Thank-you Jane for your kind and thoughtful response.
I appreciate your words in italics of the message the church can give. However, the carer needs to be sensitive first as to where the survivor is at in his/her relationship with God.
Many of us question "where was God?", "why did He allow this to be done to us?". We may not be able accept that God loves us. I remember a moment when I was sitting in the church balcony, surrounded by people singing praises to God. I thought, if God is so loving and amazing, why do I feel so bad?! I wanted to biff hymn books off the balcony! Not to hurt anyone but just to say -"What is this thing we are doing? -why does God not 'work' for me? -where is this peace that you all sing about?"
These questions in my case were compounded by the fact that the abusers used God's Name and words against me and twisted Who He was. This caused me to believe lies about Him for many years. It took me a long time to recognize God's love for me. It is splendid now that i know it and that He enables me to love Him back.
The helpful thing was when friends let me talk and be angry and question God, without reprimanding me or correcting me. They listened and loved and said helpful things like "It is good you are getting this out" or "I would be angry too." Some wept with me which was so validating. Eventually I learned that God was angry too and hated what the abusers did. (while still loving them)
Perhaps I have hi-jacked this thread a bit but I wanted to take the opportunity to add to the education purpose of these stories.
I come to my computer today and see this post. I appreciate it. I am drawn to the title: Chaplain Prayers: Victims of Sexual Violence
I don't hear too many formal or public prayers for survivors (though I have heard many and prayed many in private.) But today I do not want euphemisms and polite words I want to hear someone pray with real words. I have taken the liberty of adding to your prayer. I have added some of the words i want someone to pray for me and others today. Yet, I still thank-you Rev. Trent Elders for your caring prayer for us.
Wounded Lord,
We know that you are close to the broken hearted.
We believe that you cry out in pain with those who are victims of sexual violence.
We pray for courage and healing (and for the grace to get through the next minute and the next minute and the next minute)
For those whose boundary lines have been crossed. (For those who have been raped, molested, fondled, videoed while being abused, ritually abused ....)
We pray that their image of you has not been tainted (we know their image of You has been tainted and we ask that You would gently restore it - in the way that only You can, that You would remove the deception and lies that prevent them from seeing Your great compassion for them.)
By those (parent, grandparents, siblings, relatives, teachers, church leaders, doctors, family friends . . .) who have taken selfish advantage. (who have terribly wounded them and caused such great pain and brokenness)
God , we pray that you would
Restore us to holiness
And imbue us with the joy of the sexual relationship (or at least for now the hope of the possibility for a healthy sexual relationship)
That you intended for us.
And may we see our bodies, (which many of us hate, despise, cannot bear to look at or have touched) And those of others,
Thank-you Amy for sharing your story. You had great courage. I am so sorry that you were not believed or supported in your home church and by your pastor. That was SO WRONG! I am very sad and very angry that you did not get the support you needed and should have received and were entitled to from those who were responsible under God to protect you and advocate for you. You are worthy of love and compassion and support. Keep seeking to become whole again. You will get there.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh How incredibly sad. My heart is aching for this lady and what she suffered, and her children...and all the other women this man abused, because a man like him does not usually stop there... And God's heart aches and weeps a thousand times more, because He loves us all so and does not want His children to harm anyone.
In my Christian circles there are women who stayed with abusive spouses because who was going to help them. Especially when they were taught you have to submit, the husband rules, suffering is for your good....
If church is not a safe place where anyone who asks for help will be helped and abusers will be held to account then it is not a church, it it a place of torment.
Exactly! Quote: " CRT is not our enemy, the sin of racism is our enemy." I have found that it was painful work to recognize that I was unconsciously racist. I have repented, I am learning, I see it everywhere now, I grieve this, I pray, I try to talk about it, call it out even . . . We cannot change what our forefathers did but we can definitely change what we do.
Thank-you for sharing your journey with us. You are brave to share and very caring. The repent thing is interesting isn't it? Learning to trust God is a hard lesson with many repeats. We survivors all develop unhealthy ways to cope and we believe lies -both of which take much work to deal with. As you say the work is worth it. I have found great help in Dan Allender's books. It is good to hear about his story workshop. Thank-you again for the encouragement you give us all. Blessings to you
Thank-you for telling us about yourself. You have a lot to bring to this postion. I appreciate your vision in the second to last paragraph. Welcome to Safe Church Ministry.
Welcome to your new work with Safe Church, Dr. Benkhuysen. I pray for courage, patience, perseverance and joy as you serve our denomination. May you be blessed.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Thank-you Jane for your kind and thoughtful response.
I appreciate your words in italics of the message the church can give.
However, the carer needs to be sensitive first as to where the survivor is at in his/her relationship with God.
Many of us question "where was God?", "why did He allow this to be done to us?". We may not be able accept that God loves us.
I remember a moment when I was sitting in the church balcony, surrounded by people singing praises to God. I thought, if God is so loving and amazing, why do I feel so bad?! I wanted to biff hymn books off the balcony! Not to hurt anyone but just to say -"What is this thing we are doing? -why does God not 'work' for me? -where is this peace that you all sing about?"
These questions in my case were compounded by the fact that the abusers used God's Name and words against me and twisted Who He was. This caused me to believe lies about Him for many years.
It took me a long time to recognize God's love for me. It is splendid now that i know it and that He enables me to love Him back.
The helpful thing was when friends let me talk and be angry and question God, without reprimanding me or correcting me. They listened and loved and said helpful things like "It is good you are getting this out" or "I would be angry too." Some wept with me which was so validating. Eventually I learned that God was angry too and hated what the abusers did. (while still loving them)
Perhaps I have hi-jacked this thread a bit but I wanted to take the opportunity to add to the education purpose of these stories.
Posted in: Chaplain Prayers: Victims of Sexual Violence
I come to my computer today and see this post.
I appreciate it.
I am drawn to the title:
Chaplain Prayers: Victims of Sexual Violence
I don't hear too many formal or public prayers for survivors (though I have heard many and prayed many in private.)
But today I do not want euphemisms and polite words
I want to hear someone pray with real words.
I have taken the liberty of adding to your prayer.
I have added some of the words i want someone to pray for me and others today.
Yet, I still thank-you Rev. Trent Elders for your caring prayer for us.
Wounded Lord,
We know that you are close to the broken hearted.
We believe that you cry out in pain with those who are victims of sexual violence.
We pray for courage and healing (and for the grace to get through the next minute and the next minute and the next minute)
For those whose boundary lines have been crossed. (For those who have been raped, molested, fondled, videoed while being abused, ritually abused ....)
We pray that their image of you has not been tainted (we know their image of You has been tainted and we ask that You would gently restore it - in the way that only You can, that You would remove the deception and lies that prevent them from seeing Your great compassion for them.)
By those (parent, grandparents, siblings, relatives, teachers, church leaders, doctors, family friends . . .) who have taken selfish advantage. (who have terribly wounded them and caused such great pain and brokenness)
God , we pray that you would
Restore us to holiness
And imbue us with the joy of the sexual relationship (or at least for now the hope of the possibility for a healthy sexual relationship)
That you intended for us.
And may we see our bodies, (which many of us hate, despise, cannot bear to look at or have touched)
And those of others,
As holy temples of your Spirit.
Amen
Posted in: Chaplain Prayers: Victims of Sexual Violence
Yes you may use it.
Please just use 'Jill' as the contributor and not M.Jill Hamming
Posted in: S.O.S. Amy's Story
Thank-you Amy for sharing your story.
You had great courage.
I am so sorry that you were not believed or supported in your home church and by your pastor. That was SO WRONG!
I am very sad and very angry that you did not get the support you needed and should have received and were entitled to from those who were responsible under God to protect you and advocate for you.
You are worthy of love and compassion and support.
Keep seeking to become whole again. You will get there.
Posted in: S.O.S. My Sister's Story
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
How incredibly sad. My heart is aching for this lady and what she suffered, and her children...and all the other women this man abused, because a man like him does not usually stop there...
And God's heart aches and weeps a thousand times more, because He loves us all so and does not want His children to harm anyone.
In my Christian circles there are women who stayed with abusive spouses because who was going to help them. Especially when they were taught you have to submit, the husband rules, suffering is for your good....
If church is not a safe place where anyone who asks for help will be helped and abusers will be held to account then it is not a church, it it a place of torment.
Posted in: Ten Ways To Make Your Church a Safer Place
http://www.careleader.org/encouraging-people-open-trauma/?utm_source=CareLeaderNewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=CareLeaderWeeklyArticles&utm_content=incopy-textlink2-wk061-A-1-langberg&utm_campaign=website&utm_source=church_initiative&utm_medium=email
read this today and thought it helpful
Posted in: Tips/Resources for Introducing Prayer Partners?
Do you mean you want to teach these women to pray together in pairs or small groups?
Do they pray out loud, in group, at the present time?
Posted in: Fear, Flukes & Critical Race Theory
Exactly!
Quote: " CRT is not our enemy, the sin of racism is our enemy."
I have found that it was painful work to recognize that I was unconsciously racist. I have repented, I am learning, I see it everywhere now, I grieve this, I pray, I try to talk about it, call it out even . . .
We cannot change what our forefathers did but we can definitely change what we do.
Posted in: S.O.S. Part 3: My Journey of Recognizing, Remembering, and Processing Abuse
Thank-you for sharing your journey with us.
You are brave to share and very caring.
The repent thing is interesting isn't it? Learning to trust God is a hard lesson with many repeats.
We survivors all develop unhealthy ways to cope and we believe lies -both of which take much work to deal with.
As you say the work is worth it.
I have found great help in Dan Allender's books. It is good to hear about his story workshop.
Thank-you again for the encouragement you give us all.
Blessings to you
Posted in: A Fine Balance: Creating a Safe Space for All While Welcoming a Sexual Offender
Thank-you for sharing this document.
Much work and care has gone into it.
May all churches follow this example of thoughtful care.
Posted in: New Director, Amanda Benckhuysen: "Why I Want to Work With Safe Church Ministry"
Thank-you for telling us about yourself.
You have a lot to bring to this postion.
I appreciate your vision in the second to last paragraph.
Welcome to Safe Church Ministry.
Posted in: Welcoming Dr. Amanda Benkhuysen as Director of Safe Church Ministry
Welcome to your new work with Safe Church, Dr. Benkhuysen.
I pray for courage, patience, perseverance and joy as you serve our denomination. May you be blessed.