Many years ago, when I was still in my late teens or early twenties, one son of my church’s pastor at the time asked me why I didn’t “just” get married and start a family. As if it were that easy! At 62 going on 63, I still don’t have anything resembling a romance, let alone a marriage, and now I wonder if I ever will.
I also have mixed feelings about getting up close and personal with a man. Because my dad was verbally abusive and emotionally distant when I was growing up, I find it difficult to trust men enough to put my personal safety in their hands. So, I get emotionally involved with men I know will never come close enough to hurt me, let alone kill me.
The only exceptions are the pastors of our congregation and ministers in general. Since my first experience with a pastor was a good one, I tend to look upon them favourably and treat them as confidantes if not as friends—usually as both.
Whenever I think I might feel safe enough to want to get involved in a romantic relationship with a man, I hear about another case of domestic violence in which a man killed his wife or partner, and I want to head for the hills again.
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