You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Okay, time to 'fess up! Perhaps the greatest fear of my life came to fruition on September 7, 2016. The fear of being institutionalized!
I fought so long and so hard to maintain my independence, and, while most of my friends applaud that I am in a 'safe' place, they fail to realize what it has 'cost' me.
You who know me well, know that it was my desire to die in my apartment, and I often prayed to that end. I have no idea why God didn't answer that prayer in the way I'd asked.
Thus far, I haven't found any resident on this floor interested in having intellectually stimulating conversation. Staff are busy and don't have time to engage in idle conversation.
It's a constant case of having to prove I am of sound mind. Please understand, I'm not pointing an accusatory finger, but the reality is…most people see a person using a wheelchair and unable to verbalize and immediately think they need to shout to be heard and understood.
I'm trying hard to make the move to long-term care a positive one. Reality is, the thought of long-term care scares the begeebers out of me! For now, I can only digest bite-size pieces of this life because. . .
I don't know about tomorrow
I just live for day to day
I don't borrow from the sunshine
For it's skies may turn to gray
I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.