be taken into consideration.  It is best not to make decisions quickly. Prayerful reflection, getting input from others, and sometimes also legal counsel is important. Safe Church Ministry has resources that can help with many of the more common questions that arise. Safe Church Ministry is also available to offer consultation when these difficult and complex questions arise. 

posted in: Counting Voices

You raise a very good question and I have asked myself the same questions with regards to some incidents within the CRCNA.  I recall the incident when Synod nominated someone for executive director of the CRCNA but after his nomination something was announced that it was no longer proper for him to serve in this capacity.  I do not know if the reason was ever made public.

posted in: Counting Voices

Thanks for sharing this, Robin! This is how the body of Christ should work. Out of God's extravagant and grace-filled love for us, we learn how to love others. Powerful reminder. 

posted in: Come, Just Come

AMEN!

 

Thanks, Monica!  Glad we can rejoice in that! 

"The dignity of our humanity is what God puts inside us." - Love this, Robin!

Well said Michele. Thank you for sharing so openly. Something is lost when we don't share stories, even painful ones. Thanks again. We serve a God who redeems. He redeems the pain that we've experienced by using it to benefit others. And in the process we also find some healing for ourselves. Praise be to our Redeeming God.

 As I re-read the blog I realized I'd missed something when I replied initially.  God did not protect me from bullying or schizophrenia, and when I was contemplating suicide by drowning on the river bank a five-minute walk away from where I lived at the time because I was so tired, depressed and confused as to what was happening to me, He convinced me not to go ahead with the plan but to go home and stick through life even though it was a miserable affair at the time, and after MANY years I did find relief through medications and meaning through helping others.  It may not be appropriate to tell victims of abuse that their suffering will help others, but from personal experience I can tell you it is often helping others that gives meaning to what we endured.  I believe that the one thing that's worse than suffering is pointless suffering, and if you can use what you've learned to help others in any way whatsoever then you haven't endured hell for nothing.  But maybe it's best if it's someone who has actually been through hell on earth who says so.

Nope, David doesn’t get it wrong in Psalm 23.  And, he doesn’t get it wrong in other psalms, either, where he also talks of God’s protection.  But, in many of those psalms, David’s hoping in God’s protection comes only after David’s lament, and crying to God, and asking why God has abandoned him.  The psalms are indicative of where the writer was at that time.  This “The God I serve is a God of presence, not a God of protection" quote is indicative of one person’s experience.  Might that change, and evolve, and mesh into a different understanding of who God is, over time?  Who knows?

And, “goofy”?  Really?  Sometimes, God does say “no”.  Psalm 103:3 declares that God, “heals all your diseases”  Still, people die from disease, even after we pray for their healing.  So, God does not need a “free pass” or a “get out of jail free card” from the humanity that He created, because, well, He’s God.  He is the only One who can see our end from our beginning.

Beautiful comment, Bonnie!  We are thankful for His presence!

“…evil is part of the reality in this world, even in the church.”  That is so true, Michele.

And, the suggestion is not that we have to choose, between the two.  We see evidence of both in Scripture, don’t we, God’s presence and God’s protection?  The title was just to help generate some dialogue on this person’s perspective.  I found his comment and its context to be fascinating.

There are times in our lives when we think we only see His presence, which is why I offered this in the blog: “It is in His presence that we do find protection.”  Yet, protection might look different to our finite minds.  Protection might not always look like “rescue” or “reprieve”, right?

We often tell people and ourselves that God had a purpose for the abuse they/we suffered, and that is why it happened.  But, when people go through life never finding a justification or an answer to their "God, why?" question, churches are often ill-prepared to minister to people on that level. 

Thank you for sharing your perspective with us. 

It's an ages old question, "how can a loving, sovereign, all-powerful God allow ....? (fill in the blank). I don't think it can be fully answered in a blog, maybe not in a lifetime, maybe not with limited human understanding even with the best of minds. One thing I do know is that God is Good - ALL Good, ALL the time. He does no evil. There is no shadow of darkness in our God. Our God is so good, and so amazing, that He can take darkness and evil (that comes from us in our rebellion, and from the evil one) and He can bring something good from it. If we take an honest look at our life, we will find evil; yet we will also see his hand in those desert places, making us stronger, revealing himself to us more deeply, bringing good. He never does evil, He is only good; and his goodness shines, even in this dark and broken world. I praise him for his presence with his people, everywhere and always.

 

 Well if that is his experience, so be it, but I don't see why this has to be an either/or proposition.  God may not have protected me from schizophrenia, but He certainly has protected me from other ills.  I find this to be a very selective reading of the Bible because there are plenty of passages that allude to God's protection of His people, especially in the wilderness where His presence as a pillar of fire at night protected them from the cold and predators like lions, and as a pillar of cloud during the day He protected them from the burning heat of the sun. 

In the times of the kings God also protected His people from invading armies as when King Hezekiah went to the temple to pray about threats from the Assyrian king.  

While it is true that God didn't protect his people all the time, especially when they had been unfaithful, we don't have to choose between believing in a God of protection or a God of presence.  I don't know why God allowed him to be sexually abused other than that the Lord didn't stop the Nazis from perpetrating their abominations.  I guess evil is part of the reality in this world, even in the church. Shame on the abusers.

 

So David got it wrong in the 23rd Psalm? This concept is as goofy as "God answers all prayers because "NO" is an answer." Theologically, it gives God a free pass. God tells us that he creates evil so why does "official" Christian theology give God a "get out of jail free" card?

Thank you, Bonnie!

posted in: Unbalanced Power

This is such a good point, Reverend Shannon!  Years ago, I was participating in a group presentation on the Gospel of Matthew and we were looking up artwork for our PowerPoint.  We wanted to highlight the four women referenced in the genealogy of Jesus: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba.  As we were looking for artwork, one of the things that struck me was, like you said, all artistic renditions of Bathsheba depicted her as a seductress.  Rahab was the woman actually identified in Scripture as a prostitute and Tamar presented herself to Judah as a temple prostitute.  Yet, neither of them are drawn like that in paintings.  It is like Pastor Arbogast stated, that is how we have been "acculturated".  Thanks for sharing!

 

 

 

 

posted in: Unbalanced Power

Safe Church Ministry has sermons posted on our website regarding the relationship between King David and Bathsheba that acknowledge the power differential involved. They can be found here, under Sermons (http://www.crcna.org/SafeChurch/resources-abuse-awareness/safe-church-mi...)

posted in: Unbalanced Power

Thanks for sharing these thoughts, Robin. I really appreciate Pastor Arbogast's sermon. I have been researching for a Bible study that I am leading this summer on women in Scripture, and have been astounded by the number of commentators who depict many of the women in Scripture as seductresses. While there are some like that, most of the women in Scripture are not. I am grateful for other pastors who are faithful to the text in pointing that out. The gospel is good news for both men and women!

posted in: Unbalanced Power

Thanks, Kim!  It is amazing what encouraging messages we can glean from wholesome television!  

Great post with a great message, Robin!

Thank you, Bonnie.  I thought Philip's experience was very compelling, as well.  We so need that reminder of God's love for us and that all that sin, all that shame, was handled on the cross.  And, you are right, it is important for our congregations to prayerfully begin opening those "safe places" to experience His grace.

 

 

posted in: In Thy Presence…

I love this story; it's such a good illustration. All of us are dependent on God's grace - and we can also reflect that grace to one another. What an amazing blessing that is!! It begins with honest confession of our brokenness. We can never move to grace when we hide and pretend nothing is wrong. Where in our congregations and communities are those safe places, where we can be open, honestly sharing our struggles with sin? It's there where we can find grace and healing. We must work to create spaces for openness and honesty - that's where it all begins.

posted in: In Thy Presence…

Thank you for your comment, Staci!  You are so right, we do need to remember that our just God is also a loving Father.  

posted in: In Thy Presence…

Thanks for sharing! I'm humbled and amazed by how God loves us in the midst of our sinfulness. 

posted in: In Thy Presence…

Another very helpful website that is specifically designed to equip Christians and congregations in understanding and responding to domestic abuse is the Religion and Violence E-learning or RAVE - http://www.theraveproject.org/

 

posted in: Out of the Ashes

Thanks for this comment, Colin!  Those are some great suggestions.  

posted in: The Signs

Very helpful video, puts this area of abuse in the language of the main target audience and allows us older folk to effectively hear it too.  We are embedding a Safe Church awareness service in the midst of Lent in a few weeks.  The list of signs of abuse would be handy in print as well for people to take with them or download somehow if this is used in a church context.  One idea someone gave me a while back was to put such info in the women's washroom at church so they can get it apart from the guy.  Think we are going to include some of this info.  Thanks for posting this!  Keep it out loud (in opposition to the silence). 

Colin Vander Ploeg

posted in: The Signs

Sexual assault on college campuses remains a huge problem. The White House has recognized the problem in a report and also by launching the "It's on us" campaign. Find out more about it here . A film about sexual assault on college campuses entitled The Hunting Ground, was one of the top ten buzzed about films at the Sundance Film Festival in January. Find out about the film here.

posted in: Crying Rape

Not withstanding the fact this is a troubling societal issue, it is even more troubling when the courts need to enter the dialogue to ensure justice is done. 

http://www.courts.gov.bc.ca/jdb-txt/CA/15/00/2015BCCA0047.htm

and 

http://news.nationalpost.com/2015/02/12/b-c-man-wins-right-to-sue-rape-a...

 

 

 

 

posted in: Crying Rape

Why are 25% of young girls sexually molested? The power of advertising? is there a large sub rosa US population which approves of this custom? Some claim that circumcision of boys is child abuse. Then there is our growing religious population which may approve of the same sort of female mutilation.  The problems of "law and custom" are even goofier than "law and justice." No one seems to complain about "custom and justice." Logically, in those three  phrases, "and" should be replaced by "or."

posted in: Crying Rape

I appreciate this article and also agree with Bonnie's comments
I am not sure how to encourage congregations to talk about these topics (much less become involved and supportive).
Outside of church culture it seems much easier to discuss abuse issues, rape, domestic violence etc. 
Within church culture many are embarrassed to use words that could refer to anything about any type sexual activity. There is  the fallacy that nothing 'like that' could ever happen in our congregation. Add to this the tendency to blame the victim in so many ways and  the easy lie that survivors just need to forgive the abusers and everything will be okay!
I would like to see our churches get to a place where they can say first.
"I am so sorry this was done to you"
"What can we do to help?"

posted in: Crying Rape

The number of people who have been sexually abused is huge (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys by the time they reach 18 years of age). There are many people in our congregations that have experienced abuse, though it remains undisclosed. How do we create safe places in our congregations where survivors can talk about issues of faith and how they've been impacted by their experience of abuse? How can we support those who have survived abuse in their healing journey? It won't happen as long as the culture remains likely to blame the one who's been victimized. We need to understand abuse dynamics, so that we can be the walk-alongside community that a survivor needs.

posted in: Crying Rape

There is very little reporting in the press these days. Most of the stories are gossip. Public TV is as bad as the rest. Their "Nightly Business News" is still tolerable. We read the Wall Street Journal for national and international news. I don't think anyone reads our local newspapers before the edition is put to bed. We are seriously planning to drop the cable and watch old movies on the net.  

posted in: Crying Rape

Currently, I believe that most child protective service agencies work to keep families together when possible, balancing the benefits of family with the need to keep children safe from abuse. Often wrap-around services are involved to provide various interventions for all members of the family with the goal of better functioning as a family for everyone's mutual benefit. As damaging as emotional abuse can be; it's often harder to define and acknowledge. And deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and relating to family members can be hard to change. Change involves unlearning old ways and re-learning new ways of interacting.

To comment further on this matter, I know that for a long time, even when they did believe the victims of incest or child sexual abuse, those same victims would be removed from their families and sent elsewhere to be protecting.  I know that society was still doing that into the 1980s because my mom who was a professional social worker worked in detention centres for girls back then, and most of the inmates were victims of incest.  Now, if I've heard Dr.Phil say even once that when there is trouble in the home children will believe it's their fault, I've heard it a hundred times.  And they would certainly be even more convinced of it if they were sent to a detention centre while the abuser was allowed to stay and continue with the other children!  I wish I could say that it never happens anymore, but I'm not sure. Batshaw's track record in this matter is far from spotless.(It's the child protection agency here in Québec.) They've been known to make very dubious decisions about whom to give custody of children to in cases of divorce for example.  It certainly is far less tolerated, and now the spouse of such an abuser is more likely to be told to "kick the bastard to the curb" than to send the child away.

You have raised some very important points, Elly.  In my mother's generation, and even in mine to some extent, subjects about abuse were just considered taboo.  It seems some churches, in general, are reluctant to talk about abuse and I wonder if it is just because they feel ill-equip to handle it.  The problem is that, along with silence, comes shame.  Thankfully, there are resources and advocates, like our Safe Church Ministry team members, who can help open the avenues of sharing and talking.  Great suggestions, Elly!

Thanks for your comment, Reverend Shannon!  In doing the research to write this blogpost, I was startled to find the statistics about the impact of emotional abuse.  That can explain so much, when we see wounded adults.

So glad that more and more churches are addressing abuse prevention. Having a safe church policy is one way to make our congregations safer places (we're up to 64% of CRC congregations that have some kind of abuse prevention policy - I would say that's not enough, but at least we are moving in the right direction). As the story points out, abuse doesn't only affect children and most abuse doesn't happen in a church context. I think we have a long way to go to make our congregations safer places to disclose abuse that has been experienced. Sharing a story of abuse is difficult for many various reasons. Yet when someone is able to share his or her own story in a community of people who listen, believe, and offer support, it becomes that much easier for the next person, and then the next, and so on. And healing can begin to flow with the Lord and with his people. May it be so among us.

I'm not sure that ALL CRC congregations are reluctant to address this sort of problem. My church here in Montreal has had an abuse policy since 2002 at least, and all the doors have windows in them so someone passing by can see what's going on in the room.  And adults wanting to work with children have to undergo a police background check first. So let's avoid generalizations and blanket statements please.

That's sad. 

Thankyou so much for sharing your story, Robin.  I wonder if you have identified why CRC churches are so reluctant to talk about abuse and promote Safe Church Ministry.  Maybe there are too many adults among us who have experienced some sort of abuse, including emotional/psychological abuse, that are not ready to face our demons.  Maybe we are reluctant to face up to the fact that there are leaders or parents among us who are responsible for those demons.  Maybe by speaking about the abuse we have endured we fear risking ruining the reputation of someone that others in the church have always looked up to, admired and respected.  Maybe in sharing our experiences we fear not being believed.  It's time to start talking about our experiences so that there can be healing for all, both victims and perpetrators!

The question you pose is an important one, Robin, "What are our churches doing to walk with not only our children who have been on the receiving end of any type of abuse but the adults among us as well?" There are many adults who carry the scars of abuse, which is why it is so critical that our worship, adult discipleship activities, and education programs are at least cognizant of it, if not addressing it directly. Thank you for sharing this story, and the link to the Faith Alive booklet! 

Pages