Hidden Truths

Last words from a father

I followed the forum on parents with children with disabilities with great interest with my wife. As Ingrid’s father I wanted to write a few words in her memory.

I know that my daughter is now free from pain and illness and that she is perfect and complete in the arms of Jesus. I also have the assurance that she is saved – Hebrews 11:7 “By faith Noah, being divinely warned of things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness which is according to faith.” Because I am a believing parent, my children are part of that bond I have in Jesus Christ. The road my wife and I walked with Ingrid for six and a half years, we walked in faith – there were difficult times, but through the grace of the LORD we endured.

During times of trails there were also tribulations – that will always stay with me. Although Ingrid was cortically blind and unable to talk, we still had word-less conversations with each other. I knew what she wanted without hearing any spoken word. Ingrid’s helpless state and her absolute dependence on us reminded me of our absolute dependence on God – Psalm 121:7-8 “The LORD shall preserve you from all evil: He shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore.”

I believe that the LORD had a purpose creating Ingrid that is beyond my human understanding – Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Although we buried her earthly, temporary body, I know that now she has a perfect, glorified body – 2 Corinthians 5:1-2 “For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we can groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven.”

Unbelievers are not able to comprehend that death is only the beginning and not the end. Paul writes in Philippians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” And I know that my little girl, Ingrid, completed her work on this earth and that she will live forever in the glory of the LORD.

Soli deo Gloria!

Willie

I read Mark Stephenson’s post on Rick Warren’s opinion on the destination of the souls of the disabled as well as pets. I was not sure whether to post my thoughts here or at Mark’s post – I’ve decided to link it to what my husband and I have written under Hidden Truths.

Ecclesiastes 11:5 says “As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all” (KJV)

The Jewish Study Bible’s translation of this verse reads “Just as you do not know how the lifebreath passes into the limbs within the womb of the pregnant woman, so you cannot foresee the actions of God, who causes all things to happen”

Recently I have tried to make sense out of the experience of giving birth and taking care of my disabled daughter – who lived a very temporary, short life on earth.

From Ecclesiastes I realized that my daughter’s birth was not a random event – she was divinely created by the LORD. And while still on earth I shall never fully understand God’s purpose in creating her.

Since I started reading this forum, (and took the courage to join in discussions), I have witnessed two little girls who both suffered from West syndrome reach out across oceans with a message of hope and inspiration. I have met other Christian parents with disabled children – and found comfort in their experiences.

Tennyson (quoted in a book I’m reading on the chronic sorrow that parents with disabled children experience), said:

“Once in a golden hour, I cast to earth a seed.

Up there came a flower. The people said a weed.”

Through the grace of God I have been able to see, cherish and love Ingrid as a divine creation of the LORD. (And sorry – as much as I love our family pets, I cannot see any connection with Rick Warren’s opinion.) 

God bless, Anje

This week I had to endure another conversation that started with ‘I feel sorry for what happened to you, I cannot imagine what it must have been like, but …’

I listened, tried to explain some – and in the end came away with pity.

You see, I do not take care of my children to conform to the world’s view of what is right and wrong – even if it is coated with some religiosity. I did it because the LORD asked me to. And in that lies my strength.

Me and my family lived dedication, commitment and devotion every day – something the world would be better off knowing as well. I learnt the meaning of true selfless service to my child, I discovered that tenacity and patience co-exist and I loved unconditionally - without expecting any of the so-called conventional rewards.  Ask any parent / caregiver of a disabled child – we can write books on self-less giving.

And that does not need any justification.

Matt 18:5 ‘Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.’

God bless, Anje

A child who could not talk, taught me to whisper where angels fear to tread.

A child who could not walk, taught me to walk in faith.

A child who could not see, taught me to look to Eternity.

A child whose body was so fragile, she struggled to take another breath, showed more courage and strength that I would ever have.

A child whom I had to let go live in Heaven forever, showed me how to live this life.

God bless, Anje

To Melissa, on 24 February

I often think of everyone I've met on the forum.

To Melissa & family: my thoughts and prayers are with you in this time. Thank you for reaching out to me and my family a year ago - it gave much needed comfort and peace.

Altough now I only know in part and see dimly in a mirror, one day it will be face to face with full knowledge and understanding. Part of what I hold onto, is knowing that on Friday, 2 March 2012, when my daughter died in my arms, the LORD was right in the same place where He was when His Son died on a wooden cross. Waiting to take Ingrid in His arms and never let go.

God bless, Anje

Hallo Melissa,

Thank you, As Sara said in a previous post - we learn to live with grief, and it shapes us.

One of my favourite Afrikaans poets (SJ Pretorius) wrote:

Werktuigkundige

Die lewe gaan sy kringloop op die swart

bank van die ewigheid, God druk die hart

versigtig daarop vas en slyp dit met

die donker, skerp klein helsteen van die smart.

Loosely translated:

Mechanician

Life goes on its cycle on the black

bench of eternity, God gently squeezes the heart

onto it and whets it with

the dark, sharp small hellstone of grief.

We gave most of Ingrid's medical equipment & special feeds to a family who also has a little girl with West Syndrome. I still have a chest of drawers with Ingrid's clothes in it in our bedroom. I tried to unpack - but could not finish, Way too many tears and memories.

God bless, Anje

A short article in Creation Magazine, 35(4)2013 (from Creation Ministries International), caught my interest. A UK politician compared disabled children to deformed lambs with five legs or two heads that need to be put down.

One is reminded of Hitler’s rants against humans he called “useless eaters”. Examples in history of attempts to create a society that is disability free are numerous – in Sparta a father had the legal right to terminate a weak child; in Rome the handicapped were raised in the dark.

Christianity introduced the idea that children like these were close to God (Luke 9:48 “…For he who is least among you all will be great.”)

But, somehow the desire to conquer sickness and imperfection is deeply embedded in human nature. When confronted with that which does not fit into our pictures and plans, we become uneasy. And try to make our own plans.

In Isaiah 45, God’s plan for the salvation of Israel and the world, is revealed. Verse 9-10 (from the Jewish Study Bible), reads: “Shame on him who argues with his Maker, though naught but a potsherd of earth! Shall the clay say to the potter, “What are you doing? Your work has no handles”? Shame on him who asks his father, “What are you begetting?” Or a woman, “What are you bearing?””     

What seems of no importance and little value to the world, is a precious pearl of great price to the LORD.

The link to the original article:    

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/05/11/cornish-councillor-disability...  

God bless, Anje

Six-and-a-half plus two years on ...

Shakespeare, who lost a son at the age of eleven, wrote in Macbeth:

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, whispers the o'erfraught heart, and bids it break."

Six-and-a-half plus two years later on this journey we reflect on lessons learnt, decisions made, insights and sorrow that forged and changed - forever.

In the last few days before 2 March 2012, after years of relentless, around-the-clock turning, suctioning, feeding, medicating, we realised that the finish-line was in sight. Catastrophic epilepy was taking its final toll.

My beloved little girl's body was shutting down. She was so tired, and in pain, too much pain. I had to administer morphine.

On the evening of 1 March, Willie realised that it would be the last time that we would have our daily devotional as a family of four. He read Psalm 121. There were tears and pleas for grace, dignity and peace.

In the early afternoon of 2 March, as Ingrid lay in my arms, she was free from pain, convulsions and deterioration at last - a fight she fought valiantly and finished with grace. Our beloved daughter crossed her finish-line and was Home at last.

In Zechariah 8 the New Jerusalem is described - verse 4 & 5: "The LORD of Hosts says this: Old men and women will again sit along the streets of Jerusalem, each with a staff in hand because of advanced age. The streets of the city will be filled with boys and girls playing in them."

My father-in-law passed away a few years before Ingrid was born. He was a school-teacher and qualified as a preacher in the Dutch Reformed Church. He was involved in mission work in the rural communities of the Western Cape - especially after his retirement as teacher. He was a God-fearing man who dearly loved his children and grandchildren.

I know that when Ingrid completed her race, she met him for the first time and that she knew that he is her grandfather, George. And he knew that she is his grand-daughter, Ingrid. The stories they must share!

We put the last verse (8) of Psalm 121 on Ingrid's grave stone: "Die HERE sal jou uitgang en ingang bewaar, van nou af tot in ewigheid" ("The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever")

I know that Ingrid is safe, in heaven. That she finished her race. That she is in a better place, much better than this world could ever provide. This is not said lightly, nor meant as shallow consolation. On some days, this knowledge keeps me going forward.

When Ingrid was diagnosed, we searched for therapies and cures. We soon realised that sometimes the world of medicine is more of an art and not always an exact science. Some offered alleviation, some failed. We did not allow these successes and failures to define Ingrid. To us she will always be our beloved daughter and sister.

In a world that demands payback, obsessed with external clues of prosperity we came to know and live the opposite. We know what self-less service is. We learnt just to give - not being concerned with any kind of reward or validation from the world. This meant many sleep-less nights, cutting finances to the minimum, finding pleasure in the small things in life, many times switching to auto-pilot - getting up and going on, because the LORD asked us to. And we are the better for it.

We share a bond with other families we have met on this journey. We first hand understand and live experiences, insights, tears, joys, sorrows. And they have our highest admiration. And sometimes someone who has not walked a while on this exceptional road, offers misplaced advice - but still, we understand. Before embarking on our path, it could have been me.

We know now what Job meant when he said "I had heard rumours about You, but now my eyes have seen You" (Job 42:5). Because in this moment, when the LORD says "This is My will", you submit.

At times, we stood in awe, witnessing the plans of the LORD unfold before us. At other times, it was unbearable, helplessly watching our daughter in the grip of catastrophic epilepsy. This remains a mystery for now "... now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror ...". That part of the race, which we as parents, could not complete for Ingrid. We hold onto the hope of one day seeing "... face to face ..." (1 Cor. 13:12).

Still, we fought the good fight, we took up the full armour of God, "... having prepared everything, to take your stand" (Eph. 6:13). We finished this race, "... pusue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness." (1 Tim. 6:11). Most of all, we kept the faith - "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness ... For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor, 12:9-10).

Soli Deo Gloria, Willie & Anje