You Have Conflict in Your Congregation. Now What!?!

In this world you will have trouble.

What is a church council president to do when staff members complain to her about the pastor, and the pastor complains to her about staff members?  

What about when a small group of congregation members uses social media and an informal survey to oppose the minister, and then supporters of the minister demand action from the council? 

What if the deacons and the elders are constantly bickering with one another or what if the council is split over the direction of the church or its relationship to the denomination? 

How should church leaders deal with a minister whose sermons are meandering messes or theological treatises or political statements…and members are heading for the exits? 

Or what should they do when a staff member lacks organizational skill or bullies members or won’t communicate…and volunteers are un-volunteering?

As the song goes, “Mama said there would be days like this”, and as Jesus said, long before, “In this world you will have trouble.” 

Thrive can help you with that.

Thrive is here for you and your church in many ways: If you need help building a youth ministry, responding to an allegation of  abuse, acting on the gospel’s call to justice, or training new council members then Thrive is here for you AND if your church is experiencing relationship challenges, conflict between leaders, or tension over key issues or ministry practices then Thrive is here for you.  We help congregations navigate the uncomfortable, awkward, and often painful times in their lives when disagreements are making people anxious, keeping them from talking graciously and listening deeply, and driving them apart. Thrive does conflict resolution.

Our work involves:

• Helping councils to slow down and make better decisions (to be calm in the midst of chaos).
• Helping people to listen to and speak with one another productively (to be hospitable in the midst of conflict).
• Helping groups to see themselves and their challenges through more accurate lenses, lenses that provide a bigger picture (to have perspective in the place of tunnel vision).
• Developing good processes that will support helpful conversations (to engage in trustworthy steps rather than agenda-driven tactics).
• Equipping people for the good work that is theirs to do (rather than doing their work for them).
• Leading opponents into reconciliation (to build community in the place of isolation).

The Thrive Way:

1. We are curious listeners. Before we speak we do a lot of listening.
2. We are Reformed practitioners, working toward excellence, making use of wisdom from scripture and from a number of the helping professions, for the sake of your church’s flourishing.
3. We are holistic and wholehearted.  We believe that Jesus redeems all elements of a congregation’s life– including spiritual, physical, emotional, and relational components– and that he looks for a wholehearted response from his people.
4. We are realistic: we assume the impact of the Fall on every situation, and look for God to make all things new.
5. We are hopeful: we trust that God is at work, and are glad to be alongside Him.

When we consult with a church our work is primarily with the council, but we often interview all ministry staff and a number of key people within the congregation. We enter as outside observers, and work hard to “thicken the narrative” by hearing from a number of people. We usually produce a consultation report based on what we observe, offer the report with the council, and then help the council to implement the recommendations that it adopts.  

Our Unique Posture:

We are not bishops. We can’t make a pastor or a council do anything. Our governance system, in which councils are understood as having original authority, doesn’t work that way. Instead, we point things out and offer insights and recommendations, so that the council can make good decisions. 

While we often see people, practices, and policies that are broken, we also see beautiful healing and faithful people. We see people avoiding painful conversations while blaming others and we see people acknowledging their contributions to the messes and paving the way toward healing. We see people taking harmful shortcuts and we see people engaging in the steps of good process. 

Our work started over forty years ago, when Synod 1982 created an agency to address conflict between pastors and councils. That work continues to this day, as a key element of Thrive’s task of equipping and encouraging congregations like yours. 

To connect with us and learn more or to receive our support you can reach us at crcna.org/thrive.

For further resources see Network blog “Reconciliation and Forgiveness Resources”.