Mavis Moon

Thank you so much for your answers, Eric. I have already shared them with our Council and asked them to think about how we can reflect on what you said as we deal with a conflict we are in the middle of.

I also agree with Keith that the nature of the conflict has a lot to do with the response. I appreciate that your answers, Eric, also addressed this, as when you said, "If there are no biblical principles at stake, then both parties probably need to exercise increased humility and flexibility regarding a decision perhaps on carpet color or the like.  If there are biblical principles at stake, those principles can be identified and parsed together, which often will expose both virtuous and superficial values."

A couple years ago our congregation dealt with a serious situation and there were definite opposing opinions on how we as a Council and church should handle it. One big thing that helped is I had read Brene' Brown's book, Rising Strong, and kept trying to work for UNDERSTANDING rather than agreement. I honestly tried to understand why people thought what they thought, and tried to make that mutual - so they could understand why I/we thought and did what we did. One big thing that happened in that process is we all realized that we on Council made the decisions we made because we loved the Pastor AND those who disagreed also disagreed because *they* loved the Pastor. Even though we continued to disagree, we did know we both loved him. Understanding that helped.

I also learned PATIENCE. We never made a decision at a meeting when a new issue came up. We discussed the issue and then prayed about it and made a decision at a later meeting. 

HONESTY and the freedom to disagree with each other openly during our Council meetings was also immensely important. We felt free to disagree without fear. And once we made a decision, we were a united front, even if we had disagreed.

Those are some of my thoughts.

Interesting ideas. Have you experienced anything like this yourself? I'd be interested to hear more.

Great headline and article. I agree that the concrete ideas are helpful. I plan to send this to our congregation and ask them for thoughts and ideas.

One thing that we do is give our kids "jobs" at church as soon as possible. They are song leaders, sound techs, accompanists, children's ministries aides (and leaders when old enough and capable). That is one way to make the church their own.

Thank you.

Hello! Yes, I am an elder. It is my second term. I am the President of our Council.

I was elected elder for the first time about 5 years ago. I agree with the others that a well thought-out orientation would have been helpful, for visits definitely, as has also been said. Now that I am the president, saying this is making me realize that creating such a thing should be on my list.

We use a google group. We have a note in our bulletin and newsletter to email the secretary if you want to be added. The group sends the request to the group, when it comes from whatever email address has been added. You can add people in a mass group or one at a time. We've been using it for quite a few years and it works quite well. The secretary also includes each prayer request from the emails in the bulletin under a heading for our church family.

We will be evaluating The Bridge app pretty soon (right now only available in Canada, but coming to US), and we'll see if it makes sense to change to that.

I have been slightly obsessed by Wendell Berry. I've read "Andy Catlett: Early Travels," "Jayber Crow," "Hannah Coulter," "A Place in Time," and am reading out of two of his poetry collections. So, so good!! I also started listening to a podcast about him and his writings - "The Membership." Great for geeking out on Wendell Berry.

I read "Shameless" by Nadia Bolz-Weber. Really thought-provoking.  She tells many stories of people who have been harmed by the church’s teachings of abstinence, denying your sexuality, and blaming women for men’s adultery and other sinful acts. While remaining avidly Lutheran, believing in the gospel stories, including Jesus’ resurrection, she finds a different way of looking at the Bible’s teachings about sexuality.

Also read two by Nicholas Wolterstorff. What an incredible man. I read "Lament for a Son" and his memoir "In This World of Wonders: Memoir of a Life in Learning." "Lament for a Son" is raw grief. Somehow in spite of the sadness and grief, it is is comforting and strengthening. The memoir is full of stories and thoughts. Easy to read but deep at the same time. He is also leading a CALL 5-week seminar at Calvin and I am listening and viewing that through the live streaming Calvin has. Makes you thankful for technology!

A book I hope to read is "The Universal Christ" by Richard Rohr. I listened to an interview he did on the podcast "The Liturgists" and I think it may be life-changing for me. I am thinking and questioning and reading and listening to more because what he says intrigues me deeply.