The word ordinary was probably a vocabulary word assigned to us in the fourth grade, but I looked up the definition anyway. It was defined as, “that which is to be expected.”
So - on an ordinary day serving as a long term care chaplain I can expect to visit with six to eight residents. However, the life stories of octogenarians are far from ordinary. On any given day I never know what will erupt from their histories, especially given the thinning of cognitive filters due to dementia or just not caring about learned propriety any longer.
However, what has become ordinary is 80 and 90 year old men and women using their Christian faith to stunt the full expression of their grief. A tragic story of a once young girl molested by an uncle or a boy whose daddy beat him with a belt is regularly followed up with, “It is what it is. God controls all things.” or “What are you gonna do about it? Only God knows.” Sitting across from them and witnessing their pain, what is apparent is that these statements are defense mechanisms used to shield themselves from the pain.
Spiritual counselors call this “spiritual bypassing”. John Welwood, a prominent psychotherapist before his death in 2024, coined this term. He defines spiritual bypassing as “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.” Spiritual bypassing is when we use our faith as a crutch to avoid difficult personal work, deeper spiritual development, and more complete healing. And it isn’t unique to our oldest generations.
Some may say that the person who uses statements like the ones given above are people with a great faith. They are able to just “give it to God”, so to speak. Just the opposite is true though. These statements reflect an undeveloped understanding of what faith is and the comfort that our faith is for us, especially when life experiences turn us upside down.
We have faith in Christ as our Redeemer. If He’s our Redeemer, we are the Redeemed. “It is what it is.” or “What are you gonna do about it?” faith-types don’t lead to redeemed humanity. They leave us with gaping wounds unhealed or jagged scars poorly healed.
Stories of Jesus’ miracles in the New Testament are stories of people whose lives, through healing, were redeemed to a greater fullness of their humanity. The woman healed of bleeding was redeemed from ceremonially unclean to clean, and restored to community life. Her redeemed life afforded her a much more abundant life.
Like the bleeding woman, we must exercise our faith, actively seeking our Redeemer’s healing. Her faith in Jesus empowered her to risk coming into town, enduring the stares and sneers, which would only remind her of her shame of uncleanliness. Her faith gave her the endurance to fight against the crowds of people to approach her Redeemer. Because of her faith in Christ she did the work of seeking healing.
Healing is what is ordinary. Healing is to be expected when there is faith in Jesus Christ. In Christ there is redemption from the weight of our own guilt or the crushing shame that comes from injustice inflicted upon us. We should not be afraid of needing help. We do not need to shy away from personal work. Faith should compel us toward healing not hiding, and faith tells us that Christ will be with us on the journey toward a more abundant life.
Comments
I think this is powerful. I love the vocabulary and concept of "spiritual bypassing." It's interesting to consider how the "spiritual" language we're inclined to use might sometimes hinder healing. We can indeed use (or misuse) our faith as a "crutch" and miss out healing available through Jesus.
There's irony for you.
I was just reminded of Heidelberg Catechism Lord's Day 10 Q&A 27 about God's providence, how he upholds everything in his hands. The examples that follow in the answer include "health and sickness, prosperity and poverty." Q&A 28 goes on to invite us into a posture of endurance. But it says nothing to the effect of "God rules everything so stop crying." Expressing pain does not come from a lack of faith but from a trust that God receives and carries it, and carries us through it. Expressing pain can actually reveal faith.
I wonder, though: While the people in the examples provided (i.e. "It is what it is" and "What are you gonna do about it?") may indeed be hiding behind spiritual clichés, maybe those are all they have at the moment to process their experiences. Maybe it's not so much spiritual or emotional immaturity as it is an inability to honestly articulate one's knowledge and belief in their Saviour and Lord in their present circumstances. (Or is that the same thing as spiritual immaturity?) Instead of seeing responses like these as defenses to dismantle, is it better to see them as incomplete and possibly fragile expressions of faith that need to be received gently and then deepened? I mean, that's consistent with how Jesus often dealt with people – not crushing inadequate faith but meeting people where they are and helping enlarge their faith.
Maybe I'm saying the same thing as the author, just expressing it slightly differently. Regardless, this remains for me a powerful piece that I'll be pondering for a while. Thank you!
Thanks for your comments, Stanley and/or Monica.
I just reread Q&A 25-27. Thank you for that reference. It strikes me that the faith in God's providence described in these questions is a more passive faith: trust, confidence. My fear is that expressing faith in this manner only, intimates that because all things come by God's hand, it is to be endured and passively accepted with faith. However, it fails to express faith actively, as pursuing healing with faith. And I personally believe that we are taught, more or less, the former.
I appreciate what you expressed in your "I wonder..." paragraph. As you suggested, I do believe that spiritual immaturity includes the inability to articulate and use their belief in their Savior in their loss/grief/guilt/shame. As their pastor and spiritual counselor, I wrestle with how much to "dismantle" the defenses my residents have, at the end stages of their life. Unless they are seriously struggling with some other spiritual aspect (meaning in life, identity, legacy, their relationship with God, etc.), I wonder what purpose it would serve to lead them along a road that may increase their spiritual distress, even if it may lead eventually to a deeper understanding of God and a richer faith.
Regardless, thank you for your comments. Blessings to you.
Thank you, Tricia, for your reply! Sorry for not making it clear as Monica & I usually do who it is that's writing... It's Stan here. =)
I like what you say about faith that's passive and faith that's expressed actively. Good to discern within myself and help others discern when one may be healthier than the other.
And I appreciate what you say about weighing deeper understanding against spiritual distress. There are times I've just let inaccurate (can I say "dumb?") things people say slide because it would do no nothing to alleviate their pain and they're probably not in a place to process/integrate it anyway. An example that quickly pops into mind is when a grieving person refers to their beloved as now being an angel in heaven. I'm pretty sure we won't turn into a different species when we die, but that's not the place to make such a correction. (Although I could see some advantages to becoming a cat after I die...)
Grateful for your insights!
~S
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