MJill H

I would think the instruments where you worship are turned up way too loud.
We use a variety of instruments in our church and when we sing I do hear my voice, I do feel connected to the people around me and to God.
My husband is a sound tech. The musicians need to trust him that he is moderating the sounds in a good way.
The musicians cannot tell what it sounds like to the congregation because they are in the middle of it all. 
When music is too loud it puts people on edge.
We have been places where we thought that a decibel meter was needed to show how much too loud and ear damaging the sound was.
Thanks for this article.
 

Thank-you for sharing your story.
It is important that you share this.
When I read another survivors story it affirms my own story.  It sounds strange but your story, as painful as it is, gives me hope, it encourages me.
I too, appreciate "the Wounded Heart".
I am so sorry that you were abused. It was horrible and wrong. I know how long and tedious the healing journey can be.
I rejoice with you that our God is healing you.

I could not get past the fact that at the beginning of this movie a family is torn apart.
To me this is just very sad.
Also once again we have white princesses, slim.blond, beautiful, just what you want a little girl to aspire to?
I appreciate the fact that you think the words of songs are empowering .
Perhaps it would be good for older children.
I cannot imagine why any parent would show this to a young child.
 

Wow!
Thank-you  Miriam for telling us about this amazing evening.
I wish i could have been there.
I am thankful for all who promote changes in our churches and communities with regard to safe church, safety for all and healing for survivors

Thank-you for trusting us with your story Kelly.
I am sorry this was done to you.
You said that you have kept this secret for 47 years except for telling your wife. Your silent shame and fear is one more example of how much even one incident of sexual abuse can affect us. The shame belongs to your attacker and in no way belongs to you     -as I am sure you know.
May you have peace and healing and be encouraged that you are a courageous man who has supported all abuse survivors by sharing your story.

Thank-you for sharing this with us. 
I am so thankful that you took this opportunity to learn and that it was so valuable to you.
May God bless you as you continue in your goal to Quote:
 "study more, read more, use screens less and be a stronger advocate for victims of abuse."

What does our congregation do to create safe spaces for people to share the hard stories?

Well our leadership does not really do anything. Individual pastors, including our current interim pastor, have sat and listened to some of us who ask them to listen/help/pray with us.
It not a practice of our leadership to encourage us to share the hard stuff.  Generally our leaders do not admit their own struggles, at least not publicly. There were 2 elders years ago who tried to be supportive. One came back a few times and gave me a good book to read. The other started a small group for those who struggle. One of these men moved away. The other left our denomination.
Some did begin a support group for people with depression which lasted a year or so. It was a good try.
One of the issues with it was that people with depression and their families were in the same group. Separate groups at least some for the time would have been better. So would trained leadership. But it was a good try.
There are individuals in our congregation who reach out to those who struggle with abuse issues and untold stories. I am thankful for some long term friends who have listened and loved me and stuck with me. I too, reach out to others and we are mutually caring and supportive.
If our leaders never admit they struggle about anything then why would anyone confide in them. If everyone has to look nice on Sundays and seem to have it all together then there is no place for messy lives. If we are not a safe place to admit we struggle with spending too much money, or playing computer games, or getting angry or being lazy or frustration with our children, or even that we are physically ill or in debt,  then how can we ever admit to addictions or mental illness of being a survivor of sexual abuse?

If we have not really understood how much God loves us and longs for deeper relationship with us,
if we have not learned how to accept our own struggles,

 if we have not learned it is ok to make mistakes,

if we have not learned how to ask and accept help from those who would understand,

 if we have not learned to do the work of prayer and repentance and learning a new way to be with God’s help; then how can we support others?

In general, many people care –but they don’t know how to help. It is scary for them, they want to just say the right thing and fix us. We all need to be taught how to care for ourselves and others.

So my suggestion is that anyone who gets to lead needs to truly seek God about how to lead. One thing they will learn is how to be humble and honest and repentant and transparent without shame, about their own life and then learn to do that with others.
For the rest of us who are not permitted to lead, we do the same.
For the survivors and those with untold stories we do the same as above  and we keep  loving and praying and listening as we are walking/screaming/suffering/crying out and receiving the joy of our own healing journey with those we have who do care.

So simple, easily done, and so profound.

Hi Dirk

I am praying that God will give you the help that you need.
In my healing journey I have been helped by friends, family, nurses, doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, and pastors.
God has used a combination of listening prayer, talk therapy, deliverance ministry, food, books,  music and some meds.
Ask Him for the help you need.
Blessings to you.

We were talking about this struggle at the ministry where I volunteer.
Our clients are often chronically ill, disabled and/or struggling with addictions.
When preparing for a study using Philippians, I understood that these chronic illnesses etc are like prisons for us, similar to Paul being in prison. (My own PTSD &chronic illness included.) So how do we act in our prisons? Can we find a way to be like Paul? Rejoicing in the hard circumstances, still being thankful, finding good things we can do to help people. . . Since I shared these thoughts with our group we have come back to them often. We ask Holy Spirit to enable us to apply our lessons in our own individual prisons.
A few weeks after this we had  a teacher come who taught and prayed for us about healing. Some people did receive a measure of physical healing. Some of us had questions about why not us.
The following week  the devotional was about Paul's thorn in the flesh. Which he asked God to remove 3 times and the answer was no.
This was encouraging and comforting because Paul -the amazing evangelist, teacher, leader- also questioned why he was not healed. He came to acceptance of it.
As you wrote here and as Michele responded God uses our 'struggles' to enable us to have compassion for others with similar struggles. And yes, raising awareness and encouraging sensitivity with those who are 'healthy'.

Thank-you Linda for sharing here and for being transparent.
Peace to you and your husband.
 

Other questions are:
What is the purpose of the group:
Is it for Bible Study?
Is it for Bible Study and growing in your walk with God?
Is it for Bible Study and looking at your own personal struggles?

All these can mean different things to different people. You might think these three are all the same thing. They aren't. It is very difficult if some people in the same group only want the first one and not number 2 or 3.
.......
Is the small group a mentoring group? This means that the leader is mentoring the other participants. in these groups there is less discussion because the participants are being taught. The leader would be more mature in whatever they are learning. The participants need to have agreed upfront that they respect the leader and want to be learn from him or her.

Is the small group a discussion group where everyone will freely discuss what ever they are studying? The leader then moderates.

Trained leadership/good leadership/servant leadership is a most important part of a small group.

.......
Some people are very uncomfortable with praying out loud. To help them get more comfortable start simple. Ask for prayer requests, Then ask each person just to say "Please Lord bless ____ (the person on their right) and keep that going around the circle. Then the leader prays for the requests at the end.

After a couple of meetings ask each person to share one thing thing they would like prayer for. Then ask each person to pray for the person on their right about that one prayer request. Keep going around the circle.

After some more weeks ask for the prayer requests to be personal to the person asking. Something about themselves. and follow the same routine.

This way everyone knows what is expected and they know exactly who and what to pray for. In time as people get more comfortable you can have less structure
 

Thank-you for writing this Monica.
In your first sentence you talk about a
"culture accustomed to constantly rationalize and justify abuse of power, be it physical, emotional, or sexual". 
maybe you should add spiritual abuse to this list?

Is it a stretch I wonder to say that if a congregation does not permit women  in office, this contributes to continued tolerance of sexism or normalizing of inappropriate behavior?

I am told by some men that I contribute greatly to the congregation. They have respect for me, but no, women cannot be in office. There are other men who do not appear to value me at all, though they are patronizingly kind.

Both of the above lead to me feeling 'less than'.
If we, as women, have less value then does that make it seem to us  to be okay to be abused?
If woman have less value than men then does that give men 'a right' to abuse us. Or to belittle us when we report, or ignore it as not important?