Michele Gyselinck

That's sad. 

I'm not sure that ALL CRC congregations are reluctant to address this sort of problem. My church here in Montreal has had an abuse policy since 2002 at least, and all the doors have windows in them so someone passing by can see what's going on in the room.  And adults wanting to work with children have to undergo a police background check first. So let's avoid generalizations and blanket statements please.

To comment further on this matter, I know that for a long time, even when they did believe the victims of incest or child sexual abuse, those same victims would be removed from their families and sent elsewhere to be protecting.  I know that society was still doing that into the 1980s because my mom who was a professional social worker worked in detention centres for girls back then, and most of the inmates were victims of incest.  Now, if I've heard Dr.Phil say even once that when there is trouble in the home children will believe it's their fault, I've heard it a hundred times.  And they would certainly be even more convinced of it if they were sent to a detention centre while the abuser was allowed to stay and continue with the other children!  I wish I could say that it never happens anymore, but I'm not sure. Batshaw's track record in this matter is far from spotless.(It's the child protection agency here in Québec.) They've been known to make very dubious decisions about whom to give custody of children to in cases of divorce for example.  It certainly is far less tolerated, and now the spouse of such an abuser is more likely to be told to "kick the bastard to the curb" than to send the child away.

I suspect that people who are uncomfortable with extravagant displays of faith in and love for God are lukewarm in their relationship with Him or even just plain cold.  No one who's in love with the Lord would even think to ask, "Was that necessary?"  Unless they're Scrooge 2.0, they would probably not think twice about getting a bouquet of red roses for the love of their lives on Valentine's Day, so why not buy roses for God if you love Him that much?  That would be the modern-day equivalent of Mary's pouring the contents of a jar of pure nard over Jesus' feet and wiping off the excess with her hair.

These statistics would likely be the same in Canada.  I know that I live on a disability income well below the poverty level.  I am now well enough to start looking for work but I'm almost 56, so I wonder who will hire me.

I strive to be as transparent as possible by NOT pretending I have it all together.  Most people who have been at my place know that housework is a struggle for me, and I don't attend every church service or other events because my health doesn't allow me to.  To me hypocrites are people who never have a hair out of place in public are always smiling even when they're mad, at least on Sundays, but when nobody's watching that's another story.

 Besides, even if someone without arms can't pack grocery bags, it doesn't mean they CAN'T do ANYTHING else.  Having no arms doesn't mean that people cannot think.   In Québec we have a singer who was born with stubby arms and only three fingers on each hand as well as virtually no legs as a result of his mother having taken Thalidomide during her pregnancy, but the guy still finds a way to strum his guitar and begot perfectly normal kids, though I don't know why I insist on this.  The biggest employment hurdle to overcome for people with disabilities is the narrow-mindedness and lack of imagination of able-bodied people.  Here too we see too many chronically normal people placing roadblocks in front of people with disabilities trying to find gainful employment.

I saw a picture of Robin Williams on a people's magazine today in the grocery store where I often shop and the sadness in his eyes was obvious. He really made me think about the saying that the clowns that make us laugh are crying when nobody's looking.  "Un clown triste," is how we sum it up in French.  It isn't weak to feel depressed, anymore than it's weak to have diabetes or arthritis.  If it were, then we'd all be weak, and truth be told, we all are because nobody's immune to illness in this world, and there is nowhere in the Bible where you can find the words, : "The brain of Christians is immune to disease."  So then why do some people who claim to be Christians condemn those who suffer from brain diseases?  Count yourself fortunate if that is not your particular cross, but don't add to the burden of those for whom it is. 

I am a suicide survivor. I thought about it. I even walked to the edge of a river with the intent of throwing myself in it to end the pain.  Mental illness was pretty much a taboo back then. Even worse than now.  The reason I'm still alive is that God convinced me not to give up on life just yet, so I didn't and walked back home. And never went back to that particular spot, though I have walked again along a river's bank but not with suicide in mind.  I have found relief, and I know I'm fortunate in this, so I've made it my life's goal to help other people who suffer from mental illnesses. One way I'm planning to do this is to set up a Friends for Mental Health support group in the church I attend, and the pastor is supporting me in this.  Maybe it's something you could do too if the cause is close to your heart.

The stupidity of some council members, in the case of Ryan*, absolutely blows my mind.  Why did they expose the whole family of a man to shame, when it was the father who was guilty of looking at pornography? And even then indulging in pornography may be a sin, but addictions are considered a mental illness and listed in the DSM-IV.  I don't know about the DSM-V, I've never looked at a copy of the latest edition.  But this was a gratuitous humiliation of innocent people, and the Council should apologize to their victims and ask for forgiveness for the way they were treated.

As for criticizing a woman for having been assaulted by one of her professors, and implying she was at fault ; feminists call that blaming the victim.  Are there still people in our denomination stupid enough to blame children who have been molested for being victims of child sexual abuse? Why do we automatically assume that a female university student--or any other woman for that matter--tried to seduce her aggressor and got raped because of it?  Since when do we believe that men are poor innocent victims of sexual temptations who can't help but give in to them?  Adam in Gen.3, tried to blame both God and Eve for his disobedience, but God didn't buy it and cursed the ground because of what the man did.  We're supposed to show compassion to those who suffer, but I didn't see much of it in those cases.  What will it take for people who claim to be Christians to smarten up?

To my knowledge we have only one person with an intellectual handicap--hardly enough to start a group--but we have more people with mental illnesses, and as far as I know we are as integrated in the life of the congregation as anyone could wish to be.  For my part, I can't complain of being left out, but maybe you should ask the others.

Well, I can't complain of having experienced that sort of rejection in my congregation, but then the Montreal CRC is the only one in Québec, so maybe they couldn't be too picky.  Especially now that our numbers have dwindled siginificantly.  Still, I think that some congregations are more hospitable than others, because a lot of people who walk into our church for the first time come back for more, and we have a microcosm of the United Nations attending our services, not just ethnically but all sorts of handicaps as well.  We have an elevator for those who can't climb stairs ; we have people with intellectual deficiencies and varying forms of mental illness, yet others with food allergies or Native background and to my knowledge no one has complained of being ostracized in our community.

 Our congregation in Montreal is inclusive, and I am not aware that anyone was asked to leave because they were different or handicapped in some way. On the contrary, we have added an elevator over the years to accommodate people who could not climb stairs, and the church p.a. address is used at congregational events to accommodate those who are hearing-impaired.  And, of course, I as a member with schizophrenia have been part of this church for close to 40 years now.  We also have a child in our congregation who has an Autism spectrum disorder, and none of us have ever been told we should leave.  

I'm sorry for the people attending the congregation served by that pastor friend of yours because he needs to realize that handicapped people are no longer confined in nursing homes or asylums, and God doesn't put our personal convenience at the top of His priorities' list.  I hope he smartens up. SOON.