We can ask Holy Spirit to continually help us to be aware that every time we are with other people it is an opportunity to let God love them through us. We can be open to conversation with strangers as well as friends. We can find ways to continually include people in our lives. Invite for meals, ask them to garden with us, offer to teach their family how to make bannock over a fire, attend an apple squeeze, go sledding, help fix their roof.....
Thank-you for writing this article. So good to hear that Pastor Willis* changed his tone when you called him on it.
It is my experience that my close friends at church are supportive in my struggles with abuse issues and PTSD.
However my church in general could use more education about it. I think that most people care but they do not know what to do. There is embarrassment because they are not sure what to say so they say nothing or don't meet your eye or shun like Ryan said. Others believe that such topics should never be talked about. Most elders care but they have no idea what to say if my husband or I bring it up at visits. I was once told by an elder that if I had grown up in our church the abuse would not have happened! One elder did some research and got back to me with a book and he was willing to listen and learn. Two of our pastors have been very helpful. Some people who hear me speak about it avoid me and I later discover that this is because I have triggered their own pain.
When I first started looking for help to deal with the abuse issues I was re wounded many times by well meaning people who had no idea what help should look like. The best first response is "I am so sorry this was done to you". A bad response is "You just have to forgive them and forget about it!" I don't know any survivors who would not choose to forget if they could. We do not deliberately remember. We are haunted. Thankfully I have received much healing from our precious Lord, and with the help of caring people and counselors and my splendid husband. I am thankful and grateful for this journey to wholeness.
I would like all our churches to make a choice to care about abuse survivors and perpetrators too, to read the books, listen to the teachings and become educated. I am not ashamed anymore of what was done to me. It is not my shame. It is the abusers shame. I had better get off my soapbox here. I appreciate this opportunity to talk about a long neglected topic.
Would be good for starting a conversation in our churches.
When a sex offender was being considered to come back to my church my Pastor asked me how I felt. (I am an abuse survivor and was talking openly about my journey.)
Because the man confessed, was in counseling and living in a supportive enviroment, his victims were not in our cong. and he would be not allowed to be with children, I felt it was okay. (It was still dificult for me emotionally but I believe we have to chose to care about all people)
I like the idea of the support circles.
I think abusers should never be allowed to be alone with children or vulnerable people in any setting including the church setting.
Having a disability is complicated. Having to admit we need help when we used to be the helper is hard.
Some seniors I know do not want to admit their disabilities.
This makes things frustrating. For example, in our church services we have headsets that are for the hearing impaired to hear the service better. Almost all who complain they cannot hear the words will not even try the headset. It is light weight, easy to use (one dial) and works well -as I use it myself regularly.
Another example is refusal to use the elevator.
But it is not just seniors. Many younger members do not want to admit either.
One thing is that there seems to be a lot of shame attached to being 'out of order' physically or mentally; whether it is temporary or if we are chronically ill or disabled. Personally I don't have this anymore. I have had to accept my illnesses/disability in order to be a peaceful, functioning person.
My illnesses/disability are not a reflection of my worth as a person; they are just part of me. I am as valuable as any person God created.
I wonder if some of us believe we have to be strong, not complain, accept what God allows without complaint . . . and if we admit it or show it then we are not strong. Which makes us less than as a believer.
Of course loss of independance is a hard issue too and it is hard to face the pain of that.....
What can we do to help each other accept our illnesses and disabilities?
What I would like to see is people who love the Lord being actively included in the worship service.
Not simply the best musicians or speakers or readers but the ones whose love for God shines through.
We have all seen this and been taught, moved, blessed by people who worship Him from their heart.
Like the writer before me, I grieve when someone reads the scripture and they have not practised and don't really know what they are reading.... but i love it when anyone reads who obviously cares about what it says, no matter how they read it.
I appreciate the skills of an accomplished reader but it grieves my heart just as much if they don't mean it.
Thank-you for sharing this story. Thank-you for telling us that a church retreat can have this depth of realness. Thank-you for asking him the hard question and helping him put the pain into words. It is true what you say about the possibility of our beautiful Jesus coming into our memories and transforming them. I have experienced this healing over and over in my own journey.
Thank-you for this well written article. I am with you in your shock at what the teacher said at the meeting at school and how that whole group did not seem to get a most basic need of your son. I hear you about 'containing' yourself!
There are many neurodiverse people in my world, including me. We do get tired of trying to appear "normal' for the sake of others.
You have added to a pool of resources I keep for the education of others
Posted in: Evangelism
I appreciate this article.
We can ask Holy Spirit to continually help us to be aware that every time we are with other people it is an opportunity to let God love them through us. We can be open to conversation with strangers as well as friends. We can find ways to continually include people in our lives. Invite for meals, ask them to garden with us, offer to teach their family how to make bannock over a fire, attend an apple squeeze, go sledding, help fix their roof.....
Posted in: Consider Our Response
Thank-you for writing this article.
So good to hear that Pastor Willis* changed his tone when you called him on it.
It is my experience that my close friends at church are supportive in my struggles with abuse issues and PTSD.
However my church in general could use more education about it. I think that most people care but they do not know what to do. There is embarrassment because they are not sure what to say so they say nothing or don't meet your eye or shun like Ryan said. Others believe that such topics should never be talked about.
Most elders care but they have no idea what to say if my husband or I bring it up at visits. I was once told by an elder that if I had grown up in our church the abuse would not have happened! One elder did some research and got back to me with a book and he was willing to listen and learn. Two of our pastors have been very helpful.
Some people who hear me speak about it avoid me and I later discover that this is because I have triggered their own pain.
When I first started looking for help to deal with the abuse issues I was re wounded many times by well meaning people who had no idea what help should look like. The best first response is "I am so sorry this was done to you".
A bad response is "You just have to forgive them and forget about it!"
I don't know any survivors who would not choose to forget if they could. We do not deliberately remember. We are haunted.
Thankfully I have received much healing from our precious Lord, and with the help of caring people and counselors and my splendid husband. I am thankful and grateful for this journey to wholeness.
I would like all our churches to make a choice to care about abuse survivors and perpetrators too, to read the books, listen to the teachings and become educated.
I am not ashamed anymore of what was done to me. It is not my shame. It is the abusers shame.
I had better get off my soapbox here.
I appreciate this opportunity to talk about a long neglected topic.
Posted in: Embracing Purposefully Vague Theology & Doctrine
I appreciate this article
Thanks
Posted in: CT Article on Sex Offenders in the Pew
This is an excellant article.
Would be good for starting a conversation in our churches.
When a sex offender was being considered to come back to my church my Pastor asked me how I felt. (I am an abuse survivor and was talking openly about my journey.)
Because the man confessed, was in counseling and living in a supportive enviroment, his victims were not in our cong. and he would be not allowed to be with children, I felt it was okay. (It was still dificult for me emotionally but I believe we have to chose to care about all people)
I like the idea of the support circles.
I think abusers should never be allowed to be alone with children or vulnerable people in any setting including the church setting.
Posted in: Individuals with Disabilities Face Increased Risks of Abuse
Yes, Thank-you for posting this.
Posted in: Do Older People Have "Disabilities"?
Having a disability is complicated. Having to admit we need help when we used to be the helper is hard.
Some seniors I know do not want to admit their disabilities.
This makes things frustrating. For example, in our church services we have headsets that are for the hearing impaired to hear the service better. Almost all who complain they cannot hear the words will not even try the headset. It is light weight, easy to use (one dial) and works well -as I use it myself regularly.
Another example is refusal to use the elevator.
But it is not just seniors. Many younger members do not want to admit either.
One thing is that there seems to be a lot of shame attached to being 'out of order' physically or mentally; whether it is temporary or if we are chronically ill or disabled. Personally I don't have this anymore. I have had to accept my illnesses/disability in order to be a peaceful, functioning person.
My illnesses/disability are not a reflection of my worth as a person; they are just part of me. I am as valuable as any person God created.
I wonder if some of us believe we have to be strong, not complain, accept what God allows without complaint . . . and if we admit it or show it then we are not strong. Which makes us less than as a believer.
Of course loss of independance is a hard issue too and it is hard to face the pain of that.....
What can we do to help each other accept our illnesses and disabilities?
Posted in: We Need to Redefine Excellence in Worship
What I would like to see is people who love the Lord being actively included in the worship service.
Not simply the best musicians or speakers or readers but the ones whose love for God shines through.
We have all seen this and been taught, moved, blessed by people who worship Him from their heart.
Like the writer before me, I grieve when someone reads the scripture and they have not practised and don't really know what they are reading.... but i love it when anyone reads who obviously cares about what it says, no matter how they read it.
I appreciate the skills of an accomplished reader but it grieves my heart just as much if they don't mean it.
Posted in: Painful Memories
Thank-you for sharing this story.
Thank-you for telling us that a church retreat can have this depth of realness.
Thank-you for asking him the hard question and helping him put the pain into words.
It is true what you say about the possibility of our beautiful Jesus coming into our memories and transforming them. I have experienced this healing over and over in my own journey.
Posted in: How to Get Rid of the 'R' Word
the link is not clickable
Posted in: Worship Resources for Abuse Awareness Sunday 2023
Thank-you for these resources
Posted in: Autistic Jesus
Dear Sarina Moore,
Thank-you for this well written article. I am with you in your shock at what the teacher said at the meeting at school and how that whole group did not seem to get a most basic need of your son. I hear you about 'containing' yourself!
There are many neurodiverse people in my world, including me. We do get tired of trying to appear "normal' for the sake of others.
You have added to a pool of resources I keep for the education of others
Thank-you again