I grew up in the CRC, and am still here, along with my family. I'm married to Daryl, who has a construction business. I had a CPA license for 10 or so years, then I added EX to the front, and MOM to the back, so now I'm an EX CPA, MOM =). I am MOM to Duncan, Ian and Samantha. Our family also owns a raspberry farm, and in the summers we get to work out there together.
Hey Sam... several thoughts, I apologize ahead of time for anytime I'm over 1000 words, but what we are discussing is complex and worthy of time and attention...
I think of Acts 15 and the Council of Jerusalem along with Nicea, Dort, etc over the ages... denominations are not the only way accountability between churches/pastors can happen... denoms have been the primary way for a while, but there are other ways for accountability to happen between neighboring communities, we just haven't needed to figure those out, because we have defaulted to the systemic denom structure that's already there. we only step back and say, wait a minute, let's re-think this, only when we start to see something unhealthy going on, and then we go deeper and start re-evaluating and wondering if this is the best and/or only way or if God actually had something else in mind and is possibly using this "crisis" to mature us to the next step of getting His bride ready for His return... so with the decrease of denomination loyalty, the denominational aspect is something that needs to be looked at and as Darren R reminded us there is some effort going on here (our Journey 2020)... but we need objectivity and impartiality, where the ekklesia can be open and honest about our weaknesses and not just appreciative inquiry... sorry, when those whose jobs are dependent on the denom are the ones evaluating and making the suggestions, there is some significant conflict of interest going on, whether we admit it or not. They are justifying their jobs. the CRC Ministry plan Our Journey 2020 looks pretty good on paper, so we will see what happens in practice... I did struggle with Desired Future 4 (Agenda for Synod 2016 p 36) as it raised some red flags for me when I read it a while back, but that's another discussion (I will probably respond to Darren's comment as the Canadians just had a gathering on the Journey 2020 plan and I read the report a few weeks ago, but want to re-read it before I respond to him). I agree that identity is a huge issue, that's not the problem I had with #4, but I cannot agree with the primary emphasis of our identity as Christian Reformed which I did not see this emphasis specifically stated in the Canadian's report of #4, so wasn't sure if synod changed it or the Cndns did? again, will talk about that later in a reply to Darren...
I also think of Matt 18 and "tell it to the church"... we have traditionally interpreted that as the structure of the church, the institution part... ie it goes to council, then maybe to the specific congregation but not always and if it does, usually very limited controlled information so not much transparency, it goes to the CIC, then classis and synod and who knows how many other ad hoc committees based on denominational structure and if it's a threat to the reputation of the institution, it will almost always be in strict executive session and often with non-disclosure type agreements - sorry, I do not believe that was Jesus intention with what He said... who is Jesus referring to here when it says church? the ekklesia, the organic Church, the people... we have defaulted to the institution and man's ways for a number of reasons, mostly fear... and there is often a lot of conflict of interest that occurs in the institutional structure, one reason being certain jobs and reputations depend on it. Having walked with a friend through the CO process of appeals regarding an ungodly incident, grateful as we are that there is an appeal process in the CRC, unfortunately however, the process resulted in more harm and damage then the original incident and sadly, i have found that to be a pattern in the Church, where the response of the Church instead of helping bring healing, brings further harm instead. Something's wrong here!
Many of Paul's letters are to the entire body of believers in the area, not to some special group of leaders like council or classis. We are blocking opportunities for the body of Christ to work together in our communities, not just with social justice, but with other issues as well, including discipline. So, maybe if we have a discipline issue in a local congregation, we connect with the neighboring community of believers to help us out (multiple denoms represented so it's not about loyalty to or protecting the denom and it's reputation, but about doing the right thing for the Kingdom of God), as they can be more objective than the local community or those loyal to a denom. We don't do this because we follow the denom chain of order instead... think about the Roman catholic church (RC) and it's lack of objectivity dealing with abuse (have you seen Spotlight?)... why would we protestants think we would respond differently?http://religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/ and sadly I am aware of a number of situations where we did not respond any better than the RC leaders and the CRC is not exempt here.
I also think about the 10-20 youth pastors from our community that gather once a month to fellowship and pray, and about 50-80 senior pastors gather for fellowship and prayer once a quarter... these gatherings obviously represent a broad spectrum of denominations with variations of beliefs on the non-essentials... here's a link of a bit of what God is doing in Whatcom County as the local expression of His Church unites in our community. The Lord has used this documentary (it's about 4 yrs old) to start 24/7 prayer in Indonesia, Nepal, India and other mid east arabic countries =) as well as a number of cities in the US, including OR, CA, TX and CO... and at 8:25 on the video, listen to Shannon Williamson's testimony... this Spring she became the exec. director of our local Love INC... exactly what she said 4 years ago in this video about partnering prayer with action at 8:45
http://lowpc.org/whatcomstory/
I have great hope for the Bride of Christ... Scripture tells us she will be ready per Rev 19:7-8 and her wedding dress will be amazing! But we have some strategic shifts/maturing that need to happen first and I believe He is working on that and I see evidence of it...
per the end of Sam's post: In Part 3,... BOQ... In Part 3, I will highlight a couple examples. Until then, let's talk about it. EOQ
well, Sam, it's being talked about =) looks like lots of sharpening discussion going on and grateful for the insights and input shared here, it's a topic worthy of time and energy... so curious what post #3 will stir up =)
We need to get a better understanding of all forms of abuse... not just when there is a tangible, physical/sexual abuse/adultery that can be "proven". Spiritual/emotional abuse is a much more subtle, but also very damaging type of abuse, and is often abuse of power. these all can trigger PTSD symptoms.
I have mentioned in a christian group, something about spiritual abuse, and one of the responses was "well what is spiritual abuse?" or "is that really abuse"? I think all of my research has been from sources outside the CRC (but am aware of a number of situations in it)... it seems we don't like to discuss spiritual abuse much, if at all... and it seems we are on the high risk end... quote from article BOQ Today, many American churches and denominations are susceptible to it (spiritual abuse), particularly “reformed” Calvinistic churches or those with a highly disciplined authority structure. EOQ
it seems abuse has far too often been minimized and dismissed in the Church... exposing this is a threat to leaders. I'm thankful these patterns of control, intimidation, manipulation and other "subtle" forms of silencing a person are coming into the light.
Recently, the practice of a technique that was called a "softer discipline" came to my attention in the CRC... this is a misnomer, because it is a manipulative passive aggressive practice of leadership to shut certain people from being in leadership positions, instead of talking to the person directly if there is an issue, and it is so stinking subtle, so very difficult to prove... it includes not being recommended for positions or committees. Not getting this job or nomination. Being overlooked and ignored. its subtle and quiet. How often is this practiced on someone who is a threat to the leader, because the person would not be loyal to protect the leader from being exposed for the leader's manipulative/abusive practices, and would instead call the leader out on that sort of behavior. So, the leader surrounds themself with "yes" people who are loyal to the leader and will not challenge the leader on the manipulative behavior, because the "yes" people possibly benefited from the manipulation at some point, in some way. ie. favoritism, flattery, cronyism/good old boys club, etc.
I hope and pray safe church and synod addresses the different ways there is abuse of power. Keeping the process secret (lack of transparency) is one of them. The executive session has been far over-used to protect those who abused at the expense of those harmed, because God's way is to bring things into the light, and it is generally those who fear their abusive behavior being exposed that resist that light! Non-disclosure agreements are another one that I think have been far over used in the CRC to silence people. forcing/intimidating/manipulating the person who was hurt to forgive and move on, when there has been far less than honest repentance, very little justice, and/or for leadership to avoid dealing with the abusive person, yet calling the person who was hurt unforgiving and telling them their soul is in danger if they don't forgive and let it go, is spiritually abusive. finding a technicality to dismiss the appeal instead of addressing it, is abuse of power. Using (intentionally) misleading language at council, classis and synod levels to manipulate the outcome of a decision is abuse of power.
Come on Church, come on CRC! It's time to do the right thing! expose and address the many ways abuse is happening in the Church, validate the hurt of those harmed, so they can heal, and discipline those who caused the harm with their abusive/controlling behavior, this is what we, the Church are called to do... and no longer allow further harm to be brought to the one abused, and no longer protect the one who abused from consequences, because far too often, what the Church has allowed when it comes to abuse is the exact opposite of what His Church is called to do...
this is justice...
this is the right thing to do!
I believe the Hosts of Heaven rejoice and celebrate, when His Church does the right thing!
When I heard about this movie, I went to see it right away... it is a very sobering film, especially for those who might not realize the extent of abuse in the Church and leaderships' patterns of cover up and that it is far more extensive than we recognize (we tend to minimize and dismiss, and think it's not that bad)... for me, it was an answer to prayer on behalf of all those who have been harmed by the Church, Catholic or Protestant. It validated what happened to them, but also exposed the abuse of power by leaders in the Church to protect themselves and the reputation of the Church at the expense of those harmed. The exact opposite of what God calls His Church to do!
the article and several of the replies refer to the fact that this is not just a Catholic problem... here's a powerful article from Boz Tchividjian stating that very thing: http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/
Over the last number of years, I have come to a beyond grievous conclusion that breaks my heart, and I believe is extremely painful to God's heart, and no denomination or congregation is exempt (this is also true in gov't and with any institution) but I am addressing the Church here: when leadership is threatened, such as sexual immorality being exposed, the response has far too often been abuse of power and that is often far more harmful than the original incident (and I would say always more harmful in the spiritual sense/realm), because it is betrayal and spiritual abuse by those in leadership, who are called to do what is right in the eyes of God. Instead of doing what is right and bringing this into the light (John 3:21), and validating the one who was violated, instead, the response by leaders is far too often, "damage control" aka sweep it under the rug, aka John 3:19-20 keeping it in the dark out of fear, which is the enemy's ways... this response breeds manipulation, intimidation (silencing), deception and further shame for those harmed, those violated, those abused. So now, it is not only physical or emotional harm, but now (at least in the Church) they have been spiritually abused as well (there are entire books on this). http://www.spiritualabuse.com/?page_id=58 and I quote... Spiritual abuse is always a power issue! EOQ
Spiritual abuse = abuse of power!
Again, the exact opposite of what the Church is called to...
and unfortunately, that's still not all of it... when this type of thing does get exposed... here's the reaction from those in the Church which again further harms those violated... http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/11/an-unholy-alliance-when-mob-forgiveness-meets-selective-grace/
I know, this is not stuff that we want to hear, again, it is very sobering, but the Church needs to hear it, because we are all guilty... pray about this, process it, ask God to show you His heart regarding this... He is bringing abusive behavior into the light!
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” Bonhoeffer
We need to boldly address this... we cannot stick our heads in the sands, and only listen to fables and fairytales, myths that make us feel good (2 Timothy 4:3-5)... this is the truth coming into the light (SpotLIGHT), and it's time for the Church, to open our eyes and ears to the abuse we have allowed to continue by not addressing this in the light... and repent... and the longer it takes for us to acknowledge, confess and repent, the more harm that will happen and abuse be allowed to continue... I realize this is not a message that we want to hear or believe, but right now, we are guilty of the same things the Pharisees are... making the cup look pretty on the outside, when there is filth and rottenness on the inside... and no denomination, including the CRC is exempt.
I understand the Church is not perfect and this isn't 100% the case true in every situation, but we can't use these as an excuse to not address this type of behavior in the Church...
the world is doing a better job at holding leaders accountable than the Church does. Part of leadership responsibility is to bring justice to those harmed, we have significantly failed in this area. I wish I could say this is the exception rather than the rule, but when it comes to institutional leadership feeling threatened, it seems "damage control" and/or "non-disclosure" type agreements have become the rule... water gate, Catholic Church, Sovereign Grace, Mars Hill/Mark Driscoll, Bill Gothard, Pat Tillman's death cover up (US Army), human trafficking (US gov't contractors in Bosnia), etc. and countless more that have never seen the light... I recently had a friend who did the right thing, and reported abusive behavior of an elderly client by another employee at her job... she lost her job, for reporting it... bless her heart for doing the right thing! I have a friend who has experienced these patterns and been intimidated, manipulated, deceived, discredited, spiritually abused, etc. by Church leadership and continues to be shut down in addressing this pattern of behavior, and when I shared the "unholy alliance" article with my friend, the reply was, "I find myself getting mad when I read this..... Because it's EXACTLY what they did!!" ... abuse breeds so much evil! and that is the EXACT opposite of what we, His Kingdom Church, are called to do.
we're not giving up on exposing this evil in the Church! yes, it is hard, and leaders feel threatened... but it is time to bring abuse, especially spiritual abuse/abuse of power into the light... and this needs your help, your voice, your response. We cannot stay silent.
Our response starts with prayer and repentance, seeking God's heart and His ways for healing and choosing to walk in obedience to His ways... If My people, who are called by My Name, will humble themselves, pray, seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then, will I hear from heaven, forgive their sins, and heal their land. and He will call us, His Church into action as part of that healing. and He will call us into action as part of that healing.. This is my prayer for His Church...
=) thanks for your graciousness of my ignorance re Star Wars details... I was informed by my family that it was a rogue storm trooper, not a droid... so I apologize for my inaccurate description...
what is a man of God? One who will do the right thing even in the face of fear, even at the expense of the "good old boys club", exposing what is hidden in darkness, doing what is right in the face of resistance and opposition and persecution from their peers and leaders for standing up and doing what is right even though it will make the others look bad.
The man of God will speak out and protect those who have been harmed and abused by those in power, instead of operating in fear and damage control, instead of covering up and protecting the reputation of the leadership causing further harm to those who have been abused... remember Jesus and the woman caught in adultery? The leaders who brought her to Him, didn't give a rip about her life... they didn't care if she was stoned, she was nothing to them, just an object to be used for their selfish purposes, yet they protected the man involved... don't do this!
The man of God will not shift the blame away from themselves, and will not change the narrative to minimize and distract from their wrong doing, or turn themselves into the victim. I think of pornography and the horrible fruit which has caused extensive harm in so many ways, including objectification of people, especially women. the percentages of porn in the Church are horrific, beyond epidemic levels... and the CRC is not exempt...
The man of God will confront and challenge his brothers, his friends, his peers in this area. It is a lie that looking at pornography is no big deal. It is a lie that looking at pornography doesn't hurt anyone. It breeds horrible stuff... including fueling human trafficking. http://dojustice.crcna.org/article/how-porn-justice-issue yet, it seems the Church, including the CRC (from my perspective, including research and anecdotal evidence through discussions with people on this subject) barely acknowledges/addresses this, only in secret it seems, behind closed doors, not openly.
The man of God, will confess, repent, and tell his wife***, and walk in the opposite direction, honoring and protecting the dignity of these women, including his wife, who are made in God's image. You will be free! that is a man of God!
The man of God will then help others get free! Bonhoeffer says... Nothing can be more cruel than the leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin. Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/467189
The man of God that is truly remorseful and desirous of change, would seek the forgiveness of those they have hurt instead of blaming/attacking them, and instead of making themselves the center of attention, would turn people's attention to those they have hurt. http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/11/an-unholy-alliance-when-mob-forgiveness-meets-selective-grace/
The man of God will be wearing well used armor... not shiny and new, but beaten up, scratched, dented, muddy and bloody.. that means this knight has been in action, serving Him!
Here is the Warriors Prayer (author unknown):
When it is all said and done, and I'm standing before God, I want to be there bloodied and exhausted and worn from the fight, haven given my all. I want to place at Christ's feet a well used, yet still razor sharp sword, a battered shield with the Kingdom's emblem faded and dull from years of service, a breastplate with deep scratch marks where the enemy's darts scarred it when my shield of faith dropped low, a helmet of salvation marked by the blows from the mace of doubt being deflected, boots of the gospel resoled many times and lastly, a belt of truth that is as strong as it was when I received it. All to be turned in for my eternal garments of white and a new name given by my King, the King of Kings.
we recently took our family to the force awakens, I'm not a star wars fan, but my kids wanted to see it... and my favorite line that is well worth the $100 for our family to watch it, is the maverick droid dude's response to the question asked by the fighter pilot on why he rescued him... and the response is "because it's the right thing"... Pres. Obama used the same phrase at least 3 times if I recall in the state of the union address... back to the movie... in a battle, you see this droid start to realize something is wrong, that he is a part of something that is not what he wants to be a part of. I hope and pray that our men will start to see that something is very wrong... that the enemy is somehow using spiritual leaders to abuse those who are under them and that this is spiritual abuse, which is abuse of power... recognizing our battle is not against flesh and blood...
I have had friends who have experienced spiritual abuse from Church leadership ask me "where have all the good men gone?" "where are the good men in the Church?" I know you are there and I know you want to be a man of God, so please speak up and do what is right!
one of my prayers for 2016 is that we the Church will do the right thing.. Yes, it will be hard, and there has been and will be failure, but own up to it, deal with it, learn from it and grow stronger through it, instead of hiding it.
*** tell your wife... this has been debated, with some recovery programs encouraging men to wait until they are porn free for 6 months to do so as well as the conventional counsel of the world, which pastors will use as well, will advise not to tell at all ... I disagree and here is something from Lewis Smede's Forgive and Forget P11… Patronizing husbands lie to wives to spare them the pain of knowing the truth.EOQ the truth will set you free! confess your sins to one another, and you will be healed... that verse has been twisted in various ways to avoid telling the wife. So men, do the right thing! I'm praying for you as part of the Bride of Christ... and the Bride has made herself ready...
Bless your heart, Joshua, yes, abusive behavior in the Church is an area that is especially on my heart over the last several years, as God has opened my eyes in a variety of ways to the extent of this that has been going on in the Church... and I'm sure I've not even seen the tip of the iceberg. This is such a huge issue, and it has been so well hidden... personally, I've been blessed and protected and I thank God for that, but it also made me very naive and unaware... until 2011, God started bringing a number of situations to my attention and the eyes of my heart was opened to see these patterns of abuse and cover-up via manipulation and deception going on on our watch. And then finding out how bringing this into the light is a threat to leaders. I'm still processing that part =( It's been one of those "unwritten rules" that it's not talked about (that would be gossip right? =( see #3 of things not to say to someone who has been hurt by the Church) because I really had very little idea before 4 years ago, and when you do talk about it, you run into opposition and resistance that is unbelievable, including accusations of gossip, slander, and divisiveness.
Here's another quote from Bonhoeffer: “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” This is our watch!
and here are several more difficult, but insightful posts from Boz Tchividjian:
and these 2 articles about patterns of abuse that nails what a friend experienced in the CRC... and it makes me wonder how often varying degrees of these patterns are occurring at the expense of those who were harmed and violated, because we/CRC are very good at keeping this kind of thing hidden, under the rug, as much as possible (think non-disclosure agreements/NDA's)... God's way is to bring these patterns of abuse into the light. As one pastor said to me, "confidentiality is killing us"... and I have nothing good to say about NDA's. anyway, lots of thoughts, this is a huge topic, but praying for the Spirit to work in all our hearts, His way, His wisdom for the Church to walk more fully in the potential He has for us... we need to be open and obedient to Him. Walking in holiness is a key part of walking in the power of the HOLY Spirit.
oh, in case you aren't familiar with this sermon, this is my favorite sermon that I've ever heard from the book of Judges, I read it several times a year, sometimes more often (there are audio options as well if you prefer)... Paris Reidhead and 10 Shekels and a shirt based on Judges 17/18
I know this is months after the original post... I struggle with how the Church has expanded and elevated confidentiality to conform to the patterns of the world instead of to scripture... ie.. attorney client privilege, pastor-penitent privilege, the confidentiality of the "confessional", robert's rules of executive and strict executive session, non-disclosure agreements... as one pastor shared with me... confidentiality is killing us... there is something very unhealthy with the way we, the Church, practice confidentiality... God's way is to bring things into the light so that it may be clearly seen that is was His way... the enemy's ways is to keep things hidden in darkness out of fear...
I Timothy 5 says to publicly rebuke a leader who is sinning, in the presence of ALL, without partiality, that the rest may fear and as a warning. and of course the 3 steps of Matthew 18... with the 2nd and 3rd expanding it beyond 2 people. Of course we do this with wisdom and discernment (see Bonnie's comment), but somehow we have sacrificed justice on behalf of those harmed on the altar of confidentiality. A significant reason is protecting reputations, especially if we like the person who did the wrong and so are not impartial and want to defend our friend, our colleague... so we protect the reputation of the one who did the harm, instead of protecting the dignity of those harmed (although leaders will say that they are protecting the reputation of the one bringing the charges, but they are empty words because in reality it is damage control and cover-up because this secrecy actually does more harm, and instead of validating, this response ends up being as harmful if not more so than the original situation and traumatizes further instead of being part of the healing process - there is a reason that many who have been harmed by the Church struggle with post traumatic stress).
I'm pretty sure that is not what God intended in Proverbs about keeping people's secrets.
totally agree Bonnie... and in the secular world I feel this happens more often than not, that the one harmed is given the choice... in the Church, not so much... and I think because the response of the Church is often so hurtful (the one harmed gets blamed, discredited, shunned, the abuse is minimized, dismissed, get over it, move on, let it go, forgive, what's the big deal, nobody's perfect, etc. the abuse is invalidated in so many ways), even if someone is given a choice, that is a significant reason someone would choose to keep it silent if they are given the choice... they are already so vulnerable and unfortunately going public would open them up to more hurt and pain, etc. from the Church instead of the justice and healing that the Church is called to on their behalf... but usually if it's kept silent in the church the purpose is more in the interest of protecting the reputation of the person who did the abuse (especially if it's a well-liked leader).
and then I came across this statement a few days ago, that made me think about this discussion on confidentiality... from Unholy Charade (p 114, 2015, Justice Keepers Publishing, Jeff Crippen, Rebecca Davis)
God does not want us to keep evil in the Church a secret. EOQ
and that lines up with John 3, where it's the enemy who wants to keep evil things in the dark. So the point is, that confidentiality isn't a cover for the enemy.
I'm wondering if we need an advocacy ministry that is somehow separate from any particular denomination or congregation. When the church pays a person's salary... there is too much potential for the employer to exert control/influence over that person and can make it really, really hard for the person to do the right thing, when there job/pay is threatened... however, even if a ministry is independent, church leaders can subtly sabotage that ministry if they feel threatened. the impartiality/avoiding conflict of interest seems to be very difficult in Church leadership in abuse situations... it's one of my concerns... maybe i'm wrong, but I'm really wrestling with that aspect.
Posted in: Five Steps to Denominational Renewal - Part 2
Hey Sam... several thoughts, I apologize ahead of time for anytime I'm over 1000 words, but what we are discussing is complex and worthy of time and attention...
I think of Acts 15 and the Council of Jerusalem along with Nicea, Dort, etc over the ages... denominations are not the only way accountability between churches/pastors can happen... denoms have been the primary way for a while, but there are other ways for accountability to happen between neighboring communities, we just haven't needed to figure those out, because we have defaulted to the systemic denom structure that's already there. we only step back and say, wait a minute, let's re-think this, only when we start to see something unhealthy going on, and then we go deeper and start re-evaluating and wondering if this is the best and/or only way or if God actually had something else in mind and is possibly using this "crisis" to mature us to the next step of getting His bride ready for His return... so with the decrease of denomination loyalty, the denominational aspect is something that needs to be looked at and as Darren R reminded us there is some effort going on here (our Journey 2020)... but we need objectivity and impartiality, where the ekklesia can be open and honest about our weaknesses and not just appreciative inquiry... sorry, when those whose jobs are dependent on the denom are the ones evaluating and making the suggestions, there is some significant conflict of interest going on, whether we admit it or not. They are justifying their jobs. the CRC Ministry plan Our Journey 2020 looks pretty good on paper, so we will see what happens in practice... I did struggle with Desired Future 4 (Agenda for Synod 2016 p 36) as it raised some red flags for me when I read it a while back, but that's another discussion (I will probably respond to Darren's comment as the Canadians just had a gathering on the Journey 2020 plan and I read the report a few weeks ago, but want to re-read it before I respond to him). I agree that identity is a huge issue, that's not the problem I had with #4, but I cannot agree with the primary emphasis of our identity as Christian Reformed which I did not see this emphasis specifically stated in the Canadian's report of #4, so wasn't sure if synod changed it or the Cndns did? again, will talk about that later in a reply to Darren...
I also think of Matt 18 and "tell it to the church"... we have traditionally interpreted that as the structure of the church, the institution part... ie it goes to council, then maybe to the specific congregation but not always and if it does, usually very limited controlled information so not much transparency, it goes to the CIC, then classis and synod and who knows how many other ad hoc committees based on denominational structure and if it's a threat to the reputation of the institution, it will almost always be in strict executive session and often with non-disclosure type agreements - sorry, I do not believe that was Jesus intention with what He said... who is Jesus referring to here when it says church? the ekklesia, the organic Church, the people... we have defaulted to the institution and man's ways for a number of reasons, mostly fear... and there is often a lot of conflict of interest that occurs in the institutional structure, one reason being certain jobs and reputations depend on it. Having walked with a friend through the CO process of appeals regarding an ungodly incident, grateful as we are that there is an appeal process in the CRC, unfortunately however, the process resulted in more harm and damage then the original incident and sadly, i have found that to be a pattern in the Church, where the response of the Church instead of helping bring healing, brings further harm instead. Something's wrong here!
Many of Paul's letters are to the entire body of believers in the area, not to some special group of leaders like council or classis. We are blocking opportunities for the body of Christ to work together in our communities, not just with social justice, but with other issues as well, including discipline. So, maybe if we have a discipline issue in a local congregation, we connect with the neighboring community of believers to help us out (multiple denoms represented so it's not about loyalty to or protecting the denom and it's reputation, but about doing the right thing for the Kingdom of God), as they can be more objective than the local community or those loyal to a denom. We don't do this because we follow the denom chain of order instead... think about the Roman catholic church (RC) and it's lack of objectivity dealing with abuse (have you seen Spotlight?)... why would we protestants think we would respond differently?http://religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/ and sadly I am aware of a number of situations where we did not respond any better than the RC leaders and the CRC is not exempt here.
I also think about the 10-20 youth pastors from our community that gather once a month to fellowship and pray, and about 50-80 senior pastors gather for fellowship and prayer once a quarter... these gatherings obviously represent a broad spectrum of denominations with variations of beliefs on the non-essentials... here's a link of a bit of what God is doing in Whatcom County as the local expression of His Church unites in our community. The Lord has used this documentary (it's about 4 yrs old) to start 24/7 prayer in Indonesia, Nepal, India and other mid east arabic countries =) as well as a number of cities in the US, including OR, CA, TX and CO... and at 8:25 on the video, listen to Shannon Williamson's testimony... this Spring she became the exec. director of our local Love INC... exactly what she said 4 years ago in this video about partnering prayer with action at 8:45
http://lowpc.org/whatcomstory/
I have great hope for the Bride of Christ... Scripture tells us she will be ready per Rev 19:7-8 and her wedding dress will be amazing! But we have some strategic shifts/maturing that need to happen first and I believe He is working on that and I see evidence of it...
Praise God!
Posted in: Five Steps to Denominational Renewal - Part 2
per the end of Sam's post: In Part 3,... BOQ... In Part 3, I will highlight a couple examples. Until then, let's talk about it. EOQ
well, Sam, it's being talked about =) looks like lots of sharpening discussion going on and grateful for the insights and input shared here, it's a topic worthy of time and energy... so curious what post #3 will stir up =)
Posted in: When CRC Spiritual Authorities Abuse: Revisiting an Old Problem
We need to get a better understanding of all forms of abuse... not just when there is a tangible, physical/sexual abuse/adultery that can be "proven". Spiritual/emotional abuse is a much more subtle, but also very damaging type of abuse, and is often abuse of power. these all can trigger PTSD symptoms.
I have mentioned in a christian group, something about spiritual abuse, and one of the responses was "well what is spiritual abuse?" or "is that really abuse"? I think all of my research has been from sources outside the CRC (but am aware of a number of situations in it)... it seems we don't like to discuss spiritual abuse much, if at all... and it seems we are on the high risk end... quote from article BOQ Today, many American churches and denominations are susceptible to it (spiritual abuse), particularly “reformed” Calvinistic churches or those with a highly disciplined authority structure. EOQ
http://deepthoughtpub.blogspot.com/2013/02/is-your-church-guilty-of-spiritual.html
it seems abuse has far too often been minimized and dismissed in the Church... exposing this is a threat to leaders. I'm thankful these patterns of control, intimidation, manipulation and other "subtle" forms of silencing a person are coming into the light.
Recently, the practice of a technique that was called a "softer discipline" came to my attention in the CRC... this is a misnomer, because it is a manipulative passive aggressive practice of leadership to shut certain people from being in leadership positions, instead of talking to the person directly if there is an issue, and it is so stinking subtle, so very difficult to prove... it includes not being recommended for positions or committees. Not getting this job or nomination. Being overlooked and ignored. its subtle and quiet. How often is this practiced on someone who is a threat to the leader, because the person would not be loyal to protect the leader from being exposed for the leader's manipulative/abusive practices, and would instead call the leader out on that sort of behavior. So, the leader surrounds themself with "yes" people who are loyal to the leader and will not challenge the leader on the manipulative behavior, because the "yes" people possibly benefited from the manipulation at some point, in some way. ie. favoritism, flattery, cronyism/good old boys club, etc.
I hope and pray safe church and synod addresses the different ways there is abuse of power. Keeping the process secret (lack of transparency) is one of them. The executive session has been far over-used to protect those who abused at the expense of those harmed, because God's way is to bring things into the light, and it is generally those who fear their abusive behavior being exposed that resist that light! Non-disclosure agreements are another one that I think have been far over used in the CRC to silence people. forcing/intimidating/manipulating the person who was hurt to forgive and move on, when there has been far less than honest repentance, very little justice, and/or for leadership to avoid dealing with the abusive person, yet calling the person who was hurt unforgiving and telling them their soul is in danger if they don't forgive and let it go, is spiritually abusive. finding a technicality to dismiss the appeal instead of addressing it, is abuse of power. Using (intentionally) misleading language at council, classis and synod levels to manipulate the outcome of a decision is abuse of power.
Come on Church, come on CRC! It's time to do the right thing! expose and address the many ways abuse is happening in the Church, validate the hurt of those harmed, so they can heal, and discipline those who caused the harm with their abusive/controlling behavior, this is what we, the Church are called to do... and no longer allow further harm to be brought to the one abused, and no longer protect the one who abused from consequences, because far too often, what the Church has allowed when it comes to abuse is the exact opposite of what His Church is called to do...
this is justice...
this is the right thing to do!
I believe the Hosts of Heaven rejoice and celebrate, when His Church does the right thing!
Posted in: Why Every Church Leader Should Watch Spotlight
When I heard about this movie, I went to see it right away... it is a very sobering film, especially for those who might not realize the extent of abuse in the Church and leaderships' patterns of cover up and that it is far more extensive than we recognize (we tend to minimize and dismiss, and think it's not that bad)... for me, it was an answer to prayer on behalf of all those who have been harmed by the Church, Catholic or Protestant. It validated what happened to them, but also exposed the abuse of power by leaders in the Church to protect themselves and the reputation of the Church at the expense of those harmed. The exact opposite of what God calls His Church to do!
the article and several of the replies refer to the fact that this is not just a Catholic problem... here's a powerful article from Boz Tchividjian stating that very thing: http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/
Over the last number of years, I have come to a beyond grievous conclusion that breaks my heart, and I believe is extremely painful to God's heart, and no denomination or congregation is exempt (this is also true in gov't and with any institution) but I am addressing the Church here: when leadership is threatened, such as sexual immorality being exposed, the response has far too often been abuse of power and that is often far more harmful than the original incident (and I would say always more harmful in the spiritual sense/realm), because it is betrayal and spiritual abuse by those in leadership, who are called to do what is right in the eyes of God. Instead of doing what is right and bringing this into the light (John 3:21), and validating the one who was violated, instead, the response by leaders is far too often, "damage control" aka sweep it under the rug, aka John 3:19-20 keeping it in the dark out of fear, which is the enemy's ways... this response breeds manipulation, intimidation (silencing), deception and further shame for those harmed, those violated, those abused. So now, it is not only physical or emotional harm, but now (at least in the Church) they have been spiritually abused as well (there are entire books on this). http://www.spiritualabuse.com/?page_id=58 and I quote... Spiritual abuse is always a power issue! EOQ
Spiritual abuse = abuse of power!
Again, the exact opposite of what the Church is called to...
and unfortunately, that's still not all of it... when this type of thing does get exposed... here's the reaction from those in the Church which again further harms those violated... http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/11/an-unholy-alliance-when-mob-forgiveness-meets-selective-grace/
I know, this is not stuff that we want to hear, again, it is very sobering, but the Church needs to hear it, because we are all guilty... pray about this, process it, ask God to show you His heart regarding this... He is bringing abusive behavior into the light!
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” Bonhoeffer
We need to boldly address this... we cannot stick our heads in the sands, and only listen to fables and fairytales, myths that make us feel good (2 Timothy 4:3-5)... this is the truth coming into the light (SpotLIGHT), and it's time for the Church, to open our eyes and ears to the abuse we have allowed to continue by not addressing this in the light... and repent... and the longer it takes for us to acknowledge, confess and repent, the more harm that will happen and abuse be allowed to continue... I realize this is not a message that we want to hear or believe, but right now, we are guilty of the same things the Pharisees are... making the cup look pretty on the outside, when there is filth and rottenness on the inside... and no denomination, including the CRC is exempt.
I understand the Church is not perfect and this isn't 100% the case true in every situation, but we can't use these as an excuse to not address this type of behavior in the Church...
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/what-not-say-someone-who-has-been-hurt-church
the world is doing a better job at holding leaders accountable than the Church does. Part of leadership responsibility is to bring justice to those harmed, we have significantly failed in this area. I wish I could say this is the exception rather than the rule, but when it comes to institutional leadership feeling threatened, it seems "damage control" and/or "non-disclosure" type agreements have become the rule... water gate, Catholic Church, Sovereign Grace, Mars Hill/Mark Driscoll, Bill Gothard, Pat Tillman's death cover up (US Army), human trafficking (US gov't contractors in Bosnia), etc. and countless more that have never seen the light... I recently had a friend who did the right thing, and reported abusive behavior of an elderly client by another employee at her job... she lost her job, for reporting it... bless her heart for doing the right thing! I have a friend who has experienced these patterns and been intimidated, manipulated, deceived, discredited, spiritually abused, etc. by Church leadership and continues to be shut down in addressing this pattern of behavior, and when I shared the "unholy alliance" article with my friend, the reply was, "I find myself getting mad when I read this..... Because it's EXACTLY what they did!!" ... abuse breeds so much evil! and that is the EXACT opposite of what we, His Kingdom Church, are called to do.
we're not giving up on exposing this evil in the Church! yes, it is hard, and leaders feel threatened... but it is time to bring abuse, especially spiritual abuse/abuse of power into the light... and this needs your help, your voice, your response. We cannot stay silent.
Our response starts with prayer and repentance, seeking God's heart and His ways for healing and choosing to walk in obedience to His ways... If My people, who are called by My Name, will humble themselves, pray, seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then, will I hear from heaven, forgive their sins, and heal their land. and He will call us, His Church into action as part of that healing. and He will call us into action as part of that healing.. This is my prayer for His Church...
Posted in: Why Every Church Leader Should Watch Spotlight
bless your hearts... an answer to my prayer that what is hidden in darkness be exposed! and that includes spiritual abuse/abuse of power in the CRC!
Posted in: Why Every Church Leader Should Watch Spotlight
Amen and Amen! bless your heart Bonnie... keep it up!
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
=) thanks for your graciousness of my ignorance re Star Wars details... I was informed by my family that it was a rogue storm trooper, not a droid... so I apologize for my inaccurate description...
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
this thread hit my email again today because someone recently left a comment... I'm going to add this video clip =) it's the star wars quote...
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/dfb9e1e8-b65f-48e4-968a-305340c8df0c
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
what is a man of God? One who will do the right thing even in the face of fear, even at the expense of the "good old boys club", exposing what is hidden in darkness, doing what is right in the face of resistance and opposition and persecution from their peers and leaders for standing up and doing what is right even though it will make the others look bad.
The man of God will speak out and protect those who have been harmed and abused by those in power, instead of operating in fear and damage control, instead of covering up and protecting the reputation of the leadership causing further harm to those who have been abused... remember Jesus and the woman caught in adultery? The leaders who brought her to Him, didn't give a rip about her life... they didn't care if she was stoned, she was nothing to them, just an object to be used for their selfish purposes, yet they protected the man involved... don't do this!
The man of God will not shift the blame away from themselves, and will not change the narrative to minimize and distract from their wrong doing, or turn themselves into the victim. I think of pornography and the horrible fruit which has caused extensive harm in so many ways, including objectification of people, especially women. the percentages of porn in the Church are horrific, beyond epidemic levels... and the CRC is not exempt...
http://www.provenmen.org/2014pornsurvey/pornography-use-and-addiction/
The man of God will confront and challenge his brothers, his friends, his peers in this area. It is a lie that looking at pornography is no big deal. It is a lie that looking at pornography doesn't hurt anyone. It breeds horrible stuff... including fueling human trafficking. http://dojustice.crcna.org/article/how-porn-justice-issue yet, it seems the Church, including the CRC (from my perspective, including research and anecdotal evidence through discussions with people on this subject) barely acknowledges/addresses this, only in secret it seems, behind closed doors, not openly.
The man of God, will confess, repent, and tell his wife***, and walk in the opposite direction, honoring and protecting the dignity of these women, including his wife, who are made in God's image. You will be free! that is a man of God!
The man of God will then help others get free! Bonhoeffer says... Nothing can be more cruel than the leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin. Read more at: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/467189
The man of God that is truly remorseful and desirous of change, would seek the forgiveness of those they have hurt instead of blaming/attacking them, and instead of making themselves the center of attention, would turn people's attention to those they have hurt. http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/11/an-unholy-alliance-when-mob-forgiveness-meets-selective-grace/
The man of God will be wearing well used armor... not shiny and new, but beaten up, scratched, dented, muddy and bloody.. that means this knight has been in action, serving Him!
Here is the Warriors Prayer (author unknown):
When it is all said and done, and I'm standing before God, I want to be there bloodied and exhausted and worn from the fight, haven given my all. I want to place at Christ's feet a well used, yet still razor sharp sword, a battered shield with the Kingdom's emblem faded and dull from years of service, a breastplate with deep scratch marks where the enemy's darts scarred it when my shield of faith dropped low, a helmet of salvation marked by the blows from the mace of doubt being deflected, boots of the gospel resoled many times and lastly, a belt of truth that is as strong as it was when I received it. All to be turned in for my eternal garments of white and a new name given by my King, the King of Kings.
we recently took our family to the force awakens, I'm not a star wars fan, but my kids wanted to see it... and my favorite line that is well worth the $100 for our family to watch it, is the maverick droid dude's response to the question asked by the fighter pilot on why he rescued him... and the response is "because it's the right thing"... Pres. Obama used the same phrase at least 3 times if I recall in the state of the union address... back to the movie... in a battle, you see this droid start to realize something is wrong, that he is a part of something that is not what he wants to be a part of. I hope and pray that our men will start to see that something is very wrong... that the enemy is somehow using spiritual leaders to abuse those who are under them and that this is spiritual abuse, which is abuse of power... recognizing our battle is not against flesh and blood...
I have had friends who have experienced spiritual abuse from Church leadership ask me "where have all the good men gone?" "where are the good men in the Church?" I know you are there and I know you want to be a man of God, so please speak up and do what is right!
one of my prayers for 2016 is that we the Church will do the right thing.. Yes, it will be hard, and there has been and will be failure, but own up to it, deal with it, learn from it and grow stronger through it, instead of hiding it.
*** tell your wife... this has been debated, with some recovery programs encouraging men to wait until they are porn free for 6 months to do so as well as the conventional counsel of the world, which pastors will use as well, will advise not to tell at all ... I disagree and here is something from Lewis Smede's Forgive and Forget P11… Patronizing husbands lie to wives to spare them the pain of knowing the truth.EOQ the truth will set you free! confess your sins to one another, and you will be healed... that verse has been twisted in various ways to avoid telling the wife. So men, do the right thing! I'm praying for you as part of the Bride of Christ... and the Bride has made herself ready...
Posted in: Forming Men of Faith
Bless your heart, Joshua, yes, abusive behavior in the Church is an area that is especially on my heart over the last several years, as God has opened my eyes in a variety of ways to the extent of this that has been going on in the Church... and I'm sure I've not even seen the tip of the iceberg. This is such a huge issue, and it has been so well hidden... personally, I've been blessed and protected and I thank God for that, but it also made me very naive and unaware... until 2011, God started bringing a number of situations to my attention and the eyes of my heart was opened to see these patterns of abuse and cover-up via manipulation and deception going on on our watch. And then finding out how bringing this into the light is a threat to leaders. I'm still processing that part =( It's been one of those "unwritten rules" that it's not talked about (that would be gossip right? =( see #3 of things not to say to someone who has been hurt by the Church) because I really had very little idea before 4 years ago, and when you do talk about it, you run into opposition and resistance that is unbelievable, including accusations of gossip, slander, and divisiveness.
Here's another quote from Bonhoeffer: “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” This is our watch!
and here are several more difficult, but insightful posts from Boz Tchividjian:
http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/ (this is a very sobering movie that every Christian leader needs to watch on the abuse of power in the Church, covering up wrong doing at the expense of those abused)
and these 2 articles about patterns of abuse that nails what a friend experienced in the CRC... and it makes me wonder how often varying degrees of these patterns are occurring at the expense of those who were harmed and violated, because we/CRC are very good at keeping this kind of thing hidden, under the rug, as much as possible (think non-disclosure agreements/NDA's)... God's way is to bring these patterns of abuse into the light. As one pastor said to me, "confidentiality is killing us"... and I have nothing good to say about NDA's. anyway, lots of thoughts, this is a huge topic, but praying for the Spirit to work in all our hearts, His way, His wisdom for the Church to walk more fully in the potential He has for us... we need to be open and obedient to Him. Walking in holiness is a key part of walking in the power of the HOLY Spirit.
http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/05/15/a-grand-deception-the-successful-response-of-sex-offenders/
http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/08/28/false-narratives-of-christian-leaders-caught-in-abuse/
oh, in case you aren't familiar with this sermon, this is my favorite sermon that I've ever heard from the book of Judges, I read it several times a year, sometimes more often (there are audio options as well if you prefer)... Paris Reidhead and 10 Shekels and a shirt based on Judges 17/18
http://www.parisreidheadbibleteachingministries.org/pdf/tenshekels.pdf
Posted in: Counting Voices
I know this is months after the original post... I struggle with how the Church has expanded and elevated confidentiality to conform to the patterns of the world instead of to scripture... ie.. attorney client privilege, pastor-penitent privilege, the confidentiality of the "confessional", robert's rules of executive and strict executive session, non-disclosure agreements... as one pastor shared with me... confidentiality is killing us... there is something very unhealthy with the way we, the Church, practice confidentiality... God's way is to bring things into the light so that it may be clearly seen that is was His way... the enemy's ways is to keep things hidden in darkness out of fear...
I Timothy 5 says to publicly rebuke a leader who is sinning, in the presence of ALL, without partiality, that the rest may fear and as a warning. and of course the 3 steps of Matthew 18... with the 2nd and 3rd expanding it beyond 2 people. Of course we do this with wisdom and discernment (see Bonnie's comment), but somehow we have sacrificed justice on behalf of those harmed on the altar of confidentiality. A significant reason is protecting reputations, especially if we like the person who did the wrong and so are not impartial and want to defend our friend, our colleague... so we protect the reputation of the one who did the harm, instead of protecting the dignity of those harmed (although leaders will say that they are protecting the reputation of the one bringing the charges, but they are empty words because in reality it is damage control and cover-up because this secrecy actually does more harm, and instead of validating, this response ends up being as harmful if not more so than the original situation and traumatizes further instead of being part of the healing process - there is a reason that many who have been harmed by the Church struggle with post traumatic stress).
I'm pretty sure that is not what God intended in Proverbs about keeping people's secrets.
Posted in: Counting Voices
totally agree Bonnie... and in the secular world I feel this happens more often than not, that the one harmed is given the choice... in the Church, not so much... and I think because the response of the Church is often so hurtful (the one harmed gets blamed, discredited, shunned, the abuse is minimized, dismissed, get over it, move on, let it go, forgive, what's the big deal, nobody's perfect, etc. the abuse is invalidated in so many ways), even if someone is given a choice, that is a significant reason someone would choose to keep it silent if they are given the choice... they are already so vulnerable and unfortunately going public would open them up to more hurt and pain, etc. from the Church instead of the justice and healing that the Church is called to on their behalf... but usually if it's kept silent in the church the purpose is more in the interest of protecting the reputation of the person who did the abuse (especially if it's a well-liked leader).
and then I came across this statement a few days ago, that made me think about this discussion on confidentiality... from Unholy Charade (p 114, 2015, Justice Keepers Publishing, Jeff Crippen, Rebecca Davis)
God does not want us to keep evil in the Church a secret. EOQ
and that lines up with John 3, where it's the enemy who wants to keep evil things in the dark. So the point is, that confidentiality isn't a cover for the enemy.
I'm wondering if we need an advocacy ministry that is somehow separate from any particular denomination or congregation. When the church pays a person's salary... there is too much potential for the employer to exert control/influence over that person and can make it really, really hard for the person to do the right thing, when there job/pay is threatened... however, even if a ministry is independent, church leaders can subtly sabotage that ministry if they feel threatened. the impartiality/avoiding conflict of interest seems to be very difficult in Church leadership in abuse situations... it's one of my concerns... maybe i'm wrong, but I'm really wrestling with that aspect.