Hi Susan, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Erc has already written a good response, let me just add this: I didn't mean at all to imply that Larry Nasser's actions were not horrific, or that he in any way should not be held fully accountable for his actions and the huge devastion he's caused in the lives of so many women and girls. The fact that you found my words "jarring", thinking of him as a person, created in God's image, is understandable. You can only imagine how jarring the allegations were for someone who knew and trusted him. It's always jarring, and feelings of a deep sense of betrayal are common. My point is that abuse is most often perpetated by ordinary people, people who are loved, trusted, and considered 'safe'. That's how access is gained, and that's what often allows abuse to continue; because it's simply too jarring to believe that it could really be happening.
Thank you for your comment. You raise a very important issue. This article does not in any way imply that only women are sexually abused or harassed. However, it acknowledges that we live in a culture that generally devalues women. I won't take time here to get into all the ways, or site all the evidence for that fact; suffice it to say that men still hold far more power than woman do. Patriarchy has been the law of the earth since the fall in the Garden of Eden (see Genesis 3:16, which wasn't the original plan, but praise the Lord, we have been redeemed, able to live in mutual respect and partnership according to the original design). In church culture in particular, we see that there are places where women still do not have the privilege of even voting or holding office. Context is important. The overall context is that men hold much more power in our culture (in church and outside of church) than women do - that is the context and that needs to be acknowledged and taken into account. It impacts the way abuse and harassment are experienced. That in no way diminishes the severity of abuse or harassment for any person, man or women. The dynamics however are different, In fact, the same toxic masculine culture can make it even more difficult for men who have suffered abuse to come forward and talk about their experience. It's admirable to witness the courage of the men who have also stepped forward in the "#me too" movement. Statistics tell us that 1 in 6 men have suffered sexual abuse. Safe Church includes resources on our website for men, including a link to the website https://1in6.org/, Safe Church works toward creating communities where the value of each person is honored, and where all people are free to worship and grow free from abuse or harassment. And where harm has occurred, may our churches be places of compassion and justice that foster healing. Pray with us toward that end. And thanks again for your comment.
Thank you for your comment. Safe Church offers resources to increase awareness about facts and what is really happening. We must not put our heads in the sand and pretend that all is well when sexual abuse is so prevalent among us. Safe Church offers links to numerous reliable sources for information to help increase awareness, such as this helpful infographic from the Centers for Disease Control. And you'll notice the term "made to penetrate" is used, as definitions of rape have changed to include the victimization of males. The 1 in 6 website previously mentioned is a great resource, I hope that you've looked at it. 1 in 6 refers to the number of men who have been victimized out of the entire population of men (Yes, a different statistic than the percentage of male vs. female perpetration within that group).
Safe Church Ministry works toward creating communities where the value of each person, regardless of gender, is honored, and where ALL people are free to worship and grow free from abuse. And where harm has occurred, may our churches be places of compassion and justice that foster healing for ALL who have been victimized by abuse, regardless of gender. That is the goal that we are working toward. If this is something that you are also passionate about, please feel free to join us in our work. Contact Safe Church for details about how to become more involved in the growing Safe Church movement.
It may also be good to note that Safe Church Ministry has many men who serve as safe church team members throughout the U.S. and Canada. And our second staff person is also a male, Rev. Eric Kas, Safe Church Associate. It is our hope and prayer that we will be prepared to minister with both men and women who have suffered abuse; and that we may be agents of change in our culture to end sexual abuse.
I liked this quote, "The future is here. It's at the margins" (Or something close to that). The idea is that we need to look to the margins for leadership as we head into the future. That includes seeking leaders who are women, who are people of color, who have suffered injustice and/or ridicule, who are hurting, who are deemed powerless and poor. These are people Jesus loves, whom he has chosen for his kingdom work, and from whom we have so much to learn.
I recently attended a "convening" of sexual abuse prevention educators hosted by Samaritan Safe Church. I'm so thankful to Linda Crockett for her willingness to dance alone, listening to survivors and what they need in churches. And it was amazing to be with those who have now joined her in a changing their church culture, creating a movement to end child sexual abuse. Her movement has spread in Pennsylvania and now to many other places across the U.S. It's inspiring! What movements have you seen grow from a small seed to something large? What movement would you like to see? Are you willing to start dancing?
Thanks for posting this. We need to hear and understand these words so that we, as the church, can respond appropriately to those who have experienced abuse and to those who perpetrate it.
My prayer is that we, as the Church, will open our eyes, and stand against this devastating injustice. Though it may seem overwhelming, even small steps, by many people, can make a difference. It begins with understanding. Thanks for posting this!
Another article in the "Do Justice" blog talks about using a "Gulliver Strategy", which means using multiple and creative tactics to bring down the giant that porn has become in our culture. What steps, however small they seem, can you and your congregation take? I recently returned from Montana, where I participated in presentations by Protect Young Eyes, which were designed and adapted for students of various ages in both Christian and public schools, as well as an evening program for parents. These were small, but very valuable and important actions! Feel free to contact Safe Church Ministry for additional information about these events, or how to plan something similar where you live.
I'm wondering if there was any conversation with the intern, and with others about this issue. I can think of various options off the top of my head, and in good conversation with others I'm sure there would be a lot more. What about flexible work hours, working offsite, or alone in the building when you were not there? Or, what about an office with a lock on the door? Same sex relationships must also be considered in safety planning. Has this been an issue with male interns or only female interns? If it's only seen as an issue with female interns, then that's a problem in my mind. There might be other ways to work around the concerns of having two people alone working together in a church building - a video camera in the office space? A quick-dial emergency phone number? And the trust level in the relationship must also be considered. I don't believe that completely risk-free ministry is possible - it is our responsibility to minimize risks as much as we are able. And I often say that risks must always be weighed against benefits in determining the best course of action; and if you're going to error (it's human after all) error on the side of safety.
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments on this article! It is an important topic. It's more complicated than it seems on the surface, which the article itself and the comments clearly show.
I know many women who feel that their leadership potential is stunted by the fact that they are treated differently than their male counterparts. There may be fewer mentoring relationships and opportunities available to them, especially in male dominated positions such as pastors. In our culture, networking with others is an important part of job advancement. So, women can feel at a disadvantage if they are not allowed the same opportunities for networking and building relationships. This is a real issue, more than just a perception. And it may play a part in the economic disparity found between women and men doing similar work. We must be aware of these cultural biases, and work toward equal dignity and opportunity for all people.
At the same time, I applaud men for considering the issue carefully and taking steps to protect themselves from false allegations of inappropriate behavior, which is also a valid concern. It's a valid concern for women leaders as well. Anyone in a leadership position needs to consider how their actions are perceived and how they might be understood by others. Leaders should be an example to others, and in Christian ministry are called to be above reproach. It seems also important to note that Jesus was as concerned about our thoughts and motivations as he was about our behaviors (See Matthew 5). And so, it seems that knowing yourself is also important in making these kinds of decisions. If being alone with a woman, or a man, causes one to lust, than for sure, avoiding that situation all together is wise and good. Better yet, is being able to treat all people with equal dignity and respect - may we come to that place in our leadership. And I believe that an important part of that is maintaining a safe environment, which may mean meeting in public (you can have private conversations in public places), having windows in the doors, etc. And every leader should have those who can hold him or her accountable - so that when temptations present themselves, he or she has a place to go with that struggle. We need to hold our leaders accountable, in a gentle and restoring way - because our enemy is working overtime in this area. Our hope rests in our God, who is stronger, and is also always working on behalf of his people, his bride, the Church.
Honest conversation about this issue is a good step in the right direction. So, thanks again Monica for the article, and also to all those who weighed in with comments.
Posted in: Justice, Grace, and Worth: Rachael Denhollander's Victim Impact Statement
Hi Susan, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Erc has already written a good response, let me just add this: I didn't mean at all to imply that Larry Nasser's actions were not horrific, or that he in any way should not be held fully accountable for his actions and the huge devastion he's caused in the lives of so many women and girls. The fact that you found my words "jarring", thinking of him as a person, created in God's image, is understandable. You can only imagine how jarring the allegations were for someone who knew and trusted him. It's always jarring, and feelings of a deep sense of betrayal are common. My point is that abuse is most often perpetated by ordinary people, people who are loved, trusted, and considered 'safe'. That's how access is gained, and that's what often allows abuse to continue; because it's simply too jarring to believe that it could really be happening.
Posted in: #MeToo and #ChurchToo
Thank you so much Bev for your encouraging words.
Posted in: #MeToo and #ChurchToo
Thank you for your comment. You raise a very important issue. This article does not in any way imply that only women are sexually abused or harassed. However, it acknowledges that we live in a culture that generally devalues women. I won't take time here to get into all the ways, or site all the evidence for that fact; suffice it to say that men still hold far more power than woman do. Patriarchy has been the law of the earth since the fall in the Garden of Eden (see Genesis 3:16, which wasn't the original plan, but praise the Lord, we have been redeemed, able to live in mutual respect and partnership according to the original design). In church culture in particular, we see that there are places where women still do not have the privilege of even voting or holding office. Context is important. The overall context is that men hold much more power in our culture (in church and outside of church) than women do - that is the context and that needs to be acknowledged and taken into account. It impacts the way abuse and harassment are experienced. That in no way diminishes the severity of abuse or harassment for any person, man or women. The dynamics however are different, In fact, the same toxic masculine culture can make it even more difficult for men who have suffered abuse to come forward and talk about their experience. It's admirable to witness the courage of the men who have also stepped forward in the "#me too" movement. Statistics tell us that 1 in 6 men have suffered sexual abuse. Safe Church includes resources on our website for men, including a link to the website https://1in6.org/, Safe Church works toward creating communities where the value of each person is honored, and where all people are free to worship and grow free from abuse or harassment. And where harm has occurred, may our churches be places of compassion and justice that foster healing. Pray with us toward that end. And thanks again for your comment.
Posted in: #MeToo and #ChurchToo
Thank you for your comment. Safe Church offers resources to increase awareness about facts and what is really happening. We must not put our heads in the sand and pretend that all is well when sexual abuse is so prevalent among us. Safe Church offers links to numerous reliable sources for information to help increase awareness, such as this helpful infographic from the Centers for Disease Control. And you'll notice the term "made to penetrate" is used, as definitions of rape have changed to include the victimization of males. The 1 in 6 website previously mentioned is a great resource, I hope that you've looked at it. 1 in 6 refers to the number of men who have been victimized out of the entire population of men (Yes, a different statistic than the percentage of male vs. female perpetration within that group).
Safe Church Ministry works toward creating communities where the value of each person, regardless of gender, is honored, and where ALL people are free to worship and grow free from abuse. And where harm has occurred, may our churches be places of compassion and justice that foster healing for ALL who have been victimized by abuse, regardless of gender. That is the goal that we are working toward. If this is something that you are also passionate about, please feel free to join us in our work. Contact Safe Church for details about how to become more involved in the growing Safe Church movement.
Posted in: #MeToo and #ChurchToo
It may also be good to note that Safe Church Ministry has many men who serve as safe church team members throughout the U.S. and Canada. And our second staff person is also a male, Rev. Eric Kas, Safe Church Associate. It is our hope and prayer that we will be prepared to minister with both men and women who have suffered abuse; and that we may be agents of change in our culture to end sexual abuse.
Posted in: 'Canoeing the Mountains' Top Takeaway?
I liked this quote, "The future is here. It's at the margins" (Or something close to that). The idea is that we need to look to the margins for leadership as we head into the future. That includes seeking leaders who are women, who are people of color, who have suffered injustice and/or ridicule, who are hurting, who are deemed powerless and poor. These are people Jesus loves, whom he has chosen for his kingdom work, and from whom we have so much to learn.
Posted in: Movements, Dancing and #Metoo: A Call to Stand Up for Radical Healing
I recently attended a "convening" of sexual abuse prevention educators hosted by Samaritan Safe Church. I'm so thankful to Linda Crockett for her willingness to dance alone, listening to survivors and what they need in churches. And it was amazing to be with those who have now joined her in a changing their church culture, creating a movement to end child sexual abuse. Her movement has spread in Pennsylvania and now to many other places across the U.S. It's inspiring! What movements have you seen grow from a small seed to something large? What movement would you like to see? Are you willing to start dancing?
Posted in: Abusers Among Us
Thanks for posting this. We need to hear and understand these words so that we, as the church, can respond appropriately to those who have experienced abuse and to those who perpetrate it.
Posted in: The Sex Industry and Your Role in the Fight Against It
My prayer is that we, as the Church, will open our eyes, and stand against this devastating injustice. Though it may seem overwhelming, even small steps, by many people, can make a difference. It begins with understanding. Thanks for posting this!
Posted in: The Sex Industry and Your Role in the Fight Against It
Another article in the "Do Justice" blog talks about using a "Gulliver Strategy", which means using multiple and creative tactics to bring down the giant that porn has become in our culture. What steps, however small they seem, can you and your congregation take? I recently returned from Montana, where I participated in presentations by Protect Young Eyes, which were designed and adapted for students of various ages in both Christian and public schools, as well as an evening program for parents. These were small, but very valuable and important actions! Feel free to contact Safe Church Ministry for additional information about these events, or how to plan something similar where you live.
Posted in: Healthy Boundaries and the Billy Graham Rule
I'm wondering if there was any conversation with the intern, and with others about this issue. I can think of various options off the top of my head, and in good conversation with others I'm sure there would be a lot more. What about flexible work hours, working offsite, or alone in the building when you were not there? Or, what about an office with a lock on the door? Same sex relationships must also be considered in safety planning. Has this been an issue with male interns or only female interns? If it's only seen as an issue with female interns, then that's a problem in my mind. There might be other ways to work around the concerns of having two people alone working together in a church building - a video camera in the office space? A quick-dial emergency phone number? And the trust level in the relationship must also be considered. I don't believe that completely risk-free ministry is possible - it is our responsibility to minimize risks as much as we are able. And I often say that risks must always be weighed against benefits in determining the best course of action; and if you're going to error (it's human after all) error on the side of safety.
Posted in: Healthy Boundaries and the Billy Graham Rule
Thanks for all the thoughtful comments on this article! It is an important topic. It's more complicated than it seems on the surface, which the article itself and the comments clearly show.
I know many women who feel that their leadership potential is stunted by the fact that they are treated differently than their male counterparts. There may be fewer mentoring relationships and opportunities available to them, especially in male dominated positions such as pastors. In our culture, networking with others is an important part of job advancement. So, women can feel at a disadvantage if they are not allowed the same opportunities for networking and building relationships. This is a real issue, more than just a perception. And it may play a part in the economic disparity found between women and men doing similar work. We must be aware of these cultural biases, and work toward equal dignity and opportunity for all people.
At the same time, I applaud men for considering the issue carefully and taking steps to protect themselves from false allegations of inappropriate behavior, which is also a valid concern. It's a valid concern for women leaders as well. Anyone in a leadership position needs to consider how their actions are perceived and how they might be understood by others. Leaders should be an example to others, and in Christian ministry are called to be above reproach. It seems also important to note that Jesus was as concerned about our thoughts and motivations as he was about our behaviors (See Matthew 5). And so, it seems that knowing yourself is also important in making these kinds of decisions. If being alone with a woman, or a man, causes one to lust, than for sure, avoiding that situation all together is wise and good. Better yet, is being able to treat all people with equal dignity and respect - may we come to that place in our leadership. And I believe that an important part of that is maintaining a safe environment, which may mean meeting in public (you can have private conversations in public places), having windows in the doors, etc. And every leader should have those who can hold him or her accountable - so that when temptations present themselves, he or she has a place to go with that struggle. We need to hold our leaders accountable, in a gentle and restoring way - because our enemy is working overtime in this area. Our hope rests in our God, who is stronger, and is also always working on behalf of his people, his bride, the Church.
Honest conversation about this issue is a good step in the right direction. So, thanks again Monica for the article, and also to all those who weighed in with comments.