Skip to main content

You may watch the recording of this webinar at Safe Church Ministry's YouTube channel here!

View all the webinar recordings: 2020 Safe Church Connect, Collaborate, and Coordinate to End Abuse Webinar Series!

This webinar conversation with Jay Stringer took place on Wednesday Sept. 30. Jay shared more about what motivated him to write Unwanted; and create the Journey Course. Further, Jay was asked a variety of questions like: 

  • The three sets of paradoxical pairs especially helpful in identifying the healthy tension within us regarding Attunement/containment; conflict/repair; and strength/vulnerability. Speaking from your own experience, which set would you say is the most challenging for someone who struggles with unwanted sexual behavior and why. 
  • Can you share more about the three key parts of your book: 1) How did I get here? 2) Why Do I stay? 3) How Do I Get Out of Here? 
  • What encouraging word can you give to those who are struggling with this who may be watching this today?
  • Do you have any words of encouragement for those of us who support others who continue to struggle with unwanted sexual brokenness?
  • I really appreciate your emphasis on community in the last four chapters of the book. Refer to quote from Richard Rohr who “argued that the most damaging aspect of someone’s life is not his or her failure, but being disconnected from others” (pg 213). For pastors and church leaders, how would you encourage churches to take on this topic? In your opinion, should pastors preach on this?

In response to one question, a participant stated/asked: "I'm a campus minister on a university campus, and daily see the painful effects on young adults of shame-based parenting around sexuality and bodies. As a parent of young (5 and 8 year-old) children, I think a lot about how we talk about sex, bodies, abuse, and pornography with children. Do you have any resources or recommendations about best practices for Christian parents and churches, in incorporating these conversations into everyday life with children?"

Jay responded to this question at minute 47, which you can jump to via this link. and referenced Robie Harris, author of  It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families; further another book by Roby Harris was shared in the comments: It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie H. Harris with the comment: "This is a great kids' book that has sparked great conversations with my kids: (Not from a Christian perspective, but very helpfully fact-based and age-appropriate. The same author has lots of great books for kids."

Eric also asked Jay to share more about an article he wrote recently titled: Ravi Zacharias and the Sexual Binge & Purge Cycle of Evangelical Men; Jay shares about this at minute marker 34. An article related to Jay's article can be found here

Other resources mentioned: 

Over 18:; information about Over18 on the Network; Over 18 is a clear-eyed examination of modern pornography and its effects on kids, teens, parents, and porn stars.; Circle of Grace, a Christian safe environment program for children and youth. Circle of Grace helps build healthy, respectful relationships. The program gives children and youth the tools they need to: Identify and maintain appropriate physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual boundaries, recognize when boundary violations are about to occur, and Demonstrate how to take action when boundaries are threatened or violated.

About Jay Stringer:

Jay Stringer is a licensed mental health counselor, Christian Reformed Church ordained minister, and internationally requested speaker on the subject of unwanted sexual behavior (i.e., extra-marital affairs, the use of pornography, buying sex, and others).

Jay’s award-winning first book, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, is based on a multiyear research project into the stories of 3,800 men and women. Unwanted explores the key drivers drivers of unwanted sexual behavior, why people stay in self-destructive patterns, and how to disempower shame. His research is one of the most comprehensive studies on the subject and Unwanted is being used by counselors, churches, and small groups throughout the world.

Jay Stringer also collaborated with the Heart of Man film team to design a 5-month online journey for individuals, accountability partners, and small groups who desire freedom from unwanted sexual behavior. Safe Church offers a discount code for those interested in this course. To learn more and check-out a free episode visit:

Jay holds an MDiv and master in counseling psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center.

Attached Media
Remote video URL

Let's Discuss

We love your comments! Thank you for helping us uphold the Community Guidelines to make this an encouraging and respectful community for everyone.

Login or Register to Comment

We want to hear from you.

Connect to The Network and add your own question, blog, resource, or job.

Add Your Post