Mary is right that this is designed for a deeper inner healing kind of prayer - not after the service on Sunday. In our ministry people signed up for prayer appointments with a 2-3 person prayer team. We scheduled 2 hours for a prayer appointment.
Amen Fred! We are out to change our culture, not only follow rules. Safe Church is about creating a truly safe environment for all people, including those who may have experienced abuse, so that all of us together can worship, grow, and become all that we are created to be. It's a mindset that sees safe church as a critical part of building Christian communities that reflect our Lord, communities where his love and justice reign.
That sounds like a good response Mary. Thanks. I like the image of after church prayer being more like triage, but also recognizing that God is not limited, and he can do significant work in a very short time frame.
One image that sticks in my mind from my prayer ministry days is that of the paralyzed man who was brought to Jesus by his friends who had to break through the roof to get to him. Sometimes there is work to do to get people to Jesus - but that is always the posture in prayer ministry, bringing folks into the presence of Jesus and letting Jesus do what he will. Often it's not what we would expect or can even imagine. The passage says that Jesus saw the faith of the man's friends, and healed him. Sometimes we need to have faith for one another. It's a great image for me of healing prayer.
As a prayer ministry group we also met regularly to practice praying with and for one another. We also went through a Theophostic video training course (Ed Smith) and we read a book by Leanne Payne together. Regular time as a community, practicing with one another and learning together was wonderful for all of us and built a lot of trust in the group as well. (It was an ecumenical group, so we didn't all go to the same church). We didn't stick to one process or procedure, but felt our learning together gave us several "tools" that we could use, under the direction of the Holy Spirit. The main thing is bringing someone into the presence of Jesus so that Jesus can do his healing work, whatever that may be. Learning to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and Listen to the voice of Jesus is important.
Thank you for your question - so glad you are being proactive in asking it and in creating a safe place where faith and worship can flourish and grow. An environment where everyone feels valued and safe provides the best context for faith formation.
Safe Church Ministry offers many resources on its website for equipping congregations in abuse awareness, prevention, and response. If you click on the left hand side bar where it says 'Creating a Safe Church Policy' you will find resources specifically related to that. In addition, you may contact the Safe Church Ministry Office, we may be able to connect you with a local safe church team member who can help. Please don't hesitate to call or send us an email. And your church insurance provider may also be a good source of information regarding policy.
I've really appreciated the Presbyterian Reformed Ministries International trainings that I've participated in, including some at their training center in Black Mountain, NC. For more information see prmi.org
Thanks for you good question! It's encouraging to me that background checks are becoming more important in the CRC. More and more people are asking about them. And it's encouraging to see good answers to your question and resources already posted. The number of recent requests about background checks has led Safe Church Ministry to (very soon) add a page to our website regarding it. We are currently waiting to have one part of that approved (one company is prepared to offer a discount to CRC affiliates and we want that to be a part of our webpage). Your local police can give you guidance regarding background checks. There are different levels of background checks, and different costs associated with them. Each church must weigh the risks and costs carefully, and then chose what will be the best for that context. And it's important to note that a background check should never stand alone as a screening procedure, it's only one part of a process that can also include an application, interview, and checking references. And good policies are also important to prevent abuse, protect children and vulnerable adults, and as Libby points out, also protect the church from potential litigation. There are companies that help organizations with background checks. The following have been successfully used by many CRC ministries in the U.S. and Canada.
Screening One (U.S.) and My Back Check (Canada) are very reliable companies that work with all kinds of organizations; their primarily work is with employers, but they also can help with any background check needs.
Protect My Ministry (U.S. and Canada) is an organization that is geared toward helping congregations and ministries and provides background checks as well as other services.
Plan to Protect (Canada - expanding to U.S.) is another organization that is more comprehensive in nature and has a lot to offer organizations that serve children and youth and are concerned with safety.
I'm not sure how to answer your question about undocumented people - I've heard that background checks are possible with only a name and birth date (however, a more comprehensive check may require more than that). There should be no exceptions to any policy - change the policy if you need to - but be sure to follow it. I'll check into it and let you know.
I used to be a part of a prayer ministry before taking my current position in Grand Rapids. Several people from our prayer team went to Terry Wardle's training at Ashland Theological Seminary and found it very valuable in our work of prayer ministry. I've used information from his book and website.
In response to the question in the title, I would be very interested in hearing stories that would help me better understand the needs of male survivors. My job is to help churches respond appropriately and be supportive to those who have survived abuse. So greater understanding is always appreciated. Thank you for offering your story, and please feel free to contact me directly and privately.
I must say that I am a bit confused about the reference to traditional 12 step programs, as those tend to be associated with addiction recovery. Addictive behavior may (often) be present when abuse is also present. However, treating the addictive behavior (a symptom) should not be equated with treating the trauma of abuse (the disease), even though they may be related.
That's wonderful Andrew. I love the the title "Naming Our Abuse: Men Doing the Write Thing" and the four units, with the car wreck theme sound really good. What a blessing the group must be to all the members. I will keep the group in my prayers. May the Lord work powerfully in and through it as you move toward Him and toward healing and wholeness (which will only fully come when he returns - yet much healing is availble in this life as well).
I used to work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship on the campus of Michigan State University. While on staff I met so many, mostly women, but also some men, who had experienced Sexual Assault. It's so devastating - I know that from first hand experience as well. I found a support group hugely beneficial, for me, and also for many others as I went on to facilitate many support groups and write a guide that others could use to facilitate them. It's not a replacement for professional therapy, but a wonderful addition to it. Being with others helps normalize so much of the experience, and there's something about realizing that you are not alone that is extremely valuable. Therapy can't do that as well. And for me writing was also a key - freewriting exercises were often a part of our groups. I'm so thankful to know about your group. Blessings to you as you go deeper in your own healing journey.
You point to some excellent resources. I'm glad that they are posted; and I hope that people will refer to them and gain insight into this serious issue. I think the lack of CRC response shows how hidden this problem is - we don't want to talk about it; and that isn't very helpful.
As I said in my first reply - the highest priority needs to be the safety of the family, and the needs of the one who has been victimized. It would be my recommendation that the one who has perpetrated the abuse find a different church community in which to worship; that the church property be included in the protection order so that the one who has abused is not able to be there. Safety must take precedence. And the one who has been victimized must now be empowered to make decisions that affect her and her family - she knows best what they've been through and what is needed. No one looking from the outside knows what she knows - she is able to make the most informed decisions, the role of the church is to support her in those decisions. There are other places of worship for the one who has abused - it's his behavior that has prevented him from involvement in the church where the family attends.
When I was working as an intern at a domestic violence shelter - I was truly amazed at how many women went to their pastors for advice. I honestly never knew that pastors were so popular - they're the place people go for help. And I was also amazed at the bad advice given by well meaning, generally very good pastors, who had no understanding of domestic violence. I especially remember one client who came in with multiple bruises and abrasions and said to me "i went back because my pastor told me to - I was only doing what he said". The pastor had assured her that he had talked and prayed with her husband and that she needed to return to him. So, who is really responsible for those injuries?
We simply must be better informed; and bring this issue out into the light. I and many other Safe Church team members are willing and able to do educational programs in your church that could help everyone better understand the dynamics involved in abusive relationships so that we can respond more appropriately. Please don't hesitate to contact me or your Safe Church representative. It's why we're here.
My simple answer is, 'no' for many, many reasons. Many churches are in places where there are not good Christian schools. In addittion Christian school costs are not minimal; the advantages and the costs need to be carefully weighed - it becomes a stewardship issue for each family and for the church.
I remember when our first child became "school age" and we debated this question (my husband having grown up in Christian schools and myself coming to faith later in life - growing up in public schools). We looked at the nearest and only Christian school nearby and decided that we would not send our child there - we felt that we would have to re-teach much of what was being taught, especially in the sciences. It just wasn't a good school academically. In addition, I saw advantages to my faith being challenged by living in the context of the public school environment. It made me think about how to respond to people and to situations and prepared me well for later ministry. I also discovered wonderful fellowship for myself in "Moms-in-Touch", connecting with ohter moms who prayed each week for our children and for our children's schools. There were many testimonies of answered prayer, and it was a great opportunity to be a light for the gospel in that environment (Becky Pippert would say, get out of the saltshaker and into the world where we can make a difference). Isn't that a reformed idea?
As our church becomes more diverse and as we seek to grow and be relevant in an ever changing world, I think this is not something that should be a "must" issue for church leaders. I'm glad it's not that way in my church; we have church leaders with kids in Christian school as well as those with children in public school. There are too many factors involved in each family situation to make a hard and fast rule.
Posted in: How Are Elders and Prayer Leaders Equipped to Pray for Worship and With Others After Worship?
Mary is right that this is designed for a deeper inner healing kind of prayer - not after the service on Sunday. In our ministry people signed up for prayer appointments with a 2-3 person prayer team. We scheduled 2 hours for a prayer appointment.
Posted in: Questions on Implementing Background Checks
Amen Fred! We are out to change our culture, not only follow rules. Safe Church is about creating a truly safe environment for all people, including those who may have experienced abuse, so that all of us together can worship, grow, and become all that we are created to be. It's a mindset that sees safe church as a critical part of building Christian communities that reflect our Lord, communities where his love and justice reign.
Posted in: How Are Elders and Prayer Leaders Equipped to Pray for Worship and With Others After Worship?
That sounds like a good response Mary. Thanks. I like the image of after church prayer being more like triage, but also recognizing that God is not limited, and he can do significant work in a very short time frame.
One image that sticks in my mind from my prayer ministry days is that of the paralyzed man who was brought to Jesus by his friends who had to break through the roof to get to him. Sometimes there is work to do to get people to Jesus - but that is always the posture in prayer ministry, bringing folks into the presence of Jesus and letting Jesus do what he will. Often it's not what we would expect or can even imagine. The passage says that Jesus saw the faith of the man's friends, and healed him. Sometimes we need to have faith for one another. It's a great image for me of healing prayer.
As a prayer ministry group we also met regularly to practice praying with and for one another. We also went through a Theophostic video training course (Ed Smith) and we read a book by Leanne Payne together. Regular time as a community, practicing with one another and learning together was wonderful for all of us and built a lot of trust in the group as well. (It was an ecumenical group, so we didn't all go to the same church). We didn't stick to one process or procedure, but felt our learning together gave us several "tools" that we could use, under the direction of the Holy Spirit. The main thing is bringing someone into the presence of Jesus so that Jesus can do his healing work, whatever that may be. Learning to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and Listen to the voice of Jesus is important.
Posted in: How Are Elders and Prayer Leaders Equipped to Pray for Worship and With Others After Worship?
I would be very, very interested.
Posted in: Ideas for Creating a Church Protection Policy?
Thank you for your question - so glad you are being proactive in asking it and in creating a safe place where faith and worship can flourish and grow. An environment where everyone feels valued and safe provides the best context for faith formation.
Safe Church Ministry offers many resources on its website for equipping congregations in abuse awareness, prevention, and response. If you click on the left hand side bar where it says 'Creating a Safe Church Policy' you will find resources specifically related to that. In addition, you may contact the Safe Church Ministry Office, we may be able to connect you with a local safe church team member who can help. Please don't hesitate to call or send us an email. And your church insurance provider may also be a good source of information regarding policy.
Thanks for asking! Blessings to you.
Posted in: How Are Elders and Prayer Leaders Equipped to Pray for Worship and With Others After Worship?
I've really appreciated the Presbyterian Reformed Ministries International trainings that I've participated in, including some at their training center in Black Mountain, NC. For more information see prmi.org
Posted in: Questions on Implementing Background Checks
Hi Kory,
Thanks for you good question! It's encouraging to me that background checks are becoming more important in the CRC. More and more people are asking about them. And it's encouraging to see good answers to your question and resources already posted. The number of recent requests about background checks has led Safe Church Ministry to (very soon) add a page to our website regarding it. We are currently waiting to have one part of that approved (one company is prepared to offer a discount to CRC affiliates and we want that to be a part of our webpage). Your local police can give you guidance regarding background checks. There are different levels of background checks, and different costs associated with them. Each church must weigh the risks and costs carefully, and then chose what will be the best for that context. And it's important to note that a background check should never stand alone as a screening procedure, it's only one part of a process that can also include an application, interview, and checking references. And good policies are also important to prevent abuse, protect children and vulnerable adults, and as Libby points out, also protect the church from potential litigation. There are companies that help organizations with background checks. The following have been successfully used by many CRC ministries in the U.S. and Canada.
Screening One (U.S.) and My Back Check (Canada) are very reliable companies that work with all kinds of organizations; their primarily work is with employers, but they also can help with any background check needs.
Protect My Ministry (U.S. and Canada) is an organization that is geared toward helping congregations and ministries and provides background checks as well as other services.
Plan to Protect (Canada - expanding to U.S.) is another organization that is more comprehensive in nature and has a lot to offer organizations that serve children and youth and are concerned with safety.
I'm not sure how to answer your question about undocumented people - I've heard that background checks are possible with only a name and birth date (however, a more comprehensive check may require more than that). There should be no exceptions to any policy - change the policy if you need to - but be sure to follow it. I'll check into it and let you know.
Posted in: How Are Elders and Prayer Leaders Equipped to Pray for Worship and With Others After Worship?
I used to be a part of a prayer ministry before taking my current position in Grand Rapids. Several people from our prayer team went to Terry Wardle's training at Ashland Theological Seminary and found it very valuable in our work of prayer ministry. I've used information from his book and website.
Posted in: If You Are an Abused Male or Know One, Would You Be Interested in Reading the the Healing Journeys of Four Male Survivors?
In response to the question in the title, I would be very interested in hearing stories that would help me better understand the needs of male survivors. My job is to help churches respond appropriately and be supportive to those who have survived abuse. So greater understanding is always appreciated. Thank you for offering your story, and please feel free to contact me directly and privately.
I must say that I am a bit confused about the reference to traditional 12 step programs, as those tend to be associated with addiction recovery. Addictive behavior may (often) be present when abuse is also present. However, treating the addictive behavior (a symptom) should not be equated with treating the trauma of abuse (the disease), even though they may be related.
Posted in: If You Are an Abused Male or Know One, Would You Be Interested in Reading the the Healing Journeys of Four Male Survivors?
That's wonderful Andrew. I love the the title "Naming Our Abuse: Men Doing the Write Thing" and the four units, with the car wreck theme sound really good. What a blessing the group must be to all the members. I will keep the group in my prayers. May the Lord work powerfully in and through it as you move toward Him and toward healing and wholeness (which will only fully come when he returns - yet much healing is availble in this life as well).
I used to work with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship on the campus of Michigan State University. While on staff I met so many, mostly women, but also some men, who had experienced Sexual Assault. It's so devastating - I know that from first hand experience as well. I found a support group hugely beneficial, for me, and also for many others as I went on to facilitate many support groups and write a guide that others could use to facilitate them. It's not a replacement for professional therapy, but a wonderful addition to it. Being with others helps normalize so much of the experience, and there's something about realizing that you are not alone that is extremely valuable. Therapy can't do that as well. And for me writing was also a key - freewriting exercises were often a part of our groups. I'm so thankful to know about your group. Blessings to you as you go deeper in your own healing journey.
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
Hi again,
You point to some excellent resources. I'm glad that they are posted; and I hope that people will refer to them and gain insight into this serious issue. I think the lack of CRC response shows how hidden this problem is - we don't want to talk about it; and that isn't very helpful.
As I said in my first reply - the highest priority needs to be the safety of the family, and the needs of the one who has been victimized. It would be my recommendation that the one who has perpetrated the abuse find a different church community in which to worship; that the church property be included in the protection order so that the one who has abused is not able to be there. Safety must take precedence. And the one who has been victimized must now be empowered to make decisions that affect her and her family - she knows best what they've been through and what is needed. No one looking from the outside knows what she knows - she is able to make the most informed decisions, the role of the church is to support her in those decisions. There are other places of worship for the one who has abused - it's his behavior that has prevented him from involvement in the church where the family attends.
When I was working as an intern at a domestic violence shelter - I was truly amazed at how many women went to their pastors for advice. I honestly never knew that pastors were so popular - they're the place people go for help. And I was also amazed at the bad advice given by well meaning, generally very good pastors, who had no understanding of domestic violence. I especially remember one client who came in with multiple bruises and abrasions and said to me "i went back because my pastor told me to - I was only doing what he said". The pastor had assured her that he had talked and prayed with her husband and that she needed to return to him. So, who is really responsible for those injuries?
We simply must be better informed; and bring this issue out into the light. I and many other Safe Church team members are willing and able to do educational programs in your church that could help everyone better understand the dynamics involved in abusive relationships so that we can respond more appropriately. Please don't hesitate to contact me or your Safe Church representative. It's why we're here.
Posted in: Must officebearers in the CRCNA send their children to Christian day schools?
My simple answer is, 'no' for many, many reasons. Many churches are in places where there are not good Christian schools. In addittion Christian school costs are not minimal; the advantages and the costs need to be carefully weighed - it becomes a stewardship issue for each family and for the church.
I remember when our first child became "school age" and we debated this question (my husband having grown up in Christian schools and myself coming to faith later in life - growing up in public schools). We looked at the nearest and only Christian school nearby and decided that we would not send our child there - we felt that we would have to re-teach much of what was being taught, especially in the sciences. It just wasn't a good school academically. In addition, I saw advantages to my faith being challenged by living in the context of the public school environment. It made me think about how to respond to people and to situations and prepared me well for later ministry. I also discovered wonderful fellowship for myself in "Moms-in-Touch", connecting with ohter moms who prayed each week for our children and for our children's schools. There were many testimonies of answered prayer, and it was a great opportunity to be a light for the gospel in that environment (Becky Pippert would say, get out of the saltshaker and into the world where we can make a difference). Isn't that a reformed idea?
As our church becomes more diverse and as we seek to grow and be relevant in an ever changing world, I think this is not something that should be a "must" issue for church leaders. I'm glad it's not that way in my church; we have church leaders with kids in Christian school as well as those with children in public school. There are too many factors involved in each family situation to make a hard and fast rule.