It's encouraging to me to read these "real" stories of the Bible - It gives me hope that the Lord can use even the likes of me.
Regarding 2 Samuel 13; it's a passage that is dear to my heart for many reasons. One is the nobleness of Tamar. Another is the time that I was asked, as an InterVarsity campus staff member, to give a presentation in which several members of the MI State University Counseling Center were present. They were curious to know how a Christian talks about sexual assault. They wanted to improve their service to Christian students on campus (there are lots of Christian students at MSU). They recognized that the experience of sexual assault often became an issue of faith for Christian students. So with a primarily secular audience I opened my Bible to 2 Samuel 13. They were amazed that this story was in the Bible. They said, "this is the same story we hear every day" in our work with those who have been victimized by sexual assault. From the unsuspecting one who was overpowered, to the responses of others, to Tamar's grief and desolation - it was a familiar story to them. And they appreciated hearing why this experience impacts faith. Christians need a safe space to explore questions that arise, such as "Where was God?" Or, "how can an all-powerful God allow this to happen to a child he loves?", etc. It was a wonderful, God-blessed, discussion all around. On the Safe Church website there is a discussion guide for this passage; you can find it here under group discussion resources. I think there is a reason that this passage is in the Bible, and it shouldn't be ignored.
Thanks for the post - I think that this is more than a suggestion or a good idea, but is critical to the future of our denomination. We simply must learn to better relate to those who are different than ourselves. Thanks again.
The answer to the question at the end is both; "and" not "or". However, that doesn't take away the need for Sabbath rest and ruthlessly keeping time to be disconnected. It's so very important! Those who follow the Lord need to allow for time to hear his still small voice in the midst of the noise we live in.
Currently, I believe that most child protective service agencies work to keep families together when possible, balancing the benefits of family with the need to keep children safe from abuse. Often wrap-around services are involved to provide various interventions for all members of the family with the goal of better functioning as a family for everyone's mutual benefit. As damaging as emotional abuse can be; it's often harder to define and acknowledge. And deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and relating to family members can be hard to change. Change involves unlearning old ways and re-learning new ways of interacting.
The number of people who have been sexually abused is huge (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys by the time they reach 18 years of age). There are many people in our congregations that have experienced abuse, though it remains undisclosed. How do we create safe places in our congregations where survivors can talk about issues of faith and how they've been impacted by their experience of abuse? How can we support those who have survived abuse in their healing journey? It won't happen as long as the culture remains likely to blame the one who's been victimized. We need to understand abuse dynamics, so that we can be the walk-alongside community that a survivor needs.
Sexual assault on college campuses remains a huge problem. The White House has recognized the problem in a report and also by launching the "It's on us" campaign. Find out more about it here . A film about sexual assault on college campuses entitled The Hunting Ground, was one of the top ten buzzed about films at the Sundance Film Festival in January. Find out about the film here.
I don't mean to sound too simplistic about this, and it's good to consider how to handle points of transition and not limit ourselves to programmatic models. Yet, it seems to me that our main focus needs to be connecting our children to Jesus, who is an ever-present help in navigating all of life's transitions (transitions are not limited to youth, school, and career). It's a strong connection to Jesus that will help our youth stay connected to his people, the Church.
Thank YOU Angela, for your supportive words and also for the good work you do to make churches safer for everyone, including those who have experienced abuse.
So glad that more and more churches are addressing abuse prevention. Having a safe church policy is one way to make our congregations safer places (we're up to 64% of CRC congregations that have some kind of abuse prevention policy - I would say that's not enough, but at least we are moving in the right direction). As the story points out, abuse doesn't only affect children and most abuse doesn't happen in a church context. I think we have a long way to go to make our congregations safer places to disclose abuse that has been experienced. Sharing a story of abuse is difficult for many various reasons. Yet when someone is able to share his or her own story in a community of people who listen, believe, and offer support, it becomes that much easier for the next person, and then the next, and so on. And healing can begin to flow with the Lord and with his people. May it be so among us.
There is a difference between acknowledging sin and holding someone accountable, which I believe is something that we need to do much more than we do currently in our churches - and offering grace and forgiveness. Offering grace and forgiveness does not mean that there are not consequences for sin, there may still be consequences. And we are called to be holy, so we don't have permission to continue in our sin. Yet our sin does not define who we are. We are defined by our relationship with our Father, who pronounces us his own, blessed and loved. And as Robin points out his grace is meant to lead to a change of heart, we are in the process of being sanctified, a process that will not end until we dwell in heaven with him. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1) Jesus came not to condemn the world but to save it (John 3:17). We need to reflect that as his people.
Posted in: The Dark Side of Social Media
Safe Church has bullying resources on our website here.
(or http://www.crcna.org/SafeChurch/resources-abuse-awareness/bullying)
Posted in: More on Those R-Rated Texts
It's encouraging to me to read these "real" stories of the Bible - It gives me hope that the Lord can use even the likes of me.
Regarding 2 Samuel 13; it's a passage that is dear to my heart for many reasons. One is the nobleness of Tamar. Another is the time that I was asked, as an InterVarsity campus staff member, to give a presentation in which several members of the MI State University Counseling Center were present. They were curious to know how a Christian talks about sexual assault. They wanted to improve their service to Christian students on campus (there are lots of Christian students at MSU). They recognized that the experience of sexual assault often became an issue of faith for Christian students. So with a primarily secular audience I opened my Bible to 2 Samuel 13. They were amazed that this story was in the Bible. They said, "this is the same story we hear every day" in our work with those who have been victimized by sexual assault. From the unsuspecting one who was overpowered, to the responses of others, to Tamar's grief and desolation - it was a familiar story to them. And they appreciated hearing why this experience impacts faith. Christians need a safe space to explore questions that arise, such as "Where was God?" Or, "how can an all-powerful God allow this to happen to a child he loves?", etc. It was a wonderful, God-blessed, discussion all around. On the Safe Church website there is a discussion guide for this passage; you can find it here under group discussion resources. I think there is a reason that this passage is in the Bible, and it shouldn't be ignored.
Posted in: Living Well Amongst Religious Diversity
Thanks for the post - I think that this is more than a suggestion or a good idea, but is critical to the future of our denomination. We simply must learn to better relate to those who are different than ourselves. Thanks again.
Posted in: Grunt Crew and Other Stories
Great story about Max - thanks for sharing.
Posted in: Finding Rest in a Social Media World
The answer to the question at the end is both; "and" not "or". However, that doesn't take away the need for Sabbath rest and ruthlessly keeping time to be disconnected. It's so very important! Those who follow the Lord need to allow for time to hear his still small voice in the midst of the noise we live in.
Posted in: “Yes Ma’am…Yes Ma’am.”
Currently, I believe that most child protective service agencies work to keep families together when possible, balancing the benefits of family with the need to keep children safe from abuse. Often wrap-around services are involved to provide various interventions for all members of the family with the goal of better functioning as a family for everyone's mutual benefit. As damaging as emotional abuse can be; it's often harder to define and acknowledge. And deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and relating to family members can be hard to change. Change involves unlearning old ways and re-learning new ways of interacting.
Posted in: Crying Rape
The number of people who have been sexually abused is huge (1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys by the time they reach 18 years of age). There are many people in our congregations that have experienced abuse, though it remains undisclosed. How do we create safe places in our congregations where survivors can talk about issues of faith and how they've been impacted by their experience of abuse? How can we support those who have survived abuse in their healing journey? It won't happen as long as the culture remains likely to blame the one who's been victimized. We need to understand abuse dynamics, so that we can be the walk-alongside community that a survivor needs.
Posted in: Crying Rape
Sexual assault on college campuses remains a huge problem. The White House has recognized the problem in a report and also by launching the "It's on us" campaign. Find out more about it here . A film about sexual assault on college campuses entitled The Hunting Ground, was one of the top ten buzzed about films at the Sundance Film Festival in January. Find out about the film here.
Posted in: Transitions
I don't mean to sound too simplistic about this, and it's good to consider how to handle points of transition and not limit ourselves to programmatic models. Yet, it seems to me that our main focus needs to be connecting our children to Jesus, who is an ever-present help in navigating all of life's transitions (transitions are not limited to youth, school, and career). It's a strong connection to Jesus that will help our youth stay connected to his people, the Church.
Posted in: Is Someone Missing?
Thank YOU Angela, for your supportive words and also for the good work you do to make churches safer for everyone, including those who have experienced abuse.
Posted in: “Yes Ma’am…Yes Ma’am.”
So glad that more and more churches are addressing abuse prevention. Having a safe church policy is one way to make our congregations safer places (we're up to 64% of CRC congregations that have some kind of abuse prevention policy - I would say that's not enough, but at least we are moving in the right direction). As the story points out, abuse doesn't only affect children and most abuse doesn't happen in a church context. I think we have a long way to go to make our congregations safer places to disclose abuse that has been experienced. Sharing a story of abuse is difficult for many various reasons. Yet when someone is able to share his or her own story in a community of people who listen, believe, and offer support, it becomes that much easier for the next person, and then the next, and so on. And healing can begin to flow with the Lord and with his people. May it be so among us.
Posted in: What’s in a Name?
There is a difference between acknowledging sin and holding someone accountable, which I believe is something that we need to do much more than we do currently in our churches - and offering grace and forgiveness. Offering grace and forgiveness does not mean that there are not consequences for sin, there may still be consequences. And we are called to be holy, so we don't have permission to continue in our sin. Yet our sin does not define who we are. We are defined by our relationship with our Father, who pronounces us his own, blessed and loved. And as Robin points out his grace is meant to lead to a change of heart, we are in the process of being sanctified, a process that will not end until we dwell in heaven with him. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1) Jesus came not to condemn the world but to save it (John 3:17). We need to reflect that as his people.