9 Tips for Navigating Cross-Cultural Relationships

When Jesus told his disciples to “go and make disciples of all nations” in Matthew 28:19, he was commanding people to share the gospel and build relationships not just with people in their own communities, but with people across cultures. And in today’s world, it seems like we have more opportunities than ever before to form friendships with people from a country or culture different from our own.

Whether you’re volunteering on a mission trip across the world or welcoming new neighbors from another country across the street, it can be intimidating to navigate the differences these cross-culture relationships bring—but these relationships can also be so rewarding. Here are some tips from Resonate Global Mission missionaries and ministry leaders to help.

1. Take the Initiative

“Take the risk and the initiative and engage someone who is different from you in conversation,” said David Kromminga, a Resonate missionary who started a church with and for newcomers in Berlin.

It can be intimidating to start up a conversation with someone who may not even speak the same language as you, but you never know what friendship can grow out of a conversation and how God can work in and through that relationship. Be open to inviting someone over for a meal and be ready to accept an invitation into someone else’s home too. Be sincerely interested in someone for who they are and not just for a “result” you’re looking for. Unfortunately in ministry, people can feel like projects all too often.

Joel Van Dyke, a pastor and Resonate missionary who served for a number of years in Central America, said he’s come to embrace a posture of “reciprocal mentorship” in which he asked someone to mentor him in something they are an expert about or care a lot about.

“In cross-cultural work with non-Christian urban youth … I asked them to mentor me in the reality of what it was like to live in their world,” he said.

He said this posture of reciprocal mentorship helped strengthen the relationships he was building in ministry and opened up doors for more authentic conversations.

2. Try to Learn Something Beforehand

Sometimes cross-cultural interactions pop up without any time to prepare, but if you know you’ll be interacting with someone from a country or culture different from your own—like if you’re going on a mission trip, volunteering with newcomers, or introducing yourself to new neighbors down the street—take the time to learn something about that culture before the interaction.

“Learn something of the language before going, and read about the people, the culture, the history, the country's context, etc. And then continue to do so when in the context: learn new words, learn cultural cues, take note of important parts of the context, heritage, history, food, and more,” said Stephen Brauning, a Resonate missionary who works with a lot of volunteer groups in the Dominican Republic.

3. Ask Questions

“Listen more than you talk, especially when first getting to know another culture. If you don’t know the language, that’s pretty easy!” shared Sheryl Canche, who worked as a missionary with Resonate for years and now serves as a volunteer.

It can be helpful for you to ask questions about a country, culture, or language—but don’t forget to ask people questions about themselves too. How do they spend their time? Who is important to them? What are they passionate about? What are their hopes and dreams? 

Canche recommends not overwhelming someone with questions. If you have questions about a country or culture, you could always ask another missionary or expatriate who has lived in the context long-term. They won’t know everything, but they will be able to help.

4. Pay Attention

You can certainly learn a lot about a person or a culture by asking questions, but never underestimate the importance of taking time to observe.

“It is important to observe, observe, observe,” said Mike Van Der Dyke, a Resonate missionary who served in Nigeria for many years. “How are your new friends acting with each other? What are they doing? How are they communicating? How are they reacting to your words and actions?”

Taking a minute to observe and pay attention is especially helpful when you don’t have a lot of time to prepare for cross-cultural actions beforehand. Don’t be rude—say hello, introduce yourself, and be part of the conversation when appropriate—but take some time to understand the dynamics.

5. Be Humble

One of Resonate’s key postures in mission work and building cross-cultural relationships is humility. Kromminga says you should be humble about your lack of knowledge of the other person’s culture, about your lack of awareness of how much you have been shaped by your own culture, and then humbleness about your own ways of doing and seeing things too.

“There is a lot I will never know, but also a lot I can learn from others and their cultures,” said Mary Buteyn, a Resonate missionary who also works with newcomers in Berlin.

6. Be Quick to Apologize and Quick to Forgive

When you’re interacting with someone from a culture that’s different from your own, it’s inevitable that you’ll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or even offend someone at one point or another. Be quick to apologize. 

“If you are new to a culture or people group, they are usually incredibly gracious with newcomers. Admit when you have offended someone and ask for forgiveness. Take note of the offensive behavior and do your best to avoid that behavior in the future,” said Van Der Dyke.

“Kindness, respect, and the gift of attention cover a multitude of cultural faux pas,” said Buteyn.

Just as you should be quick to ask for forgiveness, be quick to offer forgiveness—even if someone doesn’t recognize they offended you or apologized..

7. Have an Open Mind

“Have an open mind with an expectation to learn something new,” said Brauning. 

You will run into different opinions, ways of doing things, and ways of seeing things no matter who you’re talking to—but that can be especially true when interacting with someone from a culture different from your own. Have an open mind. Try the food. Try a new way of doing something. Ask questions.

And when you don’t understand something or get frustrated by something, Joyce Suh, Resonate’s Intercultural Gospel Witness Leader, says one of the things she tries to keep in mind is that “there’s always a reason.”

“People in other cultures may do things differently, and from the point of view of my culture, it may not make sense, but people have reasons for the things they do and there is a logic behind how they do things that may be rooted in different cultural norms or even simply past practice,” she said. “I don't need to know the reason or even agree with the reason, but I can give value to the person when I encounter things that challenge me.”

8. Don’t Make Assumptions

It’s always important to ask questions rather than making assumptions. For instance, just because someone doesn’t look like they’re from a certain culture doesn’t mean that they didn’t grow up in that culture or haven’t lived in that culture for a long time.

“Don't act as if you understand the other person's culture better than he or she does,” said Kromminga. “I have a German friend who routinely likes to inform me and others what Americans are really like. He's still a friend, but it bugs me and I often correct him.”

9. Be Willing to Embrace Awkwardness and Vulnerability

“As I think about the cross-cultural relationships I have, both in North America and overseas, being willing to embrace awkwardness and vulnerability is key,” shared Ruth Lemmen, Resonate’s Volunteer Ministries Program Coordinator. 

She added that “sometimes you have to ask questions about things you feel you should know, sometimes you make assumptions that lead to miscommunications, sometimes you get things wrong and cause offense, sometimes you get offended by someone else, sometimes you just feel uncomfortable. There are a lot of ways to feel awkward, so embracing that you will feel awkward and probably vulnerable helps.”

Lemmen uses a phrase from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly as a prayer: “God, help me to show up and let myself be seen.”

And that is one key aspect of relationships—seeing people and feeling seen in return. 

Want to improve or use your cross-cultural skills while building relationships and sharing the gospel? Resonate has both long-term and short-term opportunities to serve. Explore more at www.resonateglobalmission.org/get-involved