Bev Roozeboom

Thanks for posting this. Very powerful. 

Hi Melissa,

I, too, was glad to read your story in Breaking Barriers.  Thanks so much for sharing it.  Steve and I struggled with infertility, too, so I understand that part of your journey, as well.  Never lose sight of the fact that God is up to something big in your life.  Just take one day at a time, and gradually it will unfold before you.  His ways are always so different that what we would have imagined, though...and often much more difficult.  But He patiently and lovingly hangs on to us -- even when we're kicking and screaming.

We've never been part of a support group.  I think part of that was because our son's disability (mental illness along with learning disabilities) just kept leaking out over time.  We always knew he was a difficult child (extremely...), but didn't realize the depth of his illness until he reached adolescence.  Even now, at age 18, we're more aware of issues and how they are affecting his life.

I did struggle with feeling isolated, but I can't help but wonder if that was all part of God's bigger plan for my life.  Out of this isolation and our enormous struggles, He led me to write a Bible study for moms who have children with special needs.  It's entitled, Unlocking the Treasure: A Bible Study for Moms Entrusted with Special Needs Children.  It was published in June.  Last week I began this study with 8 other women in my community, most of whom have adult children with special needs.  I was so touched by all of their stories as they openly shared their on-going struggles.  I'm looking forward to the next five weeks as we go through Scripture together and discover God's promises to us -- moms who have children with such issues and challenges. 

If you would be interested in a book (or several, if you would like to do the study with some other women), please contact me and I would be happy to mail some to you.  The cost of the book is $16.95 (US)...I know you can purchase them cheaper on Amazon, but I would be willing to mail them to you freight-free (!).

My email address is [email protected]. 

Blessings to you, Melissa, as you listen to the Lord and His call on your life.

Bev

I love it that this topic came up!  Just this past week I've been specifically asking God to teach me more about listening prayer.  As an intercessor, I find it easier to pray with words than to pray with my ears and heart.  But I do find that when I ask God what's on His heart regarding a particular person or issue, He does answer me.  It's always with His Word (makes sense!) -- usually when I'm reading Scripture.  But I am also learning to hear the Spirit's still-small voice speak to my heart.  I'm asking God to make my hearing more keen...and for much discernment.

A couple of days ago, the Spirit suggested I read Isaiah 55.  I love this chapter...so many promises!  His Word for me that day was found in verse 3.  The NLT reads, "Come to me with your ears wide open.  Listen, and you will find life..."  The words LISTEN and WILL popped out of the text.  I WILL hear Him when I come to Him with my ears wide open (and my mouth closed?!).  When I listen to Him, He promises me life (and unfailing love, the passage goes on to say).

I think my biggest struggle is hearing Him when I'm in a group setting; even one that's meeting specifically for listening prayer.  I struggle with wanting so badly to hear Him, especially when I'm with more "experienced" intercessors.  I realize the temptation is there to try to appear "more than" I am.  The other day I confessed to God that I feel like a 5th grader in a room full of grad students (!) when I pray with those who have been practicing listening prayer much longer than I.  He assured me He plays no favorites.  I'm a work in progress and He patiently delights in my learning.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. 

Bev Roozeboom

Bev, thanks for the link.  I'll try to listen to it today at work :). 

You asked who I get to "listen" and pray with...God has blessed me with a mentor who is experienced in healing prayer ministry.  She's been teaching me much about listening prayer.  Also, my nephew is active in a prayer ministry that reaches out to college students, as well as to those living in poverty (physical and spiritual poverty).  It just so happens my mentor and my nephew are in the same ministry.  Every other week, my husband and I attend a time of Bble teaching by them, followed by a time of listening prayer.  I love it!  God's been teaching me so much about Him and how He interacts in our lives.

They've asked me to go to Kyrgyzstan with them in July to be part of a prayer team covering a camp for church leaders in Asia (many from "illegal" churches). I can't wait!  I'm sure it'll be an unforgetable experience.

Enjoy your day!

Bev

(BTW, those precious children in my profile picture are my three little grandchildren! my kids are 27, 24, and 18). 

thanks for this beautifully honest post.  I could resonate with so much of what you wrote.  My son (w/ disabilities) is now 19.  I find that the milestone years are often when the grief (for lack of a better word) will creep back over us.  This sounds like what you're experiencing as you look forward to your little girl going into kindergarten.  The excitement is there, yet it's somewhat tempered by the "yes, but..."  -- the knowing that things will always be a little different than what your original dreams were -- the worries over the "what ifs". 

Please don't be ashamed of the "sadness that creeps in once in awhile."  This is all part of the on-going grief you will experience throughout your daughter's life.  If you lost a child to death early in life, I don't imagine you would feel ashamed (even years and years later) when the grief would return from time to time because of a memory or a reminder of your loss.  In the birth of your daughter with Down's syndrome, you experienced a death to your dream family.  This doesn't take away from your joy and pride in your precious daughter!  But this grief will creep in from time to time.

And Sara, thanks for your amazing post as well!

Anje and Willie and Melissa,

Somehow I missed the posts about the going-home of your precious little daughters.  I'm sitting here stunned, sad, shocked.  I am so, so sorry for your losses.  I don't know if you will even read these words, but I'm praying that the Spirit of peace will fill you today. 

I close my eyes and imagine little Savannah and Ingrid playing together.  Joy and happiness and laughter.  Lots and lots of giggles.  But I ache for how empty your arms must feel.  Then Abba reminds me that His arms are never empty.  Today I pray you will feel Abba's arms around you, holding you close.

Blessings,

Bev

Back again...Most of us in the group said we struggled from time to time wondering if perhaps we had done something wrong (and that's why God gave us a child with a disability).  The thinking is not so much that God was actually punishing us, but it's hard to shake the nagging feeling that we must have done something to be given a child with special needs.  Today in our group one of the ladies said she wondered if she did something wrong during her pregnancy.  This feeling was underscored by countless questions from various doctors, such as, "Did you take this?  Did you drink that?  Did you do such and such?"  Those questions -- asked many years ago -- still ring in her ears.  Still make her feel a little guilty.  Still lead her to wonder, "what did I do to deserve this?  This is somehow my fault."  Words from others point fingers of accusation (whether intentionally or not).

Maybe the deeper question is really, "Why did this happen?"  Why does my child have this mental illness, this intellectual disorder, this physical illness, this personality disorder?  WHY?

Last week we settled on John 9:1-3 where we read the disciples making some assumptions of their own.  "'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'  'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.'"

Words from Jesus that point UP.

Actually, I think what most of us parents find ourselves wondering is "why my child?"  We don't ask this in a whiny, self-pitying way, but as part of our grief.  We see our kids struggle to simply get through the day and it often causes us to feel much pain. 

As for what I don't deserve?  It's God's mercy, grace, and forgiveness!  "What did I do to deserve this?"  Nothing.  He did it all out of love for me.  Thank You God!  It's what gets me through each day.  If I didn't have His strength to lean into, I'd be a noodle.

It's so good to hear the journeys of others. Thanks so much for sharing!  Sarah, thanks for sending the link to John Piper's sermon.  That was amazing!

BTW, Jill -- welcome to the forum!  I'm glad you found it.

What a neat story!  God is so faithful, isn't He.  Church attendance has been an off and on problem with our son, as well.  When his anxieties really started to rise (upper elementary/ middle school years), it was so hard to get him there.  We often resorted to only making him go to the morning service and one of us stayed home with him in the pm.  Even now (Kyle is 18) he often isn't able to go.  He really has a hard time with crowds...with sitting still for over an hour, etc.  We've accepted that and just don't fight him on it. 

We also had lots of battles with trying to get him to Cadets (8th grade year), Sunday School (middle school on up), and youth group (started out, but eventually dropped out).  This was hard for us...really went against the grain of what our experiences were as kids in the CRC.  But Kyle does not have the same emotional make-up that we do!  It was just so hard for him...it caused such anxiety on so many levels.  For us it seemed almost "sinful" to not make him participate, but God was faithful in helping us see Kyle for who he is and what he is capable of.  He also highlighed in our minds what requirements are "man-made" verses what God is really asking from us.  This is one area where He's shown us that we need to be careful not to focus so much on the externals (what Kyle is doing/ participating in, etc), but to look at Kyle's heart, and how God is growing him.

Such an on-going journey, isn't it?

Hi Anje,

I'm glad you found this forum!  There's something so comforting about knowing that we're not walking this journey alone.  Even though many miles and much water separates us, we have a common bond in the Lord.  I love that!

Our story is quite a bit different.  Our son struggles with mental illness issues.  We've had a lot of challenges throughout the years.  He graduated from high school last May.  He has a job, but seldom goes.  He has huge struggles with anxiety, but he's also extremely oppositional.  It's been particularly bad again the past few months.

Last fall a group of women in our community worked through a Bible study I wrote, "Unlocking the Treasure."  It's written specifically for moms who have children with special needs.  We loved getting together weekly -- discovering God's promises for us...sharing our joys...and praying over our struggles.  Even though the Bible study is finished, we still get together from time to time.

A couple of weeks ago, I started the study with another group of women.  It's amazing how there is just an instant bond.  Even though our stories are so different (many different diagnoses, different ages), our emotional struggles as moms are so similar.  We ache for our children and yes, even for ourselves.  It's great to have a safe place to open our hearts.

I glad you have some who support you.  It's very hard when we're misunderstood as parents, especially when we're doing the best we can in such a difficult situation.  You sound like you are awesome parents.  Your children are very blessed to be able to call you "mom."

Blessings to you,

Bev