Kelly Sibthorpe

Thank-you for your support. I am thankful to God for the healing that has taken place. This was a single incident that did not morph into a serially abusive situation as has happened with Boy Scouts and sports teams.

Not a small number of hockey players have come forward in the past 10 years who have reported serial abuse from coaches and authority figures where there is a power differential. A few have taken their lives and most are substance abusers with severe depression. One of the saddest cases is that of NHL professional hockey star, Theoren Fleury . Theoren was serially abused by his coach, Graham James for several years while he was in minor hockey. Fleury has overcome his addictions and won a criminal case against James and now advocates for boys who have suffered sexual violence.

Dare I say it? I'm wondering about the Cadets programs over the years in our denomination? How many boys are suffering in silence with addictions and depression or have taken their lives due to abuse there? I must bring it up and I am not afraid to raise the question. I know I will get push-back on this and my prayer and hope is that the statistics in our denomination for serial abuse against boys is far less than the known averages.

Thank-you for your support. I am thankful to God for the healing that has taken place. This was a single incident that did not morph into a serially abusive situation as has happened with Boy Scouts and sports teams.

Not a small number of hockey players have come forward in the past 10 years who have reported serial abuse from coaches and authority figures where there is a power differential. A few have taken their lives and most are substance abusers with severe depression. One of the saddest cases is that of NHL professional hockey star, Theoren Fleury . Theoren was serially abused by his coach, Graham James for several years while he was in minor hockey. Fleury has overcome his addictions and won a criminal case against James and now advocates for boys who have suffered sexual violence.

Dare I say it? I'm wondering about the Cadets programs over the years in our denomination? How many boys are suffering in silence with addictions and depression or have taken their lives due to abuse there? I must bring it up and I am not afraid to raise the question. I know I will get push-back on this and my prayer and hope is that the statistics in our denomination for serial abuse against boys is far less than the known averages.

Clergy mental illness is widespread across the denominational spectrum. My first bout with depression came through a complete awareness of unrealized expectations for  ministry, aka burnout, as a young ordained Pentecostal church planter. Through a prolonged leave of absence, I was able to come to a complete understanding of the cause and finally cures for situational depression (dysthymia). Self-care is of primary importance for long-haul success in ministry. As I result of my mental illness, I lost years of potentially productive pastoral ministry. I am thankful to God and to those who provided the loving care I received for restoration back to health and eventually productive ministry after a 14-year absence due to depression.

The best piece of advice and take-away from that awful dark period was, " why work 55-70 hours per week for 10 years when you can work with health and effectiveness 35-40 hours per week for 40 years.

Self-care is what makes me currently effective in ministry for the long run. Talk to your leadership about the need for self-care. Form a covenant with them to preserve your mental health, so you can run the race with the endurance needed for a full, rewarding career in ministry.

Great and timely article that is not about politics or the presidential election but about human dignity. Trump is simply the latest high-profile public figure that has been exposed as an abuser of the basic human right to dignity and the maintenance of proper sexual boundaries.

No women or man for that matter can, under Christ's Lordship be sexually trespassed against in word or deed. I have been involved in many cases as a victims advocate for the sexually abused by those who suffer at the short end of a power differential. Victims of clergy and church officer sexual abuse sit in our CRC pews by the hundreds in silence due to the power structure of the white male ecclesiastical oligarchy. Research statistic by Baylor University reveal that 1.5/100 members of the clergy (This goes across all denominations) sexually abuse women that are under their power as parishioners. This is a horrifying statistic that leaves so many abused women in our CRC pews without a voice to express their pain, receive proper treatment or find safety. As Michelle Obama so eloquently stated, "It hurts". These women and men, weakened and marginalized through church officer sexual abuse must stand up to the ecclesiastical straight-jacket that has been placed upon them, however they are afraid to do so because its not safe to do so. They will be shunned, ostracized and removed from their communities as temptresses, or loose. The voices of the 11 women who came forward accusing Donald Trump have been pretty much silenced, no charges brought, seen as slutty or even unworthy of Trump's advances. How shameful and despicable can a predator be?

The damage done to the psyche and spirit of the spiritually and emotionally abused is acute, tragic and often permanently disabling. Safe Church needs more teeth in the CRC, so that the real fear of God can be put into church officer's hearts if they contemplate crossing clearly defined sexual boundaries that must be respected by the people of God.

peace,

Kelly

      Having recently viewed Spotlight with my pastor, I was struck once again by the horrors of abuse of power, clergy sexual and spiritual abuse and its close cousin, emotional abuse. This phenomenon is hardly a Catholic one. Researchers at Baylor have reams of statistics outlining the extent of clergy sexual abuse in protestant denominations.

      As a commissioned pastor and chaplain, I have deep concern for survivors of abuse of power. The complexities of the fall-out for the victims of clergy spiritual and sexual abuse are almost impossible to heal without committed, whole-congregational support preceded by congregational education on yes, the reality of clergy abuse of power, spiritual and sexual abuse in our own CRC. Before Synod 2016 is an overture addressing this reality and the need to re-vamp church polity to effectively discipline office-bearers who cross boundaries of professional conduct. There should be zero tolerance for office bearers engaging in "affairs" (long out-dated language of the past) with adult parishioners or who abuse minors within a congregation. There is no such thing as an "affair" between a pastor and a parishioner due to the imbalance of power. It is always abuse and needs to be clearly labeled as such. With an eye to protecting, healing and preserving the lives of victims, CRC Safe Church has a major "policing" role that warrants much greater respect, recognition and authority than it currently receives. The consequences for both victims and communities following an incident of office-bearer abuse of power leave a wake of destruction including permanent loss of faith in God and the church community, deposed or suspended office bearers, loss of trust, broken and split congregations to name just a few.

     Sweeping office-bearer sexual abuse under the rug should not be tolerated any more calling it for what it is...otherwise on your Marquees write: "Church"- Enter at your own risk!