Bev Sterk

wow, i'm in tears... how can it be heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time... by the love and grace of God...  thank You Lord!

and thank you Kelly and safe church and all of you who have been in the trenches fighting these abuses for decades, often facing so much resistance... and now seeing these stories coming into the light for healing, so God will be glorified and people will be healed in the midst of this ugly, horrific mess that is being exposed (and it should be exposed)... a difficult and painful process, but in the long term, so healthy and it will bring righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by the painful process...  through this He is strengthening the feeble arms and weak knees (the victims, those who still have deep unresolved trauma, the advocates that have been fighting for decades and running into resistance, the families that have suffered with no support from their spiritual leaders)... He gives us the privilege to partner with Him to make level paths for our feet, so that the lame will not be further harmed, but rather healed...

Kelly, I believe it, but can I get backup if possible for the statement...  The majority of the perpetrators of sexual violence against men are white, heterosexual men . EOQ  

 

 

 

 

Thank you Safe Church for putting this together with the relevant links!  very helpful and practical!  much appreciated!  bless your hearts!  Bev

Thanks for shining light and bringing attention to this horrific evil Eric... but we also need to make it clear that porn is a HUGE part of what fuels sex trafficking!  We, the Church, are directly and indirectly making things worse for sex trafficked victims, if we do not address the porn problem in the Church.  It is estimated sex trafficking would drop significantly if those in the Church stopped supporting the porn industry with their viewing.  Let's find out and make that a reality!

Excerpt from Mary Lee Bouma's post on Do Justice: http://dojustice.crcna.org/article/porn-use-its-about-more-personal-sin

BOQ: On the other hand, in my pastoral experience at REED Vancouver, men who begin fighting against human trafficking when they discover its relationship to porn find themselves able to get free of porn use. Focusing on advocating for women, many men have told me they were freed from the guilty rationalization, self-absorption, and shame of being a Christian who also uses porn.

Now is the time for the Church to confront the fact that a mostly-male audience is using anonymous marginalized women for pleasure, and to accept instead God's invitation to be people who practice both justice and mercy. We must begin to acknowledge and respond to the horrific spiritual, physical, and psychological effects on girls and women as men are trained by porn to objectify and violently debase them. EOQ

 

Bless your heart Bonnie...  I want to honor and encourage you as one of TIME's People of the Year!

this was announced yesterday!  http://time.com/time-person-of-the-year-2017-silence-breakers/

 You have been using your voice long before 2017 and I want to recognize how the LORD is using you to help break the silence regarding abuse in the Church... I know it's not an easy calling and often not appreciated, but know that you are making a difference!

So Sister, stay strong in the Lord and in His mighty power!

 

you are speaking my heart here Sam...  the local expression of the Bride is my heart... not just local congregations, but the local community of believers working together, instead of so often in isolation as independent churches of one denom or another, but as one church expressed through various Kingdom congregations of the community (I love Love INC type ministries that collaborate resources and needs between congregations in a community, at the local level)... I believe based on the word of God, this is the intended expression of the Kingdom Church, not denominations (some follow Apostle Peter/pope (Catholics/Gr orthodox), some follow Luther (Lutherans) some follow Wesley(Methodists), some follow Calvin (reformed) some follow Menno (Mennonites/anabaptist), some follow Chuck Smith (Calvary chapel even though they don't consider themselves a denom), some follow John wimber (Vineyard), etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.)  who are we kidding?  denoms are exactly what scripture directly expressed not to do...  instead the local community of believers is how scripture addresses the Church, as the church of a location... the Church of Corinth, the Church of Ephesus, the Church of Galatia, the Church of Phillipi, the Church of Sardis, the Church of Philadelphia. etc... 

I've also been wrestling with the misalignment going on between the institutional Church (particularly denominations) and the organic/ekklesia Church (the people)... it seems what happens with institutions (think gov't/politicians as well) is at some point it becomes more about the perpetuation of the institution/denomination then about the people and the purpose of the institution in the first place and the people end up serving/equipping the institution instead of the institution serving/equipping the people... haven't read it, but there's a book on the vine (organic church) and trellis (institutional church)  with the analogy of how the trellis is there to support the vine... it seems we have flipped the priority and now it's more about the vine supporting the trellis... not saying the structure/trellis isn't biblical, just that it's not the priority...  https://www.amazon.com/Trellis-Vine-Ministry-Mind-Shift-Everything/dp/1921441585  maybe it's time to order it...

I believe there is a significant shift going on from denominations to the local expression of the Kingdom Church that I believe is Biblical and of the Spirit, denoms can resist it or embrace it and help and encourage their congregations to "be better together" in the community that they are in, not just with other CRC or reformed type, but with the charismatics, with the Baptists, with the non-denoms, etc... it's kind of ironic how the intentional effort for increased diversity is one of the reasons that causes the denom as an institution to be less significant and i think that's a good thing... 

thankful to see this discussion going on... I do want to honor the ekklesia/organic Church, those who have gone before us, and the solid foundation that we have been given through them for our faith...  God has allowed denoms to have its time and purpose and He has worked in and through them (kind of like God allowing Israel to have kings), there are very practical reasons for denoms like discipline and appeal processes of situations where objectivity is needed (although I don't think a denom/institution can be impartial at any level because it defaults to protect it's existence/job security when there is a threat to it's leaders and/or it's reputation instead of protecting the weak and those who have been harmed, basically the exact opposite of what Jesus calls us to do)... so it seems it is time to recognize that which is hindering the Kingdom Ekklesia/Church from being all that God called us to be and how our denom as it is today might be doing so... I think of Colossians 2:8  (this is my paraphrase)... beware Church, that no one cheats you (of your calling/purpose/mission, etc) through empty and deceptive philosophies, which come from the tradition of man and the conventional wisdom of the world, instead of principles based on Jesus Christ and His Word. 

so what traditions of man and conventional principles of the world do we practice that are not in alignment with God's ways and are hindering the Bride of Christ in answering her call?

ps.. I think denom renewal might be a misnomer, it gives people hope in the institution instead of the local church...  maybe denom re-alignment might be more fitting, that there is an inversion going on between the institutional and the organic church?  or as you mentioned "reform"... maybe denominational reformation =)  now that would be fitting =)

 

hope that all makes some sense in accord with His word...  maybe not what people want to read and hear, but test it and if it's off from the Word of God, I would welcome correction...

 

per the end of Sam's post: In Part 3,... BOQ... In Part 3, I will highlight a couple examples. Until then, let's talk about it.  EOQ

well, Sam, it's being talked about =) looks like lots of sharpening discussion going on and grateful for the insights and input shared here, it's a topic worthy of time and energy...    so curious what post #3 will stir up =)

We need to get a better understanding of all forms of abuse... not just when there is a tangible, physical/sexual abuse/adultery that can be "proven".  Spiritual/emotional abuse is a much more subtle, but also very damaging type of abuse, and is often abuse of power.  these all can trigger PTSD symptoms.

I have mentioned in a christian group, something about spiritual abuse, and one of the responses was "well what is spiritual abuse?"  or "is that really abuse"?   I think all of my research has been from sources outside the CRC (but am aware of a number of situations in it)... it seems we don't like to discuss spiritual abuse much, if at all...  and it seems we are on the high risk end...  quote from article BOQ Today, many American churches and denominations are susceptible to it (spiritual abuse), particularly “reformed” Calvinistic churches or those with a highly disciplined authority structure. EOQ 

http://deepthoughtpub.blogspot.com/2013/02/is-your-church-guilty-of-spiritual.html

it seems abuse has far too often been minimized and dismissed in the Church... exposing this is a threat to leaders.   I'm thankful these patterns of control, intimidation, manipulation and other "subtle" forms of silencing a person are coming into the light.

Recently, the practice of a technique that was called a "softer discipline" came to my attention in the CRC... this is a misnomer, because it is a manipulative passive aggressive practice of leadership to shut certain people from being in leadership positions, instead of talking to the person directly if there is an issue, and it is so stinking subtle, so very difficult to prove...  it includes not being recommended for positions or committees.  Not getting this job or nomination.  Being overlooked and ignored.  its subtle and quiet.  How often is this practiced on someone who is a threat to the leader, because the person would not be loyal to protect the leader from being exposed for the leader's manipulative/abusive practices, and would instead call the leader out on that sort of behavior.  So, the leader surrounds themself with "yes" people who are loyal to the leader and will not challenge the leader on the manipulative behavior, because the "yes" people possibly benefited from the manipulation at some point, in some way.  ie. favoritism, flattery, cronyism/good old boys club, etc. 

I hope and pray safe church and synod addresses the different ways there is abuse of power.  Keeping the process secret (lack of transparency) is one of them.  The executive session has been far over-used to protect those who abused at the expense of those harmed, because God's way is to bring things into the light, and it is generally those who fear their abusive behavior being exposed that resist that light!  Non-disclosure agreements are another one that I think have been far over used in the CRC to silence people.  forcing/intimidating/manipulating the person who was hurt to forgive and move on, when there has been far less than honest repentance, very little justice, and/or for leadership to avoid dealing with the abusive person, yet calling the person who was hurt unforgiving and telling them their soul is in danger if they don't forgive and let it go, is spiritually abusive.  finding a technicality to dismiss the appeal instead of addressing it, is abuse of power.  Using (intentionally) misleading language at council, classis and synod levels to manipulate the outcome of a decision is abuse of power.

Come on Church, come on CRC!  It's time to do the right thing!  expose and address the many ways abuse is happening in the Church, validate the hurt of those harmed, so they can heal, and discipline those who caused the harm with their abusive/controlling behavior, this is what we, the Church are called to do...  and no longer allow further harm to be brought to the one abused, and no longer protect the one who abused from consequences, because far too often, what the Church has allowed when it comes to abuse is the exact opposite of what His Church is called to do...

this is justice...

this is the right thing to do!

I believe the Hosts of Heaven rejoice and celebrate, when His Church does the right thing!

When I heard about this movie, I went to see it right away... it is a very sobering film, especially for those who might not realize the extent of abuse in the Church and leaderships' patterns of cover up and that it is far more extensive than we recognize (we tend to minimize and dismiss, and think it's not that bad)...  for me, it was an answer to prayer on behalf of all those who have been harmed by the Church, Catholic or Protestant.  It validated what happened to them, but also exposed the abuse of power by leaders in the Church to protect themselves and the reputation of the Church at the expense of those harmed.   The exact opposite of what God calls His Church to do!

the article and several of the replies refer to the fact that this is not just a Catholic problem... here's a powerful article from Boz Tchividjian stating that very thing:  http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/07/spotlight-its-not-just-a-catholic-problem/

Over the last number of years, I have come to a beyond grievous conclusion that breaks my heart, and I believe is extremely painful to God's heart, and no denomination or congregation is exempt (this is also true in gov't and with any institution) but I am addressing the Church here: when leadership is threatened, such as sexual immorality being exposed, the response has far too often been abuse of power and that is often far more harmful than the original incident (and I would say always more harmful in the spiritual sense/realm), because it is betrayal and spiritual abuse by those in leadership, who are called to do what is right in the eyes of God.  Instead of doing what is right and bringing this into the light (John 3:21), and validating the one who was violated, instead, the response by leaders is far too often, "damage control" aka sweep it under the rug, aka John 3:19-20 keeping it in the dark out of fear, which is the enemy's ways... this response breeds manipulation, intimidation (silencing), deception and further shame for those harmed, those violated, those abused.  So now, it is not only physical or emotional harm, but now (at least in the Church) they have been spiritually abused as well (there are entire books on this).  http://www.spiritualabuse.com/?page_id=58  and I quote... Spiritual abuse is always a power issue! EOQ 

Spiritual abuse = abuse of power!

Again, the exact opposite of what the Church is called to... 

and unfortunately, that's still not all of it... when this type of thing does get exposed... here's the reaction from those in the Church  which again further harms those violated...   http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/12/11/an-unholy-alliance-when-mob-forgiveness-meets-selective-grace/

I know, this is not stuff that we want to hear, again, it is very sobering, but the Church needs to hear it, because we are all guilty... pray about this, process it, ask God to show you His heart regarding this...  He is bringing abusive behavior into the light!

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”  Bonhoeffer

We need to boldly address this... we cannot stick our heads in the sands, and only listen to fables and fairytales, myths that make us feel good (2 Timothy 4:3-5)...  this is the truth coming into the light (SpotLIGHT), and it's time for the Church, to open our eyes and ears to the abuse we have allowed to continue by not addressing this in the light... and repent... and the longer it takes for us to acknowledge, confess and repent, the more harm that will happen and abuse be allowed to continue...  I realize this is not a message that we want to hear or believe, but right now, we are guilty of the same things the Pharisees are... making the cup look pretty on the outside, when there is filth and rottenness on the inside... and no denomination, including the CRC is exempt.

I understand the Church is not perfect and this isn't 100% the case true in every situation, but we can't use these as an excuse to not address this type of behavior in the Church...

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/what-not-say-someone-who-has-been-hurt-church

the world is doing a better job at holding leaders accountable than the Church does.  Part of leadership responsibility is to bring justice to those harmed, we have significantly failed in this area.  I wish I could say this is the exception rather than the rule, but when it comes to institutional leadership feeling threatened, it seems "damage control" and/or "non-disclosure" type agreements have become the rule...  water gate, Catholic Church, Sovereign Grace, Mars Hill/Mark Driscoll, Bill Gothard, Pat Tillman's death cover up (US Army), human trafficking (US gov't contractors in Bosnia), etc. and countless more that have never seen the light...  I recently had a friend who did the right thing, and reported abusive behavior of an elderly client by another employee at her job... she lost her job, for reporting it... bless her heart for doing the right thing!  I have a friend who has experienced these patterns and been intimidated, manipulated, deceived, discredited, spiritually abused, etc. by Church leadership and continues to be shut down in addressing this pattern of behavior, and when I shared the "unholy alliance" article with my friend, the reply was, "I find myself getting mad when I read this..... Because it's EXACTLY what they did!!" ...   abuse breeds so much evil!  and that is the EXACT opposite of what we, His Kingdom Church, are called to do.

we're not giving up on exposing this evil in the Church!  yes, it is hard, and leaders feel threatened...  but it is time to bring abuse, especially spiritual abuse/abuse of power into the light...  and this needs your help, your voice, your response.  We cannot stay silent. 

Our response starts with prayer and repentance, seeking God's heart and His ways for healing and choosing to walk in obedience to His ways...  If My people, who are called by My Name, will humble themselves, pray, seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then, will I hear from heaven, forgive their sins, and heal their land.  and He will call us, His Church into action as part of that healing.  and He will call us into action as part of that healing..  This is my prayer for His Church...