Understanding the Narcissistic pastor/church leader is crucial when dealing with church leadership and administration. Should the Narcissist pastor/church leader abuse, know that he will use every distorted view to shift blame for his behavior onto the victim and others.
My concern is: restorative justice process needs careful consideration if the offender is a narcissist. Know that if he is a narcissist, he has no earnest desire to fully own his responsibility to have done harm. He can’t do it. He can’t do it because his self-esteem is near nothing and admitting his wrong would crash him. In a R.J. process, he would display the right emotion for that moment – but genuine sorrow for sin and owning his sins are nearly impossible. He does not have the ability to engage with another’s pain and his mind takes him to thinking, “She’s such a whiner.”
Church leaders need to be strong and non-manipulative when dealing with a narcissistic church leader who has abused. When churches hold him accountable for his actions and confront him about his abuse, be prepared to hear some of the most bizarre responses. Also know that in the R. J. process, a victim is at risk to be harmed again, simply because facilitators/moderators can’t control what comes out of the Narcissist’s mouth. And be aware that he will use that opportunity to say whatever he wants --- with no regrets – making sure he got the last word.
Excellent book. Stops the enabling approach - gets at the problem approach and stops the "give" just because we think that is the answer to poverty and problems.
Posted in: Abuse Victims Task Force: Discussion
Dear Readers:
Understanding the Narcissistic pastor/church leader is crucial when dealing with church leadership and administration. Should the Narcissist pastor/church leader abuse, know that he will use every distorted view to shift blame for his behavior onto the victim and others.
My concern is: restorative justice process needs careful consideration if the offender is a narcissist. Know that if he is a narcissist, he has no earnest desire to fully own his responsibility to have done harm. He can’t do it. He can’t do it because his self-esteem is near nothing and admitting his wrong would crash him. In a R.J. process, he would display the right emotion for that moment – but genuine sorrow for sin and owning his sins are nearly impossible. He does not have the ability to engage with another’s pain and his mind takes him to thinking, “She’s such a whiner.”
Church leaders need to be strong and non-manipulative when dealing with a narcissistic church leader who has abused. When churches hold him accountable for his actions and confront him about his abuse, be prepared to hear some of the most bizarre responses. Also know that in the R. J. process, a victim is at risk to be harmed again, simply because facilitators/moderators can’t control what comes out of the Narcissist’s mouth. And be aware that he will use that opportunity to say whatever he wants --- with no regrets – making sure he got the last word.
I’ve dealt with this – three times!
Judy De Wit
Posted in: Great Resource
Excellent book. Stops the enabling approach - gets at the problem approach and stops the "give" just because we think that is the answer to poverty and problems.
Judy De Wit