Together?

Church Together?  

Most people love their churches. At least most of the time.

Most people struggle with others they encounter in their churches. More often than you might expect.

On any given Sunday the people who sit in the rows of your worship service are there because they hope to hear what God might have to say to them. And on any given Sunday a surprising number of those people find themselves distracted by the words or behaviors of someone else who has also come there for very similar reasons.

Experiencing God is great. It’s a central reason why you came to church that day. Experiencing other people can be a mixed, though. The things other people say or do can be distracting or annoying or even hurtful.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just watch church online somewhere?

Difficulty Together

There’s a good reason for this difficulty. The fact is, relationships are hard. Sometimes really hard. And the more people you have in your life, the greater the chances that some of them will displease or even offend you on any given day.

Some people go through life without ever having to face this. You can usually recognize them by the broken relationships they leave in their wake. The rest of us just struggle with the conflicts we experience with people around us.

That happens at church, too

As a life-long pastor I’ve had countless opportunities to experience first-hand just how difficult church can be. People say things that are hurtful, or they make demands that prove to be regrettable. Sometimes people fail to provide the encouragement or the support that you could have really used at a difficult point. Actually, church would be a lot easier if it wasn’t for those people you get stuck having to do it with!

We’re now approaching the point when a lot of our churches may be getting ready to have people “come back” from their various summer travels or other adventures. The upcoming fall season can provide a fresh wave of opportunities to experience anew just how difficult being church together can be. 

It seems like these difficulties could be easily fixed if other people would just become less irritating. That only makes sense. Real community would come much more easily if other people could just start being less annoying.

There’s an underlying assumption behind that that warrants reflection. It’s the idea that the problem is generally found in other people. It’s other people who exhibit all the troublesome flaws that bother us, right? If we could just get away from those people and their flaws the whole prospect of “church” would instantly become a lot easier, right? (Sure...none of us is perfect, but...can you believe what she said after the meeting!?)

Why Together Matters

Have you ever wondered just why God decided to join us together in church fellowship? After all, he could have easily arranged to feed us spiritually, just like he sent those ravens to feed Elijah along that brook in I Kings 17. God apparently didn’t mind appearing to the Apostle John in his exile on the Isle of Patmos in the Book of Revelation. Would it really be so hard for him to feed us spiritually in the same way while we just stayed in our PJ’s on a Sunday morning? At the very least, would God really fault us if we just caught a sermon on YouTube again this week?

I’ll be honest, we pastors have quietly joked with each other on occasion how much easier the church business would be if it weren’t for all of those people and their competing demands. 

Why God Likes Us "Together"

But over time, I’m coming to suspect that the difficulties we experience in relationships together may not actually be interruptions to God’s good work in our lives. Those hassles and imperfections may actually be an integral part of it.

If you think about it, the difficult thing about relationships is that they require giving and receiving grace with each other. While superficial chatting about Friday night’s game might not require much depth, anything more than that will inevitably involve some difficulties. After all, it’s only when you allow others near you that you risk getting your toes stepped on.

If you try to sustain your connection to God simply by “watching church” online, you can likely avoid most of the difficulties that come from worshipping with real people in a real congregation on a Sunday morning. No one will bore you with what feel like irrelevant stories, or insensitive put-downs. You’ll never have to deal with gossip, or wondering what someone really thinks of you. You’ll never experience the dismay of hearing something you said taken out of context.

In short, you’ll have almost no need for grace.

On the other hand, when you stumble into an ordinary place of worship, and greet and laugh and chat and serve with people who have just as many flaws as you do, you’ll inevitably get in each other’s way. Words will be misunderstood. Humor will sometimes veer south. And feelings will sometimes be hurt. You opinions may be under-valued, and other people will sometimes take up too much airspace in the room. And that may all happen before the worship team opens up the first song of the morning!

Those difficulties can affect a church in one of two ways. Sometimes they drive people to retreat back into a safe distance, giving up genuine dialogue in favor of safe cliches. Or maybe even drive them back into “watching” fellowship online. That happens, and it’s a loss.

Or those same difficulties can lead us to gently, maybe even awkwardly, speak the truth in love. To forgive the garden-variety irritations while choosing to risk speaking the truth to more significant challenges. To learn to speak our minds gently, even if no one else in the circle matches our perspective. And...ultimately...to practice “loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)

You can’t really do that from your sofa.

Can you do it in your church?