Well said, Syd. When I entered the ministry, the perspective we received from the seminary was that while everyone else may have a job, ministry was a calling. We were called to ministry for life. I told my wife that if the ministry created stresses that threatened to destroy our marriage, I would bow out. Our marriage was more important than my job, call it what you will. Somewhere along the line, somebody suggested that we should spend time with our spouse "once a day, once a week, once a month, once a year." That was a good rule of thumb. My wife and I sought to spend some time together every evening, after the kids were in bed, or, when they were older, we'd go out for a coffee or carve out some other time for just the two of us. The kids didn't resent that; in fact, they felt a deep sense of security in their parents' devotion. Once a week for us was Mondays. Once a month meant say, going out for a meal together, just the two of us. That probably didn't happen as regularly as it should. Once a year was taking a vacation, just the two of us, for a few days. Also more challenging, with five kids and financial constraints. But what the rule of thumb did was give us a clear goal in terms of spending specific blocks of time together, and overall, it was a constant reminder and challenge for us to put our marriage first in our life and work. Everything is "under God." When I lost my first wife at age 49, I had no regrets. That doesn't mean I/we lived life and marriage perfectly, but it did mean that I/we felt we had chosen the right priorities and lived them out as faithfully as we could.
For the first 25 years of ministry, I worked hard to take Mondays off with my wife. It worked well since she was a stay-at-home mom and our schedules could coincide. I also often worked late into the night, after my wife and children had gone to bed. I was working with deadlines, not a clock to punch certain hours. I lost my wife of 27 years to a drunk driver and remarried. My wife's son is also a pastor. His comment was, "Everybody gets Saturday off. The question is, which other day do you take off instead of Sunday?" Or phrased another way, our culture has a five day work week. I began to take Fridays and Saturdays off, officially working from Sunday through Thursday. My new wife did not have to continue her day job. This schedule has been a blessing. For one thing, the church secretary never has to wait for my material if things run late for one reason or another. Our children were adults and so we were no longer working around their schedules. The "weekends" we could enjoy together were delightful and refreshing. I am not a slave to this schedule, or follow it rigidly. But what it does is give me a sense of freedom when I reach the end of the week. My work is done by Thursday evening or Friday morning, and I can relax! I am half-way through my 41st year of ordained ministry.
I have never blogged. I thought. Until I read Ernesto's write-up. Then I realized that I have blogged almost continuously for the past 40 years in ordained ministry. I didn't do it online. I wrote "Pastor's Thoughts" and "Think Pieces" weekly in the bulletin. I fill about a page each week, 2-sided. It works well with my demographic, many of whom are not comfortably online. I am so thankful to be back in a congregation (two, actually) who maintain an evening worship (teaching) service, where I have a second opportunity to teach and connect and build relationships.
Thanks, Syd, for your thoughts leading to such a stimulating discussion! And thanks, everyone for contributing. I appreciated the tone of the conversation as we wrestle with this question. Happy Canada Day.
Thank you, Rev. Tamminga. As always, you are insightful, pastoral, kind, practical -- and succinct. Like Joseph. May God continue to bless you and use you to be a blessing.
Posted in: The Pastor's Marriage and the Satanist's Prayer
Well said, Syd. When I entered the ministry, the perspective we received from the seminary was that while everyone else may have a job, ministry was a calling. We were called to ministry for life. I told my wife that if the ministry created stresses that threatened to destroy our marriage, I would bow out. Our marriage was more important than my job, call it what you will. Somewhere along the line, somebody suggested that we should spend time with our spouse "once a day, once a week, once a month, once a year." That was a good rule of thumb. My wife and I sought to spend some time together every evening, after the kids were in bed, or, when they were older, we'd go out for a coffee or carve out some other time for just the two of us. The kids didn't resent that; in fact, they felt a deep sense of security in their parents' devotion. Once a week for us was Mondays. Once a month meant say, going out for a meal together, just the two of us. That probably didn't happen as regularly as it should. Once a year was taking a vacation, just the two of us, for a few days. Also more challenging, with five kids and financial constraints. But what the rule of thumb did was give us a clear goal in terms of spending specific blocks of time together, and overall, it was a constant reminder and challenge for us to put our marriage first in our life and work. Everything is "under God." When I lost my first wife at age 49, I had no regrets. That doesn't mean I/we lived life and marriage perfectly, but it did mean that I/we felt we had chosen the right priorities and lived them out as faithfully as we could.
Posted in: Pastors: Finding a Rhythm in an OffBeat Life
For the first 25 years of ministry, I worked hard to take Mondays off with my wife. It worked well since she was a stay-at-home mom and our schedules could coincide. I also often worked late into the night, after my wife and children had gone to bed. I was working with deadlines, not a clock to punch certain hours. I lost my wife of 27 years to a drunk driver and remarried. My wife's son is also a pastor. His comment was, "Everybody gets Saturday off. The question is, which other day do you take off instead of Sunday?" Or phrased another way, our culture has a five day work week. I began to take Fridays and Saturdays off, officially working from Sunday through Thursday. My new wife did not have to continue her day job. This schedule has been a blessing. For one thing, the church secretary never has to wait for my material if things run late for one reason or another. Our children were adults and so we were no longer working around their schedules. The "weekends" we could enjoy together were delightful and refreshing. I am not a slave to this schedule, or follow it rigidly. But what it does is give me a sense of freedom when I reach the end of the week. My work is done by Thursday evening or Friday morning, and I can relax! I am half-way through my 41st year of ordained ministry.
Posted in: Why Every Pastor Should Blog
I have never blogged. I thought. Until I read Ernesto's write-up. Then I realized that I have blogged almost continuously for the past 40 years in ordained ministry. I didn't do it online. I wrote "Pastor's Thoughts" and "Think Pieces" weekly in the bulletin. I fill about a page each week, 2-sided. It works well with my demographic, many of whom are not comfortably online. I am so thankful to be back in a congregation (two, actually) who maintain an evening worship (teaching) service, where I have a second opportunity to teach and connect and build relationships.
Posted in: Homosexuality and Holy Uncertainty
Thanks, Syd, for your thoughts leading to such a stimulating discussion! And thanks, everyone for contributing. I appreciated the tone of the conversation as we wrestle with this question. Happy Canada Day.
Posted in: Joseph - Our Man
Thank you, Rev. Tamminga. As always, you are insightful, pastoral, kind, practical -- and succinct. Like Joseph. May God continue to bless you and use you to be a blessing.