Disability Concerns

Depression is nearly impossible to describe. I was looking for a word or phrase that captured the heart of it, and I found it in an article by Dr. John Timmerman, “At the most unexpected moments it slips people its dark poison. One scarcely notices the initial sting.

I did not realize I had bipolar disorder until my marriage ended. The committee in the church at that time believed my husband’s lies about me.

Mental illness isn't something I ever thought I would face in my lifetime. Not me . . . I've got it all together! Or so I thought.

If there was anyone ready to embark on her college career, it was me. I had a twinge of nervousness too, but I always kept it buried at the back of my mind. September changed to October and those nervous feelings surfaced and grew.

During the week of June 5, 2006, a door was closed somewhere inside my mind. My eyes acted like a video camera. From time to time I talked to the screen like I was part of the scenery, yet I knew I was not an actor of any consequence. I was way back behind the last row seats, just watching.

My father loves life and likes to laugh. He enjoys being with people and talking with anyone who will listen to his jokes and stories. When my father experienced a frightening psychotic episode in 2007, our family went into collective shock.

This is a story of hope and grace. It is the story of my son John who was diagnosed with autism when he was five years old. As time went on and John reached his teen years, he developed mental illness as well.

Through no aspiration of my own, I’ve become a speaker, writer and advocate for mental illness victims, myself included. My all-American upbringing did little to prepare me for the silent enemy that would eventually claim my life, destroy my soul, shred my heart, and leaving me frail and vulnerable.

Our son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in the seventh grade. I wrote this Pantoum to capture a snapshot of what he was like before he became ill as well as the initial period of his mental illness. Writing the poem was also therapeutic for me. Thank God, Tim’s mental health has improved.

It's a challenge dealing with assumptions people make about his stammering speech and with his own frustrations, but Christ’s peace keeps him from bitterness.

 In 1985, the year in which he turned eighteen, the Lord permitted this devastating brain illness (schizophrenia) to affect him almost all year in some way or other.