Neil de Koning
I am a Retired Pastor. Presently serving as Synodical Deupty (CAN). I authored the book Guiding the Faith Journey. Previously, I have served congregations in Calgary, AB and Sarnia, ON, and Lacombe, AB.
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Posted in: Membership Transfers in a Modern Age
Membership
A few comments:
First, the church order and our process will always lag the changes we face. The way membership is treated in our culture is under change. I believe we need to address a few concerns:
1. Formal commitment to the church (membership) is part of taking full responsibility for the life of the church. To say that one belongs to this worshipping community without tanking legal responsibility and opening oneself up to taking leadership is a failure to understand the full scope of belonging.
2. Voluntary association is not the way Scripture talks about belonging to the church. By grace and through faith we become part of the body of Christ. To say that my only comfort is belonging to Christ and then playing loose with body of Christ is simply a misunderstanding of the way of Christ among us.
3. Selecting the ones we choose to do community with is a little odd when we remember that we are selecting/ deselecting people whom Jesus loved enough to die for.
4. We deal to deal with ecumenicity better. The body of Christ is divided. What does membership to a congregation mean when my community includes people of various denominations and congregations who are committed to living for Christ? Because membership is sometimes seen as separating me from fellow believers, membership can be seen as a hindrance to shared faith with other Christians.
Second, one common feature of dislocation (moving to another community) is the loss of community. Many who have moved stop going to church. They may have good intentions, visit a number of churches and show genuine interest. But moving is hard on relationships. Some find it easy to drop out. Whether we send papers with individuals or not, their connection with their previous community is an important part of transition. The previous community can and ought extend care to them for some time after a move. I remember one time when I visited a couple a year after a move. They had not attended church regularly since the move. Simply visiting encouraged them to reconnect to church life.
Third, there is church shopping and friendship that extend over various communities of faith. It seems to me that many members today have a core of Christian friends that go to more than one place to worship. One person can go to more than one church just to be with friends. This is different than church shopping. Church shopping is part of a consumerist culture. Church shopping is part of a culture that makes my needs central to the place I worship. The notion of a core of Christian friends that go to various churches on Sunday is slightly different. Their commitment is to their friendships. Institutions mean less. Both tell us about how churches are viewed. In both membership is seen as a hindrance rather than a help. Getting such believers to deal with their membership is counterproductive. I usually say to council to put such members who are no longer attending in a file – neither deleting them or counting them. Decisions of council can be reversed in circumstances change. Annoying people who think of our concern with membership as a strange obsession does not help their growth in faith.
Keep talking.
Neil
Posted in: Confidentiality
Thanks for the concern.
I agree that confidentiality needs to be maintained. And it is true that particular difficult situations which could potentially be identified would not be appropriate for this forum. How to handle this and still talk?
First, let me suggest that most situations have a lot in common with many others situations. We can engage in some conversation about general areas of concern. While everyone likes to think of their situation as unique, fact is that it has much more in common with others than they imagine. So lets talk about some pastoral concerns.
Second, if there is something particular you wish to talk about but are unsure, send me an email. I can change identifiers, raise the concern under my name and let the conversation flow without it being directly related to a contributer in the forum. This way some distance can be maintained.
thanks once again. Neil
Thanks
Posted in: What Should Be Added to This Network?
I have been thinking about topics in the area of pastoral care. So I thought I would ask: what are some of the areas of concern you are dealing with as elders? And if you have a great resource on this concern, share it with us. Love to hear from you.
Posted in: What Should Be Added to This Network?
Hi Kris, thanks for the question. There are many resources but perhaps telling me more about the purpose and context would help me be more specific. One question would be - is there an agreed vision and mission statement? or is this part of the long range planning you are doing? Second question is what is the impulse for this planning? is it a routine process or are there particular challenges you are facing at this time? Third, is this a short period exercise (2 months) or a long one (6-9 months). As you can appreciate the process changes.
meanwhile, I have found the book HOLY CONVERSATIONS to be quite helpful. Techniques like brainstorming can ferret out the central concerns and begin to establish some goals as well. (I plan to post this in an article some time but haven't finished it, but you can find these on the www).
others I am sure have some great suggestions as well (hint to others).
Posted in: What Should Be Added to This Network?
Yes we do. There are three teams at work.
One is called Caring Touch. They visit occasionally. They send cards weekly. This team of people demonstrates that the church notices, prays and keeps in touch with members of the church. Cards are sent if a person's name is listed in church family news, at significant times in a persons life (grads, profession of faith, weddings, births, deaths). Visits are made at the time of birth and to senior members.
Another is Stephen Ministries. They provide regular care for people who are facing particular struggles at the moment. Doesn't matter what kind of struggle. If they need regular pastoral care because of a special need, our Stephen's ministers make regular visits.
And then there is the group that provides meals to those who have a particular need at the moment. We have extended this care to those struggling with health issues. And also given meals to families celebrating the birth of a child.
Each ministry has assisted the work of elders.
Need more info?
Neil
Posted in: Why be an Elder? In Response to Wendy
Hi Steve, I noticed this article from the Presbyterian Church of Canada. Not so long ago they adopted a policy that allowed for elders serviingfor a term rather than for life. In this article they reflect on their experience. http://www.presbyterian.ca/webfm_send/4215
Neil
Posted in: Facing a Troubled Congregational Past
the overture was referred back to the committee to deal with a number of questions. It will be brought back to Classis at the March meeting.
Neil
Posted in: On Good Questions
what is the intent behind the question? it is precisely to change the tenor and content of the conversation. I know there are bridges to cross (theological, biblical, organizational) which are difficult. But it seems to me that by trying to start in these places usually leads to GLBT person asking the more basic question: will you love me? Am I lovable? or feel that the power of harsh judgment. It has often been unredemptive. So the intent of the question is to start in another place. While it may mean having conversations that are difficult, it at lest begins with the assumption that God's Spirit is already busy in our life together. While we may need to engage in tough questions, it begins with a gracious approach to each other. Good question allow me to listen better. Listening better allows a more loving response. Where it leads... I don't know for sure. I am willing to trust God's Spirit to lead the conversation. From what I read in LOVE IS AN ORIENTATION, many are not disappointed with the conversation.