From Deciding to Discerning: Listening to the One in Charge

Most church council meetings follow a predictable rhythm: agendas, minutes, and the steady cadence of Robert’s Rules of Order. This deciding mindset assumes that through rational discourse and logical thinking, authorized leaders have the capacity to understand and solve their own problems. While this approach maintains order, it can inadvertently succumb to political tradeoffs, power plays, and a rush to judgment. In this model, the goal is often to maximize resources and decide on solutions through human agency alone.

To maintain vitality and relevance, the Thriving Essentials course encourages church leaders to recognize and transition from a deciding mindset to a discerning mindset. This shift begins with the realization that Jesus is the head of the church, and our primary task is to listen to the One who is in charge. Rather than asking "What do we want to do?" discernment asks how we can align our ministry with God's invitation. Ruth Haley Barton in her book, Pursuing God’s Will Together defines discernment as an "ever-increasing capacity to see the work of God in the midst of the human situation, so that we can align ourselves with whatever God is doing". It is a posture of openness and surrender that replaces the need to be in control with a desire to align with divine agency.

This transition requires a different set of tools than traditional business meetings. While a deciding mindset uses SWOT analyses (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats) and majority rule, a discerning mindset prioritizes prayer, silence, and storytelling. A practical tool to facilitate this is the "Quick to Listen" practice. In this practice, a talking piece—any simple object like a pen or microphone—is passed around a circle of participants. The premise is straightforward: whoever holds the talking piece is invited to speak, and everyone else is invited to listen.

This simple rhythm has a profound effect on the culture of a committee. In many leadership teams, difficult conversations can quickly devolve into silence or shouting when members feel ill-equipped or anxious. The talking piece reliably reduces anxiety, invites participation, and increases trust because it ensures that every perspective is heard without interruption. It helps leaders create an environment of collective listening and collaboration. By slowing down the conversation, councils can hold space for ambiguity and emerge with much more assurance that they are not having to be in charge of their own lives. Ultimately, moving from deciding to discerning restores the church's identity as an agent of the gospel. It allows leaders to function as stewards of their community, ensuring the church remains a vibrant witness to God’s mission.

-----------------------------------

Contact Thrive ([email protected]) to find out more information on getting Thriving Essentials at your church to help move into a discerning mindset and a "Quick to Listen" mentality.