Mark Stephenson

Melissa, Besides the one Bev refers to, I can think of three support groups for parents right off hand. I'll send your message to the leaders of each group and hope that one or more will also respond as well.

Paulina, Thanks for the shout out. The article you refer to, Resources for Parents, is in our newest edition of our newsletter, Breaking Barriers.

Anthony, thanks for the clarifying questions. The apostle Paul makes a particularly scary statement in 1 Cor 6:9, which has parallels with other verses about people engaging in sexual sins not inheriting God’s kingdom. Some people read this passage say that it clearly teaches that people who engage in same sex sexual activity will not inherit the kingdom of God. Yet, this verse and many others also include people who are “sexually immoral.” The annual report of our local pregnancy resource center (lpcenters.com) says that 8 of 10 Christian singles in their 20’s are sexually active, and 64% of Christian men admit to viewing pornography at least monthly. Jesus included lustful looks as sexual immorality, which goes even beyond viewing pornography. Whether or not one believes that the traditional interpretation that same sex sexual activity is always sinful, when we point the finger at some, then we point three more fingers back at ourselves (as my mother used to remind me). The parts of my blog to which you refer are pleas for humility, grace, and love in the ways we talk about this “issue,” because it’s mainly about people. For example, when I was growing up, my CRC grandpa said that Scripture clearly taught that anyone who got divorced and remarried is engaging in perpetual sexual sin and will not inherit the kingdom of God. That's a lot of people in our churches today. Or to give another example, when I write that we "only scratch the surface of understanding," I'm questioning, given the rampant sexual immorality among Christians, whether we're willing to say that most Christians will not inherit the kingdom. I'm making a plea that what we believe to be clear isn't as clear as we think. The church has done tremendous damage in the ways we have talked about and treated LGBTQ brothers and sisters in Christ. We need to talk about human sexuality from the deep humility that we are all broken people who need grace that comes to us through our broken Savior.

Hi John, thanks for your question, "How can we have clear theological thinking AND deep Christ-like compassion simultaneously?" It's always an excellent question, always relevant, especially in times of disagreement. However, what you say is a quotation from my article is not accurate. What I wrote was "And God loves you as you are." That's the heart of the gospel, expressed succinctly in John 3:16,17. And the holiness of God calls us to a lifelong project of sanctification, to which God calls all believers through the power of the Holy Spirit. I told the story in which that quote appears, because that story gives a good example of what you name in your final question as "deep Christ-like compassion." Many Christians who come to realize that their sexual desires differ from most people's struggle mightily with whether they are loved, especially loved by God. The pastor was exercising good pastoral care, and we need to do the same on an individual and collective level with fellow Christians. Our denomination called on us nearly 50 years ago to love "homosexuals" and assure them of God's love for them. Here's one example from that report, and many others can be found there too: "The church must exercise the same patient understanding of and compassion for the homosexual in his sins as for all other sinners. The gospel of God's grace in Christ is to be proclaimed to him as the basis of his forgiveness, the power of his renewal, and the source of his strength to lead a sanctified life. As all Christians in their weaknesses, the homosexual must be admonished and encouraged not to allow himself to be defeated by lapses in chastity, but rather, to repent and thereafter to 
depend in fervent prayer upon the means of grace for power to withstand temptation. " (Acts of Synod 1973, p. 52) The question with which we are wrestling now is not whether God loves people with same sex attractions, but what is a "lapse in chastity" by a person who has a same sex attraction. As we discuss the HSR, yes, how can we have clear theological thinking AND deep Christ-like compassion simultaneously?

Dan, your question assumes that I and all whose names are in the introductory paragraph to this blog disagree with the CRC's current position on same sex sexual activity. Your assumption might or might not be correct. As some commenters on those post point out, the purpose of my blog is not to address the "what" of the denominational report on human sexuality, but the "how", specifically how we address not only the issues raised by the report but how we talk about God's fellow image bearers. In fact, as is stated in the COD Governance Handbook, we denominational staff are forbidden from attempting to influence decisions of synod: "Denominational staff have power and influence by title alone and should refrain from influencing deliberation meant for the church; and avoid entering into the matters on synod's agenda in public forums (e.g., The Network). We should reserve responses for the churches and classes." That means it would be inappropriate for me to speak publically either in favor of or in opposition to the human sexuality report. My hope and prayer as the church engages in this important conversation, and will continue to do so for years to come, that we do so in a spirit of humility and with Christ-like love, always aware of the plank in our own eyes as we talk about the speck of sawdust in our neighbor's eye. 

Hilda, thanks for your comment. Author and parent of a child with disabilities, Tom Reynolds, talks about the "cult of normalcy" in his book A Vulnerable Communion. If I understand him correctly, the cult of normalcy not only says that if something is good for most people then it is good enough, but also it goes farther by saying that whatever is good for most people should be good enough. In other words, it's not just descriptive but prescriptive. That perspective leads to people saying bizarre things like the pastor who asked me, "Why should we put a ramp on our church? We don't have anyone attending who uses a wheelchair." So, sadly, your experience at your church mirrors the experience of many others too. I've heard similar stories to yours about inaccessible pulpit areas (or jury-rigged solutions like yours when a little forethought could have led to a more elegant solution), parents of children with disabilities having people from the church encouraging them to bring your children elsewhere. All of this is exactly the opposite of Jesus' commands to love one another as he loved us and to do to others as we would have them do to us.