Dr. Andrew J. Schmutzer

Then I will offer some 'progress reports' as my Support Group works through a series of episodes from our own personal stories. These are chronological and built around the metaphor of a car wreck. The four key units being: 1 The Wreck, 2 Accident Report, 3 Rehabilitation, and 4 Driving Again. Each survivor is submitting multiple entries for each unit that are read and sensitively discussed. We will conclude by writing to our "little boy," explaining who we've become. The entire project is called Naming Our Abuse: Men Doing the Write Thing.

All the participants have had professional therapy, and we find we are in need of something fresh and in story form as we continue on our healing journeys, addressing the effects of our SA on spouses, work, faith, and child rearing.

The reference to the 12 Step refers to programed SA curriculums, such as Allander's The Wounded Heart or Warren's Celebrate Recovery or Burdick's Open Heart Ministry. Addressing SA has models and materials outside addictive behavior programs. Of course survivors have addictions, but that's my point. Years into our healing journey, we're finding there are needs survivors have that exceed program contracts, statistics, and psycho-dynamic categories. I won't even get into the "triumphalism" and shallow theology present in some of these programs. Consequently, we are exploring other alternatives in our SA support group, because we feel other models are needed and simply not available, especially for men.

Andrew

Thanks for posting on this subject. It's needed. But let me offer some critique. "Sacred masculine" is may not be the best way to avoid all the 'role fright' or patriarchal mantras that lay in the background of these discussions, for Christians, too. As a Bible Professor, I understand that 'biblical' really doesn't clear things up. Avoiding all these terms doesn't change the fact that there is so much confusion about what masculinity means. Rather than just say "requirement that honor the Lord," use Scripture that Christians claim as sacred. We need to learn from Scripture on sites like this, do we not?

Secondly, the reference to "emotional intelligence" seems underhanded. With Father's Day approaching, is there a way you could have constructed the strengths of masculinity, rather than closing with the learning curve. M. Volf is correct when he writes that masculinity no longer has anything to accomplish (that's the brute!), instead, masculinity must be overcome.

Avoid any debate all together--this issue has been torn apart enough--and have 2-3 male leaders or elders from you church give their view of masculinity.

Thirdly, would you let a male author write a corresponding piece on femininity? 

Just wondering, Andrew

Thanks so much for your faithful work, Rachel.

Rachel, this is such a creeative and biblically-based discussion. I hope any leader who is afraid to address abuse would take some cues from your wonderful piece!

Thanks for your insight and faithful voice,

Andrew

I would like to hear from: (1) male survivors as well as (2) female spouses of male survivors...what do you (and your  husbands) need for better healing and recovery? And, what have you found to be the more 'toxic myths' that have hurt you?

Rachel, thanks for being a strong Christiain voice for advocacy and care within a faith communitiy. Blessings, Andrew J. Schmutzer <[email protected]>

Because I've mentioned that survivors often have the added challenge of facing-down some toxic myths, I thought I would pass along a link that explains a few of those myths that live on in the church. I wrote this a while back.

http://www.efcatoday.org/site/article/shepherding-survivors-of-sexual-abuse

One area of male sexual abuse that's in dire need of address--I know, next to the whole issue--is male rape by other males. Male SA tends to be more gruesome. Regardless, what people need to realize is that "power rape" from arrogant males doesn't traumatize just  one gender. Many male victims will struggle to trust men for the rest of their lives. When they are not believed and the systems punish them for speaking out, the self-sabotage can be devastating.

Consider this story: 

http://www.kellyclarkattorney.com/another-sad-case-of-child-sex-abuse/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+KellyClarkAttorneyAtLaw+%28Kelly+Clark+Attorney+at+Law%29

Any care to discuss this?