If my position grants me no influence from your perspective, that is ok. However, your insurance company may require it. Many CRC churches are covered by Brotherhood Mutual. Here are their recommendations: https://www.brotherhoodmutual.com/resources/background-screening/who-to-screen/ (fyi, this link was supposed to show up earlier, but it didn't, I just updated it).
It may even be a requirement soon, see this article: What Churches Should Know About New Child Abuse Protection Requirements by Church Law and Tax a division of Christianity Today. And while I hate to even say this... many thought they new a doctor of Olympic gymnasts too. Unfortunately, we all are fallen, some in ways that truly hurt people through the horrific form of sexual abuse - and those that are victimized are not just hurt temporarily, it lasts a lifetime, and its prevalent - check the stats.
It seems we're on different pages when it comes to grammar. I don't take "should" to be that same as "must"... http://www.differencebetween.net/language/grammar-language/difference-between-should-and-must/
Another way to look at it: I want to build a deck on my house, so I am soliciting FineHomeBuilding.com for some vetted ideas/best practices. They said I "should" not place my 4x4 posts into the concrete, rather it should be on top of the concrete footer with composite blocks between them.
Then I submitted the plans to the housing officials and the coding official showed up and said we "must" do it to their specifications (I've worked some in the business and glad I don't have to worry about pulling permits ;).
Safe Church Ministry is here to support churches and help them, and share some best practices - like Fine Home Building does for housing. Safe Church is not in the business of enforcing anything. We don't have that authority. We are pointing towards other experts in the field, we are not assuming authority here. Your classis is there to assist your council accountability, we are not.
I was really hoping to learn about other quality background check services from others with this Network post...
I heard a podcast episode recently on This American Life about Church Planting. At first it was interesting to hear how the world thought about church planting... then when it focused in on a story about Watson Jones I relived some of the pain I've experienced as I've attempted to plant a church in our neighborhood. I haven't listened to them all, but there is a whole series that continues on from that episode from Startup Podcast. I have heard it is quite good!
Kelly, Thanks so much for sharing your story! We need more men in this conversation boosting awareness. In my role here at Safe Church I have heard quite a few stories - abuse has so many repercussions and its never part of God's shalom. I'm stunned by some of the resistance that we face. So glad you were able to share yours in this way. :)
"In your impact statement, you mention that it took you a long time to reveal your own abuse with other people. Was church included in that?"
Rachael responded:
"Yes. Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim. There is an abhorrent lack of knowledge for the damage and devastation that sexual assault brings. It is with deep regret that I say the church is one of the worst places to go for help. That’s a hard thing to say, because I am a very conservative evangelical, but that is the truth. There are very, very few who have ever found true help in the church."
We have got to expand our awareness and dive deep into what it means for us to be the church that is obedient to Jesus Christ - as Rachael says at the end of her interview: "Obedience means that you pursue justice and you stand up for the oppressed and you stand up for the victimized, and you tell the truth about the evil of sexual assault and the evil of covering it up.
Second, that obedience costs. It means that you will have to speak out against your own community. It will cost to stand up for the oppressed, and it should. If we’re not speaking out when it costs, then it doesn’t matter to us enough."
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Susan. We are glad that you were empowered to comment and share your concerns. I also think it is important to voice anger, frustration and to call out evil for what it is.
Here is just another perspective on what Bonnie mentioned. I think ultimately that Bonnie is focusing on how to make sense of someone who had such a high repute, yet did such monstrous things. For those who knew him they are now going back into their minds and trying to understand it and may now second guess so many other people in their lives too. Another definition of monster is “an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening.” It’s easy for those of us who have been victimized to block out these acts or dissociate them (read more about that here) and fail to see the warning signs. It is a way for our brains to cope with ongoing abuse.
Unfortunately, the statistics on sexual abuse show that the majority of sexual abuse is not reported and the vast majority of abusers do not face the consequences (you can see some of the stats on this here from RAINN: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Many people who have come from situations of abuse cannot reconcile that someone they care about is also abusing them – so they are unable to act.
So, to Bonnie’s comment, I think it’s less about chiding that we don’t simply demonize someone because they don’t deserve it - it is that if we simply create a horrific, demonic picture of someone who doesn’t always fit that description, then we may not be seeing the full picture of what allows abuse to continue. The reality is that there are people out there who appear to be kind and loving, yet are unable to feel guilt and allow themselves to do monstrous and demonic things. We need to do what we can so that those who are victimized are empowered to break the silence, even if it means sharing their story of abuse from someone they care about and do not see as a complete monster, yet a person who has done monstrous things.
Just my opinion after thinking about this for a while!
Thanks posting Monica! I appreciate your nuanced thought.
Personally, I do not like to be in an enclosed space (like an office without a window) with anyone, men or women. Fortunately, most office spaces have windows in doors and are often places where others may walk by, which give it public visibility. Moreover, I cannot recall the last time I ate alone at a restaurant. Normally there are people around, this is not “eating alone” - it is eating in public, with a private conversation. There are many ways to work without gender discrimination in our communities, while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Thanks for the comment, Ben! There are a group of 8 of us across North America who are becoming trainers of Restorative Practices in Faith Communities (by FaithCARE, a part of Shalem Mental Health Network) and two people from Ontario and two people from British Columbia will be leading trainings in the future. Stay tuned for the dates!
Feel free to send me an email as well if you'd like to connect more on this: [email protected]
So good to hear about ways others, like Lantern Coffee Bar, are creating safe, encouraging and meaningful spaces. This is definitely something that we as the church body can learn from both in other third spaces we are a part of - as well as in our spaces of dedicated worship.
Posted in: Background Checks: What Screening Services Does Your Church Use?
If my position grants me no influence from your perspective, that is ok. However, your insurance company may require it. Many CRC churches are covered by Brotherhood Mutual. Here are their recommendations: https://www.brotherhoodmutual.com/resources/background-screening/who-to-screen/ (fyi, this link was supposed to show up earlier, but it didn't, I just updated it).
It may even be a requirement soon, see this article: What Churches Should Know About New Child Abuse Protection Requirements by Church Law and Tax a division of Christianity Today. And while I hate to even say this... many thought they new a doctor of Olympic gymnasts too. Unfortunately, we all are fallen, some in ways that truly hurt people through the horrific form of sexual abuse - and those that are victimized are not just hurt temporarily, it lasts a lifetime, and its prevalent - check the stats.
Posted in: Background Checks: What Screening Services Does Your Church Use?
It seems we're on different pages when it comes to grammar. I don't take "should" to be that same as "must"... http://www.differencebetween.net/language/grammar-language/difference-between-should-and-must/
Another way to look at it: I want to build a deck on my house, so I am soliciting FineHomeBuilding.com for some vetted ideas/best practices. They said I "should" not place my 4x4 posts into the concrete, rather it should be on top of the concrete footer with composite blocks between them.
Then I submitted the plans to the housing officials and the coding official showed up and said we "must" do it to their specifications (I've worked some in the business and glad I don't have to worry about pulling permits ;).
Safe Church Ministry is here to support churches and help them, and share some best practices - like Fine Home Building does for housing. Safe Church is not in the business of enforcing anything. We don't have that authority. We are pointing towards other experts in the field, we are not assuming authority here. Your classis is there to assist your council accountability, we are not.
I was really hoping to learn about other quality background check services from others with this Network post...
Posted in: Let's Talk Podcasts! What Are Your Favorites?
I heard a podcast episode recently on This American Life about Church Planting. At first it was interesting to hear how the world thought about church planting... then when it focused in on a story about Watson Jones I relived some of the pain I've experienced as I've attempted to plant a church in our neighborhood. I haven't listened to them all, but there is a whole series that continues on from that episode from Startup Podcast. I have heard it is quite good!
Posted in: Coaching Corner: Canoeing the Mountains Workshop on Adaptive Leadership
Is childcare provided?
Posted in: Sexual Assault Against Boys: My Story
Kelly, Thanks so much for sharing your story! We need more men in this conversation boosting awareness. In my role here at Safe Church I have heard quite a few stories - abuse has so many repercussions and its never part of God's shalom. I'm stunned by some of the resistance that we face. So glad you were able to share yours in this way. :)
Let's stay in contact!
Posted in: Justice, Grace, and Worth: Rachael Denhollander's Victim Impact Statement
Thanks for your comment Michele!
Posted in: Justice, Grace, and Worth: Rachael Denhollander's Victim Impact Statement
Absolutely! In a follow up to her impact statement, Rachael was interviewed by Christianity Today and it was published here titled: "My Larry Nassar Testimony Went Viral. But There’s More to the Gospel Than Forgiveness."
When she was asked,
"In your impact statement, you mention that it took you a long time to reveal your own abuse with other people. Was church included in that?"
Rachael responded:
"Yes. Church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse because the way it is counseled is, more often than not, damaging to the victim. There is an abhorrent lack of knowledge for the damage and devastation that sexual assault brings. It is with deep regret that I say the church is one of the worst places to go for help. That’s a hard thing to say, because I am a very conservative evangelical, but that is the truth. There are very, very few who have ever found true help in the church."
We have got to expand our awareness and dive deep into what it means for us to be the church that is obedient to Jesus Christ - as Rachael says at the end of her interview: "Obedience means that you pursue justice and you stand up for the oppressed and you stand up for the victimized, and you tell the truth about the evil of sexual assault and the evil of covering it up.
Second, that obedience costs. It means that you will have to speak out against your own community. It will cost to stand up for the oppressed, and it should. If we’re not speaking out when it costs, then it doesn’t matter to us enough."
Posted in: Justice, Grace, and Worth: Rachael Denhollander's Victim Impact Statement
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Susan. We are glad that you were empowered to comment and share your concerns. I also think it is important to voice anger, frustration and to call out evil for what it is.
Here is just another perspective on what Bonnie mentioned. I think ultimately that Bonnie is focusing on how to make sense of someone who had such a high repute, yet did such monstrous things. For those who knew him they are now going back into their minds and trying to understand it and may now second guess so many other people in their lives too. Another definition of monster is “an imaginary creature that is typically large, ugly, and frightening.” It’s easy for those of us who have been victimized to block out these acts or dissociate them (read more about that here) and fail to see the warning signs. It is a way for our brains to cope with ongoing abuse.
Unfortunately, the statistics on sexual abuse show that the majority of sexual abuse is not reported and the vast majority of abusers do not face the consequences (you can see some of the stats on this here from RAINN: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Many people who have come from situations of abuse cannot reconcile that someone they care about is also abusing them – so they are unable to act.
So, to Bonnie’s comment, I think it’s less about chiding that we don’t simply demonize someone because they don’t deserve it - it is that if we simply create a horrific, demonic picture of someone who doesn’t always fit that description, then we may not be seeing the full picture of what allows abuse to continue. The reality is that there are people out there who appear to be kind and loving, yet are unable to feel guilt and allow themselves to do monstrous and demonic things. We need to do what we can so that those who are victimized are empowered to break the silence, even if it means sharing their story of abuse from someone they care about and do not see as a complete monster, yet a person who has done monstrous things.
Just my opinion after thinking about this for a while!
Appreciate the open dialogue. J
Posted in: Healthy Boundaries and the Billy Graham Rule
Thanks posting Monica! I appreciate your nuanced thought.
Personally, I do not like to be in an enclosed space (like an office without a window) with anyone, men or women. Fortunately, most office spaces have windows in doors and are often places where others may walk by, which give it public visibility. Moreover, I cannot recall the last time I ate alone at a restaurant. Normally there are people around, this is not “eating alone” - it is eating in public, with a private conversation. There are many ways to work without gender discrimination in our communities, while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Posted in: Welcoming Eric to the Safe Church Team
Thanks Monica! Look forward to seeing you around. :)
Posted in: Registering Now: FaithCARE Restorative Practices Training 11-12th
Thanks for the comment, Ben! There are a group of 8 of us across North America who are becoming trainers of Restorative Practices in Faith Communities (by FaithCARE, a part of Shalem Mental Health Network) and two people from Ontario and two people from British Columbia will be leading trainings in the future. Stay tuned for the dates!
Feel free to send me an email as well if you'd like to connect more on this: [email protected]
Posted in: You Are Safe Here
Thanks for sharing Monica. :)
So good to hear about ways others, like Lantern Coffee Bar, are creating safe, encouraging and meaningful spaces. This is definitely something that we as the church body can learn from both in other third spaces we are a part of - as well as in our spaces of dedicated worship.