Bonnie, I am grateful to you, Beth Swaagman before you, and Eric Kas for taking on the challenge of talking about sexual abuse and promoting action to help us be wise and ensure safety in our churches. I see it as a difficult job and I write hoping what I share will not be discouraging.
When I read your response to Michelle two weeks ago it was jarring to me and surprising that you felt compelled to caution us all that "we must be very careful not to make Dr. Nassar out to be a monster" and "we must not demonize Dr. Nasser." I imagine you wrote as you did for two reasons: because Michelle called Larry Nasser "an evil man" and" a wicked man" and secondly because you have met three people who are hurting and troubled because they had good experiences with Larry Nassar. Understandably, you care about their pain.
However, Larry Nassar is a man who did monstrous, demonic, evil and wicked things to hundreds of innocent women and children. I think when we hear what he did we must be angry. We don't have to vent our anger by calling him nasty names. But we can express our honest feelings because it hurts to see betrayal and abuse and those wounded by it. We don't want to hurt those who knew him but were unaware of the awful side of him that abused others for years. Now, though, does not seem the time to chide, even mildly, anyone expressing disgust and anger at his deeds. It is confusing. It sounds like we are not being Christ like if we call evil evil. That confusion is part of what makes it hard to deal effectively with abuse in the church setting. I’m someone who has experienced three Christian Reformed ministers and one Calvin College professor who behaved inappropriately either to me or fellow church members. Trying to speak out to stop them is not easy in misguided Christian settings that require the abused to not be angry, to be nice and not raise their voices and to express being willing to forgive even before the abuser has been adequately dealt with, much less has repented.
Unfortunately, family members and people who know an abuser hiding their wrongdoings from them can "love and appreciate" an abuser and even see them doing "many good things for many people" but it doesn’t make the abuser less guilty or their evil deeds less awful. Being in the dark sets them up to get very hurt. Those innocent people suffer wounds because of the actions of the abuser, making it very difficult for those who must “out” an abuser, knowing the pain that will result. I think this is especially true when dealing with abuse that happens within a church. Wanting to protect them, along with the victims(s) and the congregation, can make the church and its leaders hesitant to properly deal with the abuser.
I feel Solzehenitsyn's statement does not fit the Nassar situation well. Larry Nassar does need to be separated from the rest of us. Yes, we are all sinners, but we must judge his actions and apply consequences. His family and friends and the rest of us who see him as a fellow fallen human being will grieve because of what he has done and grieve if he does not repent and find God's forgiveness. But we grieve most for those who have survived his abuse and we must act to prevent him from ever having an opportunity to continue.
Michelle rightly sees that he has acted evilly and wickedly but blesses him by praying that he will come to repentance before he dies. I see no need to reprove her or anyone for naming him by his deeds. You rightly state the wonderful truth that no one is outside God's long reach of grace. I think Michelle prayers show she completely agrees. You may not have consciously intended to reprove her. Hopefully she didn’t feel that. But I heard some old, confusing mixed messages that might keep people from expressing their anger, pain and frustration. So I’m speaking up and hope to hear what you and others have to say in response.
By the way, Webster gives as one definition of Monster “one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character.”
That seems a pretty apt and kind way to describe Larry Nassar.
Posted in: Justice, Grace, and Worth: Rachael Denhollander's Victim Impact Statement
Bonnie, I am grateful to you, Beth Swaagman before you, and Eric Kas for taking on the challenge of talking about sexual abuse and promoting action to help us be wise and ensure safety in our churches. I see it as a difficult job and I write hoping what I share will not be discouraging.
When I read your response to Michelle two weeks ago it was jarring to me and surprising that you felt compelled to caution us all that "we must be very careful not to make Dr. Nassar out to be a monster" and "we must not demonize Dr. Nasser." I imagine you wrote as you did for two reasons: because Michelle called Larry Nasser "an evil man" and" a wicked man" and secondly because you have met three people who are hurting and troubled because they had good experiences with Larry Nassar. Understandably, you care about their pain.
However, Larry Nassar is a man who did monstrous, demonic, evil and wicked things to hundreds of innocent women and children. I think when we hear what he did we must be angry. We don't have to vent our anger by calling him nasty names. But we can express our honest feelings because it hurts to see betrayal and abuse and those wounded by it. We don't want to hurt those who knew him but were unaware of the awful side of him that abused others for years. Now, though, does not seem the time to chide, even mildly, anyone expressing disgust and anger at his deeds. It is confusing. It sounds like we are not being Christ like if we call evil evil. That confusion is part of what makes it hard to deal effectively with abuse in the church setting. I’m someone who has experienced three Christian Reformed ministers and one Calvin College professor who behaved inappropriately either to me or fellow church members. Trying to speak out to stop them is not easy in misguided Christian settings that require the abused to not be angry, to be nice and not raise their voices and to express being willing to forgive even before the abuser has been adequately dealt with, much less has repented.
Unfortunately, family members and people who know an abuser hiding their wrongdoings from them can "love and appreciate" an abuser and even see them doing "many good things for many people" but it doesn’t make the abuser less guilty or their evil deeds less awful. Being in the dark sets them up to get very hurt. Those innocent people suffer wounds because of the actions of the abuser, making it very difficult for those who must “out” an abuser, knowing the pain that will result. I think this is especially true when dealing with abuse that happens within a church. Wanting to protect them, along with the victims(s) and the congregation, can make the church and its leaders hesitant to properly deal with the abuser.
I feel Solzehenitsyn's statement does not fit the Nassar situation well. Larry Nassar does need to be separated from the rest of us. Yes, we are all sinners, but we must judge his actions and apply consequences. His family and friends and the rest of us who see him as a fellow fallen human being will grieve because of what he has done and grieve if he does not repent and find God's forgiveness. But we grieve most for those who have survived his abuse and we must act to prevent him from ever having an opportunity to continue.
Michelle rightly sees that he has acted evilly and wickedly but blesses him by praying that he will come to repentance before he dies. I see no need to reprove her or anyone for naming him by his deeds. You rightly state the wonderful truth that no one is outside God's long reach of grace. I think Michelle prayers show she completely agrees. You may not have consciously intended to reprove her. Hopefully she didn’t feel that. But I heard some old, confusing mixed messages that might keep people from expressing their anger, pain and frustration. So I’m speaking up and hope to hear what you and others have to say in response.
By the way, Webster gives as one definition of Monster “one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character.”
That seems a pretty apt and kind way to describe Larry Nassar.