Self-Deception

As I was reading i told me so: self deception and the Christian life (Gregg A. Ten Elshof) I came across this quote:

The range of what we think or do
Is limited by what we fail to notice
And because we fail to notice 
What we fail to notice
There is little we can do 
To change 
Until we notice
How failing to notice
Shapes our thoughts and deeds
(Daniel Goleman)

Failing to notice is a strategy we use to avoid truth that demands change. We all believe that we ought to love our neighbour. In fact most of us think we are doing alright in this regard. Of course we tend to surround ourselves with people we find easy to love. We fail to notice the others. When we do meet those we find difficult to love, we prefer to say that the problem is with them not us. In our day, we suggest they resolve their personal issues with counseling. We fail to notice our own struggles.

I remember being told of a minister who came home from a meeting complaining about the stubborn and resistant council. After a while for patiently listening to her husband, his wife asked the question: so what did you do or say, or what attitude did you have that annoyed the council so deeply? She helped him notice what he failed to notice that shaped his thoughts and deeds.

All this just leads to the question: how do we notice what we fail to notice? Or who are the people who see what you do not see? How can their seeing help your seeing, their hearing help your hearing?