Josh, I so appreciate your advice to take a breath and “soak it in” instead of reacting quickly to these situations. I do believe there is a time and place for us to cover the sins of others as an act of mercy. As you note, this is a good beginning for dealing pastorally with these situations.
However, you also pointed out that there are some individuals who complain as an ongoing habit. It seems the 9th commandment applies here. Perpetual complainers fail to “guard their neighbour’s good name.”
We would/should be deeply concerned about a parishioner who perpetually lies, steals, commits adultery, etc. Should we not have the same concern for someone who perpetually notices and announces unintended mistakes—especially when their “noticing” is voiced in ways that impugns the character of others?
Yes, we can make corrections in ourselves and in church programs when others note need for improvement. And we can learn patience, grace and humility when dealing with those who repeatedly bring complaint. But there’s more at stake. Perpetual complainers need to come to grips with the “grievous wounds” they cause by “scurrilous affected urbanity…by which the failings of others…are bitterly assailed…”
John Calvin, Institutes, Book 2, Chapter 8:
Though the commandment is only directed against falsehood, it intimates that the preservation of our neighbour's good name is recommended. It ought to be a sufficient inducement to us to guard our neighbour's good name, that God takes an interest in it. Wherefore, evil-speaking in general is undoubtedly condemned. Moreover, by evil-speaking, we understand not the rebuke which is administered with a view of correcting; not accusation or judicial decision, by which evil is sought to be remedied; not public censure, which tends to strike terror into other offenders; not the disclosure made to those whose safety depends on being forewarned, lest unawares they should be brought into danger, but the odious crimination which springs from a malicious and petulant love of slander. Nay, the commandment extends so far as to include that scurrilous affected urbanity, instinct with invective, by which the failings of others, under an appearance of sportiveness, are bitterly assailed, as some are wont to do, who court the praise of wit, though it should call forth a blush, or inflict a bitter pang.By petulance of this description, our brethren are sometimes grievously wounded. But if we turn our eye to the Lawgiver, whose just authority extends over the ears and the mind, as well as the tongue, we cannot fail to perceive that eagerness to listen to slander, and an unbecoming proneness to censorious judgments are here forbidden. It were absurd to suppose that God hates the disease of evil-speaking in the tongue, and yet disapproves not of its malignity in the mind. Wherefore, if the true fear and love of God dwell in us, we must endeavour, as far as is lawful and expedient, and as far as charity admits, neither to listen nor give utterance to bitter and acrimonious charges, nor rashly entertain sinister suspicions. As just interpreters of the words and the actions of other men, let us candidly maintain the honour due to them by our judgment, our ear, and our tongue.
I am grateful for the role you and your staff played in spotlighting "power" as the key component of abuse.
This proposed change to article 83 (see below) should have a significant impact on how we all identify abuse in our churches and relationships. Through this work, you will continue to have a significant impact on shifting the culture of the CRCNA if churches have the courage to address the imbalances of power that lead to abuse.
"One of the key dynamics in considering abuse of office is the imbalance and misuse of power. The power inherent in the role of officebearers represents a sacred trust and must not be misused."
Posted in: Stop and Soak in the Complaints
Josh, I so appreciate your advice to take a breath and “soak it in” instead of reacting quickly to these situations. I do believe there is a time and place for us to cover the sins of others as an act of mercy. As you note, this is a good beginning for dealing pastorally with these situations.
However, you also pointed out that there are some individuals who complain as an ongoing habit. It seems the 9th commandment applies here. Perpetual complainers fail to “guard their neighbour’s good name.”
We would/should be deeply concerned about a parishioner who perpetually lies, steals, commits adultery, etc. Should we not have the same concern for someone who perpetually notices and announces unintended mistakes—especially when their “noticing” is voiced in ways that impugns the character of others?
Yes, we can make corrections in ourselves and in church programs when others note need for improvement. And we can learn patience, grace and humility when dealing with those who repeatedly bring complaint. But there’s more at stake. Perpetual complainers need to come to grips with the “grievous wounds” they cause by “scurrilous affected urbanity…by which the failings of others…are bitterly assailed…”
John Calvin, Institutes, Book 2, Chapter 8:
Though the commandment is only directed against falsehood, it intimates that the preservation of our neighbour's good name is recommended. It ought to be a sufficient inducement to us to guard our neighbour's good name, that God takes an interest in it. Wherefore, evil-speaking in general is undoubtedly condemned. Moreover, by evil-speaking, we understand not the rebuke which is administered with a view of correcting; not accusation or judicial decision, by which evil is sought to be remedied; not public censure, which tends to strike terror into other offenders; not the disclosure made to those whose safety depends on being forewarned, lest unawares they should be brought into danger, but the odious crimination which springs from a malicious and petulant love of slander. Nay, the commandment extends so far as to include that scurrilous affected urbanity, instinct with invective, by which the failings of others, under an appearance of sportiveness, are bitterly assailed, as some are wont to do, who court the praise of wit, though it should call forth a blush, or inflict a bitter pang. By petulance of this description, our brethren are sometimes grievously wounded. But if we turn our eye to the Lawgiver, whose just authority extends over the ears and the mind, as well as the tongue, we cannot fail to perceive that eagerness to listen to slander, and an unbecoming proneness to censorious judgments are here forbidden. It were absurd to suppose that God hates the disease of evil-speaking in the tongue, and yet disapproves not of its malignity in the mind. Wherefore, if the true fear and love of God dwell in us, we must endeavour, as far as is lawful and expedient, and as far as charity admits, neither to listen nor give utterance to bitter and acrimonious charges, nor rashly entertain sinister suspicions. As just interpreters of the words and the actions of other men, let us candidly maintain the honour due to them by our judgment, our ear, and our tongue.
Posted in: Without You, It’s Really Nothing
Bonnie,
I am grateful for the role you and your staff played in spotlighting "power" as the key component of abuse.
This proposed change to article 83 (see below) should have a significant impact on how we all identify abuse in our churches and relationships. Through this work, you will continue to have a significant impact on shifting the culture of the CRCNA if churches have the courage to address the imbalances of power that lead to abuse.
"One of the key dynamics in considering abuse of office is the imbalance and misuse of power. The power inherent in the role of officebearers represents a sacred trust and must not be misused."