Mental Illness Is Not a Sin

I did not realize I had bipolar disorder until my marriage ended. The committee in the church at that time believed my husband’s lies about me. I was sent to a lovely Christian Group Home and was told by the committee of the church I would be there for three weeks. I was there for two and half years taking courses. My husband would not let me go back home to my children. The youngest one was 11, and now she is married with a son. My children came to see me once a week. I used to yell a lot at home at T.V. shows and swear like a trooper. I got mad at talk shows and hurt my daughters physically and threw a plate at the wall. It bothered me that my husband went to church and Bible study and did not live to his vows. My parents and sister were behind me. My husband would physically abuse me and I did too, not knowing it was my illness. He wanted things in the house perfectly clean every day and I was scared if he came home and found it a mess.

I went to a lovely psychiatrist and she told me I had bipolar. I cried when I was told my husband told the people running the home. The teachers told him the children were poorly dressed (two in high school and two in grade school) and I was not giving them good lunches. He told lies about me and they believed him. They were going to Christian schools at the time. The children were behind me.

I was babysitting at Coffee Break in my former church and was told I was going to the minister’s house for a meeting. My husband and I were not getting along. I told another woman that my husband was leaving me and I started to cry. She told me not to make a scene and three people told me I was going to a home. My husband told someone he would be the better parent.

I took a Personal Support Worker course and love my job. My parents gave me a condo as my inheritance. When I get upset, I emotionally eat sweet things. I find it hard to think good thoughts at times. I pray to God to help me not eat sweet things when I have bad thoughts. My parents asked the minister of the church, “Is sickness and health in your vows?” When my husband found out, he told the psychiatrist it was too late to save his marriage.

I take medication. It helps. My sister phones me every Saturday to see how I am doing. I love my job as a Personal Support Worker and pray before seeing my clients. I take a calm pill when I get home and relax. Some days it is hard and if I remember to write down why I want to eat, I do not do it. If I read the Bible and pray every day, I can cope with medication. I try to calm my mind which is difficult at times. If I pause and talk to God it helps. Some days it is bad. I have obsessive compulsion disorder and it is hard to forget things. I take a calm pill. At one time in my life I let boys use me sexually, and it was because I did not know my mental illness caused me to do it.

We had a woman talk about her mental illness in church and we are in the open about it now and I told her I could relate to it. Somebody told me it was a sin to have a mental illness. This time I did not cry which is a big step for me.