"Until all CRC's", Synod lamented, "adopt safe church policies", vulnerable people could be subject to abuse of power. Synod is aware. Are you? Where is the Holy Spirit in this? The Spirit leads toward seeking justice for the weak, just as Jesus modeled for us in the call to be his image bearers.
The + or - 3% is the statistical variation of 100 individuals in a sample.
I am a man Roger and my wife is my pastor at Good News CRC in London Ontario. She has been ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament for 11 years. Please look at the avatar on my post. That's me with the beard, my daughter and grand-daughter.
And again, church article 83 disqualifies your "opinion". Please take the time to read it. Synod has ruled against your opinion on this matter.
Thank-you for the link to the "Pyramid of Abuse". It is a fine summary of organizational systems theory, surrounding the foundations of abuse of power in its forms. Church systems have similar organizational structures, varying of course by denomination and therefore open to the development of abusive practices. I'm sorry you have to know many of the stories. Its hard to ingest and remain unchanged. I do not believe most pastors talk about this. When pastors get together, the talk surrounds theology, preaching, troubles or success with council. I do believe that most pastors understand "emotional affair". The pastors I know are men and women of good character. I personally do not know, the 1 in 50 pastors that are serious abusers. I did know one, but thankfully, deposed.
I remember studying in my pastoral theology class that women sometimes will set a "trap" for a pastor and ensnare him. We were taught to be wary of this type of woman as she could "ruin your ministry." (We now understand that the pastor ruined his ministry, not the woman). We were taught to report such a person immediately to wife and council. In other words, keep your professional boundaries.
A pastor whose marriage is not functioning well may be vulnerable to transference and thus the temptation to overlook proper boundaries, This continues to be known by some as "incitement" and thus victim blame and shame are the result, the sacrificial lamb to save the more "Important" ah-hem... "shepherd".
For those interested, here is the link to some of the research papers produced by Baylor.
The document by Dr. Garland, "Wolves in Shepherd's Clothing" (see the link for bibliography) is of particular interest and outlines the progression of the "Grooming Process" of victims used by predatory clergy. This paper among the other academic papers listed was referenced extensively during the article 83 process of revision for Synod 2016. I'm sure you will find it "eye-opening". It is a great educational tool for safe church and was used in our presentations to Classis.
This public forum is important. The hearing of stories helps to bring to light to abuses of power in our midst. Thank-you to "The Network", for publishing sensitive personal histories of people who have the courage to go public.
I myself was the recipient of two incidents of abuse as a young man. I was groped in the genital area twice by perpetrators. I barely escaped one incident in our school washroom by screaming as loud as I could. The perpetrator let go and fled, thankfully. Throughout the remainder of my time at this school, I was terrified of retribution and did not dare tell anyone out of fear and shame. This incident remains in my psyche. God has been gracious in allowing me through grace to bear it.
Of course there are differing interpretations of incidents involving harassment and abuse. From a judiciary view, opinions don't count, only facts count. If the event brought forth by the courageous story teller is true, there is only one interpretation, " guilty of sexual abuse and harassment" based on the incident. The perpetrator has no right to offer an explanation of "I did it in fun" and my intent was misinterpreted. The facts are as follows:
1) A person of unequal (greater) power, granted through ordination, ignored their fiduciary responsibility to respect the sexual safety of someone with lesser power (the retreat participant) contravened this person's right (through church order) to sexual safety.
Roger, or others who may not understand the fiduciary responsibility of a pastor please take the time to research it. A short definition from Webster's dictionary is as follows:
Definition of fiduciary
of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust: such as
a : held or founded in trust or confidence a fiduciary relationship. All pastors and office bearers through ordination vows have a fiduciary responsibility to honor and respect and never contravene the right to sexual safety, a person under their pastoral power and authority. Period. This includes any incidents of sexual innuendo or any form of touch not in keeping with that responsibility. Sadly, in the nineties and even today, the 2%, give or take of office bearers within the CRC who abuse their relationships of trust are often defended as "wandering for a time".
2) Professional associations including the Canadian Medical Association, Governments, Police Associations, the military, National Counseling Associations and other bodies that employ professionals have strict codes of codes of practice outlining the grounds for sexual harassment and assault. Research shows that professional associations all experience the same rates of abuse, i.e., approximately 2% of the professionals in their ranks abuse their power.
The penalties within these associations vary, however within medical associations, any contravention involving sexual harassment or abuse against patients requires relinquishing of professional credentials. The same is true for Psychiatric and Counseling Associations of professionals. Interestingly, the same holds true for our denomination through the institutional and constitutional framework of church article 83 (revised 2016, Acts of Synod). For anyone reading this blog who believes their opposing opinions matter regarding contraventions of church order article 83 would do well to inform themselves of the dangers in 2018 of abuse of power. This is not 1993. A lot has changed since our courageous story teller was harassed by this pastor. Unfortunately, the ecclesiastical power structures still in place may lead to the protection of those in power and the silencing of victims and survivors due to the very nature of how power is exercised. For every victim that tells their story, there are 10 victims who remain in silence out of fear of the power that dominates them.
There is still much work to do to make our churches safe. Proceeding with initiatives including Classical Safe Church Coordinators for every Classis with ongoing education of congregations and pastoral education courses at seminary outlining the nature of abuse and its consequences are a step forward. A reminder to those who believe their is room for interpretation or opinion regarding incidents of harassment that are in fact true, take heed.
As in a court of law, when there is proof beyond reasonable doubt of a break in the relationship of trust, through boundary crossing, the accused is guilty and should bear the necessary consequences of their actions, including relinquishment of professional credentials.
With due respect to your office Roger, please take the time to do your own investigation into this issue. There have been a variety of current resources cited here to read. It will be much more helpful to you if you read all the information cited in this blog in a process of discovery, rather than asking me questions. Clearly, you do not believe the information I provided.
The research and information you discover will enlighten you surrounding changes that have taken place since 1995. The changes to attitudes in society and the practical re-engineering of church order to reflect those changes would not have resulted in the exoneration of the accused pastor nor would have judged the judgment of the elders in question as correct or disciplinary.
Thanks for attempting to answer the "power differential" question.
Power is more than having people voted into positions of authority and knowing their titles and roles. Inherent in the position of power are psychological, moral and spiritual advantages (power) that come with the office. Because of the power differential in the relation between pastor and parishioner, any sexual innuendo or act in that relationship is never consensual and therefore an abuse of power. The pastor or office bearer, through their fiduciary responsibility to protect the relationship charged to them is responsible for placing proper boundaries to protect the relationship from harm, so "incitement" from a parishioner may never be used as a defense by the bearer of power. Any breach of safe boundaries is never consensual. There is no such thing as "incitement", because of the imbalance in power in the relationship.
Please read the following for a full explanation of this, then respond. Others please respond too :)
Thanks for your thoughtful analysis of this investigation regarding clergy abuse of power relative to the incidents at The Meeting House. The board of overseers indeed named Cavey's actions for what they were, thankfully. It takes courage and strength to avoid glossing over or minimizing the abuse of power and it's impact on victims.
Victim's voices are usually silenced by those in power in order to prevent embarrassment and serious accountability relative to perpetrator's abuse of power. Abuses of power are common and regular occurrences across all denominations (CRC included) . All office bearers including members of clergy have a fiduciary responsibility to keep safe boundaries in all professional settings, whether dealing children or adult parishioners. There is no such this as an "affair" between a pastor and an adult parishioner due to the imbalance of power in the relationship. To make things even more dire for the victim, there is almost always emotional and spiritual abuse (grooming) leading up to actual sexual abuse and harassment.
Statistics from the extensive, recent research undertaken by Baylor University's school of sociology which focused on clergy sexual abuse do not lie. These statistics reveal that approximately 2% of all clergy abuse their power regularly. Most incidents go unreported or underreported. As a denomination, we have the social structure that allows these abuses to occur and are reticent about it or prefer not to address the phenomenon. It's simply too painful to admit or face due to the disruption and shame that result to victims and perpetrators alike. We do have tools (safe church) and the commitment to pastoral care for perpetrators and victims once incidents are brought to the light and taken seriously.
As a commissioned pastor, I have provided pastoral care to victims (survivors) of clergy spiritual, emotional and sexual abuse and have walked with them from the brink of suicidal ideation to a place of allowing faith to flourish in the betrayed heart once again. Clergy sexual abuse and abuse of power are evil betrayals of the sacred trust placed on individuals granted spiritual authority. More authority (power) in the church institution, over another takes place when someone is installed or ordained to church office (ordination or election as office bearer). All abuses of power must be recognized for the evil it is with perpetrator and victim both receiving appropriate pastoral care. For the perpetrator, discipline according to church articles (84) where that discipline is prescribed. This could involve suspension and or deposition, with counseling and pastoral care provided for as long as needed.
If you or someone you know needs to reveal an incident that has made them feel emotionally, spiritually or sexually uncomfortable around an office bearer, I encourage you or the person you know to approach the safe church ministry in your church. Safe church is committed to help you.
Thank-you Elaine for your thoughtful article and journey along with the opportunity to share some thoughts on the subject.
Rev. Willemina Zwart, ordained close to 18 years ago has been my wife and pastor for over 13 years. God's calling on her life is more than obvious. She has served as an associate and lead pastor in Canada. The churches she has served continue to bless her on her way fulfilling her calling as Minister of the Word. Her skillful and passionate preaching afford the breadth and depth that the scriptures require. Her love of people and concern for their growth in Christ is equal or greater than any pastor I have met or served with. Her patience in leadership in a yet stringent, patriarchal culture is astonishing and humbling to observe. Her skill in observing and developing spiritual gifts in others strengthens the body of Christ where she serves. The men who have allowed her to be their pastor have grown significantly in Christ. Any church in the CRCNA would be fortunate to have her as lead pastor. I do not say this lightly or with braggadocio in mind, but as a thoughtful observer.
My wife and I are praying for your work. May every survivor know they can be safe and have advocates that bring comfort, support and hope for the future because of your leadership.
May the abusers of power come to an understanding of their sin and trespass as a result of your determination to inform them of the difference between holistic power under submission to Christ and power that seeks to dominate, control and destroy the innocent.
Yours is a ministry task, that is the heartbeat of God for the well-being of the weak and manipulated who through no fault of their own find themselves alienated, ostracized and sometimes despised. May God grant you increasing wisdom, courage and strength as we see from reading your introduction you already possess in great quantity.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Roger,
The + or - 3% is the statistical variation of 100 individuals in a sample.
I am a man Roger and my wife is my pastor at Good News CRC in London Ontario. She has been ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament for 11 years.
And again, church article 83 disqualifies your "opinion". Please take the time to read it. Synod has ruled against your opinion on this matter.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
"Until all CRC's", Synod lamented, "adopt safe church policies", vulnerable people could be subject to abuse of power. Synod is aware. Are you? Where is the Holy Spirit in this? The Spirit leads toward seeking justice for the weak, just as Jesus modeled for us in the call to be his image bearers.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Roger,
The + or - 3% is the statistical variation of 100 individuals in a sample.
I am a man Roger and my wife is my pastor at Good News CRC in London Ontario. She has been ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament for 11 years. Please look at the avatar on my post. That's me with the beard, my daughter and grand-daughter.
And again, church article 83 disqualifies your "opinion". Please take the time to read it. Synod has ruled against your opinion on this matter.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Bev,
Thank-you for the link to the "Pyramid of Abuse". It is a fine summary of organizational systems theory, surrounding the foundations of abuse of power in its forms. Church systems have similar organizational structures, varying of course by denomination and therefore open to the development of abusive practices. I'm sorry you have to know many of the stories. Its hard to ingest and remain unchanged. I do not believe most pastors talk about this. When pastors get together, the talk surrounds theology, preaching, troubles or success with council. I do believe that most pastors understand "emotional affair". The pastors I know are men and women of good character. I personally do not know, the 1 in 50 pastors that are serious abusers. I did know one, but thankfully, deposed.
I remember studying in my pastoral theology class that women sometimes will set a "trap" for a pastor and ensnare him. We were taught to be wary of this type of woman as she could "ruin your ministry." (We now understand that the pastor ruined his ministry, not the woman). We were taught to report such a person immediately to wife and council. In other words, keep your professional boundaries.
A pastor whose marriage is not functioning well may be vulnerable to transference and thus the temptation to overlook proper boundaries, This continues to be known by some as "incitement" and thus victim blame and shame are the result, the sacrificial lamb to save the more "Important" ah-hem... "shepherd".
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
For those interested, here is the link to some of the research papers produced by Baylor.
The document by Dr. Garland, "Wolves in Shepherd's Clothing" (see the link for bibliography) is of particular interest and outlines the progression of the "Grooming Process" of victims used by predatory clergy. This paper among the other academic papers listed was referenced extensively during the article 83 process of revision for Synod 2016. I'm sure you will find it "eye-opening". It is a great educational tool for safe church and was used in our presentations to Classis.
https://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/index.php?id=68148
peace,
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi All,
This public forum is important. The hearing of stories helps to bring to light to abuses of power in our midst. Thank-you to "The Network", for publishing sensitive personal histories of people who have the courage to go public.
I myself was the recipient of two incidents of abuse as a young man. I was groped in the genital area twice by perpetrators. I barely escaped one incident in our school washroom by screaming as loud as I could. The perpetrator let go and fled, thankfully. Throughout the remainder of my time at this school, I was terrified of retribution and did not dare tell anyone out of fear and shame. This incident remains in my psyche. God has been gracious in allowing me through grace to bear it.
Of course there are differing interpretations of incidents involving harassment and abuse. From a judiciary view, opinions don't count, only facts count. If the event brought forth by the courageous story teller is true, there is only one interpretation, " guilty of sexual abuse and harassment" based on the incident. The perpetrator has no right to offer an explanation of "I did it in fun" and my intent was misinterpreted. The facts are as follows:
1) A person of unequal (greater) power, granted through ordination, ignored their fiduciary responsibility to respect the sexual safety of someone with lesser power (the retreat participant) contravened this person's right (through church order) to sexual safety.
Roger, or others who may not understand the fiduciary responsibility of a pastor please take the time to research it. A short definition from Webster's dictionary is as follows:
Definition of fiduciary
of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust: such as
a : held or founded in trust or confidence a fiduciary relationship. All pastors and office bearers through ordination vows have a fiduciary responsibility to honor and respect and never contravene the right to sexual safety, a person under their pastoral power and authority. Period. This includes any incidents of sexual innuendo or any form of touch not in keeping with that responsibility. Sadly, in the nineties and even today, the 2%, give or take of office bearers within the CRC who abuse their relationships of trust are often defended as "wandering for a time".
2) Professional associations including the Canadian Medical Association, Governments, Police Associations, the military, National Counseling Associations and other bodies that employ professionals have strict codes of codes of practice outlining the grounds for sexual harassment and assault. Research shows that professional associations all experience the same rates of abuse, i.e., approximately 2% of the professionals in their ranks abuse their power.
The penalties within these associations vary, however within medical associations, any contravention involving sexual harassment or abuse against patients requires relinquishing of professional credentials. The same is true for Psychiatric and Counseling Associations of professionals. Interestingly, the same holds true for our denomination through the institutional and constitutional framework of church article 83 (revised 2016, Acts of Synod). For anyone reading this blog who believes their opposing opinions matter regarding contraventions of church order article 83 would do well to inform themselves of the dangers in 2018 of abuse of power. This is not 1993. A lot has changed since our courageous story teller was harassed by this pastor. Unfortunately, the ecclesiastical power structures still in place may lead to the protection of those in power and the silencing of victims and survivors due to the very nature of how power is exercised. For every victim that tells their story, there are 10 victims who remain in silence out of fear of the power that dominates them.
There is still much work to do to make our churches safe. Proceeding with initiatives including Classical Safe Church Coordinators for every Classis with ongoing education of congregations and pastoral education courses at seminary outlining the nature of abuse and its consequences are a step forward. A reminder to those who believe their is room for interpretation or opinion regarding incidents of harassment that are in fact true, take heed.
As in a court of law, when there is proof beyond reasonable doubt of a break in the relationship of trust, through boundary crossing, the accused is guilty and should bear the necessary consequences of their actions, including relinquishment of professional credentials.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hello Roger and all,
With due respect to your office Roger, please take the time to do your own investigation into this issue. There have been a variety of current resources cited here to read. It will be much more helpful to you if you read all the information cited in this blog in a process of discovery, rather than asking me questions. Clearly, you do not believe the information I provided.
The research and information you discover will enlighten you surrounding changes that have taken place since 1995. The changes to attitudes in society and the practical re-engineering of church order to reflect those changes would not have resulted in the exoneration of the accused pastor nor would have judged the judgment of the elders in question as correct or disciplinary.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi Roger and all.
Thanks for attempting to answer the "power differential" question.
Power is more than having people voted into positions of authority and knowing their titles and roles. Inherent in the position of power are psychological, moral and spiritual advantages (power) that come with the office. Because of the power differential in the relation between pastor and parishioner, any sexual innuendo or act in that relationship is never consensual and therefore an abuse of power. The pastor or office bearer, through their fiduciary responsibility to protect the relationship charged to them is responsible for placing proper boundaries to protect the relationship from harm, so "incitement" from a parishioner may never be used as a defense by the bearer of power. Any breach of safe boundaries is never consensual. There is no such thing as "incitement", because of the imbalance in power in the relationship.
Please read the following for a full explanation of this, then respond. Others please respond too :)
https://futuristguymedia.wordpress.com/clergy-sexual-misconduct-fiduciary-duty/
Kelly
Posted in: Share Your 3-Word Prayer for the Human Sexuality Conversation
love not law...
Posted in: What's in a Name? The Meeting House and Abuse of Power
Amanda,
Thanks for your thoughtful analysis of this investigation regarding clergy abuse of power relative to the incidents at The Meeting House. The board of overseers indeed named Cavey's actions for what they were, thankfully. It takes courage and strength to avoid glossing over or minimizing the abuse of power and it's impact on victims.
Victim's voices are usually silenced by those in power in order to prevent embarrassment and serious accountability relative to perpetrator's abuse of power. Abuses of power are common and regular occurrences across all denominations (CRC included) . All office bearers including members of clergy have a fiduciary responsibility to keep safe boundaries in all professional settings, whether dealing children or adult parishioners. There is no such this as an "affair" between a pastor and an adult parishioner due to the imbalance of power in the relationship. To make things even more dire for the victim, there is almost always emotional and spiritual abuse (grooming) leading up to actual sexual abuse and harassment.
Statistics from the extensive, recent research undertaken by Baylor University's school of sociology which focused on clergy sexual abuse do not lie. These statistics reveal that approximately 2% of all clergy abuse their power regularly. Most incidents go unreported or underreported. As a denomination, we have the social structure that allows these abuses to occur and are reticent about it or prefer not to address the phenomenon. It's simply too painful to admit or face due to the disruption and shame that result to victims and perpetrators alike. We do have tools (safe church) and the commitment to pastoral care for perpetrators and victims once incidents are brought to the light and taken seriously.
As a commissioned pastor, I have provided pastoral care to victims (survivors) of clergy spiritual, emotional and sexual abuse and have walked with them from the brink of suicidal ideation to a place of allowing faith to flourish in the betrayed heart once again. Clergy sexual abuse and abuse of power are evil betrayals of the sacred trust placed on individuals granted spiritual authority. More authority (power) in the church institution, over another takes place when someone is installed or ordained to church office (ordination or election as office bearer). All abuses of power must be recognized for the evil it is with perpetrator and victim both receiving appropriate pastoral care. For the perpetrator, discipline according to church articles (84) where that discipline is prescribed. This could involve suspension and or deposition, with counseling and pastoral care provided for as long as needed.
If you or someone you know needs to reveal an incident that has made them feel emotionally, spiritually or sexually uncomfortable around an office bearer, I encourage you or the person you know to approach the safe church ministry in your church. Safe church is committed to help you.
You are not alone in your suffering.
Posted in: Where We Are 25 Years After Ordaining Women as Pastors
Thank-you Elaine for your thoughtful article and journey along with the opportunity to share some thoughts on the subject.
Rev. Willemina Zwart, ordained close to 18 years ago has been my wife and pastor for over 13 years. God's calling on her life is more than obvious. She has served as an associate and lead pastor in Canada. The churches she has served continue to bless her on her way fulfilling her calling as Minister of the Word. Her skillful and passionate preaching afford the breadth and depth that the scriptures require. Her love of people and concern for their growth in Christ is equal or greater than any pastor I have met or served with. Her patience in leadership in a yet stringent, patriarchal culture is astonishing and humbling to observe. Her skill in observing and developing spiritual gifts in others strengthens the body of Christ where she serves. The men who have allowed her to be their pastor have grown significantly in Christ. Any church in the CRCNA would be fortunate to have her as lead pastor. I do not say this lightly or with braggadocio in mind, but as a thoughtful observer.
Kelly Sibthorpe
Posted in: New Director, Amanda Benckhuysen: "Why I Want to Work With Safe Church Ministry"
Dear Dr. Benckhuysen,
Welcome to your new ministry!
My wife and I are praying for your work. May every survivor know they can be safe and have advocates that bring comfort, support and hope for the future because of your leadership.
May the abusers of power come to an understanding of their sin and trespass as a result of your determination to inform them of the difference between holistic power under submission to Christ and power that seeks to dominate, control and destroy the innocent.
Yours is a ministry task, that is the heartbeat of God for the well-being of the weak and manipulated who through no fault of their own find themselves alienated, ostracized and sometimes despised. May God grant you increasing wisdom, courage and strength as we see from reading your introduction you already possess in great quantity.
Peace,
Kelly Sibthorpe