Before You Send that Angry Letter: A Call for Kindness in Communication

There is a lot of anger in the church these days. Before you send that angry letter to “CRCNA leadership” though, please consider. You are not sending the letter to a head of state or a politician you really hate. You’re sending it to a small handful of people who are humbly and prayerfully trying to faithfully lead a small part of the body of Christ.

It’s valid, even encouraged, to share your concerns with CRCNA leadership about the state of the world, and to present your views, asking for a stronger stance on a certain issue, or a change of perspective on a matter in society today. But as you write that letter, as you choose the words you’ll use, please remember that you’re not addressing an enemy.

Imagine a pastor of a small church weary from the responsibilities of leadership: doing his or her best to smooth disputes between congregation members, seeing to the spiritual needs of dozens of people with complex situations, diverse views, a range of ages and experiences. Imagine that, on top of that, a handful of members of the church send regular correspondence telling the pastor  of all of his or her shortcomings and failings; the ways their words were too strong, or not strong enough, or not to the point they wanted the pastor to address; the way the pastor was too kind to people who are in moral crisis, or was not doing enough to help the homelessness situation in the town. Like any other person, the pastor also has family cares to tend to, their own struggles, their own doubts. Stresses pile up, and the pastor  finds the constant negative feedback too much; they are close to the breaking point. “Well,” you might say, “they shouldn’t have taken on a leadership role if they couldn’t take the heat.” Is the goal of these negative letters to bring pastors to that breaking point so they fail, resign, and move into a less demanding line of work? Is that a Christlike response?

The leaders of the CRCNA have a similar struggle to the small town pastor, but their “congregation” is over 183,000 strong, with members in urban and rural settings, in different countries, with very different perspectives. They get fewer of the joys of pastoral leadership - coffee or dinner with congregation members, baptizing babies and new Christians, officiating weddings, guiding the faith of people and seeing fruit. But they get a lot more of the negative feedback.

I have the privilege of working for the CRCNA denomination. I am not a 'leader' and am not the recipient of the angry letters that are sent, but I do witness their damage. I see people work hard and discern faithfully before they take action, only to be cut down by folks on all sides of an issue. I see the weariness that results. I also see how it reflects poorly, to those seeing our social media interactions, what the church is all about.

Before you type that angry letter, before you hit send on a soul-crushing diatribe, please consider what you’re doing. Send the feedback, by all means, but remember that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. Remember that, of faith, hope, and love, love is still the greatest.