I've been informed that my anonymous postings are against policy, but considering that safety of the victims is paramount, and the seeking of options is so important, I will continue to post. This issue surely exists elsewhere in our denomination, and there are so very many CRCs where that church is the only one in a community, and so "people" will know precisely who you're talking about. Yeah, I've played Dutch bingo all my life too. So I would implore anyone reading this and knowing of a church who has dealt with this situation, to post <strong>on behalf<strong> of those churches who have wisdom and experience but also want to also be sensitive to their congregants.
In response to Bonnie N, this man IS receiving extensive anger management retraining, counseling by pastor, psychologists and psychiatrists, psychiatric evaluations, probation officer visits, and regular check-ins by the police. The police consider the family to be at high-risk. He continues to curry favor and sympathy from other church members who have not been involved from the initial arrest, and of course they are Christian and sympathetic, because don't we all want reconciliation? He speaks to everyone about it, without reserve; she is so ashamed of him and the situation, so she doesn't--and then who gets the sympathy? But the abuse has gone on for fifteen years before she reported it, and then after arrests, separation and a trial reunion, he continued to assault and violate probation orders. He talks well--he knows what to say--but his actions speak otherwise. But he genuinely still wants to be reinstated to the marriage and to the community. Yet the family is terrorized.
And so, the question remains: What does ANY church community do with a situation like this? It doesn't even matter if they are divorced or not--just being separated applies. Her family is far away in another state. The church is her lifeline--we become her loving family who helps her and accepts her. When the restraining order is over, he wants to come back to the church...... And just imagine that.... the man you are terrified of, who wants to come back to your home, to have a life together, who thinks of you as HIS, staring at you across the auditorium, or at the back of your head during worship....
Bonnie, those resources are good, but the best packet I've found is here: http://www.restoredrelationships.org/resources/info/51/ . It's from the UK, but is written so concisely, with tables and lists that are so very sensible. And two pages addressing the helpful and non-helpful interpretations of key Biblical passages--so dear to our Calvinistic hearts.... Some pages aren't useful for North America because they are UK law, but the meat of the message is there in about 10 different pages of the 30 page packet. Very absorbable by members because it's not such a wall of text like books can be.
Well, I don't know what to think about the lack of experiences posted here. Either it's too painful to write about, or few in the CRC have heard about any such occurrence, or maybe there's just not enough traffic on this site. So many Christian books about dealing with domestic violence end with her getting away, but not about the scarred aftermath a year or more later, and the Christian community's response.
So I went out looking for more advice online. I had to look for "related sins," such as murder, rape, or child pornography. Something where a crime was committed and the person (usually male) was either convicted or pleaded guilty, because it's got to be bad enough to make congregants sit up in horror and take notice, and struggle with the forgiveness and grace on one side, and the protection and safety on the other. And while it's true any sin causes us to fall short of God's glory, some sins here on earth are just so big and horrid that the victim will always be horribly scarred.
So here are discussions I've found:
This article: http://thewartburgwatch.com/2013/06/27/abusers-are-welcome-and-the-abused-are-just-bitter/
The comments after this article are the most helpful, even though some make me wince a bit: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/sarahoverthemoon/2013/06/when-my-abuser-is-welcome-at-the-table-i-am-not/
Interesting discussion here--the entire site is interesting (Managing Your Church), although most of the "safe church" info addresses protecting children: http://blog.managingyourchurch.com/2009/09/handling_disruptive_people.html
and finally: Lord love these naive pastors! I know men like this, and understand why they react with such profound wide-eyed disbelief of the abuse, and wide-eyed belief of the repentance. And in their zeal to demonstrate God's forgiveness here on earth, overlook the silently suffering victim....http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-shore/pastors-and-domestic-viol_b_858363.html
The above links are helpful, and demonstrate genuine Christian struggle with an intractable problem. But again, I crave help from my brothers and sisters in the CRC. Knowing how one of our own has dealt with the problem, using OUR church order, and getting help from OUR denomination would go far in knowing how to proceed in a Reformed fashion.
Bev, the issues that the women you're working with are rough, no doubt. Dealing with sins of church leadership is indeed a tough beast. We can see this hairy situation in the Catholic church.
But that is not the situation in my church. It's not about pornography, nor about church leaders protecting each others' backs. Our council and pastor, though new to the type of situation, are doing well in supporting both parties appropriately. This Forum is about Safe Church. That is, Safe in Church. And so there is upcoming conflict in the fact that the wife-beater (who has pled guilty) wants to eventually return to worship services, and the beaten wife and children won't dare be in the same building with him. And so in that case, what is church leadership to do?
I'm trying to find examples of what has worked, to see if there's any experienced wisdom out there.
I could go on and on about what *I* think should be done, but that's just one person's opinion, backed up only by what *I* think is logical and scriptural. So I'd rather depend on the communion of the saints, so to speak, since we are inexperienced in this.
There are very large questions or issues that could come from this, I realize that. On degrees of sin; on how secret or public a sin is; on grace and mercy and forgiveness and shelter and compassion.
I continue to look for advice "out there" on the Internet, from established church denominations that are at least somewhat close to the CRC in perspective and interpretation of scripture.
One of the links I posted before had its own link to a site called A Cry For Justice. The posts I myself find particularly helpful are from the category "Supporting Victims". And of those approximately 100 entries, this one is probably the most relevant and helpful to the question I keep asking on this forum. One eye-popping aspect of the post is that the author recanted her previous book thesis, after she had continued to work with abused women and to understand their abusers. And she herself had been abused--twice--by husbands. It just goes to show how very very difficult and mind-boggling this issue is--even victims are confused and conflicted about how to proceed, and searching the Bible for help can be so very hard. Worth a read: http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/church-discipline-and-church-permission-for-divorce-how-my-mind-has-changed/
And still, I ask for help from churches, from MY denomination, who have dealt with a wife-beater, long-term. I suppose you could always contact me privately under my alias up above in the left-hand corner. I'm very good at keeping confidences, and Protecting Victims.
I wanted to share this great sermon I found at http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2014/03/09/stop-offering-the-blessings-of-zion-to-children-of-the-devil/ . It is from Sam Powell of the First Reformed Church of Yuba City, California. The entire sermon is good from start to finish, really solid. It clarified a lot of the things I'd been wondering about how to act toward this man in our church. It's really worth a listen if you need wisdom on this topic. I was so glad to find a Reformed perspective on the issue, solidly based in scripture (mostly Psalm 129, with references to Psalm 51). Thank God for pastors who have the balls to call a spade a spade, and as he says in here "stop worrying about hurting the feelings of abusers." It also makes me wonder how he knows this stuff, because the issue of abuse is so complex and most pastors are clueless.
I was so impressed by this sermon, that I've transcribed the last 10 minutes or so. It's really that good. The entire sermon is worth listening to, because he gives historical context. The transcription is below.
---Protecting the Victims
partial transcription follows:
"
……Now I must be very careful here, for i am not saying that the blood of Christ is not strong enough to save certain people. God certainly can save anyone whom he chooses. The blood of Christ can cover even the vilest offender. But at the same time, we must remember that there are many passages of scripture that speak of those who God has devoted to destruction.
Those that have turned the truth of God into a lie; those who are so hardened in their sin that the only thing left of them is to be drowned at the bottom of the Red Sea by the power of God.
I understand that all men are sinful and in desperate need of Christ's blood. I understand that as Christians we all still sin daily and hurt each other and need to seek forgiveness from one another.
But as I said before this Psalm isn't about that. We know clearly from scripture and from the psalm that there are those from whom God has removed his hand. Given them over to their lusts, and they are full-blown children of the devil. They are characterized, as Jesus said, by their relentless pursuit of murder and destruction. Their actions show that they have no restraint.
These are the people we are dealing with, and when we are dealing with them, it is an abomination to God to bless them in the name of the Lord. That's what this Psalm is talking about.
Our prayer should be that they be exposed and outcast, so that the whole world will see them for who they are. And it's about time that the church stop worrying about hurting the feelings of abusers, and started speaking the truth.
For all of you who have suffered this kind of trauma in your past, you may have been told how harsh you have been toward your abuser. You may have been commanded to forgive them. You may have been instructed to let them back into your life because they're really sorry now. You may have been confronted by your abuser with tears, making demands for reconciliation and restoration. You may even have forgiven them over and over and over again, only to be abused over and over and over again.
How can you be set free from this cycle?
Only by the truth. Quit offering the blessings of Zion to the children of the devil.
How can you tell who is who? How can you tell the difference between David and Haziel?
And this is the beauty of it: you don't have to. God knows who his people are. You can leave that to Him. God knows whom he has devoted to destruction. You can leave that to him.
Here's a Psalm written thousands and thousands of years ago dealing with a very current problem. There are people that seek to murder and destroy because they are children of the devil, and as long as you keep allowing them in your life, they will continue to murder and to destroy.
It is true that you must put off hatred and bitterness and desire for revenge, and the only way to do that is to leave the question of their salvation or their judgment in the hand of God, for he is perfectly capable of taking care of it.
If they are truly repentant, they will rejoice in their salvation, and they will understand the depth and depravity of their sin and therefore they will understand that their relationship with you has been forever broken.
One thing we read about in David's Psalm of repentance, Psalm 51, is that he made no demands. He didn't demand that Uziah's family forgive him and accept him back into their membership and their love. He made no demands. He cast himself only on the mercy of God and sought to quit causing damage to those whom he damaged for so long.
How can you tell someone who's not truly repentant and simply lying?
They're still making demands. I demand you forgive me. I demand you let me back in. I demand you restore the relationship. They demand that their wife not divorce them. Marriage is for life. I can do what I want to and you can't divorce me. They're still liars, manipulators and murderers.
And if you refuse, they will accuse you of hard-heartedness. They will get many gullible and naive people on their side, and they'll seek to manipulate you with their tears, and cause you as much grief and they seeking to constrict you again, and to afflict you again. The only way to be free of them is to leave them in God's hands.
Certain sins are covenant breaking sins.
When a man plows a helpless back as he would plow a field, just because he can, he has forfeited all right and all expectation of any relationship.
And again, that break was not your fault. He did it, not you.
The only way you can put away bitterness and wrath and desire for revenge, is to leave all those questions in God's hands. You do not plot revenge, you do not live in anger, but you also do not bless them out of Zion.
The Judge of the earth will do right.
When you leave it all in God's hands, you can finally know the freedom that you have been given when God cut those cords from you.
Well, this is kinda funny. I probably made a few folks irritated yesterday because I posted a link from A Cry For Justice in another comment stream, because it had a link to a fantastic sermon that gave me some clarity on abusive men and how to deal with them in life and in the church building. (http://network.crcna.org/qa/how-do-we-handle-domestic-violence-husband-whose-restraining-order-expiring)
And I read what Cry For Justice says about the CRC, because I was curious about the link about making the list. OOPS!!! I tweaked someone's nose, I'm sure, by advocating a site that some folks here think is libelous.
But hey, after posting here for 3 or more months begging for help with dealing with an abuser, and getting opinions and book-learning, but really not getting any practical EXPERIENCED advice, I'm inclined to agree with A Cry For Justice. It's pretty clear to me that we, the CRC, are pretty clueless about how to handle all the crud that comes with domestic abuse.
And while we tout Safe Church as being so great, in MY understanding, Safe Church is about being Safe IN Church, not safe at home. At least that's true at my church. Yes, we have a Safe Church committee. And they've made changes to nursery and Sunday School and catechism and rides home with kids in the car and such so that there is reduced risk. But that's about being "Safe AT Church," not "Safe at Home." I'm not on the committee, so I don't know the particulars, but what I can tell you from an outside-the-committee-person is that my impression is NOT that Safe Church is about how to deal with the abusers themselves, or how to protect or help the victims of abuse at home, who happen to be members of our churches. And THAT is what A Cry For Justice is all about. So yes, from their perspective, we ain't good at it at all, because Safe Church isn't about that.
Now perhaps I'm wrong. I haven't studied Safe Church materials. But the reason I posted in this forum in December about dealing with an abuser who wants to come back to services is because I assumed Safe Church could help in its area, or "sphere" if you prefer, of the church building. I never expected any help or advice in dealing with him outside the church building, or in the home, because I didn't think Safe Church covers that. Maybe it does and I'm ignorant. But I'm no dummy, and I'm a lifelong CRC member, and if *I* don't know about any help the CRC offers in that regard, then A Cry for Justice is right in that the CRC doesn't have its act together, and they are not being libelous at all.
It's clear from reactions I get from church members that they have no clue about the personalities of abusive men, and the manipulative ways they toy with their family's emotions, and the good-heartedness of their church members. It's been a real learning curve for me too. And most people aren't going to put in the time to understand the mind of an abuser, and how that wreaks havoc on his family. And I'm not sure Safe Church is set up, at all, to educate the membership about it.
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
I've been informed that my anonymous postings are against policy, but considering that safety of the victims is paramount, and the seeking of options is so important, I will continue to post. This issue surely exists elsewhere in our denomination, and there are so very many CRCs where that church is the only one in a community, and so "people" will know precisely who you're talking about. Yeah, I've played Dutch bingo all my life too. So I would implore anyone reading this and knowing of a church who has dealt with this situation, to post <strong>on behalf<strong> of those churches who have wisdom and experience but also want to also be sensitive to their congregants.
In response to Bonnie N, this man IS receiving extensive anger management retraining, counseling by pastor, psychologists and psychiatrists, psychiatric evaluations, probation officer visits, and regular check-ins by the police. The police consider the family to be at high-risk. He continues to curry favor and sympathy from other church members who have not been involved from the initial arrest, and of course they are Christian and sympathetic, because don't we all want reconciliation? He speaks to everyone about it, without reserve; she is so ashamed of him and the situation, so she doesn't--and then who gets the sympathy? But the abuse has gone on for fifteen years before she reported it, and then after arrests, separation and a trial reunion, he continued to assault and violate probation orders. He talks well--he knows what to say--but his actions speak otherwise. But he genuinely still wants to be reinstated to the marriage and to the community. Yet the family is terrorized.
And so, the question remains: What does ANY church community do with a situation like this? It doesn't even matter if they are divorced or not--just being separated applies. Her family is far away in another state. The church is her lifeline--we become her loving family who helps her and accepts her. When the restraining order is over, he wants to come back to the church...... And just imagine that.... the man you are terrified of, who wants to come back to your home, to have a life together, who thinks of you as HIS, staring at you across the auditorium, or at the back of your head during worship....
Bonnie, those resources are good, but the best packet I've found is here: http://www.restoredrelationships.org/resources/info/51/ . It's from the UK, but is written so concisely, with tables and lists that are so very sensible. And two pages addressing the helpful and non-helpful interpretations of key Biblical passages--so dear to our Calvinistic hearts.... Some pages aren't useful for North America because they are UK law, but the meat of the message is there in about 10 different pages of the 30 page packet. Very absorbable by members because it's not such a wall of text like books can be.
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
Well, I don't know what to think about the lack of experiences posted here. Either it's too painful to write about, or few in the CRC have heard about any such occurrence, or maybe there's just not enough traffic on this site. So many Christian books about dealing with domestic violence end with her getting away, but not about the scarred aftermath a year or more later, and the Christian community's response.
So I went out looking for more advice online. I had to look for "related sins," such as murder, rape, or child pornography. Something where a crime was committed and the person (usually male) was either convicted or pleaded guilty, because it's got to be bad enough to make congregants sit up in horror and take notice, and struggle with the forgiveness and grace on one side, and the protection and safety on the other. And while it's true any sin causes us to fall short of God's glory, some sins here on earth are just so big and horrid that the victim will always be horribly scarred.
So here are discussions I've found:
This article: http://thewartburgwatch.com/2013/06/27/abusers-are-welcome-and-the-abused-are-just-bitter/
The comments after this article are the most helpful, even though some make me wince a bit: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/sarahoverthemoon/2013/06/when-my-abuser-is-welcome-at-the-table-i-am-not/
Interesting discussion here--the entire site is interesting (Managing Your Church), although most of the "safe church" info addresses protecting children: http://blog.managingyourchurch.com/2009/09/handling_disruptive_people.html
and finally: Lord love these naive pastors! I know men like this, and understand why they react with such profound wide-eyed disbelief of the abuse, and wide-eyed belief of the repentance. And in their zeal to demonstrate God's forgiveness here on earth, overlook the silently suffering victim....http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-shore/pastors-and-domestic-viol_b_858363.html
The above links are helpful, and demonstrate genuine Christian struggle with an intractable problem. But again, I crave help from my brothers and sisters in the CRC. Knowing how one of our own has dealt with the problem, using OUR church order, and getting help from OUR denomination would go far in knowing how to proceed in a Reformed fashion.
Yours prayerfully,
Protecting Victims
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
Bev, the issues that the women you're working with are rough, no doubt. Dealing with sins of church leadership is indeed a tough beast. We can see this hairy situation in the Catholic church.
But that is not the situation in my church. It's not about pornography, nor about church leaders protecting each others' backs. Our council and pastor, though new to the type of situation, are doing well in supporting both parties appropriately. This Forum is about Safe Church. That is, Safe in Church. And so there is upcoming conflict in the fact that the wife-beater (who has pled guilty) wants to eventually return to worship services, and the beaten wife and children won't dare be in the same building with him. And so in that case, what is church leadership to do?
I'm trying to find examples of what has worked, to see if there's any experienced wisdom out there.
I could go on and on about what *I* think should be done, but that's just one person's opinion, backed up only by what *I* think is logical and scriptural. So I'd rather depend on the communion of the saints, so to speak, since we are inexperienced in this.
There are very large questions or issues that could come from this, I realize that. On degrees of sin; on how secret or public a sin is; on grace and mercy and forgiveness and shelter and compassion.
What's a church to do?
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
I continue to look for advice "out there" on the Internet, from established church denominations that are at least somewhat close to the CRC in perspective and interpretation of scripture.
One of the links I posted before had its own link to a site called A Cry For Justice. The posts I myself find particularly helpful are from the category "Supporting Victims". And of those approximately 100 entries, this one is probably the most relevant and helpful to the question I keep asking on this forum. One eye-popping aspect of the post is that the author recanted her previous book thesis, after she had continued to work with abused women and to understand their abusers. And she herself had been abused--twice--by husbands. It just goes to show how very very difficult and mind-boggling this issue is--even victims are confused and conflicted about how to proceed, and searching the Bible for help can be so very hard. Worth a read: http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/church-discipline-and-church-permission-for-divorce-how-my-mind-has-changed/
And still, I ask for help from churches, from MY denomination, who have dealt with a wife-beater, long-term. I suppose you could always contact me privately under my alias up above in the left-hand corner. I'm very good at keeping confidences, and Protecting Victims.
Yours prayerfully.
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
Hi, I'm back.
I wanted to share this great sermon I found at http://cryingoutforjustice.com/2014/03/09/stop-offering-the-blessings-of-zion-to-children-of-the-devil/ . It is from Sam Powell of the First Reformed Church of Yuba City, California. The entire sermon is good from start to finish, really solid. It clarified a lot of the things I'd been wondering about how to act toward this man in our church. It's really worth a listen if you need wisdom on this topic. I was so glad to find a Reformed perspective on the issue, solidly based in scripture (mostly Psalm 129, with references to Psalm 51). Thank God for pastors who have the balls to call a spade a spade, and as he says in here "stop worrying about hurting the feelings of abusers." It also makes me wonder how he knows this stuff, because the issue of abuse is so complex and most pastors are clueless.
I was so impressed by this sermon, that I've transcribed the last 10 minutes or so. It's really that good. The entire sermon is worth listening to, because he gives historical context. The transcription is below.
---Protecting the Victims
partial transcription follows:
"
……Now I must be very careful here, for i am not saying that the blood of Christ is not strong enough to save certain people. God certainly can save anyone whom he chooses. The blood of Christ can cover even the vilest offender. But at the same time, we must remember that there are many passages of scripture that speak of those who God has devoted to destruction.
Those that have turned the truth of God into a lie; those who are so hardened in their sin that the only thing left of them is to be drowned at the bottom of the Red Sea by the power of God.
I understand that all men are sinful and in desperate need of Christ's blood. I understand that as Christians we all still sin daily and hurt each other and need to seek forgiveness from one another.
But as I said before this Psalm isn't about that. We know clearly from scripture and from the psalm that there are those from whom God has removed his hand. Given them over to their lusts, and they are full-blown children of the devil. They are characterized, as Jesus said, by their relentless pursuit of murder and destruction. Their actions show that they have no restraint.
These are the people we are dealing with, and when we are dealing with them, it is an abomination to God to bless them in the name of the Lord. That's what this Psalm is talking about.
Our prayer should be that they be exposed and outcast, so that the whole world will see them for who they are. And it's about time that the church stop worrying about hurting the feelings of abusers, and started speaking the truth.
For all of you who have suffered this kind of trauma in your past, you may have been told how harsh you have been toward your abuser. You may have been commanded to forgive them. You may have been instructed to let them back into your life because they're really sorry now. You may have been confronted by your abuser with tears, making demands for reconciliation and restoration. You may even have forgiven them over and over and over again, only to be abused over and over and over again.
How can you be set free from this cycle?
Only by the truth. Quit offering the blessings of Zion to the children of the devil.
How can you tell who is who? How can you tell the difference between David and Haziel?
And this is the beauty of it: you don't have to. God knows who his people are. You can leave that to Him. God knows whom he has devoted to destruction.
You can leave that to him.
Here's a Psalm written thousands and thousands of years ago dealing with a very current problem.
There are people that seek to murder and destroy because they are children of the devil, and as long as you keep allowing them in your life, they will continue to murder and to destroy.
It is true that you must put off hatred and bitterness and desire for revenge, and the only way to do that is to leave the question of their salvation or their judgment in the hand of God, for he is perfectly capable of taking care of it.
If they are truly repentant, they will rejoice in their salvation, and they will understand the depth and depravity of their sin and therefore they will understand that their relationship with you has been forever broken.
One thing we read about in David's Psalm of repentance, Psalm 51, is that he made no demands. He didn't demand that Uziah's family forgive him and accept him back into their membership and their love. He made no demands. He cast himself only on the mercy of God and sought to quit causing damage to those whom he damaged for so long.
How can you tell someone who's not truly repentant and simply lying?
They're still making demands. I demand you forgive me. I demand you let me back in. I demand you restore the relationship. They demand that their wife not divorce them. Marriage is for life. I can do what I want to and you can't divorce me. They're still liars, manipulators and murderers.
And if you refuse, they will accuse you of hard-heartedness. They will get many gullible and naive people on their side, and they'll seek to manipulate you with their tears, and cause you as much grief and they seeking to constrict you again, and to afflict you again. The only way to be free of them is to leave them in God's hands.
Certain sins are covenant breaking sins.
When a man plows a helpless back as he would plow a field, just because he can, he has forfeited all right and all expectation of any relationship.
And again, that break was not your fault. He did it, not you.
The only way you can put away bitterness and wrath and desire for revenge, is to leave all those questions in God's hands. You do not plot revenge, you do not live in anger, but you also do not bless them out of Zion.
The Judge of the earth will do right.
When you leave it all in God's hands, you can finally know the freedom that you have been given when God cut those cords from you.
And now we can live like it.
Let's pray."
"
Posted in: The CRCNA Makes the List
Well, this is kinda funny. I probably made a few folks irritated yesterday because I posted a link from A Cry For Justice in another comment stream, because it had a link to a fantastic sermon that gave me some clarity on abusive men and how to deal with them in life and in the church building. (http://network.crcna.org/qa/how-do-we-handle-domestic-violence-husband-whose-restraining-order-expiring)
And I read what Cry For Justice says about the CRC, because I was curious about the link about making the list. OOPS!!! I tweaked someone's nose, I'm sure, by advocating a site that some folks here think is libelous.
But hey, after posting here for 3 or more months begging for help with dealing with an abuser, and getting opinions and book-learning, but really not getting any practical EXPERIENCED advice, I'm inclined to agree with A Cry For Justice. It's pretty clear to me that we, the CRC, are pretty clueless about how to handle all the crud that comes with domestic abuse.
And while we tout Safe Church as being so great, in MY understanding, Safe Church is about being Safe IN Church, not safe at home. At least that's true at my church. Yes, we have a Safe Church committee. And they've made changes to nursery and Sunday School and catechism and rides home with kids in the car and such so that there is reduced risk. But that's about being "Safe AT Church," not "Safe at Home." I'm not on the committee, so I don't know the particulars, but what I can tell you from an outside-the-committee-person is that my impression is NOT that Safe Church is about how to deal with the abusers themselves, or how to protect or help the victims of abuse at home, who happen to be members of our churches. And THAT is what A Cry For Justice is all about. So yes, from their perspective, we ain't good at it at all, because Safe Church isn't about that.
Now perhaps I'm wrong. I haven't studied Safe Church materials. But the reason I posted in this forum in December about dealing with an abuser who wants to come back to services is because I assumed Safe Church could help in its area, or "sphere" if you prefer, of the church building. I never expected any help or advice in dealing with him outside the church building, or in the home, because I didn't think Safe Church covers that. Maybe it does and I'm ignorant. But I'm no dummy, and I'm a lifelong CRC member, and if *I* don't know about any help the CRC offers in that regard, then A Cry for Justice is right in that the CRC doesn't have its act together, and they are not being libelous at all.
It's clear from reactions I get from church members that they have no clue about the personalities of abusive men, and the manipulative ways they toy with their family's emotions, and the good-heartedness of their church members. It's been a real learning curve for me too. And most people aren't going to put in the time to understand the mind of an abuser, and how that wreaks havoc on his family. And I'm not sure Safe Church is set up, at all, to educate the membership about it.
Protecting Victims