This public forum is important. The hearing of stories helps to bring to light to abuses of power in our midst. Thank-you to "The Network", for publishing sensitive personal histories of people who have the courage to go public.
I myself was the recipient of two incidents of abuse as a young man. I was groped in the genital area twice by perpetrators. I barely escaped one incident in our school washroom by screaming as loud as I could. The perpetrator let go and fled, thankfully. Throughout the remainder of my time at this school, I was terrified of retribution and did not dare tell anyone out of fear and shame. This incident remains in my psyche. God has been gracious in allowing me through grace to bear it.
Of course there are differing interpretations of incidents involving harassment and abuse. From a judiciary view, opinions don't count, only facts count. If the event brought forth by the courageous story teller is true, there is only one interpretation, " guilty of sexual abuse and harassment" based on the incident. The perpetrator has no right to offer an explanation of "I did it in fun" and my intent was misinterpreted. The facts are as follows:
1) A person of unequal (greater) power, granted through ordination, ignored their fiduciary responsibility to respect the sexual safety of someone with lesser power (the retreat participant) contravened this person's right (through church order) to sexual safety.
Roger, or others who may not understand the fiduciary responsibility of a pastor please take the time to research it. A short definition from Webster's dictionary is as follows:
Definition of fiduciary
of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust: such as
a : held or founded in trust or confidence a fiduciary relationship. All pastors and office bearers through ordination vows have a fiduciary responsibility to honor and respect and never contravene the right to sexual safety, a person under their pastoral power and authority. Period. This includes any incidents of sexual innuendo or any form of touch not in keeping with that responsibility. Sadly, in the nineties and even today, the 2%, give or take of office bearers within the CRC who abuse their relationships of trust are often defended as "wandering for a time".
2) Professional associations including the Canadian Medical Association, Governments, Police Associations, the military, National Counseling Associations and other bodies that employ professionals have strict codes of codes of practice outlining the grounds for sexual harassment and assault. Research shows that professional associations all experience the same rates of abuse, i.e., approximately 2% of the professionals in their ranks abuse their power.
The penalties within these associations vary, however within medical associations, any contravention involving sexual harassment or abuse against patients requires relinquishing of professional credentials. The same is true for Psychiatric and Counseling Associations of professionals. Interestingly, the same holds true for our denomination through the institutional and constitutional framework of church article 83 (revised 2016, Acts of Synod). For anyone reading this blog who believes their opposing opinions matter regarding contraventions of church order article 83 would do well to inform themselves of the dangers in 2018 of abuse of power. This is not 1993. A lot has changed since our courageous story teller was harassed by this pastor. Unfortunately, the ecclesiastical power structures still in place may lead to the protection of those in power and the silencing of victims and survivors due to the very nature of how power is exercised. For every victim that tells their story, there are 10 victims who remain in silence out of fear of the power that dominates them.
There is still much work to do to make our churches safe. Proceeding with initiatives including Classical Safe Church Coordinators for every Classis with ongoing education of congregations and pastoral education courses at seminary outlining the nature of abuse and its consequences are a step forward. A reminder to those who believe their is room for interpretation or opinion regarding incidents of harassment that are in fact true, take heed.
As in a court of law, when there is proof beyond reasonable doubt of a break in the relationship of trust, through boundary crossing, the accused is guilty and should bear the necessary consequences of their actions, including relinquishment of professional credentials.
With due respect to your office Roger, please take the time to do your own investigation into this issue. There have been a variety of current resources cited here to read. It will be much more helpful to you if you read all the information cited in this blog in a process of discovery, rather than asking me questions. Clearly, you do not believe the information I provided.
The research and information you discover will enlighten you surrounding changes that have taken place since 1995. The changes to attitudes in society and the practical re-engineering of church order to reflect those changes would not have resulted in the exoneration of the accused pastor nor would have judged the judgment of the elders in question as correct or disciplinary.
Thanks for attempting to answer the "power differential" question.
Power is more than having people voted into positions of authority and knowing their titles and roles. Inherent in the position of power are psychological, moral and spiritual advantages (power) that come with the office. Because of the power differential in the relation between pastor and parishioner, any sexual innuendo or act in that relationship is never consensual and therefore an abuse of power. The pastor or office bearer, through their fiduciary responsibility to protect the relationship charged to them is responsible for placing proper boundaries to protect the relationship from harm, so "incitement" from a parishioner may never be used as a defense by the bearer of power. Any breach of safe boundaries is never consensual. There is no such thing as "incitement", because of the imbalance in power in the relationship.
Please read the following for a full explanation of this, then respond. Others please respond too :)
Frank, you just made a correct observation. The penalty was staid, likely, and of course I admit conjecture, yet I do know that dismissal or cover-up has been common practice, to protect the reputation and career of a man with power and influence. About 75% of the time according to national statistics, charges of adult clergy abuse against the accused are dismissed in deference to "sacrifice" and minimize a less powerful congregant, usually a woman to protect against the much greater loss of a man's career, job or reputation. Bev, in her recent post outlined that the numbers of cases she's aware of ending in dismissal are probably greater than the national average.
Regarding, "I’m wondering (you don’t have to answer) if a woman pastor takes advantage of a male member of the church, even should she have been provoked by him, is she the one who is at fault for sexual misconduct and not him? It seems that, according to your understanding, he bears no responsibility for any misconduct. As a pastor, it is solely her responsibility and any fault is on her shoulders as the one with pastoral power. This could sound like a double standard."
This is a great question and thanks for asking. Yes, it is her sole responsibility to protect the pastoral relationship by maintaining emotional, spiritual and sexual boundaries and be able to perceive inappropriate behaviors in parishioners, i.e., "incitement". She is responsible in her calling and profession to know, understand and respond with pastoral care to inappropriate behaviors. When she does just that, the male parishioner who is in error, will receive the spiritual care he needs to move forward in Christ.
Thank-you Roger for confirming the fact that there is an element of "circling the wagons" in times of crisis including times of accusation of sexual abuse against an office bearer. Circle, protect, hope for the best when he's let go, minimize and ostracize the accuser as being a temptress or the one who incited an incident.
You ask in which circles I run, inferring that the Christian communities, the churches and campus ministry I've served over the years, do not carry levels of integrity commensurate with the standards of progressive sanctification that you claim differentiates our contexts? Roger, I work in the same circles. I'm a commissioned CRC pastor at present serving in Campus Ministry. I run in the same circles...Thanks for asking. One of my goals in ministry is to fight for justice for victims and survivors of sexual abuse by office bearers. You have expressed the you do not like what I do and that's your prerogative. I ask you to adopt a more curious and realistic approach to understanding the intricacies of victimization, its consequences and the terrible damage wrought on those we swear to protect from harm as ministers of the Gospel. I understand why you want to deny the facts, we do not want to believe there is this type of evil among us. "Not in My Church", is the common refrain of those who do not want to believe the reality of clergy sexual abuse. I do not hate the abusers, they need pastoral care that allows them to grow in Christ and away from this sin against the innocent. This type of pastoral care is best exemplified in David's story of his betrayal with Bathsheba. When confronted by the prophet Nathan with the truth of sexual abuse and murder, David's heart broke, he repented and wrote Psalm 51. The goal in safe church is not to hang out to dry the guilty, its to restore them to a place of shalom within the body of Christ through proper pastoral care. The focus however must be on the victim, their right to be heard, understood, providing hope for the possibility of justice or opportunities for restorative justice with the restoration in so far as possible, God helping them, Christian human dignity.
I have been a campus minister and commissioned pastor for a number of years in two denominations.
In both the denominations I have served, sexual harassment and clergy spiritual and sexual abuse have been observed. Sexual harassment and abuse usually begins with emotional and spiritual abuse. The abuse is a common thread in all church denominations according to exhaustive research done by several universities, especially Baylor University School of sociology.
I have counselled too many victims who suffer in silence from the trauma of being regarded simply as sexual objects in the eyes of leaders who are supposed to bear positions of trust. Pastors who do not understand that there is a power differential between themselves and their parishioners, who are to exhibit behavior recognizant of the fiduciary responsibility to treat others under there power with dignity and resect, according to the Gospel, are not fit to bear that office and should be deposed.
The act initially described in this post was an act of abuse of power and a direct assault on the dignity of a sister in Christ. How can she ever, when she needed it the most, go to that pastor and trust him with her soul? The pastor by his act sexualized a relationship that is required to be imbued with trust and dignity.
I am tired of the "Old Boys Club" that treats the assembled congregations under their power and control as sexual play-grounds for the titillation of their base desires. I have prayed with too many victims who bear the trauma of lost trust in the men they once regarded as sent from God for their spiritual growth and development.
CRC Church order was recently changed due to an especially egregious case of clergy sexual abuse of adult parishioners. The changes in church order (Article 83, Synod 2016) reflect the degree of pain and suffering of countless women and men who have suffered clergy spiritual and sexual abuse (and that includes a whispered sexualized butt pinch) at the hands of those who clearly ought to know the power differential their office holds. And, with such power, use it as coming from and ordained by God. Jesus Christ as a man, only used his great power to elevate women to places of respect equal with men.
Thank-you Roger for confirming the fact that there is an element of "circling the wagons" in times of crisis including times of accusation of sexual abuse against an office bearer. Circle, protect, hope for the best when he's let go, minimize and ostracize the accuser as being a temptress or the one who incited an incident.
You ask in which circles I run, inferring that the Christian communities, the churches and campus ministry I've served over the years, do not carry levels of integrity commensurate with the standards of progressive sanctification that you claim differentiates our contexts? Roger, I work in the same circles. I'm a commissioned CRC pastor at present serving in Campus Ministry. I run in the same circles...Thanks for asking. One of my goals in ministry is to fight for justice for victims and survivors of sexual abuse by office bearers. You have expressed you do not like what I do and that's your prerogative. I ask you to adopt a more curious and realistic approach to understanding the intricacies of victimization, its consequences and the terrible damage wrought on those we swear to protect from harm as ministers of the Gospel. I understand why you want to deny the facts, we do not want to believe there is this type of evil among us. "Not in My Church", is the common refrain of those who do not want to believe the reality of clergy sexual abuse. I do not hate the abusers, they need pastoral care that allows them to grow in Christ and away from this sin against the innocent. This type of pastoral care is best exemplified in David's story of his betrayal with Bathsheba. When confronted by the prophet Nathan with the truth of sexual abuse and murder, David's heart broke, he repented and wrote Psalm 51. The goal in safe church is not to hang out to dry the guilty, its to restore them to a place of shalom within the body of Christ through proper pastoral care. The focus however must be on the victim, their right to be heard, understood, providing hope for the possibility of justice or opportunities for restorative justice in so far as possible, God helping them, with the goal of restoring some level of the victims' Christian dignity.
Thanks for your thoughtful analysis of this investigation regarding clergy abuse of power relative to the incidents at The Meeting House. The board of overseers indeed named Cavey's actions for what they were, thankfully. It takes courage and strength to avoid glossing over or minimizing the abuse of power and it's impact on victims.
Victim's voices are usually silenced by those in power in order to prevent embarrassment and serious accountability relative to perpetrator's abuse of power. Abuses of power are common and regular occurrences across all denominations (CRC included) . All office bearers including members of clergy have a fiduciary responsibility to keep safe boundaries in all professional settings, whether dealing children or adult parishioners. There is no such this as an "affair" between a pastor and an adult parishioner due to the imbalance of power in the relationship. To make things even more dire for the victim, there is almost always emotional and spiritual abuse (grooming) leading up to actual sexual abuse and harassment.
Statistics from the extensive, recent research undertaken by Baylor University's school of sociology which focused on clergy sexual abuse do not lie. These statistics reveal that approximately 2% of all clergy abuse their power regularly. Most incidents go unreported or underreported. As a denomination, we have the social structure that allows these abuses to occur and are reticent about it or prefer not to address the phenomenon. It's simply too painful to admit or face due to the disruption and shame that result to victims and perpetrators alike. We do have tools (safe church) and the commitment to pastoral care for perpetrators and victims once incidents are brought to the light and taken seriously.
As a commissioned pastor, I have provided pastoral care to victims (survivors) of clergy spiritual, emotional and sexual abuse and have walked with them from the brink of suicidal ideation to a place of allowing faith to flourish in the betrayed heart once again. Clergy sexual abuse and abuse of power are evil betrayals of the sacred trust placed on individuals granted spiritual authority. More authority (power) in the church institution, over another takes place when someone is installed or ordained to church office (ordination or election as office bearer). All abuses of power must be recognized for the evil it is with perpetrator and victim both receiving appropriate pastoral care. For the perpetrator, discipline according to church articles (84) where that discipline is prescribed. This could involve suspension and or deposition, with counseling and pastoral care provided for as long as needed.
If you or someone you know needs to reveal an incident that has made them feel emotionally, spiritually or sexually uncomfortable around an office bearer, I encourage you or the person you know to approach the safe church ministry in your church. Safe church is committed to help you.
Thank-you Elaine for your thoughtful article and journey along with the opportunity to share some thoughts on the subject.
Rev. Willemina Zwart, ordained close to 18 years ago has been my wife and pastor for over 13 years. God's calling on her life is more than obvious. She has served as an associate and lead pastor in Canada. The churches she has served continue to bless her on her way fulfilling her calling as Minister of the Word. Her skillful and passionate preaching afford the breadth and depth that the scriptures require. Her love of people and concern for their growth in Christ is equal or greater than any pastor I have met or served with. Her patience in leadership in a yet stringent, patriarchal culture is astonishing and humbling to observe. Her skill in observing and developing spiritual gifts in others strengthens the body of Christ where she serves. The men who have allowed her to be their pastor have grown significantly in Christ. Any church in the CRCNA would be fortunate to have her as lead pastor. I do not say this lightly or with braggadocio in mind, but as a thoughtful observer.
My wife and I are praying for your work. May every survivor know they can be safe and have advocates that bring comfort, support and hope for the future because of your leadership.
May the abusers of power come to an understanding of their sin and trespass as a result of your determination to inform them of the difference between holistic power under submission to Christ and power that seeks to dominate, control and destroy the innocent.
Yours is a ministry task, that is the heartbeat of God for the well-being of the weak and manipulated who through no fault of their own find themselves alienated, ostracized and sometimes despised. May God grant you increasing wisdom, courage and strength as we see from reading your introduction you already possess in great quantity.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi All,
This public forum is important. The hearing of stories helps to bring to light to abuses of power in our midst. Thank-you to "The Network", for publishing sensitive personal histories of people who have the courage to go public.
I myself was the recipient of two incidents of abuse as a young man. I was groped in the genital area twice by perpetrators. I barely escaped one incident in our school washroom by screaming as loud as I could. The perpetrator let go and fled, thankfully. Throughout the remainder of my time at this school, I was terrified of retribution and did not dare tell anyone out of fear and shame. This incident remains in my psyche. God has been gracious in allowing me through grace to bear it.
Of course there are differing interpretations of incidents involving harassment and abuse. From a judiciary view, opinions don't count, only facts count. If the event brought forth by the courageous story teller is true, there is only one interpretation, " guilty of sexual abuse and harassment" based on the incident. The perpetrator has no right to offer an explanation of "I did it in fun" and my intent was misinterpreted. The facts are as follows:
1) A person of unequal (greater) power, granted through ordination, ignored their fiduciary responsibility to respect the sexual safety of someone with lesser power (the retreat participant) contravened this person's right (through church order) to sexual safety.
Roger, or others who may not understand the fiduciary responsibility of a pastor please take the time to research it. A short definition from Webster's dictionary is as follows:
Definition of fiduciary
of, relating to, or involving a confidence or trust: such as
a : held or founded in trust or confidence a fiduciary relationship. All pastors and office bearers through ordination vows have a fiduciary responsibility to honor and respect and never contravene the right to sexual safety, a person under their pastoral power and authority. Period. This includes any incidents of sexual innuendo or any form of touch not in keeping with that responsibility. Sadly, in the nineties and even today, the 2%, give or take of office bearers within the CRC who abuse their relationships of trust are often defended as "wandering for a time".
2) Professional associations including the Canadian Medical Association, Governments, Police Associations, the military, National Counseling Associations and other bodies that employ professionals have strict codes of codes of practice outlining the grounds for sexual harassment and assault. Research shows that professional associations all experience the same rates of abuse, i.e., approximately 2% of the professionals in their ranks abuse their power.
The penalties within these associations vary, however within medical associations, any contravention involving sexual harassment or abuse against patients requires relinquishing of professional credentials. The same is true for Psychiatric and Counseling Associations of professionals. Interestingly, the same holds true for our denomination through the institutional and constitutional framework of church article 83 (revised 2016, Acts of Synod). For anyone reading this blog who believes their opposing opinions matter regarding contraventions of church order article 83 would do well to inform themselves of the dangers in 2018 of abuse of power. This is not 1993. A lot has changed since our courageous story teller was harassed by this pastor. Unfortunately, the ecclesiastical power structures still in place may lead to the protection of those in power and the silencing of victims and survivors due to the very nature of how power is exercised. For every victim that tells their story, there are 10 victims who remain in silence out of fear of the power that dominates them.
There is still much work to do to make our churches safe. Proceeding with initiatives including Classical Safe Church Coordinators for every Classis with ongoing education of congregations and pastoral education courses at seminary outlining the nature of abuse and its consequences are a step forward. A reminder to those who believe their is room for interpretation or opinion regarding incidents of harassment that are in fact true, take heed.
As in a court of law, when there is proof beyond reasonable doubt of a break in the relationship of trust, through boundary crossing, the accused is guilty and should bear the necessary consequences of their actions, including relinquishment of professional credentials.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hello Roger and all,
With due respect to your office Roger, please take the time to do your own investigation into this issue. There have been a variety of current resources cited here to read. It will be much more helpful to you if you read all the information cited in this blog in a process of discovery, rather than asking me questions. Clearly, you do not believe the information I provided.
The research and information you discover will enlighten you surrounding changes that have taken place since 1995. The changes to attitudes in society and the practical re-engineering of church order to reflect those changes would not have resulted in the exoneration of the accused pastor nor would have judged the judgment of the elders in question as correct or disciplinary.
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi Roger and all.
Thanks for attempting to answer the "power differential" question.
Power is more than having people voted into positions of authority and knowing their titles and roles. Inherent in the position of power are psychological, moral and spiritual advantages (power) that come with the office. Because of the power differential in the relation between pastor and parishioner, any sexual innuendo or act in that relationship is never consensual and therefore an abuse of power. The pastor or office bearer, through their fiduciary responsibility to protect the relationship charged to them is responsible for placing proper boundaries to protect the relationship from harm, so "incitement" from a parishioner may never be used as a defense by the bearer of power. Any breach of safe boundaries is never consensual. There is no such thing as "incitement", because of the imbalance in power in the relationship.
Please read the following for a full explanation of this, then respond. Others please respond too :)
https://futuristguymedia.wordpress.com/clergy-sexual-misconduct-fiduciary-duty/
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi Roger and All,
Frank, you just made a correct observation. The penalty was staid, likely, and of course I admit conjecture, yet I do know that dismissal or cover-up has been common practice, to protect the reputation and career of a man with power and influence. About 75% of the time according to national statistics, charges of adult clergy abuse against the accused are dismissed in deference to "sacrifice" and minimize a less powerful congregant, usually a woman to protect against the much greater loss of a man's career, job or reputation. Bev, in her recent post outlined that the numbers of cases she's aware of ending in dismissal are probably greater than the national average.
Regarding, "I’m wondering (you don’t have to answer) if a woman pastor takes advantage of a male member of the church, even should she have been provoked by him, is she the one who is at fault for sexual misconduct and not him? It seems that, according to your understanding, he bears no responsibility for any misconduct. As a pastor, it is solely her responsibility and any fault is on her shoulders as the one with pastoral power. This could sound like a double standard."
This is a great question and thanks for asking. Yes, it is her sole responsibility to protect the pastoral relationship by maintaining emotional, spiritual and sexual boundaries and be able to perceive inappropriate behaviors in parishioners, i.e., "incitement". She is responsible in her calling and profession to know, understand and respond with pastoral care to inappropriate behaviors. When she does just that, the male parishioner who is in error, will receive the spiritual care he needs to move forward in Christ.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Roger,
keep going. What is my position on this entire topic?
Kelly
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi All,
Thank-you Roger for confirming the fact that there is an element of "circling the wagons" in times of crisis including times of accusation of sexual abuse against an office bearer. Circle, protect, hope for the best when he's let go, minimize and ostracize the accuser as being a temptress or the one who incited an incident.
You ask in which circles I run, inferring that the Christian communities, the churches and campus ministry I've served over the years, do not carry levels of integrity commensurate with the standards of progressive sanctification that you claim differentiates our contexts? Roger, I work in the same circles. I'm a commissioned CRC pastor at present serving in Campus Ministry. I run in the same circles...Thanks for asking. One of my goals in ministry is to fight for justice for victims and survivors of sexual abuse by office bearers. You have expressed the you do not like what I do and that's your prerogative. I ask you to adopt a more curious and realistic approach to understanding the intricacies of victimization, its consequences and the terrible damage wrought on those we swear to protect from harm as ministers of the Gospel. I understand why you want to deny the facts, we do not want to believe there is this type of evil among us. "Not in My Church", is the common refrain of those who do not want to believe the reality of clergy sexual abuse. I do not hate the abusers, they need pastoral care that allows them to grow in Christ and away from this sin against the innocent. This type of pastoral care is best exemplified in David's story of his betrayal with Bathsheba. When confronted by the prophet Nathan with the truth of sexual abuse and murder, David's heart broke, he repented and wrote Psalm 51. The goal in safe church is not to hang out to dry the guilty, its to restore them to a place of shalom within the body of Christ through proper pastoral care. The focus however must be on the victim, their right to be heard, understood, providing hope for the possibility of justice or opportunities for restorative justice with the restoration in so far as possible, God helping them, Christian human dignity.
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi everyone following this post,
I have been a campus minister and commissioned pastor for a number of years in two denominations.
In both the denominations I have served, sexual harassment and clergy spiritual and sexual abuse have been observed. Sexual harassment and abuse usually begins with emotional and spiritual abuse. The abuse is a common thread in all church denominations according to exhaustive research done by several universities, especially Baylor University School of sociology.
I have counselled too many victims who suffer in silence from the trauma of being regarded simply as sexual objects in the eyes of leaders who are supposed to bear positions of trust. Pastors who do not understand that there is a power differential between themselves and their parishioners, who are to exhibit behavior recognizant of the fiduciary responsibility to treat others under there power with dignity and resect, according to the Gospel, are not fit to bear that office and should be deposed.
The act initially described in this post was an act of abuse of power and a direct assault on the dignity of a sister in Christ. How can she ever, when she needed it the most, go to that pastor and trust him with her soul? The pastor by his act sexualized a relationship that is required to be imbued with trust and dignity.
I am tired of the "Old Boys Club" that treats the assembled congregations under their power and control as sexual play-grounds for the titillation of their base desires. I have prayed with too many victims who bear the trauma of lost trust in the men they once regarded as sent from God for their spiritual growth and development.
CRC Church order was recently changed due to an especially egregious case of clergy sexual abuse of adult parishioners. The changes in church order (Article 83, Synod 2016) reflect the degree of pain and suffering of countless women and men who have suffered clergy spiritual and sexual abuse (and that includes a whispered sexualized butt pinch) at the hands of those who clearly ought to know the power differential their office holds. And, with such power, use it as coming from and ordained by God. Jesus Christ as a man, only used his great power to elevate women to places of respect equal with men.
Kelly Sibthorpe (Rev.)
Posted in: S.O.S. Sexual Assault at a Retreat by Clergy
Hi All,
Thank-you Roger for confirming the fact that there is an element of "circling the wagons" in times of crisis including times of accusation of sexual abuse against an office bearer. Circle, protect, hope for the best when he's let go, minimize and ostracize the accuser as being a temptress or the one who incited an incident.
You ask in which circles I run, inferring that the Christian communities, the churches and campus ministry I've served over the years, do not carry levels of integrity commensurate with the standards of progressive sanctification that you claim differentiates our contexts? Roger, I work in the same circles. I'm a commissioned CRC pastor at present serving in Campus Ministry. I run in the same circles...Thanks for asking. One of my goals in ministry is to fight for justice for victims and survivors of sexual abuse by office bearers. You have expressed you do not like what I do and that's your prerogative. I ask you to adopt a more curious and realistic approach to understanding the intricacies of victimization, its consequences and the terrible damage wrought on those we swear to protect from harm as ministers of the Gospel. I understand why you want to deny the facts, we do not want to believe there is this type of evil among us. "Not in My Church", is the common refrain of those who do not want to believe the reality of clergy sexual abuse. I do not hate the abusers, they need pastoral care that allows them to grow in Christ and away from this sin against the innocent. This type of pastoral care is best exemplified in David's story of his betrayal with Bathsheba. When confronted by the prophet Nathan with the truth of sexual abuse and murder, David's heart broke, he repented and wrote Psalm 51. The goal in safe church is not to hang out to dry the guilty, its to restore them to a place of shalom within the body of Christ through proper pastoral care. The focus however must be on the victim, their right to be heard, understood, providing hope for the possibility of justice or opportunities for restorative justice in so far as possible, God helping them, with the goal of restoring some level of the victims' Christian dignity.
Posted in: Share Your 3-Word Prayer for the Human Sexuality Conversation
love not law...
Posted in: What's in a Name? The Meeting House and Abuse of Power
Amanda,
Thanks for your thoughtful analysis of this investigation regarding clergy abuse of power relative to the incidents at The Meeting House. The board of overseers indeed named Cavey's actions for what they were, thankfully. It takes courage and strength to avoid glossing over or minimizing the abuse of power and it's impact on victims.
Victim's voices are usually silenced by those in power in order to prevent embarrassment and serious accountability relative to perpetrator's abuse of power. Abuses of power are common and regular occurrences across all denominations (CRC included) . All office bearers including members of clergy have a fiduciary responsibility to keep safe boundaries in all professional settings, whether dealing children or adult parishioners. There is no such this as an "affair" between a pastor and an adult parishioner due to the imbalance of power in the relationship. To make things even more dire for the victim, there is almost always emotional and spiritual abuse (grooming) leading up to actual sexual abuse and harassment.
Statistics from the extensive, recent research undertaken by Baylor University's school of sociology which focused on clergy sexual abuse do not lie. These statistics reveal that approximately 2% of all clergy abuse their power regularly. Most incidents go unreported or underreported. As a denomination, we have the social structure that allows these abuses to occur and are reticent about it or prefer not to address the phenomenon. It's simply too painful to admit or face due to the disruption and shame that result to victims and perpetrators alike. We do have tools (safe church) and the commitment to pastoral care for perpetrators and victims once incidents are brought to the light and taken seriously.
As a commissioned pastor, I have provided pastoral care to victims (survivors) of clergy spiritual, emotional and sexual abuse and have walked with them from the brink of suicidal ideation to a place of allowing faith to flourish in the betrayed heart once again. Clergy sexual abuse and abuse of power are evil betrayals of the sacred trust placed on individuals granted spiritual authority. More authority (power) in the church institution, over another takes place when someone is installed or ordained to church office (ordination or election as office bearer). All abuses of power must be recognized for the evil it is with perpetrator and victim both receiving appropriate pastoral care. For the perpetrator, discipline according to church articles (84) where that discipline is prescribed. This could involve suspension and or deposition, with counseling and pastoral care provided for as long as needed.
If you or someone you know needs to reveal an incident that has made them feel emotionally, spiritually or sexually uncomfortable around an office bearer, I encourage you or the person you know to approach the safe church ministry in your church. Safe church is committed to help you.
You are not alone in your suffering.
Posted in: Where We Are 25 Years After Ordaining Women as Pastors
Thank-you Elaine for your thoughtful article and journey along with the opportunity to share some thoughts on the subject.
Rev. Willemina Zwart, ordained close to 18 years ago has been my wife and pastor for over 13 years. God's calling on her life is more than obvious. She has served as an associate and lead pastor in Canada. The churches she has served continue to bless her on her way fulfilling her calling as Minister of the Word. Her skillful and passionate preaching afford the breadth and depth that the scriptures require. Her love of people and concern for their growth in Christ is equal or greater than any pastor I have met or served with. Her patience in leadership in a yet stringent, patriarchal culture is astonishing and humbling to observe. Her skill in observing and developing spiritual gifts in others strengthens the body of Christ where she serves. The men who have allowed her to be their pastor have grown significantly in Christ. Any church in the CRCNA would be fortunate to have her as lead pastor. I do not say this lightly or with braggadocio in mind, but as a thoughtful observer.
Kelly Sibthorpe
Posted in: New Director, Amanda Benckhuysen: "Why I Want to Work With Safe Church Ministry"
Dear Dr. Benckhuysen,
Welcome to your new ministry!
My wife and I are praying for your work. May every survivor know they can be safe and have advocates that bring comfort, support and hope for the future because of your leadership.
May the abusers of power come to an understanding of their sin and trespass as a result of your determination to inform them of the difference between holistic power under submission to Christ and power that seeks to dominate, control and destroy the innocent.
Yours is a ministry task, that is the heartbeat of God for the well-being of the weak and manipulated who through no fault of their own find themselves alienated, ostracized and sometimes despised. May God grant you increasing wisdom, courage and strength as we see from reading your introduction you already possess in great quantity.
Peace,
Kelly Sibthorpe