Bev Sterk

I am curious on the 2% of leaders abuse their power stat... what I've found is significantly higher... ie. various surveys results indicate that 30-40% of pastors have had inappropriate sexual activity/contact with someone (this is what I call abuse of power on the individual level).  In the Catholic church, Richard Sipe (former priest, worked w Catholic clergy for 30 years as a mental health professional) estimated 50% of the leaders were not celibate based on his work... with 6%-20% acted out on molesting children... the rest of the sexual abuse of power has been with adults... which has barely been recognized yet in the Catholic scandal.  This doesn't even address non-sexual abuses of power/lording it over/controlling & manipulative leadership on an individual level which happens to all different degrees.

Then the percentage of those who abuse power (or are negligent with their authority) grows with the response of leadership that does not hold the leader accountable and instead responds with some form of  "circle the wagons" , cover up, damage control, collusion, you get the idea... (this is what I call abuse of power on the institutional or systemic level).  again, the 30%-40% does not include those who spiritually abuse in other ways such as via manipulation, domineering/lording it over leadership, or using political power plays and posturing to influence and intimidate...  it's quite likely the same 30-40% who have been sexually inappropriate are doing this as well, but only God knows the percentage of those who abuse their power in other ways besides sexual assault, to control, and to cover up and protect leadership at the expense of those harmed, the victims who are often treated as expendable, compared to the leader. 

in my experience, conversations with clergy about this response (or lack of response) by leadership are NOT welcomed by most (I do recognize a better response from women leaders generally speaking, but that's not a given either).  Hopefully this is changing...  in 2014 Synod DID adopt the recommendation "abuse is acknowledged as an important issue and can be freely discussed".  Sounds good on paper, but to what extent that has been actually happening is very debatable...  there's a lot of times where the response from leadership is silence and the advocates, victims and families who speak about it are treated as a persona non grata...   but that's an entire discussion on it's own. 

oh wait... i wrote an overture for that reason...  http://dojustice.crcna.org/article/story-behind-abuse-overture 

Wes' story is heartbreaking, and his family still struggles and have been deeply affected with what happened and the harmful response of leadership at all levels.  Wes found his healing and peace on July 7, 2006, but his family still hurts, Wes' family has given me full permission to share anything from Wes' and their story of his journey, and I honor that by sharing about Wes as I believe it would be helpful to the CRC to do what's right and learn from our past mistakes... and the patterns of resistance from leadership that Wes and his family and advocates experienced, is sadly not unique to their journey seeking justice.  It's systemic...  and it's still happening...  I hope it's changing... I think it is...  I believe it is... Thank God!

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry for the way you were treated... wow... I hope you continue to use your voice, to help heal and to help others heal... I pray blessing, that you will experience how the Lord gives you a crown of beauty for ashes, and a garment of praise for your pain and the oil of joy for your grief...  He always trades up... 

I'm aware of similar stories, and similarly, how something like this gets minimized and dismissed by leaders, when someone's body and soul were violated...  how the pastor is viewed as more important than the person harmed...  this exposes the idolatry in how we view those in that office.  sadly, the office of pastor has been misused for the pastor's own selfish pleasure and then when that pastor is not held accountable by his peers, the trust in that office deteriorates even more...  now it's not just the original individual, but a group of leaders that biblically are called to protect the harmed and seek justice on their behalf and instead are doing the very opposite... further harming the person and betraying the sacred trust that was already violated, and instead protecting the one who did the harm in the first place... just mind blowing how the response cannot be any more opposite of what God calls us to do... this ungodly response is "lording it over"... protecting and benefiting those in power at the expense of those harmed...  so wrong!  and that is why the trust in leadership, especially with the younger generations is almost gone.  and the continued actions of leaders is doing very little, if anything to restore that trust... trust is earned, it was given freely by many to the office of pastor, and it was seriously betrayed and exploited and then often covered up, etc.  Forgiveness does not restore trust, only truly genuine repentance and restitution, making things right and doing what's right.  the ball is in the leaders court to restore trust.  Forgiveness only opens the door for that possibility... any action to restore trust is up to the leaders... and many are waiting... and many are disappointed and have walked away from the institutional church, and I don't blame them.

Very interesting discussion via the comments, appreciate the many insights, but also indicative of the significant gap in the understanding of abuses... and the impact it has on those harmed... 

someone mentioned in the comments how we all have different lens to look at this, and i think the context was justifying the response of leadership in this woman's situation... sadly, the lens some leaders are looking at abuse through, is a lens of porn... porn distorts peoples view of other people, often treating women as objects instead of  being respected and treated with dignity because women are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God... porn warps the brain, warps attitudes and warps behavior... the decision process is no longer capable of sound judgment, but has warped and distorted views of women, gratifying selfish pleasures, and when we focus on indulging the flesh, our reasoning deteriorates... when over 50% of pastors are struggling with porn, how can we trust their judgment?  

also... sadly, but indicatively... in a survey, 96% of victims of domestic violence who went to the church for help would NOT recommend going to the church for help... while in another survey 80+% of pastors say that that their church is a safe place for domestic violence victims... HUGE disconnect here... why?

Oh, as Kelly said, we have so much to learn about abuses and leadership and we are in the early stages of that process...  Father forgive us, Lord have mercy, Holy Spirit help us...

I am thankful to see this opportunity for people to share their stories anonymously... bless your brave hearts!  know that I believe you!  I hope and pray that this will be healing and helpful for everyone, but especially healing for those who have been harmed and helpful for those who have been unaware of these abuses going on and for those who have been part of the problem of silencing and covering these things up... and even the negative comments, confirm that exposing this bad behavior runs into much resistance and it's still out there... the negative comments bring these hidden attitudes into the light...  thank you for being brave enough to share... even though this does get ugly, it's being exposed so it can be addressed... stay strong sisters and brothers who are choosing to share... and those who are considering it... Know that you are precious, priceless and beautiful!  Your voice is a part of the far greater movement of bringing this unholy behavior into the light!  thank you!  

and for those who choose not to at this time (if ever)...  you are not alone... 

https://twitter.com/hashtag/WhyIDidntReport?src=hash

I trust God's timing for His leading in your healing through the power of the Holy Spirit!

Bless your heart Amy, I'm so sorry for what you experienced.  Know that you are precious and priceless, even though you might not feel that way with how you have been treated.  I have grieved over the state of the church over the appalling abusive behavior and the subsequent silencing and cover up from leaders on numerous situations.  I hope and pray that through your therapist and the power of the Holy Spirit, you will find healing and wholeness again, not just emotionally and physically, but spiritually.  It's a journey, with many ups and downs, and sharing your story is part of the journey... know that your voice is a part of this unprecedented movement exposing unhealthy and unholy actions and attitudes in the church and beyond, bringing healing to those who have been hurt and exposing the behavior of those who have been protected for far too long... so that these abuses and assaults can be addressed better, and those harmed protected instead of running into similar denial and resistance that you experienced...  For His glory, and our good...

Bless your hearts... I hope and pray, that your family is experiencing God's healing in your inner beings... that you know that you are a new creation in Christ, beautiful, spotless, pure and holy...  as part of His family.  The stories are heart breaking, but so necessary and I hope healing in some way for those who are sharing them as well as for others. Know that God is using your voice, on behalf of your sister and others that have similar experiences, to help bring justice to and refine His Bride, that the dross will be consumed... as these abusive situations are exposed, this unholy behavior will no longer be tolerated and those who do such will be held accountable, instead of protected...  not out of vengeance, but to protect others that might be harmed in the future, and for their own souls. 

Ironically, 80+% of pastors think their church is a safe place for DV victims...  while... 96% of domestic violence (DV) victims that have gone to the church for help do NOT recommend going to the church. HUGE disconnect!

the Holy Spirit can and will use anything to minister to anyone when He wants, even secular songs... songs that are still in the making, songs that are just seconds old or centuries old...  is every song going to speak to everyone the same way, no, and even if we do get snobby about our music preference, He still can and does use it to melt our hearts...  I remember walking into an Avalon concert with a very bad attitude -I would have preferred not to be there, and He melted and convicted me in less than one minute after the first song started... i was weeping so hard, i could not stop the entire concert and for well over a year afterward anytime i heard on the radio the song that the Holy Spirit used to melt and convict me, i would immediately start crying again, it was that powerful and life changing... and part of the message God put on my heart at that concert was "don't limit what I can use to minister to you"... He can use anything to minister to anyone.  (and believe me, you can't work up any emotionalism in less than a minute of music, especially starting the bad attitude i walked in with)

thanks Jeff...  our inner man =) our inner being =), the eyes of our hearts...the spiritual senses,  good stuff...  hmmm... i'm going to keep reflecting on the nuances between emotions, passions, feelings and affections...  as there tends to be disdain for these types of sentiments, and the intellect aka the cerebral per Pete,  is instead highly regarded, and almost idolized...  so, theoretically, should there be a balance?  

very confirming as John mentioned our new heart, and I've been wrestling w. our (reformed tradition) over emphasis of Jer. 17:9 (wicked heart)  and Is. 64:6 (deeds are filthy rags), instead of emphasizing that we are new creations in Christ, and we have been given a new, good heart.   That Jesus purifies our acts and makes them beautiful, clean, fine bright linen worthy of the wedding garment for His Bride.  and as I'm re-reading Richard Foster's book "Celebration of Discipline"..

But, Jeff, I would be interested in further explanation of why you think orthopathy was a tangential, yet unspoken element regarding the 3rd wave pentecostal discussion/report...  what do you mean by that?

again, thx. for taking the time and sharing your perspectives on this =)