Hi. I need your prayers as I've had a "life moment.".This is going to be a super long email partly to help clarify myself what's been going on. I went through 7 years of deep spiritual abuse. But tonight as my parents watched the movie "Howard Stern" about his life and career, laughing without seemingly batting and eye at the filth and cursing towards God, it just stirred up a live event within me. I feel I wasn't prepared for the spiritual abuse I went through. After all it's "just how people are." In short I'm trying not to be bitter and angry towards my parents. How come they can listen to everything secular through there whole lives? I was destroyed by thinking I could handle the world. But there's something deeper going on here. My abusers told me two things: 1) it's ok to sin..basically "God's gracious" he wont mind and 2) to look for sin in others and condemn it. After 7 years I had a 3 year period of living alone where God pulled me back to him. I went to a Bible college and had an abusive roommate locking me out of the room and other things with the college seemingly again not even batting an eye. I wanted some kind of protection. I ended up getting involved with a fundamental baptist church that was legalistic (which was another dead end).
Here's the thing: why wasn't I ever explained the dangers of sin growing up? But yet...what am I not also understanding about God's grace? How can I take not sinning seriously and not end up legalistic? How can I take not sinning seriously and not spurring God's grace while still embracing God's grace? I know we are supposed to love others, but that's what I did growing up (under constant abuse by psychopaths in the world for 7 years). But why would I be alarmed since my parents are Christians and into everything secular. I was to "them". Where is the line? I was exposed to the foulest things constantly for 7 years. I need God's revelation on my life. My parents (specifically my dad) are grounded Christians. And the first Bible college I went to was as well. They were shedding grace on my abusive room mate. What am I not getting?