I watched the conference video online, and appreciated the openness and frankness in the discussion. Thanks much for posting it. Interpersonal violence exists within the church and outside of the church, and is a social problem. So much of the dialogue addressed questions that I'd also had. I could relate to their process. I also loved that it addressed the culture of silence that has existed for so long (in all it's forms). I love that it is acceptable for survivors to speak out in this way within the CRC. there is more work to be done, but the work already done is huge.
DIM is good! I thought perhaps that a B could be added (blame).
I love the reference to the "unspeakable". There are many levels in this. The internal code of silence (internalized teachings that are shame based - self blame) and the external code of silence (DIMB) increase the level of trauma experienced beyond the actual events. How it is dealt with has an impact on the scope of what one needs to heal from. the depth of the trauma is increased when in a culture of silence that victim shames and blames.
Shifting the shame away from the survivor is critical and validating when the unspeakable is spoken is so important. Addressing the attitudes and beliefs that make DIM so prevalent (within the church and society at large) is huge. It takes so much time for that kind of change to occur because the beliefs are sometimes core social and individual beliefs, and reinforced in society. Shifting that can mean shifting peoples' whole perception of the world and how they fit into it (eg. patriarchy and shifting thinking that marginalizes women). For some people, they learned that this way of being was okay.
I remember the headship issue and women's role within the crc (discussion topic when I was at college), Headship was almost perceived as a God mandated edict tied into their identity and role in life. Yikes! Shifting that kind of stuff is huge, and takes a long time. Headship may have been a piece in that patriarchal ideology. Addressing interpersonal violence to me seems even bigger than that. .
Thank you for your courage in tackling this stuff. It is truly important work.
I am a survivor who left the CRC, and you are receiving my thanks. The work being done in addressing interpersonal violence is critical and watching this video left me feeling hope. Listening to the women speak was like hearing some of my own healing process relayed. Somehow, it undid a piece of disconnection that I felt. I could relate to their experience, talk, and awareness about the power dynamics built into our culture and how their healing journey reflected processing all that. I would have loved to sit down and talk with them. Hearing them speak gave me a feeling of hope and connection.
Thanks you for posting the video online. Thanks again for posting it online. Even though, I am not a CRC member, I would have loved to attend your conference. Thank you for honoring these women, and for the work being done to support and protect others from experiencing this.
thanks again. . your words in 2013 meant a lot. they were honouring to me as a survivor. those words did change something for me then - I didn't anticpate that. so thank you.
this work being done does change the world for others, not only the children of today and tomorrow, but other survivors who today can feel like it's okay to speak up, and find support when they do (within their church family). May the shame be eradicated through love. I believe in the power of love (agape).
I don't think I've ever sat in a circle with Christian survivors and engaged in that kind of frank and open discussion about the healing journey and what that was like (with the added feminist understandings dialogue.piece). That piece in it was kind of cool for me. Empowering. I understood the kinds of questions that came up for them and reflected on my similar questions (with the feminist awareness) that I worked through. So much resliency came through in their telling of their journey. It was good to listen to.
all of this matters- it makes for a better world. (thumbs up for all this work being done and your response)
Posted in: Safe Church Ministry Conference
I watched the conference video online, and appreciated the openness and frankness in the discussion. Thanks much for posting it. Interpersonal violence exists within the church and outside of the church, and is a social problem. So much of the dialogue addressed questions that I'd also had. I could relate to their process. I also loved that it addressed the culture of silence that has existed for so long (in all it's forms). I love that it is acceptable for survivors to speak out in this way within the CRC. there is more work to be done, but the work already done is huge.
DIM is good! I thought perhaps that a B could be added (blame).
I love the reference to the "unspeakable". There are many levels in this. The internal code of silence (internalized teachings that are shame based - self blame) and the external code of silence (DIMB) increase the level of trauma experienced beyond the actual events. How it is dealt with has an impact on the scope of what one needs to heal from. the depth of the trauma is increased when in a culture of silence that victim shames and blames.
Shifting the shame away from the survivor is critical and validating when the unspeakable is spoken is so important. Addressing the attitudes and beliefs that make DIM so prevalent (within the church and society at large) is huge. It takes so much time for that kind of change to occur because the beliefs are sometimes core social and individual beliefs, and reinforced in society. Shifting that can mean shifting peoples' whole perception of the world and how they fit into it (eg. patriarchy and shifting thinking that marginalizes women). For some people, they learned that this way of being was okay.
I remember the headship issue and women's role within the crc (discussion topic when I was at college), Headship was almost perceived as a God mandated edict tied into their identity and role in life. Yikes! Shifting that kind of stuff is huge, and takes a long time. Headship may have been a piece in that patriarchal ideology. Addressing interpersonal violence to me seems even bigger than that. .
Thank you for your courage in tackling this stuff. It is truly important work.
I am a survivor who left the CRC, and you are receiving my thanks. The work being done in addressing interpersonal violence is critical and watching this video left me feeling hope. Listening to the women speak was like hearing some of my own healing process relayed. Somehow, it undid a piece of disconnection that I felt. I could relate to their experience, talk, and awareness about the power dynamics built into our culture and how their healing journey reflected processing all that. I would have loved to sit down and talk with them. Hearing them speak gave me a feeling of hope and connection.
Thanks you for posting the video online. Thanks again for posting it online. Even though, I am not a CRC member, I would have loved to attend your conference. Thank you for honoring these women, and for the work being done to support and protect others from experiencing this.
Posted in: Safe Church Ministry Conference
thanks again. .
your words in 2013 meant a lot. they were honouring to me as a survivor. those words did change something for me then - I didn't anticpate that. so thank you.
this work being done does change the world for others, not only the children of today and tomorrow, but other survivors who today can feel like it's okay to speak up, and find support when they do (within their church family). May the shame be eradicated through love. I believe in the power of love (agape).
I don't think I've ever sat in a circle with Christian survivors and engaged in that kind of frank and open discussion about the healing journey and what that was like (with the added feminist understandings dialogue.piece). That piece in it was kind of cool for me. Empowering. I understood the kinds of questions that came up for them and reflected on my similar questions (with the feminist awareness) that I worked through. So much resliency came through in their telling of their journey. It was good to listen to.
all of this matters- it makes for a better world. (thumbs up for all this work being done and your response)