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Thank you for your courage in overcoming your triggers to read this article, and for your courage in sharing a response, which can help give others "permission" to share their experiences as well. That is my hope and prayer, that this resource can help open the door, even just a tiny bit, to allow for honest expression around our our experiences of sexual assault and rape. There simply is no satisfactory answer to the question of why God allows such awful things to happen to his beloved children, God must weep a lot. Yet my hope and comfort are in the fact that God has promised never to leave us or forsake us - God is WITH us! Always, through it all, God is here, Immanuel, God is with us, and his power with us is strong and transforming. May our churches see and know God more deeply through the voices of those who have experienced sexual abuse, we have so much to offer a church willing to listen.

Thank you for these very timely and sad-but-true words that the Church simply must hear, lament, repent and follow a different way. Church renewal, perhaps the very life of the Church, is dependent on bringing to life the beloved community that God intends. My hope is in the Lord, who has sustained his people, his Church, throughout the ages, will continue to do so. We dare not place hope in power, politics, or charismatic leaders, that is not the way of Jesus. It comes through faithful, humble obedience, loving God and others.

Some people were having trouble getting books in Canada. Here's a message we received from the author, Ruth Everhart - Hope it's helpful! Thanks Ruth.

FYI, I asked IVP about shipping options to Canada and they sent me this ---

We suggest they contact Parasource, our distributor in Canada. That way they would not have to deal with customs, the shipping cost would be less, and also the books would arrive more quickly. 

Here is the contact information for Parasource:

Parasource
P.O. Box 98, 55 Woodslee Ave.
Paris, Ont. 
N3L 3E5
phone: 1-800-263-2664
fax: 1-519-442-1303
www.parasource.com
[email protected]

I'll repeat what I said in my first response, which judging from some of the comments doesn't seem to have been heard: "When we refer to outside organizations, it's not because we agree with everything that they say, or even that they hold a Christian worldview. However, these particular organizations are doing good work around helping teens recognize warning signs in a relationship that could lead to violence and harm. This information is important for teens (and adults) to know and understand...  We trust that those who read The Network can use critical thinking to determine what information is most useful, and that which doesn't fit into our Christian context.

I didn't grow up in the CRC, or go to Calvin College, Instead, I met Jesus when I was in high school, at a Young Life camp. I was eager to grow in my faith and went on to Wheaton College. One saying I learned there is, "all truth is God's truth." There is truth to be found in these resources, particularly about paying attention to warning signs, indicators of an abusive relationship. I know many Christian women (and Christian men as well) who have experienced the deep pain of relationship violence; they were unprepared, didn't know what to look for in a healthy relationship, and didn't recognize warning signs. Abuse prevention is part of the mandate of Safe Church Ministry, that's why we share information about how to recognize and prevent abuse. 

Thank you Eric for reading and looking at the resources that are posted here on the Network. When we refer to outside organizations, it's not because we agree with everything that they say, or even that they hold a Christian worldview. However, these particular organizations are doing good work around helping teens recognize warning signs in a relationship that could lead to violence and harm. This information is important for teens (and adults) to know and understand. There is a lot of good and helpful information on these sites. We trust that those who read The Network can use critical thinking to determine what information is most useful, and that which doesn't fit into our Christian context. (We don't need to throw out the baby with the bathwater)

We wish there were many more Christian resources around teen dating violence. Please feel free to share any that you know of.

I look forward to seeing additional resources about teen dating violence. It's a huge issue and we need to be talking about it. One reason The Network exists is to share resources and discuss common issues, it's a good opportunity. One other resource, that is distinctly Christian and promotes Christian values such as the sanctity of marriage is the program Safe Church recommends for children and youth - Circle of Grace. It's not designed to be a sex education program and may not address dating violence directly, but it goes a long way toward promoting respectful relationships. It emphasizes the sacredness of all relationships as we live with God in our circle of grace. The program provides opportunities for adults, children and youth to interact, to identify and discuss potentially unsafe situations so that children and youth feel prepared to respond.

Whenever we consider complicity or culpability in a situation - we must ask, "who has the power?" Who has the power in any given situation? Who is being oppressed or used by that power, and to what ends? Who benefits? Labeling another victim a "madame" puts blame in the wrong place, and can take responsibility away from the one who owns the harm done - in this case the men who continued to abuse women.

That said, we don't know the relationship between these men who abused and the women who aided their efforts - we don't know what the women's motives were, financial dependence, threats, coercion, a romantic relationship, their own feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy, their inability to stand up to the one with power. It takes a very strong woman to fight the current and stand up for other women who are being harmed; there are often significant costs involved.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Spotlight came in the words of reporter Mitchell: “If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one.” In that story, beyond being amazed at the sheer numbers of people abused, it was amazing how many were involved in the cover up! So many people are complicit by their silence and turning the other way. In many ways, we, as a society, and as a church, are also complicit in the abuse that we allow to continue among us.

A very good point about someone who has offended not attending the same church as someone who has been victimized by that person - it's up to the one who's been harmed to freely make that decision. The needs of the one who has been harmed need to guide the process and decisions going forward.

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