I am not a language scholar - but I've heard that the word "go" could be translated "as you are going". We don't need to go far away to have cross-cultural and soul transforming experiences. They are all around us "as we are going". There are homeless shelters, places where street people gather, domestic violence shelters, community centers, all kinds of support groups, migrant workers, home health aides, our neighbors, store clerks, etc. I hope that the Excellence and Justice in Short Term Missions Think Tank will think of these opportunities as well.
There are some underlying issues here - Of course we would like people to be loyal to their CRC church - but that should certainly not be the only reason they attend! The goal must not be to have a group of people who come to church out of a dutiful sense of loyaly, or because they've always attended that church. The goal is a vital community with the Lord (including the Spirit) and with one another.
If the reason a church leader would contact a non-attending member is to "check up" on them because they are concerned about keeping the church's numbers up; that's a serious problem. People enjoy being genuinely cared for - and even missed. A call to say we missed you on Sunday, showing concern for a person including their spiritual health is apprecicated - I don't see how that's anything like being called into a principle's office - unless of course the only reason the person is attending is out of a sense of loyal duty.
Thanks for posting this Rachel - respect is critical in preventing abuse; and in being the kind of community that our Lord is calling us to be as his church, his body, in this world. It's one of the ways we can "shine like stars" in a world where disrespect is far too common.
Thanks for your post Rachel - teaching our children personal safety is so, so important in today's world where the risk of abuse is high. The two websites listed 'kids in the know' and 'door that's not locked' provide excellent resources for families who are concerned with protecting their children from abuse.
Churches must also do their part; in collaboration with other community partners, churches have an important role to play in the protection of children. That's why Safe Church is promoting Circle of Grace. It helps our children understand that all people are created in the image of their creator, and live always in God's loving presence in their circle of grace. It affirms the sacredness of all relationships, and gives deeper reasons for treating one another with dignity and respect. This is something that secular programs cannot do, this message must come from the church.
It's important to remember that a relationship with a person is never one-on-one; because the Lord is also present. Our relationships are sacred. Life stories are precious. When someone shares with you, consider it a precious gift and a sacred trust. It's always a good idea to get permission before sharing anything, any part of another person's story. We must follow Christ's example and consider the interest of others before our own interests (see Philippians 2).
As a licensed social worker, I have learned that an exception to the rule of confidentiality occurs when someone is in imminent danger of harm to themself or to others, then a decision must be made regarding sharing information. It's also good to let people know that up front, if possible. "If I believe that you are a danger to yourself or to others, this conversation will not be confidential, I will seek help - please consider that as you decide what to share with me in confidence during our time together".
I say this often - God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason - He wants us to listen more than speak. Trying to "fix" someone goes way outside our role as ministers of God's love and grace. The Gospel says that only Jesus can truly "fix" anyone - and that includes each one of us - we're in this together.
Hi Kory, I appreciate your blog. I attended my first synod (two years ago, not having grown up in the CRC). I was truly amazed at the respectful dialog that took place, amid the passion people felt on all sides of an issue,and frustration and disagreement about the issue's relevance. I was encouraged. My second synod (last year) was a very draining and discouraging experience for me, closer to the politics and agendas; it almost lead me to despair for this denomination. Yet here I am this year at Synod, wondering what will happen now, knowing that the Lord is here with us as we struggle in our human frailty to honor him. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will fall down on open hearts; that we will be able to recieve all that the Lord has for us here, at Synod 2013. May he use this gathering to build his kingdom, and may He have mercy on the church that bears his name. God bless synod 2013.
Thanks for the good info Rachel. There are tons of good resources on the RAINN website.
What strikes me when I look over the list of "reducing your risk" is how all the focus is on the one potentially victimized. We must also focus on how to stop those who perpetrate rape and sexual assault. We need to change attitudes that prevent disclosure and keep this issue hidden. We need to make changes to the criminal justice system to increase the conviction rate (a proven deterrent). Sexual assault and rape will stop when the perpetrators stop doing it, period. There are times when no amount of tips for reducing risk will prevent it. (See 2 Samuel 13 for a case study)
And, perhaps against better judgement, I have to mention gender here. When I worked on campus, I helped lead seminars about sexual assault and rape. One of the activities was asking all the men in the room what things they did on a regular basis so that they would not be raped. I got lots of blank stares, and sometimes a few answers. Then we asked the same question to all the women in the room. I check my car before I get in; I leave work before dark; I hold my key ready to use as a weapon; I carry pepper spray; I never walk alone; and the answers went on and on and on. It was an eye-opening exercise for the men in the room who didn't understand the experience of living in fear of sexual assault, which was common for most of their women colleagues. I believe a culture change is needed - Male or female, sexual assault and rape are NOT OK. We, as the Church, must be champions and stand for protecting the dignity of all people, and an end to sexual assault.
Check out resources at http://www.acalltomen.org/ - An organization dedicated to creating a world where all men and boys are loving and respectful and all women and girls are valued and safe.
In response to your first question: This Network post came directly from the Safe Church Newsletter, which goes out to all classis Safe Church Team members. The Safe Church Training Notebook mentioned is our way of equipping classis Safe Church Team members to be resources to the churches in their classis. The power point presentations, which are on our website, are included in the notebook; however the notebook also includes additional information, handouts, etc. that are not on our website. Since the Safe Church Training Notebook is a relatively new item, not all Safe Church team members have one yet. They have been distributed in places where Safe Church team meetings and training events have taken place. We hope to get them out to all Safe Church team members in time. We also hope that the notebook itself will not remain the same but will grow, by adding additional resources. We are working to create a web space that will be available to all classis Safe Church team members, where notebook resources will be held, so that all classis Safe Church team members will always have the most updated information available to them for their notebooks. If you have additional questions regarding this, please feel free to contact the Safe Church office.
Regarding your second question about general Safe Church resources for Abuse Awareness Sunday - I'm glad you asked! This is a great time to let people know more about Safe Church in general. The topic is there for those who would like to use that topic, but that is certainly not required. On our website, look at the quick links on the right side bar - especially the fact sheet. You can also click on the left sidebar under "What is Safe Church Ministry?" for additional ideas. Also, on the left sidebar under "Resources for Abuse Awareness Sunday" there is a page of general resources that don't correspond to a specific topic. A letter will go out soon to all pastors and to classis Safe Church Team members about Abuse Awareness Sunday - thank you for your interest in doing something at your church. Again, please feel free to contact Safe Church for assistance and for more ideas and resources.
You have said, "As Christians we have a responsibility not to allow sexist attitudes and idealology to define our Safe Church education and/or information". I absolutely agree with you 100%. Our Lord does not value one gender over another and neither should we in our churches. Both male and female are created in His image, and both reflect His glory. ALL people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. That is the focus of Safe Church Ministry.
Unfortunately, abuse exists, a horrible truth in our fallen world (definitely a "worldly" issue). And part of our fallenness is that abuse is not a gender-neutral issue, but impacts women more often than men; though make no mistake, abuse affects both genders. I'm sure there will be no abuse in heaven; when we pray, "your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" we pray for an end to abuse. I know we are not in heaven yet; but the Lord has given us His Spirit and gifts to live as His Kingdom citizens right here, right now, on this broken earth. Part of the work of Safe Church Ministry is responding with justice and compassion to abuse that has already occurred. It's saying, "no, this is not right". It's important for the church to open its eyes, to see the devastation abuse causes and work to end it. This is why we sometimes site statistics; and why stories are sometimes told. Painful stories of abuse belong to women and girls, as well as to men and boys. Those stories and lives are precious to our Lord, may they also become precious to us, as His Church.
Posted in: When Churches Lose Members
A very good point!
Posted in: Excellence and Justice in Short-Term Missions Think Tank
I am not a language scholar - but I've heard that the word "go" could be translated "as you are going". We don't need to go far away to have cross-cultural and soul transforming experiences. They are all around us "as we are going". There are homeless shelters, places where street people gather, domestic violence shelters, community centers, all kinds of support groups, migrant workers, home health aides, our neighbors, store clerks, etc. I hope that the Excellence and Justice in Short Term Missions Think Tank will think of these opportunities as well.
Posted in: Mom and Pop vs. Big Box Church
There are some underlying issues here - Of course we would like people to be loyal to their CRC church - but that should certainly not be the only reason they attend! The goal must not be to have a group of people who come to church out of a dutiful sense of loyaly, or because they've always attended that church. The goal is a vital community with the Lord (including the Spirit) and with one another.
If the reason a church leader would contact a non-attending member is to "check up" on them because they are concerned about keeping the church's numbers up; that's a serious problem. People enjoy being genuinely cared for - and even missed. A call to say we missed you on Sunday, showing concern for a person including their spiritual health is apprecicated - I don't see how that's anything like being called into a principle's office - unless of course the only reason the person is attending is out of a sense of loyal duty.
Posted in: The Gift of Respectful Relationships
Thanks for posting this Rachel - respect is critical in preventing abuse; and in being the kind of community that our Lord is calling us to be as his church, his body, in this world. It's one of the ways we can "shine like stars" in a world where disrespect is far too common.
Posted in: Child Sexual Abuse: How to Reduce Risks
Thanks for your post Rachel - teaching our children personal safety is so, so important in today's world where the risk of abuse is high. The two websites listed 'kids in the know' and 'door that's not locked' provide excellent resources for families who are concerned with protecting their children from abuse.
Churches must also do their part; in collaboration with other community partners, churches have an important role to play in the protection of children. That's why Safe Church is promoting Circle of Grace. It helps our children understand that all people are created in the image of their creator, and live always in God's loving presence in their circle of grace. It affirms the sacredness of all relationships, and gives deeper reasons for treating one another with dignity and respect. This is something that secular programs cannot do, this message must come from the church.
Posted in: Emotionally Safe People
Excellent post - THANK YOU!
It's important to remember that a relationship with a person is never one-on-one; because the Lord is also present. Our relationships are sacred. Life stories are precious. When someone shares with you, consider it a precious gift and a sacred trust. It's always a good idea to get permission before sharing anything, any part of another person's story. We must follow Christ's example and consider the interest of others before our own interests (see Philippians 2).
As a licensed social worker, I have learned that an exception to the rule of confidentiality occurs when someone is in imminent danger of harm to themself or to others, then a decision must be made regarding sharing information. It's also good to let people know that up front, if possible. "If I believe that you are a danger to yourself or to others, this conversation will not be confidential, I will seek help - please consider that as you decide what to share with me in confidence during our time together".
Posted in: Emotionally Safe People
I say this often - God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason - He wants us to listen more than speak. Trying to "fix" someone goes way outside our role as ministers of God's love and grace. The Gospel says that only Jesus can truly "fix" anyone - and that includes each one of us - we're in this together.
Posted in: Why I'm Excited for Synod
Hi Kory, I appreciate your blog. I attended my first synod (two years ago, not having grown up in the CRC). I was truly amazed at the respectful dialog that took place, amid the passion people felt on all sides of an issue,and frustration and disagreement about the issue's relevance. I was encouraged. My second synod (last year) was a very draining and discouraging experience for me, closer to the politics and agendas; it almost lead me to despair for this denomination. Yet here I am this year at Synod, wondering what will happen now, knowing that the Lord is here with us as we struggle in our human frailty to honor him. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will fall down on open hearts; that we will be able to recieve all that the Lord has for us here, at Synod 2013. May he use this gathering to build his kingdom, and may He have mercy on the church that bears his name. God bless synod 2013.
Posted in: Preventing Sexual Assault
Thanks for the good info Rachel. There are tons of good resources on the RAINN website.
What strikes me when I look over the list of "reducing your risk" is how all the focus is on the one potentially victimized. We must also focus on how to stop those who perpetrate rape and sexual assault. We need to change attitudes that prevent disclosure and keep this issue hidden. We need to make changes to the criminal justice system to increase the conviction rate (a proven deterrent). Sexual assault and rape will stop when the perpetrators stop doing it, period. There are times when no amount of tips for reducing risk will prevent it. (See 2 Samuel 13 for a case study)
And, perhaps against better judgement, I have to mention gender here. When I worked on campus, I helped lead seminars about sexual assault and rape. One of the activities was asking all the men in the room what things they did on a regular basis so that they would not be raped. I got lots of blank stares, and sometimes a few answers. Then we asked the same question to all the women in the room. I check my car before I get in; I leave work before dark; I hold my key ready to use as a weapon; I carry pepper spray; I never walk alone; and the answers went on and on and on. It was an eye-opening exercise for the men in the room who didn't understand the experience of living in fear of sexual assault, which was common for most of their women colleagues. I believe a culture change is needed - Male or female, sexual assault and rape are NOT OK. We, as the Church, must be champions and stand for protecting the dignity of all people, and an end to sexual assault.
Posted in: Teaching Boys to Respect Girls: Why It Matters
Thanks for the post and the comments!
Check out resources at http://www.acalltomen.org/ - An organization dedicated to creating a world where all men and boys are loving and respectful and all women and girls are valued and safe.
Posted in: Safe Church Ministry: News You Can Use
Greetings,
In response to your first question: This Network post came directly from the Safe Church Newsletter, which goes out to all classis Safe Church Team members. The Safe Church Training Notebook mentioned is our way of equipping classis Safe Church Team members to be resources to the churches in their classis. The power point presentations, which are on our website, are included in the notebook; however the notebook also includes additional information, handouts, etc. that are not on our website. Since the Safe Church Training Notebook is a relatively new item, not all Safe Church team members have one yet. They have been distributed in places where Safe Church team meetings and training events have taken place. We hope to get them out to all Safe Church team members in time. We also hope that the notebook itself will not remain the same but will grow, by adding additional resources. We are working to create a web space that will be available to all classis Safe Church team members, where notebook resources will be held, so that all classis Safe Church team members will always have the most updated information available to them for their notebooks. If you have additional questions regarding this, please feel free to contact the Safe Church office.
Regarding your second question about general Safe Church resources for Abuse Awareness Sunday - I'm glad you asked! This is a great time to let people know more about Safe Church in general. The topic is there for those who would like to use that topic, but that is certainly not required. On our website, look at the quick links on the right side bar - especially the fact sheet. You can also click on the left sidebar under "What is Safe Church Ministry?" for additional ideas. Also, on the left sidebar under "Resources for Abuse Awareness Sunday" there is a page of general resources that don't correspond to a specific topic. A letter will go out soon to all pastors and to classis Safe Church Team members about Abuse Awareness Sunday - thank you for your interest in doing something at your church. Again, please feel free to contact Safe Church for assistance and for more ideas and resources.
Posted in: Is Your Teen Safe?
Hi Shawn,
You have said, "As Christians we have a responsibility not to allow sexist attitudes and idealology to define our Safe Church education and/or information". I absolutely agree with you 100%. Our Lord does not value one gender over another and neither should we in our churches. Both male and female are created in His image, and both reflect His glory. ALL people deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. That is the focus of Safe Church Ministry.
Unfortunately, abuse exists, a horrible truth in our fallen world (definitely a "worldly" issue). And part of our fallenness is that abuse is not a gender-neutral issue, but impacts women more often than men; though make no mistake, abuse affects both genders. I'm sure there will be no abuse in heaven; when we pray, "your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" we pray for an end to abuse. I know we are not in heaven yet; but the Lord has given us His Spirit and gifts to live as His Kingdom citizens right here, right now, on this broken earth. Part of the work of Safe Church Ministry is responding with justice and compassion to abuse that has already occurred. It's saying, "no, this is not right". It's important for the church to open its eyes, to see the devastation abuse causes and work to end it. This is why we sometimes site statistics; and why stories are sometimes told. Painful stories of abuse belong to women and girls, as well as to men and boys. Those stories and lives are precious to our Lord, may they also become precious to us, as His Church.