Bonnie Nicholas
I am the Director of Safe Church Ministry.
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Posted in: Synod 2019 Acts on Addressing Abuse of Power in the CRCNA
We are thankful and encouraged by the overwhelming support for these recommendations at synod, and request your ongoing prayer support as we work out all the details of implementation. Special thanks to the committee that put in so many hours on the report, and also facilitated a presentation and a liturgy that were meaningful and very powerful. Seeing all the stones, each representing a painful story, and a person who had been harmed by abuse was moving. It was a sacred space, surely the Lord is here, and is working among us.
Posted in: 权力、欺骗和教会
Power, Deception, and the Church, is a plenary presentation by Diane Langberg to the 2018 National Conference of the American Association of Christian Counselors in 2018. It's a powerful video! Take time to listen and consider what the Lord might be saying to the Church, and to each of us as we follow our Lord.
"Those voices crying out to us are the voice of God to his people"
"By silencing victims and rushing to protect our institutions we are completely missing Him."
Safe Church is so thankful that we can all benefit from a new partnership between Safe Church and a team of Chinese brothers and sisters who share our passion to equip the Church in abuse awareness, prevention and response.
Posted in: S.O.S. Silence Hides Violence, Violence Destroys Lives
Thank you so much Nancy! Many of us were privileged to hear a bit more of your story in person at the Safe Church conference in 2012, and at another safe church event in the Hamilton area in Canada the next year. There have been many other contexts in which you have been willing and able to share your story, for the benefit of others, to help us, to help the Church, understand domestic abuse. Your courage in sharing, and the hope that lives in you is a beautiful testimony to God's redemptive love actively working in your life. Thanks again!
Posted in: Why Do Churches Cover Up Sin?
I have also listened to two of the segments on NPR Michigan Radio - a part of their series entitled "Believed". It's very good, and so insightful in answering the question of how could this have gone on, hidden fo so long? A great fear of anyone who has survived sexual abuse is, who will believe me? And those fears are well-founded, as it is our natural tendency to not believe. It's much easier to refuse to believe that these kinds of allegations are true. However, research shows that well over 90% are in fact true. It takes effort to shift our paradigm to truly listen, and to believe.
Posted in: Why Do Churches Cover Up Sin?
This is an extremely helpful article. Thanks for posting!
Posted in: Why Do Churches Cover Up Sin?
Yes! https://calvin.edu/directory/series/rachael-denhollander
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Roger, this may sound familiar to you, since it's part of a response that you've already received personally. I thought it might also be helpful to others as well.
I know that it may be difficult for you, as a man, to understand how misconduct like this affects a woman. And frankly, it's difficult for anyone who hasn't experienced it, regardless of gender, to understand the experience of sexual misconduct. That is one of the reasons that we are publishing this S.O.S series. People are complex, and each person's story is unique. Please take time to truly listen. We invite you to enter the painful experience of another to gain understanding about the impacts of sexual misconduct. We long for our CRC congregations, and the entire Church to be places of healing, places where the value of each person is honored. It saddens me to see that you chose to minimize and dismiss the experience of your sister in Christ - an experience that you could have instead chosen to learn from.
From my position as director of Safe Church Ministry for the last 7 years, I have heard the stories of literally hundreds of people, most women, but not all, who have left the CRC, or left church altogether, because of sexual misconduct and/or lack of an appropriate response to misconduct by church leaders. I keep wondering when the church will begin to listen, truly listen to those who are hurting.
Posted in: Guidelines for Handling Abuse Allegations Against a Church Leader: The Advisory Panel Process
Note:
Synod 2019 Adopted Changes to the Guidelines for Handling Abuse Allegations Against a Church Leader
(additions in italics)
These are suggested guidelines. The circumstances of abuse may dictate that church officials deviate from them. In addition, state and provincial laws vary somewhat in terms of the manner in which abuse is defined and how it should be reported. The presumption should be in favor of following the guidelines in the case of each allegation of abuse; however, the church is best served by retaining legal counsel with expertise in the area to define the legal standards relevant to a particular jurisdiction. Furthermore, the director of Safe Church Ministry can be consulted regarding the application of the guidelines.
Concerning the role of suggested guidelines (to be added after the second sentence):
These are suggested guidelines. The circumstances of abuse may dictate that church officials deviate from them. Such circumstances cannot all be anticipated in advance, but would include deviations that provide protection for the alleged victims or alleged perpetrators of abuse.
Ground: Section A, 5 of the Guidelines for Handling Abuse Allegations Against a Church Leader explains that in some situations the recommended procedures may create further revictimization of the alleged victims and that if “forced to face one who has dealt inappropriately with him/her, the abused may feel like a victim once again. Therefore, abused people have been unwilling to come forward with their stories even though their silence means that they cannot experience significant healing in their own lives and that an abusive spiritual leader continues to serve in a position of authority.”
Concerning the matter of jurisdictions (to be added to the following sentence):
The presumption should be in favor of following the guidelines in the case of each allegation of abuse; however, the church is best served by retaining legal counsel with expertise in the area to define the legal standards relevant to a particular jurisdiction that could assist the body that would justify deviation from the suggested guidelines.
Concerning additional clarification of the definitions of sexual misconduct and physical misconduct:
It should be noted that the guidelines include definitions of both sexual misconduct and physical misconduct (Guidelines for Handling Abuse Allegations Against a Church Leader, B, 1, b, 1 and 2).
Posted in: Domestic Abuse: Where Is the Church?
Thanks for the reminder about the children Michele. Research has shown that many of the same impacts of abuse are present in children who witness abuse, even when they don't experience it directly. A parent's abusive relationship is a form of child abuse.
Posted in: Domestic Abuse: Where Is the Church?
Would love to hear other's thoughts.
Posted in: EBSCO Host: Another Front in the Fight Against Pornography's Effects on Children
In addition to our current pornography resources, Safe Church recognizes that pornography fuels a HUGE sex industry that enslaves people and destroys lives. It's the theme for Abuse Awareness Sunday 2017 (always the fourth Sunday in September). A flyer (bulletin insert) entitled 'The Sex Industry and the Church' can be ordered free of charge to help increase awareness in CRC congregations, which hopefully will lead us to take action.
Posted in: Ten Ways To Make Your Church a Safer Place
Thanks for sharing this helpful article. The CareLeader newsletters often have useful information for those interested in ministry with others. Safe Church Ministry so-sponsored Trauma Healing training with World Renew last February, and we will co-sponsor another event in Canada in November. Churches can become places of healing when church members are equipped to deal with trauma that people are facing. Often we think we need to be a therapist or a professional, and sometimes that help is needed. Yet tremendously valuable to someone who is hurting is the ministry of presence, just being there with them. And a listening ear, truly listening without judgment, and without trying to "fix" someone, just listening, is a very valuable gift, that most of us are already equipped to give. May our congregations become safer places as we learn to listen to one another.