It is so difficult to separate cultural gender roles and expectations from what our Lord expects of us as men and women of God. That's where looking at the life of Jesus seems so valuable to me. He is true man (and God); we become more human, the people that God created us to be, when we become more Christlike, more like Jesus.
In Safe Church Ministry, we talk a lot about power, use and misuse of this gift that God has given each of us in different measures. We see Jesus, who had all power, not grasping it for his own benefit, but laying it down, dying on a cross for those he loves. Real men look like that. Giving themselves in love to others. We see Jesus sharing power, empowering all of us with his Holy Spirit. Real men share power, empowering others to be all they can be. Others feel loved and flourish in the company of a man of faith.
Jesus also was not afraid to show his emotions, anger, weeping, joy, etc. A couple years ago now, safe church ministry hosted a lecture, presented by the Men's Resource Center related to the book "Mascupathy". A main premise in the book is that when boys are denied the opportunity to express their emotions, those emotions come out in other ways, often in violence against others. We are causing harm when we tell boys to "man up" and "don't cry". Perhaps it's not an accident that mass shootings have almost always been committed by men, or that men are far more likely to die violently than women. Real men are in touch with their feelings and can freely express them, the way Jesus did. Godly men don't let pent up emotions erupt in violence.
Jesus was not afraid to honor others in counter-cultural ways and in so doing he spoke truth to power. He lifted up a child as the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, he honored lepers, prostitutes, and tax gatherers by spending time with them. He called out pharisees for their hypocrisy. Jesus was no respecter of persons; he valued each and every one. Real men honor others, regardless of their status.
May all of God's children, both men and women, put on the full armor of God, that we may stand firm in Christ, that each member of the body may become all that he or she was meant to be. May we all be free to love God with our whole our heart, soul, mind and strength. May we all be free to love our neighbor as ourselves, which means standing with those who are oppressed, against all forms of injustice. This calling in Christ takes great courage and dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit, which he has granted to all of his children. He alone is our strength, our protection, and our source of grace for each day.
I once heard a verse to the song "Jesus loves me" that said:
"Jesus loves me when I'm good, when I do the things I should
Jesus loves me when I'm bad, but it makes him very sad."
I liked that because it acknowledged the sadness / consequences while still affirming the chorus, "yes, Jesus loves me". The fact that he loves us still is the amazing part.
Knowing that we have caused grief to our Lord, and also experiencing own sorrow for sin is part of the process of repentance. I think we can dwell too long on the negative consequences of sin, waste time being fearful of them, and become overwhelmed at the sin and brokenness we see around us. But we can also spend too short a time in that space of sorrow for sin; we can choose to ignore the very real consequences. We're not in heaven yet. It's OK to be "in process", "on the journey" hopefully on the right road going in the right direction. This is where we are until that great day. In the end, we need to move beyond the darkness into his light, where we stand holy and wholly in God's grace.
We must guard against the tendency toward quick forgiveness that doesn't fully acknowledge the harm done. The journey toward healing is not a straight and easy path; rather it is most often painful, complicated, and difficult. Forgiveness is an important part of that journey, but one does not arrive there early in the process. There are no short cuts. Pushing forgiveness too soon can impede the process and delay healing.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. We must be clear that forgiveness is NOT an alternative to justice. Those who hurt others must be held accountable, harm must be acknowledged, there are consequences, an opportunity for restitution must be given. Forgiveness does not negate the need for any of these things.
In situations of abuse between adults, the purpose of confidentiality must be to guard the one who has been victimized. He or she has experienced the traumatic powerlessness of abuse, and now must be empowered again. One way to do that is give choices to the one who has suffered abuse. He or she must be the one to make the choice about whether or not the abuse becomes public - no one else has the right to make that choice for him or her. I know people who have been victimized, but are not at all willing to make their experience public. It's their choice, and that choice must be honored. However, there may come a time in the process of healing, when someone may choose to make their experience of abuse public, to increase awareness, to protect others who may be in harm's way, or for many other reasons. It's sad to me that our churches are not always safe places to disclose abuse. These stories of abuse must be met with understanding and compassion.
We must be careful in using an argument of confidentiality to protect the one who chooses to abuse: What is the potential for future harm, are we putting others at increased risk? Are we complicit in minimizing the issue? (Minimizing prevents the person who has perpetrated abuse from fully acknowledging the sin, which is the first step toward repentance and change.) What is the message being sent about the value of the one who has abused compared to the one who has been victimized - whose reputation is more important in God's sight? (Note: Jesus is almost always seen in the Gospels standing on the side of the powerless rather than the powerful; we are called to follow his way.) How will this action help or hinder genuine fellowship and unity in the community? It's truth that sets us free. Abuse must be acknowledged before any healing is possible.
I often recommend The Hope of Survivors - www.thehopeofsurvivors.com - It's a wonderful resource for those who have been sexually abused by clergy or ministry leaders; also a good resource for anyone wanting to know more about this issue.
"When does protecting privacy outweigh protecting the flock?" That's a very good question. Such questions are common when people with a record of criminal sexual behavior join our congregations. They arise when a beloved church leader is found to have committed sexual sin. Who needs to know? When? How is it communicated? How do we avoid descending into malicious gossip? These decisions are not easy, there are often many, many variables that must be taken into consideration. It is best not to make decisions quickly. Prayerful reflection, getting input from others, and sometimes also legal counsel is important. Safe Church Ministry has resources that can help with many of the more common questions that arise. Safe Church Ministry is also available to offer consultation when these difficult and complex questions arise.
It's an ages old question, "how can a loving, sovereign, all-powerful God allow ....? (fill in the blank). I don't think it can be fully answered in a blog, maybe not in a lifetime, maybe not with limited human understanding even with the best of minds. One thing I do know is that God is Good - ALL Good, ALL the time. He does no evil. There is no shadow of darkness in our God. Our God is so good, and so amazing, that He can take darkness and evil (that comes from us in our rebellion, and from the evil one) and He can bring something good from it. If we take an honest look at our life, we will find evil; yet we will also see his hand in those desert places, making us stronger, revealing himself to us more deeply, bringing good. He never does evil, He is only good; and his goodness shines, even in this dark and broken world. I praise him for his presence with his people, everywhere and always.
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
It is so difficult to separate cultural gender roles and expectations from what our Lord expects of us as men and women of God. That's where looking at the life of Jesus seems so valuable to me. He is true man (and God); we become more human, the people that God created us to be, when we become more Christlike, more like Jesus.
In Safe Church Ministry, we talk a lot about power, use and misuse of this gift that God has given each of us in different measures. We see Jesus, who had all power, not grasping it for his own benefit, but laying it down, dying on a cross for those he loves. Real men look like that. Giving themselves in love to others. We see Jesus sharing power, empowering all of us with his Holy Spirit. Real men share power, empowering others to be all they can be. Others feel loved and flourish in the company of a man of faith.
Jesus also was not afraid to show his emotions, anger, weeping, joy, etc. A couple years ago now, safe church ministry hosted a lecture, presented by the Men's Resource Center related to the book "Mascupathy". A main premise in the book is that when boys are denied the opportunity to express their emotions, those emotions come out in other ways, often in violence against others. We are causing harm when we tell boys to "man up" and "don't cry". Perhaps it's not an accident that mass shootings have almost always been committed by men, or that men are far more likely to die violently than women. Real men are in touch with their feelings and can freely express them, the way Jesus did. Godly men don't let pent up emotions erupt in violence.
Jesus was not afraid to honor others in counter-cultural ways and in so doing he spoke truth to power. He lifted up a child as the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, he honored lepers, prostitutes, and tax gatherers by spending time with them. He called out pharisees for their hypocrisy. Jesus was no respecter of persons; he valued each and every one. Real men honor others, regardless of their status.
That's enough for now.
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
May all of God's children, both men and women, put on the full armor of God, that we may stand firm in Christ, that each member of the body may become all that he or she was meant to be. May we all be free to love God with our whole our heart, soul, mind and strength. May we all be free to love our neighbor as ourselves, which means standing with those who are oppressed, against all forms of injustice. This calling in Christ takes great courage and dependence on the power of the Holy Spirit, which he has granted to all of his children. He alone is our strength, our protection, and our source of grace for each day.
Posted in: God Said, “Live!”
So true
Posted in: Does Sin Not Matter Anymore?
I once heard a verse to the song "Jesus loves me" that said:
"Jesus loves me when I'm good, when I do the things I should
Jesus loves me when I'm bad, but it makes him very sad."
I liked that because it acknowledged the sadness / consequences while still affirming the chorus, "yes, Jesus loves me". The fact that he loves us still is the amazing part.
Knowing that we have caused grief to our Lord, and also experiencing own sorrow for sin is part of the process of repentance. I think we can dwell too long on the negative consequences of sin, waste time being fearful of them, and become overwhelmed at the sin and brokenness we see around us. But we can also spend too short a time in that space of sorrow for sin; we can choose to ignore the very real consequences. We're not in heaven yet. It's OK to be "in process", "on the journey" hopefully on the right road going in the right direction. This is where we are until that great day. In the end, we need to move beyond the darkness into his light, where we stand holy and wholly in God's grace.
Posted in: Forgiveness
We must guard against the tendency toward quick forgiveness that doesn't fully acknowledge the harm done. The journey toward healing is not a straight and easy path; rather it is most often painful, complicated, and difficult. Forgiveness is an important part of that journey, but one does not arrive there early in the process. There are no short cuts. Pushing forgiveness too soon can impede the process and delay healing.
Posted in: Forgiveness
Thanks for your thoughtful response. We must be clear that forgiveness is NOT an alternative to justice. Those who hurt others must be held accountable, harm must be acknowledged, there are consequences, an opportunity for restitution must be given. Forgiveness does not negate the need for any of these things.
Posted in: Counting Voices
In situations of abuse between adults, the purpose of confidentiality must be to guard the one who has been victimized. He or she has experienced the traumatic powerlessness of abuse, and now must be empowered again. One way to do that is give choices to the one who has suffered abuse. He or she must be the one to make the choice about whether or not the abuse becomes public - no one else has the right to make that choice for him or her. I know people who have been victimized, but are not at all willing to make their experience public. It's their choice, and that choice must be honored. However, there may come a time in the process of healing, when someone may choose to make their experience of abuse public, to increase awareness, to protect others who may be in harm's way, or for many other reasons. It's sad to me that our churches are not always safe places to disclose abuse. These stories of abuse must be met with understanding and compassion.
We must be careful in using an argument of confidentiality to protect the one who chooses to abuse: What is the potential for future harm, are we putting others at increased risk? Are we complicit in minimizing the issue? (Minimizing prevents the person who has perpetrated abuse from fully acknowledging the sin, which is the first step toward repentance and change.) What is the message being sent about the value of the one who has abused compared to the one who has been victimized - whose reputation is more important in God's sight? (Note: Jesus is almost always seen in the Gospels standing on the side of the powerless rather than the powerful; we are called to follow his way.) How will this action help or hinder genuine fellowship and unity in the community? It's truth that sets us free. Abuse must be acknowledged before any healing is possible.
Posted in: Counting Voices
I often recommend The Hope of Survivors - www.thehopeofsurvivors.com - It's a wonderful resource for those who have been sexually abused by clergy or ministry leaders; also a good resource for anyone wanting to know more about this issue.
Posted in: Counting Voices
"When does protecting privacy outweigh protecting the flock?" That's a very good question. Such questions are common when people with a record of criminal sexual behavior join our congregations. They arise when a beloved church leader is found to have committed sexual sin. Who needs to know? When? How is it communicated? How do we avoid descending into malicious gossip? These decisions are not easy, there are often many, many variables that must be taken into consideration. It is best not to make decisions quickly. Prayerful reflection, getting input from others, and sometimes also legal counsel is important. Safe Church Ministry has resources that can help with many of the more common questions that arise. Safe Church Ministry is also available to offer consultation when these difficult and complex questions arise.
Posted in: The Secret Danger of Summer (Hint: It Has Nothing to Do With Sunscreen)
A good reminder not to neglect those things that truly feed your soul and lead to peace
Posted in: Tensions in Church Over Vaccinations
Please vaccinate your children, for the sake of everyone.
Posted in: Presence or Protection?
It's an ages old question, "how can a loving, sovereign, all-powerful God allow ....? (fill in the blank). I don't think it can be fully answered in a blog, maybe not in a lifetime, maybe not with limited human understanding even with the best of minds. One thing I do know is that God is Good - ALL Good, ALL the time. He does no evil. There is no shadow of darkness in our God. Our God is so good, and so amazing, that He can take darkness and evil (that comes from us in our rebellion, and from the evil one) and He can bring something good from it. If we take an honest look at our life, we will find evil; yet we will also see his hand in those desert places, making us stronger, revealing himself to us more deeply, bringing good. He never does evil, He is only good; and his goodness shines, even in this dark and broken world. I praise him for his presence with his people, everywhere and always.