You point to some excellent resources. I'm glad that they are posted; and I hope that people will refer to them and gain insight into this serious issue. I think the lack of CRC response shows how hidden this problem is - we don't want to talk about it; and that isn't very helpful.
As I said in my first reply - the highest priority needs to be the safety of the family, and the needs of the one who has been victimized. It would be my recommendation that the one who has perpetrated the abuse find a different church community in which to worship; that the church property be included in the protection order so that the one who has abused is not able to be there. Safety must take precedence. And the one who has been victimized must now be empowered to make decisions that affect her and her family - she knows best what they've been through and what is needed. No one looking from the outside knows what she knows - she is able to make the most informed decisions, the role of the church is to support her in those decisions. There are other places of worship for the one who has abused - it's his behavior that has prevented him from involvement in the church where the family attends.
When I was working as an intern at a domestic violence shelter - I was truly amazed at how many women went to their pastors for advice. I honestly never knew that pastors were so popular - they're the place people go for help. And I was also amazed at the bad advice given by well meaning, generally very good pastors, who had no understanding of domestic violence. I especially remember one client who came in with multiple bruises and abrasions and said to me "i went back because my pastor told me to - I was only doing what he said". The pastor had assured her that he had talked and prayed with her husband and that she needed to return to him. So, who is really responsible for those injuries?
We simply must be better informed; and bring this issue out into the light. I and many other Safe Church team members are willing and able to do educational programs in your church that could help everyone better understand the dynamics involved in abusive relationships so that we can respond more appropriately. Please don't hesitate to contact me or your Safe Church representative. It's why we're here.
My simple answer is, 'no' for many, many reasons. Many churches are in places where there are not good Christian schools. In addittion Christian school costs are not minimal; the advantages and the costs need to be carefully weighed - it becomes a stewardship issue for each family and for the church.
I remember when our first child became "school age" and we debated this question (my husband having grown up in Christian schools and myself coming to faith later in life - growing up in public schools). We looked at the nearest and only Christian school nearby and decided that we would not send our child there - we felt that we would have to re-teach much of what was being taught, especially in the sciences. It just wasn't a good school academically. In addition, I saw advantages to my faith being challenged by living in the context of the public school environment. It made me think about how to respond to people and to situations and prepared me well for later ministry. I also discovered wonderful fellowship for myself in "Moms-in-Touch", connecting with ohter moms who prayed each week for our children and for our children's schools. There were many testimonies of answered prayer, and it was a great opportunity to be a light for the gospel in that environment (Becky Pippert would say, get out of the saltshaker and into the world where we can make a difference). Isn't that a reformed idea?
As our church becomes more diverse and as we seek to grow and be relevant in an ever changing world, I think this is not something that should be a "must" issue for church leaders. I'm glad it's not that way in my church; we have church leaders with kids in Christian school as well as those with children in public school. There are too many factors involved in each family situation to make a hard and fast rule.
I believe that the article you sited is right on when it says that churches need to have a greater understanding of the issue of Domestic Violence in order to have a right response to it. The article states that:
"It’s vital that the church stop making wrong judgements in these cases. Reform is essential so that churches can
rightly discern the sin of domestic abuse
resist the abuser’s attempts to recruit them as allies
label the abuser as the sole cause of the marriage breakdown
not mutualize the problem or blame the victim"
The needed reform will not happen on it's own. People are needed who are willing to do the necessary change work. It begins with change in the hearts and minds of individuals. And change must also reach to different levels, to the church community, and to the structures that currently maintain the status quo. It's not easy work. It involves meeting people where they are, engaging them in dialog and action, clarifying what's true, etc. I can see that you are very concerned about this issue; and I'm curious about how you are working in your church (beyond this blog post) toward creating change.
It’s important to note that any criminal background check has limitations. For starters, it’s only good until the moment it is completed. It doesn’t predict first offenses, and doesn’t include any offenses that went unreported. It may not reflect an accurate record of an offense (often plea bargains are made in court for lesser crimes, so the background check may not record the actual offense committed, only the plea deal reached in court). Depending on the criminal background check, it may only be good for the state or province in which it is conducted; and may say nothing about offenses that occurred in other places. As important as a criminal background check is, we must be aware of these limitations. Each church must weigh risks and costs, and then make a decision about how to proceed in terms of criminal background checks for staff and volunteers. It’s a good idea to check with the church’s insurance provider to see what is recommended or required. Insurance agents can be good sources for information and help to churches who may face obstacles in meeting requirements.
A criminal background check is not a panacea and does not stand alone as a method for screening church staff and volunteers. It is one part of an overall process, which includes an application, an interview, checking references, and getting to know the person in other ways. Because no screening can perfectly predict behavior, policies must also be in place and must be followed that limit risks for abuse. For example, a policy that doesn’t allow an adult to be alone with a child, and includes provisions for transportation, discipline, etc. provides an extra measure of safety.
So, back to the question; do background checks need to be repeated every three years? Given all the limitations just described, is it worth spending the money for a new background check? Some churches instead require self-reporting each year by their volunteers. In other words, each year a document is signed by the volunteer that says nothing has changed with regards to certain offenses in the last year. If a rigorous selection process was originally done, and if there are strong policies also in place, is this enough? Again, we come back to the fact that each church must continually weigh the risks and costs of its actions. The church must come to a decision that it can live with; one that gives peace of mind that due diligence has been done to create and maintain a safe environment. There are costs (time, energy, money) involved in providing a safe environment in our churches. If you’ve ever had to deal with the horrific after-effects of abuse, you know that the resources spent preventing it from happening in the first place are well worth it.
Welcome Amanda! You are an answer to many prayers! I'm deeply encouraged by the gifts and abilities that you bring to this role. May the Lord add his blessings to you and to your Safe Church Ministry work.
You are absolutely right to point out the lack of clarity of my expression. Thanks for pointing it out. I have since changed my comment. My intent was not to imply that every white male always speaks with incivility and uses disrespectful language, not at all. I respect white men and want to hear from them in this forum. And disrespectful language is not the sole domain of white men. We all must guard our language. I apologize that my comment may have hindered any white men from responding. The new statement reads, "I can't complete this reflection without saying something about white male power in our culture, and all that goes along with it, including at times the acceptance of incivility and the disrespectful, abusive language used by some, which is represented here." I invite you to imagine a woman, or a person of color or other marginalized person using the same words. How does that affect our response to it? Hope that's helpful. Thank you.
Just a quick note, I said the words, "I can't complete this reflection without saying something about white male power in our culture, and all that goes along with it ..." because that is a necessary part of the story. It provides the context and must be considered. As a social worker, systems theory is part of my vocabulary. Problems exist on more than one level, individual, family, community institution - to address a problem, we must often look beyond the individual interaction to the broader context.
Thank you for your question. Different insurance companies have different policies available for churches and different requirements. It's good to choose a company that insures a lot of churches and has expertise in the common issues that churches face. The reason that Safe Church recommends a classis Safe Church Coordinator, and safe church teams at the classis and congregational levels is that laws vary from state to state and from province to province. Safe Church does not have the capacity to know all the ever-changing laws that apply locally to churches, and the current staff also has no professional legal training. Your insurance provider is an excellent source of information and we encourage each church to have a conversation with their insurance provider about maintaining a safe environment at church, and making sure that abuse prevention policies are in compliance with local ordinances and laws that apply to churches. I recently received a call from a Safe Church Coordinator in IL who told me about a recent state law (January 2020) that requires all mandated reporters, anyone caring for children, to participate in mandatory training which is available online through the state. The law applies to church volunteers. Churches need to know about laws that apply to them, about mandated reporting, and insurance requirements. Again, your insurance provider is a great resource for information. More information can also be found at these websites:
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
Hi again,
You point to some excellent resources. I'm glad that they are posted; and I hope that people will refer to them and gain insight into this serious issue. I think the lack of CRC response shows how hidden this problem is - we don't want to talk about it; and that isn't very helpful.
As I said in my first reply - the highest priority needs to be the safety of the family, and the needs of the one who has been victimized. It would be my recommendation that the one who has perpetrated the abuse find a different church community in which to worship; that the church property be included in the protection order so that the one who has abused is not able to be there. Safety must take precedence. And the one who has been victimized must now be empowered to make decisions that affect her and her family - she knows best what they've been through and what is needed. No one looking from the outside knows what she knows - she is able to make the most informed decisions, the role of the church is to support her in those decisions. There are other places of worship for the one who has abused - it's his behavior that has prevented him from involvement in the church where the family attends.
When I was working as an intern at a domestic violence shelter - I was truly amazed at how many women went to their pastors for advice. I honestly never knew that pastors were so popular - they're the place people go for help. And I was also amazed at the bad advice given by well meaning, generally very good pastors, who had no understanding of domestic violence. I especially remember one client who came in with multiple bruises and abrasions and said to me "i went back because my pastor told me to - I was only doing what he said". The pastor had assured her that he had talked and prayed with her husband and that she needed to return to him. So, who is really responsible for those injuries?
We simply must be better informed; and bring this issue out into the light. I and many other Safe Church team members are willing and able to do educational programs in your church that could help everyone better understand the dynamics involved in abusive relationships so that we can respond more appropriately. Please don't hesitate to contact me or your Safe Church representative. It's why we're here.
Posted in: Must officebearers in the CRCNA send their children to Christian day schools?
My simple answer is, 'no' for many, many reasons. Many churches are in places where there are not good Christian schools. In addittion Christian school costs are not minimal; the advantages and the costs need to be carefully weighed - it becomes a stewardship issue for each family and for the church.
I remember when our first child became "school age" and we debated this question (my husband having grown up in Christian schools and myself coming to faith later in life - growing up in public schools). We looked at the nearest and only Christian school nearby and decided that we would not send our child there - we felt that we would have to re-teach much of what was being taught, especially in the sciences. It just wasn't a good school academically. In addition, I saw advantages to my faith being challenged by living in the context of the public school environment. It made me think about how to respond to people and to situations and prepared me well for later ministry. I also discovered wonderful fellowship for myself in "Moms-in-Touch", connecting with ohter moms who prayed each week for our children and for our children's schools. There were many testimonies of answered prayer, and it was a great opportunity to be a light for the gospel in that environment (Becky Pippert would say, get out of the saltshaker and into the world where we can make a difference). Isn't that a reformed idea?
As our church becomes more diverse and as we seek to grow and be relevant in an ever changing world, I think this is not something that should be a "must" issue for church leaders. I'm glad it's not that way in my church; we have church leaders with kids in Christian school as well as those with children in public school. There are too many factors involved in each family situation to make a hard and fast rule.
Posted in: How Do We Handle a Domestic-Violence Husband Whose Restraining Order Is Expiring?
I believe that the article you sited is right on when it says that churches need to have a greater understanding of the issue of Domestic Violence in order to have a right response to it. The article states that:
"It’s vital that the church stop making wrong judgements in these cases. Reform is essential so that churches can
The needed reform will not happen on it's own. People are needed who are willing to do the necessary change work. It begins with change in the hearts and minds of individuals. And change must also reach to different levels, to the church community, and to the structures that currently maintain the status quo. It's not easy work. It involves meeting people where they are, engaging them in dialog and action, clarifying what's true, etc. I can see that you are very concerned about this issue; and I'm curious about how you are working in your church (beyond this blog post) toward creating change.
Posted in: Is it necessary to repeat background checks every three years if you're in the same church doing the same work?
It’s important to note that any criminal background check has limitations. For starters, it’s only good until the moment it is completed. It doesn’t predict first offenses, and doesn’t include any offenses that went unreported. It may not reflect an accurate record of an offense (often plea bargains are made in court for lesser crimes, so the background check may not record the actual offense committed, only the plea deal reached in court). Depending on the criminal background check, it may only be good for the state or province in which it is conducted; and may say nothing about offenses that occurred in other places. As important as a criminal background check is, we must be aware of these limitations. Each church must weigh risks and costs, and then make a decision about how to proceed in terms of criminal background checks for staff and volunteers. It’s a good idea to check with the church’s insurance provider to see what is recommended or required. Insurance agents can be good sources for information and help to churches who may face obstacles in meeting requirements.
A criminal background check is not a panacea and does not stand alone as a method for screening church staff and volunteers. It is one part of an overall process, which includes an application, an interview, checking references, and getting to know the person in other ways. Because no screening can perfectly predict behavior, policies must also be in place and must be followed that limit risks for abuse. For example, a policy that doesn’t allow an adult to be alone with a child, and includes provisions for transportation, discipline, etc. provides an extra measure of safety.
So, back to the question; do background checks need to be repeated every three years? Given all the limitations just described, is it worth spending the money for a new background check? Some churches instead require self-reporting each year by their volunteers. In other words, each year a document is signed by the volunteer that says nothing has changed with regards to certain offenses in the last year. If a rigorous selection process was originally done, and if there are strong policies also in place, is this enough? Again, we come back to the fact that each church must continually weigh the risks and costs of its actions. The church must come to a decision that it can live with; one that gives peace of mind that due diligence has been done to create and maintain a safe environment. There are costs (time, energy, money) involved in providing a safe environment in our churches. If you’ve ever had to deal with the horrific after-effects of abuse, you know that the resources spent preventing it from happening in the first place are well worth it.
Posted in: Welcoming Dr. Amanda Benkhuysen as Director of Safe Church Ministry
Welcome Amanda! You are an answer to many prayers! I'm deeply encouraged by the gifts and abilities that you bring to this role. May the Lord add his blessings to you and to your Safe Church Ministry work.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
Hi Bill,
You are absolutely right to point out the lack of clarity of my expression. Thanks for pointing it out. I have since changed my comment. My intent was not to imply that every white male always speaks with incivility and uses disrespectful language, not at all. I respect white men and want to hear from them in this forum. And disrespectful language is not the sole domain of white men. We all must guard our language. I apologize that my comment may have hindered any white men from responding. The new statement reads, "I can't complete this reflection without saying something about white male power in our culture, and all that goes along with it, including at times the acceptance of incivility and the disrespectful, abusive language used by some, which is represented here." I invite you to imagine a woman, or a person of color or other marginalized person using the same words. How does that affect our response to it? Hope that's helpful. Thank you.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
Just a quick note, I said the words, "I can't complete this reflection without saying something about white male power in our culture, and all that goes along with it ..." because that is a necessary part of the story. It provides the context and must be considered. As a social worker, systems theory is part of my vocabulary. Problems exist on more than one level, individual, family, community institution - to address a problem, we must often look beyond the individual interaction to the broader context.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
Thanks for the tip. The trailer definitely makes me want to watch this documentary.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
With all due respect, biblical calls for justice are non-partisan.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, how "hidden" this is as part of our culture makes it difficult to confront.
Posted in: A Reflection: Is This OK?
Thank you Karl, you're right that justice work is not easy, we all need the encouragement to not grow weary.
Posted in: Does My Church Need a Sexual Harassment Policy?
Thank you for your question. Different insurance companies have different policies available for churches and different requirements. It's good to choose a company that insures a lot of churches and has expertise in the common issues that churches face. The reason that Safe Church recommends a classis Safe Church Coordinator, and safe church teams at the classis and congregational levels is that laws vary from state to state and from province to province. Safe Church does not have the capacity to know all the ever-changing laws that apply locally to churches, and the current staff also has no professional legal training. Your insurance provider is an excellent source of information and we encourage each church to have a conversation with their insurance provider about maintaining a safe environment at church, and making sure that abuse prevention policies are in compliance with local ordinances and laws that apply to churches. I recently received a call from a Safe Church Coordinator in IL who told me about a recent state law (January 2020) that requires all mandated reporters, anyone caring for children, to participate in mandatory training which is available online through the state. The law applies to church volunteers. Churches need to know about laws that apply to them, about mandated reporting, and insurance requirements. Again, your insurance provider is a great resource for information. More information can also be found at these websites:
In the US - Child Welfare Information Gateway
In Canda - Department of Justice Child Abuse: Information and Resources