I have much to say on this subject. To start I want to note I was never into high worship and honestly even if I knew the phrase I assumed it was just louder more intense worship. I would sing when I was alone but that was about it sure there was that flow but I had no idea just how much I was missing out both in this and in my relationship with him in general.. I cannot go into great detail right now as it would take a long time to write but my life from my birth has been nothing but how life seems to love to show how unfair cruel and reasonable it can be seemingly for no reason. The scars and inner wounds that have dug into my heart as thorns piercing and making it bleed this is how I felt and even now it is not really gone.
But he and I ever since I was saved from the start have always a very deep very intimate kind of love and relationship, when I was saved it was actually because of how life had beaten me down and how my family had made me wonder what it feels like to actually be cared about to actually matter.
Lets just say the next morning after I broke down and begged him to come into my heart just so I could not be alone anymore well I require a lot of coffee to wake up in the morning pr at the very least it has to be pretty strong. Well I woke up that morning instantly filled with life itself you might not see it but it was as if an electric current was flowing through me in the form of fire and I would not be surprised at all if it was not just inside me but all around me I did my first true act of high worship and in my joy leaped out of bed and danced for him thanking and praising him.
For me I declared to him that day I kneeled down and swore an oath to him I wanted a covanant with him I called a coavnent of the hearts I saw in my mind my heart and his Oh if I could express in words the affection endearment and just absolute head over heels I poured into his heart in my mind I wrote the word mine on his heart in gold radiant letters I even went so far as to burn it on his heart I claimed him that day he was mine I was going to have him that heart of his the vast deep endless ocean that is heart I said to him how I was going to sink as deep as I am allowed into that ocean fakking deeper and deeper into the depths falling deeper and deeper in love with him as I sink into deep
He at the same time was doing the same thing pouring his love and affection into my heart this kind of love and affection in short is to much for the human body to contain it was only a small drop of his love and it was to much for my body to handle but if your soul was able to leap out of your soul believe me it would this love is far beyond anything you can fathon iy is so deep so rich so thick warm deep I just can't put it in words you instantly beg him to take you trust me that is the only response you are going to be able to speak your soul itself I felt it trying to leap out to him how I wanted to run into his arms so badly to just tackle him down bury my face into him and declare him as mine.
This was just how I expressed everything to him on that day and again without knowing it a high form of worship. He was always more to me than salvation, more thana savior more than my king and Lord it was always him that my hearts eyes saw even in the worst time even when I felt dead inside it was always him just him.
So things like this gave happened frequently with him and I all through out my ten years of of being saved I can honestly say what he and I had even then was not normal it would amaze people it would shock them they would always say I was a rare sort how the love and spirit of God seemed to just indwell in me and overflow
I saw how many people who weren't Christians even this one women I encountered who truly is one of those people you only hear about life was far more cruel to her than even me and that is sayingg a lot but these people would always say how I was the first real Christian they have ever met simply because the love and care I showed this one women even broke down in tears just because I treated her like a human being.
But I recently at the beginn of this experienced God on an entirely different level due to a demonic attack that overwhelmed me bringing me to break down bawling in fear running out of my upstairs apartnment in the rain bare foot with a broken foot mind you.
But what came of it was a man who showed up to help and he put his hands on me began praying and said to me this is God doing this not me.
Now I have had this done before nothing happens but I am still always open to it so suddenly the actual power of God slammed me I was so amazed so bewildered so in awe that I was just stunned and could only just sit there smiling the biggest smile like an idiot I would love to see wgat my face looked like oh man... but that day I didn't know it yet but that was the start of a journey with him that I had been waiting for from the start When we began this journey together we did so with a sworn oath to each other betrothed from the beginning I made it clear to him I intended to go all in I wanted something more with him more than faith more than salvation more than love it is difficult to explain it is like such a deep level of intimacy closeness unity with him that it requires a new word to express but then waiting and seeking searchidng ti jbiw ecery thing I could of him doing whatever it took to deepend the love and bond between us but never able to really get there. But after my third attempt of suicide as life actually much more brutal after that my health becoming so bad with little to no help having to call 911 to go to the hospitalmany times so weak that I mostly lived in my bed but after the third attempted I was back home listening to worship music just being with him and I starting sining but my heart at that time was just expressing my affection for him we were really just talking and being together when I just started singing.
It started at first as normal but then something happened I felt a change in me uddenly I felt a barrier I suddenly as is given sight saw a barrier of praise. Though my heart was in it the singing I was given was only the beginning I knew he wanted me to get passed this barrier to reach something hidden something new
This is when the doors blew open I went into a state of worship and pay attention to that because that is important.
I was worshipping him and praising him with my entire being with every cell in my body every essence of my being. The holy joy and life that comes with such worship how suddenly the kingdom makes sense how suddenly you realize this is the key to opening the gates of heaven you see there is a whole other level with him that we are unaware of.
You know how there is a limit of the universe we are able to understand and see even with all the advancements in technology even though we gave aggressively researcged and studied but there is a point where the vast universe is beyond reach but the wonders and mysteries from what we have learned so far would completely bea game changer well it is like that with him/
I saw that he was calling to a new kind thing with him to go into that unknown with him to have what he has been promising this whole time all throughout scripture.
I was changed I was activated things with him were different now
I apologize for the long post but I just felt all this needed to be said I could if I was able go on and on boasting and expressing the absolute joy wonders life power that comes with such worship the very presence of God himself filled my room at least four times and that I won't even comment on as his presence requires a whole other post to even begin to explain but lets just say we are to chase after it for a reason
I just want to thank you guys for those kind words I feel them to be a bit undeserving but that is all exactly what Jesus would say too so thank you honestly it was very hard for me with my eyes as damaged as they are it took me a long time I started at 3:30 am and then found out it was already almost six am when I was done.
I also am always worried that I freak people out with the things I say as I know how odd they are. But I just wasn't built like everyone else I probably would have grown as a normal man if not for how life went for me I don't want to go on a woe is me rant on how I had cancer as a kid and the abuse and everything else because while it is true that affected a lot about me my physical form my brain from the radiation and chemo it all made me look like I am a teenager and I am 32 it is actually kind of funny seeing the reaction of when you had to have an adult to see the rated R movies they would be shocked to find out I was of age it was always kind of funny.
It also made me child like in heart or perhaps I was always like that. I know that with him when I always imagine myself with him I only see myself in form of a small child maybe five year old size it is as if it is the real me somehow and honestly I would not be surprised
But I also have a mature adult side of me as well I was kind of blessed with both worlds I am able to look at the things of God from a child like perspective things are just simple that way with him you are more liekly to listen to him when he is teaching you in this kind of state you don't over complicate things yyyyyyyyyyyyyyun't bother with the details you just soak in what he is saying
Even your daily life with him is like this your just living in a childs perspective seeing through eyes we forgot as adults the wonder of God being mesmorized like you have sparkling eyes looking at him kind of thing
The adult perspect is more about being mature in Christ being obedient never forgetting that I didn't just make him my savior I made him my Lord and I understand the gravity of that. I also have the utmost reverence for him, When you utterly surrender I mean really and truly surrender unto to him when you make him your Lord, your king, your absolute everything this is the starting point.
We say Lord so casually all the time but do we understand the gravity of that word? the heaviness that comes with it?
This is not an ordinary word it is a word that in itself when spoken demands respect it is an amzing aspect of him because remember he is the Lord of Lords the king of kings he wasn't kidding about that.
So in utter surrender you give him even every day of life from that moment on what he says goes you either are dead serious about being obedient and about him being your Lord or he doesn't care in that moment in utter surrender as I was even on my knees with my head as low as it could go he wanted full devotion no more playing games no more messing around with how we are doing things he demands obedience in that moment you have a choice to make and if you say yes he takes you into a as I call it new dimension with him the things he has shown me and given me the intensity of them.
I don't even dare share most of the things because lets just say I had my first test of obedience to see if I was serious I didn't hesitate but he also told me it was going to be hard that it was going to go against my normal ways and that I would have to deal with attacks but to trust him and as long as I continue to obey he will show me his kingdom.
Well I am not used to such attacks I was obedient all the way through as best as I could even with my health being really bad
But now I just don't have confidence anymore and it is true the things he wanted me to say were out there and it requires one to listen with the spirit not read what the words say and I even explained that but eventually the attacks after he said I was finally done left me kind of beaten and now every time I speak honestly from my heart I am always so scared I freak people out or something.
I mean it I don't know how else to be but to speak my heart it is just instinctive and he knows this that instinct part he put in me as it is usually by instinct I know the way to go when it comes to him I just go with the flow of the spirit.
And people always of course first jump to saying what if the spirit your following isn't of God quoting we are to test all spirits every time their first instanct is to to try to down play it.
Y mean maybe it is just me but I don't think the holy spirit is first quick to downplay something about himself.
Some people actually do know the spirits flow because they know him he is a personal God he is a real person and a lot of people treat him like an idea or something in scripture sure they say he is inside them but the spirit speaks to the spirit.
Posted in: What Exactly is High Praise?
I have much to say on this subject. To start I want to note I was never into high worship and honestly even if I knew the phrase I assumed it was just louder more intense worship. I would sing when I was alone but that was about it sure there was that flow but I had no idea just how much I was missing out both in this and in my relationship with him in general.. I cannot go into great detail right now as it would take a long time to write but my life from my birth has been nothing but how life seems to love to show how unfair cruel and reasonable it can be seemingly for no reason. The scars and inner wounds that have dug into my heart as thorns piercing and making it bleed this is how I felt and even now it is not really gone.
But he and I ever since I was saved from the start have always a very deep very intimate kind of love and relationship, when I was saved it was actually because of how life had beaten me down and how my family had made me wonder what it feels like to actually be cared about to actually matter.
Lets just say the next morning after I broke down and begged him to come into my heart just so I could not be alone anymore well I require a lot of coffee to wake up in the morning pr at the very least it has to be pretty strong. Well I woke up that morning instantly filled with life itself you might not see it but it was as if an electric current was flowing through me in the form of fire and I would not be surprised at all if it was not just inside me but all around me I did my first true act of high worship and in my joy leaped out of bed and danced for him thanking and praising him.
For me I declared to him that day I kneeled down and swore an oath to him I wanted a covanant with him I called a coavnent of the hearts I saw in my mind my heart and his Oh if I could express in words the affection endearment and just absolute head over heels I poured into his heart in my mind I wrote the word mine on his heart in gold radiant letters I even went so far as to burn it on his heart I claimed him that day he was mine I was going to have him that heart of his the vast deep endless ocean that is heart I said to him how I was going to sink as deep as I am allowed into that ocean fakking deeper and deeper into the depths falling deeper and deeper in love with him as I sink into deep
He at the same time was doing the same thing pouring his love and affection into my heart this kind of love and affection in short is to much for the human body to contain it was only a small drop of his love and it was to much for my body to handle but if your soul was able to leap out of your soul believe me it would this love is far beyond anything you can fathon iy is so deep so rich so thick warm deep I just can't put it in words you instantly beg him to take you trust me that is the only response you are going to be able to speak your soul itself I felt it trying to leap out to him how I wanted to run into his arms so badly to just tackle him down bury my face into him and declare him as mine.
This was just how I expressed everything to him on that day and again without knowing it a high form of worship. He was always more to me than salvation, more thana savior more than my king and Lord it was always him that my hearts eyes saw even in the worst time even when I felt dead inside it was always him just him.
So things like this gave happened frequently with him and I all through out my ten years of of being saved I can honestly say what he and I had even then was not normal it would amaze people it would shock them they would always say I was a rare sort how the love and spirit of God seemed to just indwell in me and overflow
I saw how many people who weren't Christians even this one women I encountered who truly is one of those people you only hear about life was far more cruel to her than even me and that is sayingg a lot but these people would always say how I was the first real Christian they have ever met simply because the love and care I showed this one women even broke down in tears just because I treated her like a human being.
But I recently at the beginn of this experienced God on an entirely different level due to a demonic attack that overwhelmed me bringing me to break down bawling in fear running out of my upstairs apartnment in the rain bare foot with a broken foot mind you.
But what came of it was a man who showed up to help and he put his hands on me began praying and said to me this is God doing this not me.
Now I have had this done before nothing happens but I am still always open to it so suddenly the actual power of God slammed me I was so amazed so bewildered so in awe that I was just stunned and could only just sit there smiling the biggest smile like an idiot I would love to see wgat my face looked like oh man... but that day I didn't know it yet but that was the start of a journey with him that I had been waiting for from the start When we began this journey together we did so with a sworn oath to each other betrothed from the beginning I made it clear to him I intended to go all in I wanted something more with him more than faith more than salvation more than love it is difficult to explain it is like such a deep level of intimacy closeness unity with him that it requires a new word to express but then waiting and seeking searchidng ti jbiw ecery thing I could of him doing whatever it took to deepend the love and bond between us but never able to really get there. But after my third attempt of suicide as life actually much more brutal after that my health becoming so bad with little to no help having to call 911 to go to the hospitalmany times so weak that I mostly lived in my bed but after the third attempted I was back home listening to worship music just being with him and I starting sining but my heart at that time was just expressing my affection for him we were really just talking and being together when I just started singing.
It started at first as normal but then something happened I felt a change in me uddenly I felt a barrier I suddenly as is given sight saw a barrier of praise. Though my heart was in it the singing I was given was only the beginning I knew he wanted me to get passed this barrier to reach something hidden something new
This is when the doors blew open I went into a state of worship and pay attention to that because that is important.
I was worshipping him and praising him with my entire being with every cell in my body every essence of my being. The holy joy and life that comes with such worship how suddenly the kingdom makes sense how suddenly you realize this is the key to opening the gates of heaven you see there is a whole other level with him that we are unaware of.
You know how there is a limit of the universe we are able to understand and see even with all the advancements in technology even though we gave aggressively researcged and studied but there is a point where the vast universe is beyond reach but the wonders and mysteries from what we have learned so far would completely bea game changer well it is like that with him/
I saw that he was calling to a new kind thing with him to go into that unknown with him to have what he has been promising this whole time all throughout scripture.
I was changed I was activated things with him were different now
I apologize for the long post but I just felt all this needed to be said I could if I was able go on and on boasting and expressing the absolute joy wonders life power that comes with such worship the very presence of God himself filled my room at least four times and that I won't even comment on as his presence requires a whole other post to even begin to explain but lets just say we are to chase after it for a reason
Posted in: What Exactly is High Praise?
I just want to thank you guys for those kind words I feel them to be a bit undeserving but that is all exactly what Jesus would say too so thank you honestly it was very hard for me with my eyes as damaged as they are it took me a long time I started at 3:30 am and then found out it was already almost six am when I was done.
I also am always worried that I freak people out with the things I say as I know how odd they are. But I just wasn't built like everyone else I probably would have grown as a normal man if not for how life went for me I don't want to go on a woe is me rant on how I had cancer as a kid and the abuse and everything else because while it is true that affected a lot about me my physical form my brain from the radiation and chemo it all made me look like I am a teenager and I am 32 it is actually kind of funny seeing the reaction of when you had to have an adult to see the rated R movies they would be shocked to find out I was of age it was always kind of funny.
It also made me child like in heart or perhaps I was always like that. I know that with him when I always imagine myself with him I only see myself in form of a small child maybe five year old size it is as if it is the real me somehow and honestly I would not be surprised
But I also have a mature adult side of me as well I was kind of blessed with both worlds I am able to look at the things of God from a child like perspective things are just simple that way with him you are more liekly to listen to him when he is teaching you in this kind of state you don't over complicate things yyyyyyyyyyyyyyun't bother with the details you just soak in what he is saying
Even your daily life with him is like this your just living in a childs perspective seeing through eyes we forgot as adults the wonder of God being mesmorized like you have sparkling eyes looking at him kind of thing
The adult perspect is more about being mature in Christ being obedient never forgetting that I didn't just make him my savior I made him my Lord and I understand the gravity of that. I also have the utmost reverence for him, When you utterly surrender I mean really and truly surrender unto to him when you make him your Lord, your king, your absolute everything this is the starting point.
We say Lord so casually all the time but do we understand the gravity of that word? the heaviness that comes with it?
This is not an ordinary word it is a word that in itself when spoken demands respect it is an amzing aspect of him because remember he is the Lord of Lords the king of kings he wasn't kidding about that.
So in utter surrender you give him even every day of life from that moment on what he says goes you either are dead serious about being obedient and about him being your Lord or he doesn't care in that moment in utter surrender as I was even on my knees with my head as low as it could go he wanted full devotion no more playing games no more messing around with how we are doing things he demands obedience in that moment you have a choice to make and if you say yes he takes you into a as I call it new dimension with him the things he has shown me and given me the intensity of them.
I don't even dare share most of the things because lets just say I had my first test of obedience to see if I was serious I didn't hesitate but he also told me it was going to be hard that it was going to go against my normal ways and that I would have to deal with attacks but to trust him and as long as I continue to obey he will show me his kingdom.
Well I am not used to such attacks I was obedient all the way through as best as I could even with my health being really bad
But now I just don't have confidence anymore and it is true the things he wanted me to say were out there and it requires one to listen with the spirit not read what the words say and I even explained that but eventually the attacks after he said I was finally done left me kind of beaten and now every time I speak honestly from my heart I am always so scared I freak people out or something.
I mean it I don't know how else to be but to speak my heart it is just instinctive and he knows this that instinct part he put in me as it is usually by instinct I know the way to go when it comes to him I just go with the flow of the spirit.
And people always of course first jump to saying what if the spirit your following isn't of God quoting we are to test all spirits every time their first instanct is to to try to down play it.
Y mean maybe it is just me but I don't think the holy spirit is first quick to downplay something about himself.
Some people actually do know the spirits flow because they know him he is a personal God he is a real person and a lot of people treat him like an idea or something in scripture sure they say he is inside them but the spirit speaks to the spirit.
Posted in: What Exactly is High Praise?
I don't know how to post videos, I tried to post a youtube video of a song called my praise by Phillip craig and dean that song says everything.