Thank-you for your support. I am thankful to God for the healing that has taken place. This was a single incident that did not morph into a serially abusive situation as has happened with Boy Scouts and sports teams.
Not a small number of hockey players have come forward in the past 10 years who have reported serial abuse from coaches and authority figures where there is a power differential. A few have taken their lives and most are substance abusers with severe depression. One of the saddest cases is that of NHL professional hockey star, Theoren Fleury . Theoren was serially abused by his coach, Graham James for several years while he was in minor hockey. Fleury has overcome his addictions and won a criminal case against James and now advocates for boys who have suffered sexual violence.
Dare I say it? I'm wondering about the Cadets programs over the years in our denomination? How many boys are suffering in silence with addictions and depression or have taken their lives due to abuse there? I must bring it up and I am not afraid to raise the question. I know I will get push-back on this and my prayer and hope is that the statistics in our denomination for serial abuse against boys is far less than the known averages.
Thanks for your acknowledgement and support. Abuse awareness is not a popular topic.
I applaud you in your work to dispel the darkness by bringing the stories too light and exposing fraudulent leadership. The ast 15 years of ministry have been partially devoted to helping victims hang onto to their faith when faith was out of the question. Trying to explain where God was when an abuser violated their person was an extreme, rigorous test of the foundations of my faith. How do you tell a clergy sexual abuse victim that God had their back? How do you prevent the suicides and ruined lives? Thankfully even in the depths of this kind of darkness, God finds a way to comfort and gradually heal some victims and they become survivors, some never heal and die, all are scarred and permanently disfigured from the image that God had intended for them because their spiritual leaders did not honor their ordination vows and practice fiduciary trust the office requires.
Its painful for all involved as we are witnessing the unfolding of greater awareness at the top levels of power. I applaud your work, and yet we are just beginning. Thank-you for your courage.
To the victims and survivors, men and women in the CRC that remain silent out of shame and fear. God give you the courage to come forward, we are here for you. Please join your sister in Christ who started this post, tell your story. You will be supported, you are not to blame, you will be believed and helped. We are praying for you.
Thank-you for your support! It is so interesting the parallel that resonates with me between the testimony of Christine Blasey Ford regarding her memory of assault by Judge Kavanaugh. The chemicals released during sexual assault create the "Kodak Moment" of searing the event in the memory, permanently. Its part of the mechanism of the fight or flight response. The vise-like grip of my attacker's arm clutching me tightly, overpowering me physically along with his groping are unforgettable and terrifying. I can't even imagine the horror of full-blown rape, man on boy.
I have fabulous support systems and lead a relatively normal existence. God has brought tremendous healing.
I am ready to support any man or woman who is willing to come forward with their story of office bearer sexual abuse.
For some who may sense a vendetta against the CRC, please, understand this process of truth telling is long overdue in the church.
Clergy mental illness is widespread across the denominational spectrum. My first bout with depression came through a complete awareness of unrealized expectations for ministry, aka burnout, as a young ordained Pentecostal church planter. Through a prolonged leave of absence, I was able to come to a complete understanding of the cause and finally cures for situational depression (dysthymia). Self-care is of primary importance for long-haul success in ministry. As I result of my mental illness, I lost years of potentially productive pastoral ministry. I am thankful to God and to those who provided the loving care I received for restoration back to health and eventually productive ministry after a 14-year absence due to depression.
The best piece of advice and take-away from that awful dark period was, " why work 55-70 hours per week for 10 years when you can work with health and effectiveness 35-40 hours per week for 40 years.
Self-care is what makes me currently effective in ministry for the long run. Talk to your leadership about the need for self-care. Form a covenant with them to preserve your mental health, so you can run the race with the endurance needed for a full, rewarding career in ministry.
Great and timely article that is not about politics or the presidential election but about human dignity. Trump is simply the latest high-profile public figure that has been exposed as an abuser of the basic human right to dignity and the maintenance of proper sexual boundaries.
No women or man for that matter can, under Christ's Lordship be sexually trespassed against in word or deed. I have been involved in many cases as a victims advocate for the sexually abused by those who suffer at the short end of a power differential. Victims of clergy and church officer sexual abuse sit in our CRC pews by the hundreds in silence due to the power structure of the white male ecclesiastical oligarchy. Research statistic by Baylor University reveal that 1.5/100 members of the clergy (This goes across all denominations) sexually abuse women that are under their power as parishioners. This is a horrifying statistic that leaves so many abused women in our CRC pews without a voice to express their pain, receive proper treatment or find safety. As Michelle Obama so eloquently stated, "It hurts". These women and men, weakened and marginalized through church officer sexual abuse must stand up to the ecclesiastical straight-jacket that has been placed upon them, however they are afraid to do so because its not safe to do so. They will be shunned, ostracized and removed from their communities as temptresses, or loose. The voices of the 11 women who came forward accusing Donald Trump have been pretty much silenced, no charges brought, seen as slutty or even unworthy of Trump's advances. How shameful and despicable can a predator be?
The damage done to the psyche and spirit of the spiritually and emotionally abused is acute, tragic and often permanently disabling. Safe Church needs more teeth in the CRC, so that the real fear of God can be put into church officer's hearts if they contemplate crossing clearly defined sexual boundaries that must be respected by the people of God.
Having recently viewed Spotlight with my pastor, I was struck once again by the horrors of abuse of power, clergy sexual and spiritual abuse and its close cousin, emotional abuse. This phenomenon is hardly a Catholic one. Researchers at Baylor have reams of statistics outlining the extent of clergy sexual abuse in protestant denominations.
As a commissioned pastor and chaplain, I have deep concern for survivors of abuse of power. The complexities of the fall-out for the victims of clergy spiritual and sexual abuse are almost impossible to heal without committed, whole-congregational support preceded by congregational education on yes, the reality of clergy abuse of power, spiritual and sexual abuse in our own CRC. Before Synod 2016 is an overture addressing this reality and the need to re-vamp church polity to effectively discipline office-bearers who cross boundaries of professional conduct. There should be zero tolerance for office bearers engaging in "affairs" (long out-dated language of the past) with adult parishioners or who abuse minors within a congregation. There is no such thing as an "affair" between a pastor and a parishioner due to the imbalance of power. It is always abuse and needs to be clearly labeled as such. With an eye to protecting, healing and preserving the lives of victims, CRC Safe Church has a major "policing" role that warrants much greater respect, recognition and authority than it currently receives. The consequences for both victims and communities following an incident of office-bearer abuse of power leave a wake of destruction including permanent loss of faith in God and the church community, deposed or suspended office bearers, loss of trust, broken and split congregations to name just a few.
Sweeping office-bearer sexual abuse under the rug should not be tolerated any more calling it for what it is...otherwise on your Marquees write: "Church"- Enter at your own risk!
Having dealt with cases and survivors from several denominations in a pastoral care and recovery role, I have discovered a wealth of research and supporting documents. Much of the research has been done in the United States among protestant denominations there, through several universities conducting research on the phenomenon of abuse of power and clergy sexual abuse. Baylor University's department of sociology did much of the research in the past two decades. In addition, several denominations undertook separate research on their own due to their own internal needs. I will be happy to forward links to the data and resources.
A follow-up article on office-bearer/clergy abuse in the Protestant Church will be a welcome read and help to many who continue to suffer in silence in the pews. Once victims feel "safe" enough, some may come forward with their stories to the right people. Publishing a helpful article with victims redemption and justice in mind is a step in this process for victims to feel "safe" enough to come forward. Please forward your e-mail or contact information and I will forward the resources.
Working as a campus pastor I encounter young men in various phases of formation. Many are eager to serve Christ and simply need to be trusted, challenged and mentored to do so. Our churches and schools do a wonderful work in instructing boys in the faith. I usually encounter them when they begin to question what they have learned. That's OK... after a period of discipleship, I take great joy when I witness a young man seize what it means to be seized of Christ.
Often, the key is not in the instructing but the listening to a young man's struggles or simply their zeal, then with gentle guidance, trusting that young man with a ministry task and watching the Spirit work in and through that young powerhouse!
Timothy was a teen when entrusted by Paul with sacred Kingdom work! Look what a great job Timothy did in following the Master! Guidance needed? Of course! ... Older men, do not be afraid to relinquish power, trusting that God has also called the younger man to follow in your footsteps. You know who he is,,,watch him go! Let him be the "apple" of God's eye. Empower him Take delight in him.
Posted in: Sexual Assault Against Boys: My Story
Thank-you for your support. I am thankful to God for the healing that has taken place. This was a single incident that did not morph into a serially abusive situation as has happened with Boy Scouts and sports teams.
Not a small number of hockey players have come forward in the past 10 years who have reported serial abuse from coaches and authority figures where there is a power differential. A few have taken their lives and most are substance abusers with severe depression. One of the saddest cases is that of NHL professional hockey star, Theoren Fleury . Theoren was serially abused by his coach, Graham James for several years while he was in minor hockey. Fleury has overcome his addictions and won a criminal case against James and now advocates for boys who have suffered sexual violence.
Dare I say it? I'm wondering about the Cadets programs over the years in our denomination? How many boys are suffering in silence with addictions and depression or have taken their lives due to abuse there? I must bring it up and I am not afraid to raise the question. I know I will get push-back on this and my prayer and hope is that the statistics in our denomination for serial abuse against boys is far less than the known averages.
Posted in: Sexual Assault Against Boys: My Story
Thank-you Frank.
You can e-mail me here: [email protected]
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kelly
Posted in: Sexual Assault Against Boys: My Story
Hi Eric,
Thanks for your acknowledgement and support. Abuse awareness is not a popular topic.
I applaud you in your work to dispel the darkness by bringing the stories too light and exposing fraudulent leadership. The ast 15 years of ministry have been partially devoted to helping victims hang onto to their faith when faith was out of the question. Trying to explain where God was when an abuser violated their person was an extreme, rigorous test of the foundations of my faith. How do you tell a clergy sexual abuse victim that God had their back? How do you prevent the suicides and ruined lives? Thankfully even in the depths of this kind of darkness, God finds a way to comfort and gradually heal some victims and they become survivors, some never heal and die, all are scarred and permanently disfigured from the image that God had intended for them because their spiritual leaders did not honor their ordination vows and practice fiduciary trust the office requires.
Its painful for all involved as we are witnessing the unfolding of greater awareness at the top levels of power. I applaud your work, and yet we are just beginning. Thank-you for your courage.
To the victims and survivors, men and women in the CRC that remain silent out of shame and fear. God give you the courage to come forward, we are here for you. Please join your sister in Christ who started this post, tell your story. You will be supported, you are not to blame, you will be believed and helped. We are praying for you.
Kelly
Posted in: Sexual Assault Against Boys: My Story
MJill,
Thank-you for your support! It is so interesting the parallel that resonates with me between the testimony of Christine Blasey Ford regarding her memory of assault by Judge Kavanaugh. The chemicals released during sexual assault create the "Kodak Moment" of searing the event in the memory, permanently. Its part of the mechanism of the fight or flight response. The vise-like grip of my attacker's arm clutching me tightly, overpowering me physically along with his groping are unforgettable and terrifying. I can't even imagine the horror of full-blown rape, man on boy.
I have fabulous support systems and lead a relatively normal existence. God has brought tremendous healing.
I am ready to support any man or woman who is willing to come forward with their story of office bearer sexual abuse.
For some who may sense a vendetta against the CRC, please, understand this process of truth telling is long overdue in the church.
Kelly
Posted in: Clergy Mental Health
Clergy mental illness is widespread across the denominational spectrum. My first bout with depression came through a complete awareness of unrealized expectations for ministry, aka burnout, as a young ordained Pentecostal church planter. Through a prolonged leave of absence, I was able to come to a complete understanding of the cause and finally cures for situational depression (dysthymia). Self-care is of primary importance for long-haul success in ministry. As I result of my mental illness, I lost years of potentially productive pastoral ministry. I am thankful to God and to those who provided the loving care I received for restoration back to health and eventually productive ministry after a 14-year absence due to depression.
The best piece of advice and take-away from that awful dark period was, " why work 55-70 hours per week for 10 years when you can work with health and effectiveness 35-40 hours per week for 40 years.
Self-care is what makes me currently effective in ministry for the long run. Talk to your leadership about the need for self-care. Form a covenant with them to preserve your mental health, so you can run the race with the endurance needed for a full, rewarding career in ministry.
Posted in: Trump, Assault, and Standing Up for Women
Great and timely article that is not about politics or the presidential election but about human dignity. Trump is simply the latest high-profile public figure that has been exposed as an abuser of the basic human right to dignity and the maintenance of proper sexual boundaries.
No women or man for that matter can, under Christ's Lordship be sexually trespassed against in word or deed. I have been involved in many cases as a victims advocate for the sexually abused by those who suffer at the short end of a power differential. Victims of clergy and church officer sexual abuse sit in our CRC pews by the hundreds in silence due to the power structure of the white male ecclesiastical oligarchy. Research statistic by Baylor University reveal that 1.5/100 members of the clergy (This goes across all denominations) sexually abuse women that are under their power as parishioners. This is a horrifying statistic that leaves so many abused women in our CRC pews without a voice to express their pain, receive proper treatment or find safety. As Michelle Obama so eloquently stated, "It hurts". These women and men, weakened and marginalized through church officer sexual abuse must stand up to the ecclesiastical straight-jacket that has been placed upon them, however they are afraid to do so because its not safe to do so. They will be shunned, ostracized and removed from their communities as temptresses, or loose. The voices of the 11 women who came forward accusing Donald Trump have been pretty much silenced, no charges brought, seen as slutty or even unworthy of Trump's advances. How shameful and despicable can a predator be?
The damage done to the psyche and spirit of the spiritually and emotionally abused is acute, tragic and often permanently disabling. Safe Church needs more teeth in the CRC, so that the real fear of God can be put into church officer's hearts if they contemplate crossing clearly defined sexual boundaries that must be respected by the people of God.
peace,
Kelly
Posted in: Why Every Church Leader Should Watch Spotlight
Having recently viewed Spotlight with my pastor, I was struck once again by the horrors of abuse of power, clergy sexual and spiritual abuse and its close cousin, emotional abuse. This phenomenon is hardly a Catholic one. Researchers at Baylor have reams of statistics outlining the extent of clergy sexual abuse in protestant denominations.
As a commissioned pastor and chaplain, I have deep concern for survivors of abuse of power. The complexities of the fall-out for the victims of clergy spiritual and sexual abuse are almost impossible to heal without committed, whole-congregational support preceded by congregational education on yes, the reality of clergy abuse of power, spiritual and sexual abuse in our own CRC. Before Synod 2016 is an overture addressing this reality and the need to re-vamp church polity to effectively discipline office-bearers who cross boundaries of professional conduct. There should be zero tolerance for office bearers engaging in "affairs" (long out-dated language of the past) with adult parishioners or who abuse minors within a congregation. There is no such thing as an "affair" between a pastor and a parishioner due to the imbalance of power. It is always abuse and needs to be clearly labeled as such. With an eye to protecting, healing and preserving the lives of victims, CRC Safe Church has a major "policing" role that warrants much greater respect, recognition and authority than it currently receives. The consequences for both victims and communities following an incident of office-bearer abuse of power leave a wake of destruction including permanent loss of faith in God and the church community, deposed or suspended office bearers, loss of trust, broken and split congregations to name just a few.
Sweeping office-bearer sexual abuse under the rug should not be tolerated any more calling it for what it is...otherwise on your Marquees write: "Church"- Enter at your own risk!
Posted in: Why Every Church Leader Should Watch Spotlight
Monica,
Having dealt with cases and survivors from several denominations in a pastoral care and recovery role, I have discovered a wealth of research and supporting documents. Much of the research has been done in the United States among protestant denominations there, through several universities conducting research on the phenomenon of abuse of power and clergy sexual abuse. Baylor University's department of sociology did much of the research in the past two decades. In addition, several denominations undertook separate research on their own due to their own internal needs. I will be happy to forward links to the data and resources.
A follow-up article on office-bearer/clergy abuse in the Protestant Church will be a welcome read and help to many who continue to suffer in silence in the pews. Once victims feel "safe" enough, some may come forward with their stories to the right people. Publishing a helpful article with victims redemption and justice in mind is a step in this process for victims to feel "safe" enough to come forward. Please forward your e-mail or contact information and I will forward the resources.
Peace,
Kelly
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
Working as a campus pastor I encounter young men in various phases of formation. Many are eager to serve Christ and simply need to be trusted, challenged and mentored to do so. Our churches and schools do a wonderful work in instructing boys in the faith. I usually encounter them when they begin to question what they have learned. That's OK... after a period of discipleship, I take great joy when I witness a young man seize what it means to be seized of Christ.
Often, the key is not in the instructing but the listening to a young man's struggles or simply their zeal, then with gentle guidance, trusting that young man with a ministry task and watching the Spirit work in and through that young powerhouse!
Timothy was a teen when entrusted by Paul with sacred Kingdom work! Look what a great job Timothy did in following the Master! Guidance needed? Of course! ... Older men, do not be afraid to relinquish power, trusting that God has also called the younger man to follow in your footsteps. You know who he is,,,watch him go! Let him be the "apple" of God's eye. Empower him Take delight in him.