Depression (A Personal Poem)


The darkness is strong.
It has presence.
I can feel it.
My days are filled with doubt,
Anxiety, fear, sorrow, grief, confusion.
The darkness surrounds me.
The sun can not penetrate
Through the thick shroud.
Yet there are holes in the shroud.
Visions of yesterday.
When there was sun.
The sun is laughter,
Joy, peace, serenity, self, happiness, hope.
I can remember the sun.
How it felt shining on me;
Warming my soul.
The holes show others
Enjoying the sun.
Where is my sun?
I have lost it.
The darkness is me.
My thoughts are incoherent.
They turn to anger, self loathing.
Why am I here?
I can feel the darkness,
But I know the light.
I’ve been in the rays of sunshine.
Long ago, but I remember.
My thoughts are fragmented.
The joy is kept at bay.
I can’t feel the sun.
Only the heavy darkness.
I can’t make the puzzle pieces fit,
Even though I have the pieces.
There is just no connection.
Frustration, tears, sadness and hopelessness engulf me.
Mental disorder.
I am depression. 

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Robyn, beautifully said. Thank you for articulating the struggle so well. May your future hold increasingly more glimpses of the light.